Pam Beesly
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Quotes for
Pam Beesly (Character)
from "The Office" (2005)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"The Office: Money (#4.4)" (2007)
Dwight Schrute: We have three rooms, each with a different theme.
Pam Beesly: What are the themes?
Dwight Schrute: America, Irrigation and Nighttime.

Andy Bernard: [about Angela] You need to set me up with her. I know she told you that she's looking, and she's totally not responding to my moves.
Pam Beesly: What moves?
Andy Bernard: I have moonwalked past accounting, like, 10 times.
Pam Beesly: I can't believe that's not working.
Andy Bernard: Yeah.

Pam Beesly: Now that I think about it, Angela and Andy might actually make a good couple. But I couldn't do that to Dwight. Or Angela.
[pause]
Pam Beesly: Or Andy.

Michael Scott: Hey, guys. What you talking about? Okay. I know what's going on. You're talking about Jim and Pam, if they're having sex, what it looks like, and I think...
Pam Beesley: Michael.
Michael Scott: Hey, hey, hey.

[In the conference room, the office workers are discussing the correct use of 'whoever' vs. 'whomever']
Kevin Malone: I know what's right, but I'm not gonna say because you're all jerks who didn't come see my band last night.
Ryan Howard: Do you really know which one is correct?
Kevin Malone: I don't know.
Pam Beesly: It's 'whom' when it's the object of the sentence and 'who' when it's the subject.
Phyllis Lapin: That sounds right.
Michael Scott: Well, it sounds right, but is it?
Stanley: How did Ryan use it, as an object?
Ryan Howard: As an object.
Kelly Kapoor: Ryan used *me* as an object.
Stanley: Is he right about that...?
Pam Beesly: How did he use it again?
Toby Flenderson: It was... Ryan wanted Michael, the subject, to explain the computer system, the object...
Michael Scott: Thank you!
Toby Flenderson: ...to whomever, meaning us, the indirect object... which is the correct usage of the word.
Michael Scott: No one asked you anything ever, so whomever's name is Toby, why don't you take a letter opener and stick it into your skull.

Jim Halpert: Dwight, how's the hotel business?
Dwight Schrute: Stupid.
Jim Halpert: Have you checked Trip Advisor recently?
Dwight Schrute: No.
Jim Halpert: Maybe you should.
Dwight Schrute: Maybe you should... Whatever.
[talking head]
Pam Beesly: We wrote a good review. Under "Comments," we wrote, "The natural aroma of the beets drifts into the bedrooms and makes you dream of simpler times."
Jim Halpert: "The dawn goose walk will tug at your heartstrings."
Pam Beesly: "Table-making never seemed so possible."
Jim Halpert: "You will never want to leave your room."
Pam Beesly: "The architecture reminds one of a quaint Tuscan beet farm."

Michael Scott: I owe you an apology.
Pam Beesly: You finished the movie.
Michael Scott: Yeah. It was awesome. Big surprise ending. Won't ruin it for you.
Pam Beesly: No. Go ahead.
Michael Scott: Meryl Streep is the bad guy. Never saw it coming. Anyway, if I was mean in any way to you, I am sorry. I just want what's best for you, minooshka.
Pam Beesly: [whispers] Minooshka.
Pam Beesly: [later] Mo cuishle. He's watching "Million Dollar Baby."
[pause]
Pam Beesly: He's gonna try to kill me.

[Dwight moans in stairwell]
Jim Halpert: Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton?
[Dwight mumbles]
Jim Halpert: Yeah, I didn't think I had. Well, it was all about Pam.
Dwight Schrute: [mumbling] Beesley?
Jim Halpert: Yeah. I mean, she was with Roy, and I just couldn't take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't concentrate on anything. And weird stuff, like food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. And it is something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. And that includes you.
[Jim sighs and returns to the office]
Pam Beesley: Hey, I was thinking about dinner, we...
[Jim kisses Pam passionately, cutting her off]
Jim Halpert: Dinner. Let's see, maybe we should try the new Italian place where the dry cleaner used to be.
Pam Beesley: [a bit shocked, smiling] Okay.
Jim Halpert: Yeah?
Pam Beesley: Yeah.
Jim Halpert: Okay.
Pam Beesley: [in confessional] Jim's just really passionate about Italian food.
[smiles]
Jim Halpert: [smiling] Yeah. I'm very passionate about Italian food.
[Jim sits back down at his desk; Pam and Jim smiling at each other]
Jim Halpert: In fact, I'm in love with Italian food.

Dwight Schrute: [answering phone] Dunder Mifflin. Dwight Schrute. Please hold.
[he transfers the phone, and begins looking around in a file on his desk, then resumes his conversation]
Dwight Schrute: Schrute Farms, Guten Tag! How can I help you? Yes, we have availability on those nights. How many in your party? Oh, no. I'm sorry. No king beds. No queen either. Well, we make our own mattresses that don't conform to the traditional sizes.
[Jim, who has been staring confusedly at Dwight this whole time, hangs up his own phone]
Dwight Schrute: Closest would be twin. Thank you so much for calling. Call back again. Auf Wiedersehen.
[hangs up]
Jim Halpert: Hey, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: None of your business, Jim.
Jim Halpert: You running a bed and breakfast?
Dwight Schrute: It is not a B&B.
Dwight Schrute: [later, to the camera] Agrotourism is a lot more than a bed and breakfast. It consists of tourists coming to a farm, showing them around, giving them a bed, giving them breakfast.
Jim Halpert: Does the Department of Health know about this?
Dwight Schrute: I am not telling you anything.
[to the camera]
Dwight Schrute: Permits are pending.
[his phone rings]
Dwight Schrute: Dwight Schrute, Dunder Mifflin.
Pam Beesly: Hello. I'm looking for a room.
Dwight Schrute: Okay. This is a misuse of company phones.
Pam Beesly: It says here you cater to the elderly.
Dwight Schrute: Where did you read that?
Pam Beesly: Trip Advisor.
Dwight Schrute: [to camera] Trip Advisor is the lifeblood of the agrotourism industry. A couple of bad reviews there, you may as well close up shop. That's what took down the Stalk Inn, one of the cutest little asparagus farms you'll ever see.


"The Office: The Dundies (#2.1)" (2005)
Pam Beesly: You know what they say about a car wreck where it's so awful you can't look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.

Dwight Schrute: So, what's the joke? You're not perfect, either.
Pam Beesly: We're not laughing at you, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: So, who are we laughing at?
Pam Beesly: Just something somebody wrote.
Dwight Schrute: Who, Dave Barry?
Kelly: [laughs] No, no. Just something that was written on the ladies' room wall.
Dwight Schrute: What is it? Who wrote it?
Pam Beesly: It's kind of private.
Phyllis: [whispers] It's about Michael.
Dwight Schrute: That is defacement of company property, so you better tell me. Kelly, if you tell me, you'll be punished less.
Pam Beesly: [laughing] Okay, now I'm laughing at you.

Jim Halpert: What?
Pam Beesly: Nothing.
Jim Halpert: Okay.
Pam Beesly: What?
Jim Halpert: I don't know. What?
[Pam falls out her chair]
Jim Halpert: Oh, my God! You are so drunk.

Dwight Schrute: Excuse me, everyone, can I have your attention, please? I just wanted to say that the women in this office are terrible. Especially the ones who wrote that stuff about Michael on the bathroom wall. Having a bathroom is a privilege. It is called a ladies' room for a reason, and if you cannot behave like ladies, well, then you are not going to have a bathroom.
Pam Beesly: You're taking away our bathroom?
Dwight Schrute: We are going to have two mens' rooms.
Phyllis: But where would we... go?

[giggles and slurps on drink]
Jim Halpert: I think those might be empty.
Pam Beesly: No, no, 'cause the ice melts, and then it's, like, second drink.

Michael Scott: And this next award is going out to our own little Pam Beesly. I think we all know what award Pam is gonna be getting this year. It is the Whitest Sneakers Award, because she always has the whitest tennis shoes on. Get on down here! Pam Beesly, ladies and gentlemen! Oh, here we go.
Pam Beesly: [very drunk] I have so many people to thank for this award. Okay, first off, my Keds, because I couldn't have done it without them. Thank you. Let's give Michael a round of applause for emceeing tonight, because this is a lot harder than it looks.
[applause]
Pam Beesly: And also because of Dwight, too.
[silence]
Pam Beesly: So, finally, I wanna thank God, because God gave me this Dundie and I feel God in this Chili's tonight.
[pauses]
Pam Beesly: [Pam whoops loudly]

Pam Beesly: [shouting into camera] Oh, my God! I just want to say that this was the best Dundies ever.
[whoops loudly at the camera]


"The Office: Casino Night (#2.22)" (2006)
Jim Halpert: Excuse me. How long is the wait for a table for two?
Dwight Schrute: I would never, ever serve you. Not in a million, billion years.
Pam Beesley: It's a nice tux.
Dwight Schrute: I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so family heirloom.

Michael Scott: Hey, Carol, how goes the real estate biz? Is it real good?
Pam Beesley: It's still me.

Pam Beesley: Sometimes I don't put Michael through until he's already said something. I look at it as a practice run for him. He usually does better on the second attempt.

Michael Scott: Jan Levinson, I presume?
Pam Beesley: It's still me.

Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? I will not donate my winnings to Comic Relief, since apparently, it doesn't exist. I am going to donate to Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Jim Halpert: Nope. I think you mean the aid to Afghanistan.
Michael Scott: No, I mean Afghanistanis with AIDS.
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael Scott: What?
Phyllis: Afghani.
Michael Scott: That's a dog.
Pam Beesley: No, that's Afghan.
Michael Scott: That's a shawl.
Dwight Schrute: Wait, canine AIDS?
Michael Scott: No. Humans with AIDS.
Creed: Who has AIDS?
Jim Halpert: Guys, the Afghanistananies.
Michael Scott: Okay, you know what? No. No. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried.

Jim Halpert: Hey, can I talk to you about something?
Pam Beesley: About when you want to give me more of your money?
Jim Halpert: No, I...
Pam Beesley: Did you want to do that now? We can go inside. I'm feeling kind of good tonight.
Jim Halpert: I was just... I'm in love with you.
Pam Beesley: [No longer smiling] What?
Jim Halpert: I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing, I know that. I just...
Pam Beesley: [Stunned] What are you doing? What do you expect me to say to that?
Jim Halpert: I just needed you to know. Once.
Pam Beesley: Well, I... I... I can't.
Jim Halpert: Yeah.
Pam Beesley: You have no idea...
Jim Halpert: Don't do that.
Pam Beesley: ...what your friendship means to me.
Jim Halpert: Come on. I don't want to do that. I wanna be more than that.
Pam Beesley: I can't.
[a small tear runs down Jim's face]
Pam Beesley: I'm really sorry if you misinterpreted things. It's probably my fault.
Jim Halpert: [Trying to recover] Not your fault. I'm sorry I misinterpreted our friendship.


"The Office: Health Care (#1.3)" (2005)
Jim Halpert: Wait, what are you writing? Don't write ebola or mad cow disease, all right? Because I'm suffering from both of them.
Pam Beesly: I'm inventing new diseases.
Jim Halpert: Oh, great.
Pam Beesly: So, like, let's say that my teeth turn to liquid and then they drip down the back of my throat. What would you call that?
Jim Halpert: I thought you said you were inventing new diseases. That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion.
Pam Beesly: Nice.

Dwight Schrute: All right, who did this? I'm not mad, I just want to know who did it so I can punish them.
Jim Halpert: What are you talking about?
Dwight Schrute: Uh, someone, uh, forged medical information, and that is a felony.
Jim Halpert: Okay, whoa, all right, 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?
Dwight Schrute: Uh, leprosy? Flesh-eating bacteria? Hot dog fingers. Government created killer nano robot infection.
[to Jim]
Dwight Schrute: You did this, didn't you?
Jim Halpert: Absolutely not.
Dwight Schrute: Yes you did.
Jim Halpert: No I didn't.
Dwight Schrute: I know it was you. Okay, fine, you know what? I'm going to have interview each and every one of you until the perpetrator makes him or herself known. And until that time, there will be no health care coverage for anyone.
[Dwight slams door to his workspace]
Jim Halpert: [to Pam] Killer nano robots?
Pam Beesly: It's an epidemic.

Dwight Schrute: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam Beesly: Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?
Dwight Schrute: So I can lower it.

Pam Beesley: There's nothing new.
Michael Scott: That's not what you said earlier.
Pam Beesley: Do you want me to repeat the messages that I gave you before for the...
[motions to the camera]

Jim Halpert: Last night on "Trading Spouses," there's... Have you seen it?
Pam Beesley: No. I have a life.
Jim Halpert: Interesting. What's that like?
Pam Beesley: You should try it sometime.
Jim Halpert: Wow. But then who would watch my TV?

Dwight Schrute: Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
Pam Beesley: Why would you wanna raise your cholesterol?
Dwight Schrute: So I can lower it.


"The Office: Chair Model (#4.10)" (2008)
[in the sitting area, writing down the numbers of women to set Michael up with]
Stanley Hudson: There's nobody I hate enough to write her name on this card.
Phyllis Lapin: Well, I'm setting Michael up with my fat friend anyway. He can just deal with it.
Pam Beesly: Who are you putting down?
Jim Halpert: Oh, you don't know her.
Pam Beesly: Who is it?
Jim Halpert: Your mom.
Pam Beesly: Yeah, whatever.
[Jim smiles and shows her the card]
Pam Beesly: Give that to me! Give that to me.

Michael Scott: I think that fate put this catalogue in my hands.
Pam Beesly: Actually, I put the catalogue into your hands, 'cause you have to pick out a new chair.

Pam Beesly: Okay, Michael, you know what? I might have someone for you.
Michael Scott: Oh, really? What's her name, Burger King?

[first lines]
Pam Beesly: W. B. Jones is renovating their offices, and their construction crews are taking up some of the parking spaces we used to get.
Jim Halpert: So we had to park at a satellite parking lot
[tilts head]
Jim Halpert: over there.
Pam Beesly: Which just means we get to see more of our lovely street. Tell them what we saw today, Jim.
Jim Halpert: Oh, today we saw a junkyard dog attacking the bones of a rotisserie chicken.
Jim Halpert: Nature!
Oscar Martinez: I've been here nine years, now all of a sudden I'm supposed to park half a mile away.
Andy Bernard: I lost a penny out of my loafers, Oscar!
Kevin Malone: [on the ground, rubbing his feet and crying angrily] I will quit. As God as my witness *I will quit*
[sniff]
Kevin Malone: if this is not fixed!
Pam Beesly: Some of us like the walk more than others.
Kevin Malone: [off-screen] Hurts like hell...


"The Office: Launch Party (#4.3)" (2007)
Pam Beesly: Dwight mercy-killed Angela's cat. It's very complicated. It's caused a lot of unpleasantness between Dwight and Angela, who are both already prone to unpleasantness.

Angela Martin: Hey, do you know any men that you can fix me up with? I would like to have a relationship with a man.
Pam Beesly: Um, I'll get back to you.
Angela Martin: Let me know.

Jim Halpert: Do you remember what you said to me on my first day of work, just before you walked me over to my desk?
Pam Beesly: Yeah. "Enjoy this moment, because you're never going to back to this time before you met your desk-mate, Dwight."
Jim Halpert: And that's why I knew. You?
Pam Beesly: You came up to my desk, and you said, "This might sound weird, and there's no reason for me to know this, but that mixed-berry yogurt you're about to eat has expired."
Jim Halpert: That was the moment that you knew you liked me?
Pam Beesly: Yup.
Jim Halpert: Wow. Can we make it a different moment?
Pam Beesly: Nope.

[Dwight suspects the new website has become self-aware through instant messages Pam is sending]
Dwight Schrute: [typing] How do I know this isn't Jim?
Pam Beesly: [typing] What is a Jim?


"The Office: Beach Games (#3.22)" (2007)
Michael Scott: Who's ahead in points?
Pam Beesly: I think they're even. At various times you gave Jim 10 points, Dwight a gold star, and Stanley a thumbs-up. And I don't really know how to compare those units.
Michael Scott: Well, check to see if there is a conversion chart in the notebook.
Pam Beesly: I really doubt it, Michael.
Michael Scott: Please, just check.

Pam Beesly: Hey. I wanna say something. I've been trying to be more honest lately, and I just need to say a few things. I did the coal walk. Just... I did it. Michael, you couldn't even do that. Maybe I should be your boss. Wow, I feel really good right now. Why didn't any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you. That really sucked. It's like sometimes some of you act like I don't even exist. Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends. And things are just, like, weird between us, and that sucks. And I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford. And I really miss you. I shouldn't have been with Roy. And there were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you. And now you're with someone else. And that's fine. It's... Whatever. That's not what I'm... I'm not... Okay, my feet really hurt. The thing that I'm just trying to say to you, Jim, and to everyone else in the circle, I guess, is that I miss having fun with you. Just you, not everyone in the circle. Okay, I am gonna go walk in the water now. Yeah. It's a good day.
Michael Scott: Pam! That was amazing! But I am still looking for someone with a sales background.

Pam Beesly: About 40 times a year, Michael gets sick but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned.

Pam Beesly: There's nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach filled with sun, surf, and uh, diligent note-taking.


"The Office: Hot Girl (#1.6)" (2005)
Kevin: So... are you jealous 'cause there's another girl around?
Pam Beesly: No.
Kevin: [considers Pam's lack of jealousy] She's prettier than you, though.
Pam Beesly: [long, stunned pause] That's a very rude thing to say, Kevin.

[to Jim about the hot saleswoman, Katy]
Roy: Man, I would be all over that if I wasn't dating Pam.
Pam Beesly: We're not dating, we're engaged.

Jim Halpert: Well, I think I'm gonna see Katy.
Pam Beesly: Really?
Jim Halpert: Yeah.
Pam Beesly: What are you guys gonna do?
Jim Halpert: Oh, man, I don't know. Dinner. Drinks, movie, matching tattoos.

Pam Beesly: It's nice having Katy around. It's another person for Michael to, um...
Pam Beesly: [smirks coldly] ... interact with.


"The Office: The Job (#3.23)" (2007)
Pam Beesly: So you would be the regional manager and the assistant regional manager, Andy is your number two. I would be the secret assistant regional manager.
Dwight Schrute: Mmm, let's call it secret assistant to the regional manager.
Pam Beesly: Mm-hmm.
Dwight Schrute: Do you accept?
Pam Beesly: Absolutely I do.

[after Jim interrupts her confessional and asks her out]
Pam Beesley: I'm sorry. What was the question?

Dwight Schrute: Although, publicly, I am going to retain the assistant regional manager position.
Pam Beesly: You will be your own assistant.
Dwight Schrute: Correct. I need someone I can trust.


"The Office: Dinner Party (#4.9)" (2008)
Jan Levinson: You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath.
[laughs]
Jan Levinson: But I don't have to tell you, Pam.
Pam Beesly: [laughs] Oh, yeah... Wait, what?

Pam Beesly: [whispering] I don't care what they say about me. I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for... at a dinner party.

Jan Levinson: Well, how about we do the short tour, and then I'll start dinner.
Pam Beesly: Oh, I can help starting dinner, if you need it.
Jan Levinson: Oh, no, no, no, it's just the Osso Buco, needs to braise for about three hours. Everything else is done.
Pam Beesly: Three hours from now, or three hours from earlier, like 4:00?
Jan Levinson: You know, Pam, in Spain, they often don't even start eating until midnight.
Michael Scott: When in Rome.


"The Office: New Boss (#5.18)" (2009)
Michael Scott: Surprise!
[unveiling a table full of bagels]
Michael Scott: As you can see, I turned the bagels from O's into C's for Charles.
Charles Miner: Thank you.
Michael Scott: Took me all night.
Pam Beesly: This is what you did last night?

Pam Beesly: I can tell Michael's mood by which comedy routine he chooses to do. The more infantile, the more upset he is. And he just skipped the "Ace Ventura" talking-butt thing. He never skips it. This is bad.

Jim Halpert: Okay, let's just try this one on for size, and I apologize, 'cause it's right off the top of my head. An ice sculpture of you completely surrounded by a variety of chocolate-covered fruits.
Michael Scott: Strawberries?
Jim Halpert: That's inspired.
Dwight Schrute: I said that!
[Dwight storms out]
Pam Beesly: Not classy.
Michael Scott: Not classy at all.
Jim Halpert: Déclassé.
Michael Scott: French! Classy.


"The Office: The Alliance (#1.4)" (2005)
Phyllis: Well, for decorations, maybe we could - it's stupid, forget it.
Angela: What?
Phyllis: Oh, I was just gonna say maybe we could have streamers, but that's dumb, everybody has streamers. Never mind.
Angela: No, yeah, I think that's a good idea. What color do you guys think?
Phyllis: Well, there's green... blue... yellow... red.
Pam Beesly: How about green?
Angela: I think green is kind of whoreish.

Pam Beesly: This was tough. I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course, by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her.

Pam Beesley: I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course, by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her.


"The Office: Golden Ticket (#5.17)" (2009)
Andy Bernard: Every compliment has to be backhanded. "Oh, I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair."
Pam Beesly: That's psychotic. Do guys actually do that?
Jim Halpert: Guys with girlfriends don't.

Jim Halpert: Well, all I'm saying is it's a first date, so just keep a respectful distance.
Kevin Malone: Right.
Pam Beesly: I don't think Jim means to say that you shouldn't touch her.
Jim Halpert: No, that is what I mean.
Pam Beesly: Shush.

Michael Scott: Okay, we need a golden-ticket idea to get us out of this mess. Yes?
[Pam has her hand raised]
Pam Beesly: Does that mean an idea that blows up in our faces later?
Jim Halpert: Good one.


"The Office: Diversity Day (#1.2)" (2005)
[during a "Diversity Day" exercise]
Dwight Schrute: Shalom, I'd like to apply for a loan.
Pam Beesley: That's nice, Dwight.
Dwight Schrute: OK, do me. Something stereotypical so I can get it really quick.
Pam Beesley: OK, I like your food.
Dwight Schrute: Uh, Outback Steakhouse, I'm Australian, mate!
Michael Scott: Pam, come on, "I like your food," no, come on, stir the pot. Stir the melting pot, Pam! Let's do it, let's get ugly, let's get real.
Pam Beesley: OK, if I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are totally untrue, that I do not agree with, you would maybe not be a very good driver.
Dwight Schrute: [shocked] Aw man, am I a woman?

Pam Beesley: [during a Diversity Day excerise, Dwight has been appointed Chinese without knowing what race he has been assigned] Based on stereotypes that are completely untrue, you may be a bad driver.
Dwight Schrute: Oh, man! Am I a woman?

Pam Beesley: Okay, if I have to do this, based on stereotypes that are completely untrue, and that I do not agree with, you would maybe... not be... a very good driver.
Dwight Schrute: Aw, man, am I a woman?


"The Office: A Benihana Christmas (#3.10)" (2006)
Michael Scott: [rides into office on very old and very used 10-speed bike and stops at Pam's desk] Hey! I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candy Pams. And perhaps some Pam chops... with mint.
Pam Beesly: Can I help you Michael?
Michael Scott: I'm looking for the Toy Drive box.
Pam Beesly: It's behind you.
Michael Scott: [turns around to see Toy Drive pile full of brand-new, unopened toys. Leans his old bike against wall] Okay. Well, I need to put this bike in there. I hope it will fit, with all these little knickknacks.
Jim Halpert: Wow. What kind of bike is that?
Michael Scott: Um. I don't know. Average kind.
Kevin Malone: That tires look pretty worn.
Michael Scott: Well, that is probably from the test drive.
Jim Halpert: But the paint is chipping. Is that your old bike, Michael?
Michael Scott: No.

Karen Filippelli: Does anyone ever stand up to Angela? Or...
Pam Beesly: I think one of her cats did once. She came in with scratches all over her face.

Dwight Schrute: Pam and Karen, I am ordering you to cease and desist all party planning immediately.
Pam Beesley: You can't do that.
Dwight Schrute: As ranking number three in this office, I am order...
Andy: [grunts] I'm number three.
Dwight Schrute: You're number four.
Andy: Yeah, but I'm number three.
Dwight Schrute: Uh, no.
[to Pam]
Dwight Schrute: You must turn over to me all Christmas decorations and party paraphernalia immediately. They will be returned to you on January 4th.
Jim Halpert: Okay, I think I can help here.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, good. They...
Jim Halpert: As ranking number two, I am starting a committee to determine the validity of the two committees, and I am the sole member of the committee. The committee act on this now.
Dwight Schrute: Okay, this is stupid.
Jim Halpert: Could you please keep it down? I'm in session.
[long pause]
Jim Halpert: I have determined that this committee is valid.
Dwight Schrute: What? No! No! Wait! Wait, wait, wait.
[thinks about it]
Dwight Schrute: Permission to join the Validity Committee.
Jim Halpert: Permission denied.
Dwight Schrute: Damn it.


"The Office: Office Olympics (#2.3)" (2005)
Pam Beesly: Ever so often, Jim dies of boredom. I think today it was the expense reports that did him in. And our deal is, that it's up to me to revive him.

Pam Beesley: [Asking Angela to play in "Office Olympics"] Come on, Angela, don't you have a game?
Angela: I have one, yes.
Pam Beesley: Well, let's play. What is it?
Angela: I call it "Pam-Pong." I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you.
Pam Beesley: [Uneasy] We're friends.
Angela: Apparently.

Pam Beesley: The thing about Jim is when he's excited about something, like the Office Olympics, he gets really into it and he does a really great job. But the problem with Jim is that he works here, so that hardly ever happens.


"The Office: Lecture Circuit: Part 1 (#5.14)" (2009)
Pam Beesly: I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I hate even thinking that al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn't hate me.

[Michael and Pam arrive at the Utica branch; a pregnant Karen walks out to meet them]
Karen Filippelli: Hi, guys!
Michael Scott: Oh my god... is that Jim's?
Karen Filippelli: [angrily] What?
Pam Beesly: Michael...
Karen Filippelli: Of course not!
Michael Scott: Okay, wow... oh man! My head just exploded. Woo, thank god for everybody, right? Hoo-kay. Wow, you're huge! That's... incredible! I g-god, sorry. Sorry, my head is... I'm just... I'm trying to figure out the last time that you and Jim had sex, and...
Karen Filippelli: [interrupts] Let's just get this over with, shall we?


"The Office: Stress Relief (#5.13)" (2009)
Pam Beesly: We don't normally download movies illegally because we're honest, hardworking people.
Jim Halpert: And we don't know how.
Pam Beesly: But Andy does, so we have to watch it with him.
Jim Halpert: Punishment fits the crime.

Michael Scott: And I had some thoughts that I wanted to share with you people.
Pam Beesly: What?
Michael Scott: Well, I wrote them down so I wouldn't forget.
[clears throat]
Michael Scott: Jim, you're 6'11", and you weigh 90 pounds. Gumby has a better body than you. Boom. Roasted. Dwight, you're a kiss-ass. Boom. Roasted. Pam, you failed art school. Boom. Roasted. Meredith, you've slept with so many guys you're starting to look like one. Boom. Roasted. Kevin, I can't decide between a fat joke and a dumb joke. Boom. Roasted. Creed, your teeth called, your breath stinks. Boom. Roasted. Angela, where's Angela? Well, there you are. I didn't see you behind that grain of rice. Boom. Roasted. Stanley, you crush your wife during sex and your heart sucks. Boom. Roasted.
[Stanley starts to laugh]
Michael Scott: Oscar, you are...
[starts giggling]
Michael Scott: Oscar, you're gay.
Oscar Martinez: Wow.
Michael Scott: Andy, Cornell called, they think you suck and you're gayer than Oscar. Boom. Roasted.


"The Office: Local Ad (#4.5)" (2007)
Pam Beesley: I worked until about 2:45 a.m., and then I had to decide if I wanted to spend the night with Michael editing in his office and Dwight watching Michael edit in his office, or drive home and probably fall asleep at the wheel and die in a fiery car wreck. I passed out on my keyboard trying to decide.

Michael Scott: Pam, please clear my phone lines.
Pam Beesley: Certainly.
[Pam imitating phone beeping]
Pam Beesley: Okay, clear.


"The Office: Customer Survey (#5.6)" (2008)
[going into Michael's office to receive his customer reports]
Jim Halpert: That is me. Wish me luck.
Dwight Schrute: No way.
Pam Beesley: [on Jim's Bluetooth] Good luck.
Jim Halpert: Thanks.
Dwight Schrute: I didn't say anything.
Pam Beesley: I love you.
Jim Halpert: I love you, too.
Dwight Schrute: What do you think I'm saying to you?

Kelly Kapoor: Dwight, get out of my nook.
Pam Beesley: [Jumping up and down in her chair] That's what she said. That's what she said! That's what she said!


"The Office: Sexual Harassment (#2.2)" (2005)
Pam Beesley: I just wanted to say that, just, my mom's coming in today.
Kevin: MILF.
Pam Beesley: Thanks, Kevin.

Michael Scott: [regarding the sexual harassment policy] Times have changed a little. And even though we're still a family here at Dunder Mifflin, families grow. And at some point, the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore. I am upper management, and it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam. As much as I might want to.
Pam Beesley: [cut to shot of Pam] He said what?


"The Office: Night Out (#4.11)" (2008)
Stanley Hudson: [the office workers find the gate has been locked] Did you not tell the security guard we were working late?
Jim Halpert: Nope. I didn't. But let's go inside and I can call him right now.
Pam Beesly: We can't. I locked the office from the inside when we left.
Stanley Hudson: Perfect. You guys worked together on this one. If I'm not in my bath with a glass of red wine in one hour, you're both dead.

Pam Beesley: There is a master key and a spare key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked, "What if you die, Dwight? How will we get into the office?" He said, "If I'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks."


"The Office: Pilot (#1.1)" (2005)
Jim Halpert: If I left, what would I do with all this useless information in my head? You know? Tonnage price of manila folders? Um, Pam's favorite flavor of yogurt? Which is mixed berry.
Pam Beesly: Jim said mixed berries? Oh wow... Yeah, he's on to me.

Pam Beesley: I don't think it would be the worst thing if they let me go. Because then I might...
[pauses]
Pam Beesley: It's just... I don't think it's many girls' dream to be a receptionist.


"The Office: Women's Appreciation (#3.21)" (2007)
Pam Beesly: I don't often miss Roy, but I can tell you one thing. I wish someone flashed me when I was with Roy. Because that would have been the ass-kicking of the year. Especially if it had been Jim. He would not have wanted me to see Jim's... I'm... I am saying a lot of things.

Dwight Schrute: This is a petition for the business park to upgrade their security cameras, as well as install two floodlights in the parking lot. And I know what you're thinking: Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take. Pam, you can draw, kind of. Why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community?
Pam Beesley: Phallus?
Dwight Schrute: Phyllis. Sorry. I've got penises on the brain.


"The Office: Fun Run (#4.1)" (2007)
Pam Beesly: [trying to sound inspirational] I know you, Michael. I saw you naked.
Michael Scott: [still very depressed] You don't... You don't know me. You've just seen my penis.

Pam Beesly: [answering the phone] Michael Scott's Dunder-Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Fun Run Race For The Cure, this is Pam.
Michael Scott: [whispering] Pro-Am.
Pam Beesly: Pro-Am Race For Th- they hung up.


"The Office: Company Picnic (#5.26)" (2009)
[about her volleyball skills]
Pam Beesly: Maybe I played a little in junior high and in high school. Maybe a little in college. And went to volleyball camp most summers!

Pam Beesly: Tell them what happened last year.
Jim Halpert: I had this huge spider in my baseball mitt.
Pam Beesly: No, no, that guy who hit on me.
Jim Halpert: Oh, right. Some drunk guy hit on Pam last year. Said he was grabbing her for balance.
Pam Beesly: [Pointing to her breasts] Yeah, you don't grab *these* for balance.
Jim Halpert: [considering] Well...


"The Office: The Secret (#2.13)" (2006)
Michael Scott: Look. About you and Jim. I... No.
Pam Beesley: No, that's... You don't have to...
Michael Scott: No. I just feel it's my responsibility as your boss/friend...
Pam Beesley: No, it's really, it's okay. I know that Jim had, like, a crush on me when he first started, but that was a long time ago, so...
Michael Scott: It wasn't that long ago. It was on the booze cruise.
Pam Beesley: [Puzzled] Jim had a crush on me on the booze cruise, or he told you about it on the booze cruise?
Michael Scott: Uh-uh. Okay, shut it, Michael. I'm done, that's it. I'm out.
[Pam leaves, now wondering what really happened]


"The Office: Blood Drive (#5.16)" (2009)
Michael Scott: Well, if you guys insist on having your own private little love fest...
Jim Halpert: We do.
Michael Scott: ...that none of us can be a part of...
Pam Beesley: You can't be a part of our relationship, Michael.
Michael Scott: Then we are going to have our own private Valentine's Day party.
Jim Halpert: That sounds fun.
Michael Scott: So suck it.
Jim Halpert: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Hey, everybody, I just invited Jim to suck it, and I am cordially inviting all of you to a special convention, a lonely hearts convention this afternoon.


"The Office: Halloween (#2.5)" (2005)
Angela: Those aren't chips and dip.
Pam Beesley: No, I made brownies.
[sighs]
Pam Beesley: What?
Angela: I'm just trying to figure out why you're sabotaging things.
Pam Beesley: [bewildered] I made brownies.
Angela: And I made cookies. Same category.


"The Office: The Carpet (#2.14)" (2006)
Michael Scott: You know what? If the guilty person would just come forward and take their punishment, we'd be done.
[Everyone looks around at each other]
Michael Scott: Very well, then you're all punished.
Pam Beesley: What's our punishment?
Michael Scott: You're all in time-out. Just sit there quietly.
[Phyllis' phone rings and she starts to answer it]
Michael Scott: No, no.


"The Office: The Injury (#2.12)" (2006)
Michael Scott: I want you to rub butter on my foot.
Pam Beesly: No.
Michael Scott: Pam, please? I have Country Crock.


"The Office: Weight Loss (#5.1)" (2008)
[Jim exits his car and runs to meet Pam under the overhang]
Pam Beesley: Hey, this is not halfway. I did the math. I had to drive way longer than you. Montclair would have been closer, so you have to buy lunch.
[Jim drops to one knee]
Pam Beesley: What are you doing?
Jim Halpert: [holding out a jewelry box] I just can't wait.
Pam Beesley: Oh, my God.
Jim Halpert: Pam, will you marry me?
Pam Beesley: [laughing incredulously] Oh, my God!
Jim Halpert: So?
Pam Beesley: [nods happily] Yes!


"The Office: Drug Testing (#2.20)" (2006)
Pam Beesley: Jim cannot speak until he buys me a Coke. Those are the rules of Jinx and they are unflinchingly rigid.


"The Office: The Negotiation (#3.18)" (2007)
Michael Scott: You know what, Pam, would you please tell Darryl that this is not a woman's suit?
Pam Beesly: Oh, my God. That's a woman's suit.


"The Office: Double Date (#6.9)" (2009)
[telling the office how Michael gave her her birthday necklace]
Helene: He put it around my neck while I was still asleep this morning. Nice way to wake up.
Michael Scott: Yeah. The rest of the story has been censored due to inappropriocity.
Kevin Malone: Because of sex?
Pam Beesly: Kevin!
Michael Scott: Hey, please, Kevin. You're fired.


"The Office: The Fight (#2.6)" (2005)
Stanley Hudson: I don't want to stay until 7:00 again this year.
Pam Beesly: I don't really have any control over that, Stanley.
[both look toward Michael's office]
Pam Beesly: Michael tends to procrastinate a bit whenever he has to do work. Time cards, he has to sign these every Friday. Purchase orders have to be approved at the end of every month. And expense reports, all he has to do is initial these at the end of every quarter. But once every year, it all falls on the same Friday. That's today. I call it the perfect storm.


"The Office: The Convict (#3.9)" (2006)
Jim Halpert: What did you do, Prison Mike?
Michael Scott: [pretending he went to prison] I stole and I robbed and I kidnapped the President's son and held him for ransom.
Jim Halpert: That is quite the rap sheet, Prison Mike.
Michael Scott: And I never got caught, neither.
Jim Halpert: Well, you were in prison, but... Mm-hmm.
Pam Beesley: Prison Mike, what was the food like in prison?
Michael Scott: Gruel sandwiches. Gruel omelettes. Nothing but gruel. Plus, you can eat your own hair.


"The Office: Valentine's Day (#2.16)" (2006)
Pam Beesley: It's just that I had to sit here all day while Phyllis got, like, an entire garden delivered to her.
Roy: What? You're mad at me?
Pam Beesley: I mean, I know that we said, "No big gifts," but I was kind of hoping you'd get me something for Valentine's Day.
Roy: Well, Valentine's Day isn't over. Let's get you home and you are gonna get the best sex of your life.


"The Office: Goodbye, Toby (#4.14)" (2008)
Jim Halpert: Dwight left his cell phone on his desk, so, naturally, I paired it to my headset.
Dwight Schrute: [while phone is ringing] Okay, fine, I'll just let it go to voicemail.
Jim Halpert: [Presses button on headset] Hello, this is Dwight.
Pam Beesley: Hey, is this Dwight?
Jim Halpert: Yes, it is.
Pam Beesley: Oh, my goodness, you sound sexy.
Jim Halpert: Oh, thank you. I've been working out.
Dwight Schrute: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pam! Pam! You are not talking to Dwight right now! You are talking to Jim.
Pam Beesley: Dwight?
Dwight Schrute: No! Pam, I'm over here!
Pam Beesley: I'm confused.


"The Office: Gay Witch Hunt (#3.1)" (2006)
Pam Beesley: I think we're just drunk.
Jim Halpert: No, I'm not drunk. Are you drunk?
Pam Beesley: No.


"The Office: Back from Vacation (#3.11)" (2007)
Michael Scott: I got to see how Jamaicans live. It is great. You know, they just relax, they party all the time.
Pam Beesly: It's kind of an impoverished country.
Michael Scott: Yeah. Gosh. Great.


"The Office: E-Mail Surveillance (#2.9)" (2005)
Pam Beesly: It's like squishing a spider under a book. It's gonna be really gross, but I have to see if it's *really* dead.


"The Office: Performance Review (#2.8)" (2005)
Pam Beesley: [trying to make Dwight think that it's Friday] Oh, my God, did you watch "The Apprentice" last night?
Jim Halpert: Of course. It's on every Thursday night, so how could I miss it?
Pam Beesley: Can you believe who Trump fired?
Jim Halpert: No, that was unbelievable.
Dwight Schrute: Who? Who was it? Who did he fire?
Pam Beesley: You didn't see it?
Dwight Schrute: No. I went out and got drunk with my laser tag team last night. Crap! Never go out on a Thursday night. What the hell was I thinking?
[Jim nods with satisfaction toward camera]


"The Office: Basketball (#1.5)" (2005)
Pam Beesley: I'm just saying, Roy is very competitive and he wants to take the WaveRunners to the lake this Saturday, so...
Jim Halpert: Well, I'm going to the outlet mall on Saturday, so if you wanna save big on brand names, and Roy has to work, which he will, because I'm also competitive, you should feel free to come along.
Pam Beesley: Um... I think I'm gonna be up at the lake.
Jim Halpert: I think I'll see you at the mall. Yeah.


"The Office: Cafe Disco (#5.25)" (2009)
Jim Halpert: There are other reasons to go to Ohio.
Pam Beesly: [interrupting] We're getting married today.
Jim Halpert: [laughs] So it turns out it's the closest place to get a marriage license without a three-day waiting period.
Pam Beesly: Tell them how it happened.
Jim Halpert: Okay, so we're going through all the wedding plans and, boy, it is complicated.
Pam Beesly: And very expensive.
Jim Halpert: Very expensive. 'Cause you say you want a small wedding and that's great, but then you have to...
Pam Beesly: You can't leave anyone out.
Jim Halpert: No one.
Pam Beesly: Okay, just get to the good part.
Jim Halpert: Right, so, this morning, we are having breakfast together and I just looked up from my cereal and I said, "You know what I want to do today? I want to marry you."
Pam Beesly: I had just woken up. I didn't look cute. That's how I know he meant it.


"The Office: The Deposition (#4.8)" (2007)
Pam Beesley: Kelly's trash-talking me because Darryl's beating you.
Jim Halpert: What? Seriously? What is she saying?
Kelly Kapoor: [looking back] Your boyfriend is so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball. Jim couldn't hit a Ping-Pong ball if it was the size of the moon. Were Jim's parents first cousins that were also bad at Ping-Pong?


"The Office: The Client (#2.7)" (2005)
Dwight Schrute: [playing Agent Michael Scarn in a screenplay written by Michael] "Sam, get my luggage."
Ryan Howard: [playing Agent Michael Scarn's assistant, Samuel L. Chang, with Asian accent] "I forget it, brother."
Dwight Schrute: "Samuel, you are such an idiot. You are the worst assistant ever and you're disgusting. Dwigt." Wait, who's Dwigt?
Pam Beesley: [in confessional] Here's what we think happened: Michael's sidekick, who all through the movie, is this complete idiot who's causing the downfall of the United States, was originally named Dwight, but then Michael changed it to Samuel L. Chang using a search and replace. But that doesn't work on misspelled words, leaving behind one "Dwigt." And Dwight figured it out. Oops!


"The Office: Finale (#9.23)" (2013)
Pam Halpert: [last line of the series] There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?


"The Office: Heavy Competition (#5.22)" (2009)
Pam Beesly: Things are a little slow here. And there's only so much cold-calling you can do in a day. Turns out there's no limit to the number of cheese puffs you can throw at someone's face.
[Michael throws a cheese puff and Pam catches it in her mouth]
Pam Beesly: We're getting pretty good at it.


"The Office: Murder (#6.10)" (2009)
Pam Beesly: I think Michael may have snapped.
Jim Halpert: Or maybe he's just stuck in character.
Pam Beesly: Well, which is worse? Snapped or stuck?
Jim Halpert: Both. They're both worse.


"The Office: Boys and Girls (#2.15)" (2006)
Pam Beesley: What? You have something you want to say?
Jim Halpert: You gotta take a chance on something, sometime, Pam. I mean, do you want to be a receptionist here, always?
Pam Beesley: [defensively] Oh, excuse me, I'm fine with my choices.
Jim Halpert: You are?
Pam Beesley: Yeah.


"The Office: Dunder Mifflin Infinity (#4.2)" (2007)
[Michael interrupts Phyllis, Angela, and Pam as they're preparing Ryan's welcome-back party]
Michael Scott: [as Phyllis and Angela put up a banner] Can you make that straighter? That's what she said.
Phyllis Lapin: Did you plan that?
Michael Scott: [as he looks at his notes] No.
Pam Beesly: [Pam grabs and reads off the notes] "Can you make that straighter? That job looks hard. You should put your mouth on that." How can you even use that one naturally?
Michael Scott: Blowing up balloons, I thought.
Pam Beesly: "You might want to trim it a little."
Angela Martin: Michael...


"The Office: The Return (#3.13)" (2007)
Michael Scott: Jim, could you come in here, please?
Harvey: Hi, Jim. I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks.
Michael Scott: [laughing] I'm sorry. Oh, wow! That's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him.
Jim Halpert: Yeah, you can.
Michael Scott: You know what? Get Pam.
Jim Halpert: For this?
Michael Scott: Pam!
Harvey: Pam, you look very hot today.
Jim Halpert: Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael's new friend.
Pam Beesley: Great.
Harvey: Me so horny. Me love you long tim.
Pam Beesley: Who's "long Tim"?
Harvey: Long time. Me love youa long time.
Jim Halpert: Oh, well, maybe "Youa" should bring "long Tim" in one day.
Harvey: You ruined a funny joke. You get out of my offive.
Pam Beesley: Okay. Bye, Harvey
Harvey: [long pause] Boobs.


"The Office: Dream Team (#5.20)" (2009)
Pam Beesly: [frustrated shouting] I can't do this. I had a real job. I sat 10 feet away from my fiancé. I had health benefits. I was just feeling impulsive. I should've gotten a tiny tattoo on my ankle.
Michael Scott: Blech.


"The Office: Christmas Party (#2.10)" (2005)
Pam Beesley: You do realize that we can't serve liquor at the party.
Michael Scott: Yeah. I know. Damn it. Stupid corporate wet blankets. Like booze ever killed anybody.


"The Office: Moroccan Christmas (#5.10)" (2008)
Jim Halpert: They've been in there for 45 minutes.
Pam Beesly: I know. If she wasn't an alcoholic before, she is now.


"The Office: The Lover (#6.7)" (2009)
Pam Beesly: Michael, let me make this VERY easy for you. I COULD GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR HAPPIENESS, stop dating my mother!


"The Office: Product Recall (#3.20)" (2007)
[Dwight comes in dressed as Jim as revenge]
Dwight Schrute: Pam.
[drums on her desk]
Pam Beesly: [amused] Hey, Dwight. You look really nice today.
Dwight Schrute: [scoffs] I look like an idiot!
[goes over to his desk]
Dwight Schrute: He, Karen.
[flattens his hair to make it more like Jim's]
Karen Filippelli: Hey, Dwight. Looking sharp.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, that's 'cause I'm your boyfriend, Jim Halpert.
[Karen smiles]
Dwight Schrute: Hey, Karen. Wanna get together later and have sexual intercourse 'cause you're my girlfriend?
Jim Halpert: [looks at Karen] Do you?
Karen Filippelli: No. I'm good. Thanks.
Jim Halpert: Okay.
[Dwight imitates Jim's expressions; Jim is impressed]
Jim Halpert: Look at that.
Dwight Schrute: I'm Jim Halpert.
Jim Halpert: Spot on.
Dwight Schrute: [makes some more faces and mumbles] A little comment.


"The Office: Lecture Circuit: Part 2 (#5.15)" (2009)
Michael Scott: She has a boyfriend.
Pam Beesly: I'm so sorry, Michael.
Michael Scott: Michael: How could she do this to me, Pam?
Pam Beesly: Pam: She's not doing it to hurt you.
Michael Scott: I can't do the presentation, I can't-... just... oh... thinking about seeing him... and... thinking about... him getting to hold her and getting to kiss her, it just- oh, God!
Pam Beesly: Listen, when Jim was dating Karen, I didn't want to come to work. It was awful. I hated it. I wanted to quit, but...
Michael Scott: I know, just... uh, please, I'm going through something, okay?
Pam Beesly: You know, when Holly gets back, everyone will tell her what a great job you did. And then she'll realize what she's missing.
Michael Scott: And then she'll move back to Scranton. And her boyfriend will die.
Pam Beesly: Yeah, maybe.


"The Office: The Coup (#3.3)" (2006)
Pam Beesly: I have this little vacuum cleaner that's broken. If Dwight doesn't work out, maybe that can be manager.


"The Office: Booze Cruise (#2.11)" (2006)
Michael Scott: I see the sales department as the furnace.
Phyllis: A furnace?
Jim Halpert: How old is this ship?
Pam Beesley: How about the anchor?
Phyllis: What does the furnace do?
Michael Scott: All right, let's not get hung up on the furnace. It's just... It's the sales... I see the sales department are down there. They're in the engine room, and they're shoveling coal into the furnace. Right? I mean, who saw the movie "Titanic"? They were very important in the movie "Titanic." Who saw it? Show of hands.
Jim Halpert: Not really sure what movie you're talking about. Are you sure you got the title right?
Michael Scott: "Titanic."
Pam Beesley: I think you're thinking of "The Hunt for Red October."


"The Office: Ben Franklin (#3.14)" (2007)
Elizabeth the Stripper: [snacking on Pam's desk candy] Oh, my God, I would get so fat if I worked here.
Pam Beesly: Yeah? I lose my appetite all the time.