Karen Filippelli
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Quotes for
Karen Filippelli (Character)
from "The Office" (2005)

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"The Office: Women's Appreciation (#3.21)" (2007)
Karen Filippelli: Hey, did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out? "Women will be sent home if they wear makeup or heels exceeding one-quarter inch. Females are not allowed to speak to strangers unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute." This is ridiculous.
Dwight Schrute: Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen.
Karen Filippelli: Dwight, this memo that you distributed is insulting.
Dwight Schrute: Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Karen Filippelli: What you're saying is extremely misogynistic.
Michael Scott: Yes. Thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And it proves my point. Women can do anything.
Karen Filippelli: I'm saying that you're being sexist.
Michael Scott: No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist.
Karen Filippelli: That's the same thing.
Phyllis Lapin: Michael.
Michael Scott: Yes.
Phyllis Lapin: When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.
Michael Scott: Because... That was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.
Angela: And when we get mad, you always ask us if we're on our periods.
Michael Scott: I have to know whether you're serious or not.

"The Office: A Benihana Christmas (#3.10)" (2006)
Karen Filippelli: Does anyone ever stand up to Angela? Or...
Pam Beesly: I think one of her cats did once. She came in with scratches all over her face.

Angela: [Dunder Mifflin party planning committee meets in conference room to discuss holiday party festivities for the office] Phyllis, I need you to pick up green streamers at lunch.
Phyllis Lapin: I thought you said green was whorish.
Angela: No. Orange is whorish.
[Camera pulls back to show Phyllis wearing an orange blouse]
Karen Filippelli: So, I had a couple ideas to make the Stamford branch feel more at home. Each year, we have a Christmas raffle...
Angela: It would never work here.
Karen Filippelli: Okay. Um, another idea was karaoke.
Angela: No.
Karen Filippelli: A Christmas drinking game?
Meredith: Yes!
Angela: God help you.
Karen Filippelli: What?
Angela: These are all terrible ideas. And none of them are on the theme of a Nutcracker Christmas. I think you should leave.
Karen Filippelli: [laughs nervously, unsure what to do] You're kidding.
Angela: You tried this out, and it's clearly not for you. It's time to go. Come on. Please? Thank you.
[Karen looks to Pam for help, but Pam awkardly looks down at some papers leaving Karen to fend for herself. Angela rises and shows Karen to the door. Karen leaves the meeting]

"The Office: Grief Counseling (#3.4)" (2006)
Andy Bernard: What are we doing? What's the game? I want in.
Jim Halpert: Oh, there's no game. We're just trying to get these chips for Karen.
Andy Bernard: Did you check the vending machine?
Karen Filippelli: Oh, the vending machines. How did we miss that?
Jim Halpert: I have no idea. We went right for the copier. And then we checked the fax machine.
Karen Filippelli: Yeah, nothing there.
Andy Bernard: Did you check your butt?

"The Office: The Return (#3.13)" (2007)
Karen Filippelli: [walks into conference room where Jim sits alone, saying nothing] . Do you still have feelings for her?
Jim Halpert: [thinks on the question. Admitting to himself finally] Yes.

"The Office: The Convict (#3.9)" (2006)
Dwight Schrute: Prison Mike, what's the very, very worst thing about prison?
Angela Martin: [softly to Dwight] Don't encourage him, Dwight.
Michael Scott: [as Prison Mike] The worst thing about prison was the... was the Dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and then they'd come down and they'd suck the soul out of your body and it hurt!
Karen Filippelli: Dementors, like in "Harry Potter"?
Michael Scott: No, not "Harry Potter." There are no movies in prison.

"The Office: Traveling Salesmen (#3.12)" (2007)
Karen: So, let me ask you a question.
Jim Halpert: Okay.
Karen: Did you ever have a thing for Pam?
Jim Halpert: Pam? Did I ever have a thing for her? No. Why? Did she say something?

"The Office: Lecture Circuit: Part 1 (#5.14)" (2009)
[Michael and Pam arrive at the Utica branch; a pregnant Karen walks out to meet them]
Karen Filippelli: Hi, guys!
Michael Scott: Oh my god... is that Jim's?
Karen Filippelli: [angrily] What?
Pam Beesly: Michael...
Karen Filippelli: Of course not!
Michael Scott: Okay, wow... oh man! My head just exploded. Woo, thank god for everybody, right? Hoo-kay. Wow, you're huge! That's... incredible! I g-god, sorry. Sorry, my head is... I'm just... I'm trying to figure out the last time that you and Jim had sex, and...
Karen Filippelli: [interrupts] Let's just get this over with, shall we?

"The Office: The Job (#3.23)" (2007)
Karen Filippelli: Pam is... kind of a bitch.

"The Office: Initiation (#3.5)" (2006)
[squeaking chair to annoy Jim into giving up his chair]
[Jim smirking and begins to sing "Lovefool" by the Cardigans]
Karen Filippelli: Stop. This is not fair. It's gonna be in my head all day. Please. This is not a proportionate response.

"The Office: Branch Wars (#4.6)" (2007)
Karen Filippelli: I am the regional manager of Dunder Mifflin, Utica branch. Turns out it's a pretty easy gig when your boss isn't an idiot and your boyfriend's not in love with somebody else.

"The Office: Product Recall (#3.20)" (2007)
[Dwight comes in dressed as Jim as revenge]
Dwight Schrute: Pam.
[drums on her desk]
Pam Beesly: [amused] Hey, Dwight. You look really nice today.
Dwight Schrute: [scoffs] I look like an idiot!
[goes over to his desk]
Dwight Schrute: He, Karen.
[flattens his hair to make it more like Jim's]
Karen Filippelli: Hey, Dwight. Looking sharp.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, that's 'cause I'm your boyfriend, Jim Halpert.
[Karen smiles]
Dwight Schrute: Hey, Karen. Wanna get together later and have sexual intercourse 'cause you're my girlfriend?
Jim Halpert: [looks at Karen] Do you?
Karen Filippelli: No. I'm good. Thanks.
Jim Halpert: Okay.
[Dwight imitates Jim's expressions; Jim is impressed]
Jim Halpert: Look at that.
Dwight Schrute: I'm Jim Halpert.
Jim Halpert: Spot on.
Dwight Schrute: [makes some more faces and mumbles] A little comment.

"The Office: Diwali (#3.6)" (2006)
[Andy and Jim are very drunk, and Karen is not. Jim is slumped over at his desk and Andy is lying on the floor. He starts singing "Closer to Fine" by the Indigo Girls]
Andy: I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains, I looked to the children...
Karen Filippelli: Andy, *no* a capella.
Andy: [pauses and then starts again] I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain...
[Jim joins in]
Jim Halpert, Andy: There's more than one answer to these questions / Pointing me in a crooked line
[Andy sits up and looks at Jim]
Jim Halpert, Andy: / Unless I seek my source / the closer I am to fine...
Karen Filippelli: Oh, come on, guys, please...
Jim Halpert, Andy: [singing] The closer I am to fi-iiiine!
Andy: [yells, delighted] TUNA! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

"The Office: Safety Training (#3.19)" (2007)
Karen Filippelli: [about all of the betting on random things] I don't know this place as well as I thought I did. I'm getting cleaned out.