FBI Agent Albert Rosenfield
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Quotes for
FBI Agent Albert Rosenfield (Character)
from "Twin Peaks" (1990)

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"Twin Peaks: Episode #2.3" (1990)
Albert Rosenfield: [to Sheriff Truman] Now you listen to me. While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is that I am a naysayer and hatchetman in the fight against violence. I pride myself in taking a punch and I'll gladly take another because I choose to live my life in the company of Gandhi and King. My concerns are global. I reject absolutely revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method... is love. I love you Sheriff Truman.
[he leaves the room]
Dale Cooper: [to Sheriff Truman] Albert's path is a strange and difficult one.

FBI Agent Albert Rosenfield: We sent a portrait of your long-haired man to every agency from NASA to DEA and came up empty. This cat is in nobody's database.
Special Agent Dale Cooper: A man that four of us have seen here in Twin Peaks.
FBI Agent Albert Rosenfield: [smiling] Sure. Oh, by the way, you were shot with a Walther PPK. It's James Bond's gun, did you know that?

Special Agent Dale Cooper: [very serious] Fellas, let's stand together for a moment. It's time I mentioned something. Now, I'm not sure, but I believe I was visited by a giant. Twice. In my room. He left me three clues. The first had to do with Jacques Renault in a body bag. It came true almost immediately. The second was, "The owls are not what they seem." The third was about a man who points without chemicals.
Sheriff Harry Truman: [perplexed] You were visited... by a giant?
Special Agent Dale Cooper: [nods yes]
FBI Agent Albert Rosenfield: Any relation to the dwarf?

Special Agent Dale Cooper: R, B, T. Harry, I believe that these letters and the Giant's clues are in some way related to this long-haired man. Mrs. Palmer saw him in a vision. She called this morning to say that Maddy had seen the man twice in the past two days, both times in a vision. I've seen him in my dreams.
Sheriff Harry Truman: And Ronette.
Special Agent Dale Cooper: She saw him physically at the train car.
Sheriff Harry Truman: Right.
Special Agent Dale Cooper: Four of us have seen him in different forms. This path is a psychic link that will lead us straight to him.
Sheriff Harry Truman: So, what did this giant sound like? I mean, did he have a big, blooming voice or what?
Special Agent Dale Cooper: No, no. He spoke softly, distinctly.
FBI Agent Albert Rosenfield: And you gave him the beans you were supposed to use to buy a cow?
Special Agent Dale Cooper: No, Albert, I gave him my ring.

FBI Agent Albert Rosenfield: The letter B, from Ronette's finger, was cut from a copy of "Flesh World". Perfect match. This particular edition features swingers' clubs for standard poodle enthusiasts. No comment.

"Twin Peaks: Episode #1.4" (1990)
Albert Rosenfield: [about Sheriff Truman] Aw, look. It's trying to think.

Albert Rosenfield: He hit me!
Dale Cooper: Well, I'm sure he meant to do that.

Albert Rosenfield: I do not suffer fools gladly, and fools with badges never. I want no interference from this hulking boob. Is that clear?

Albert Rosenfield: Mr. Horne, I realize that your position in this fair community pretty well guarantees venality, insincerity, and a rather irritating method of expressing yourself. Stupidity, however, is not necessarily a inherent trait, therefore, please listen closely. You can have a funeral any old time. You dig a hole, you plant a coffin. I, however, cannot perform these tests next year, next month, next week or tomorrow - I must perform them now. I've got a lot of cutting and pasting to do, gentlemen, so why don't you please return to your porch rockers and resume whittling.

Sheriff Truman: I've had just about enough of you and your insults!
Albert Rosenfield: Oh yeah? Well, I've had about enough of this small town filled with morons and half wits, dolts, dunces, dullards and dumbbells... and you... you chowder-head yokel, you blithering hayseed. You've had enough of me?
Sheriff Truman: Yes, I have.
[Truman punches Albert in the face]

"Twin Peaks: Episode #1.3" (1990)
Albert Rosenfield: What the hell kind of two-bit operation they running out of this treehouse, Cooper?

Albert Rosenfield: I have seen some slip-shod backwater burgs, but this place takes the cake.

Albert Rosenfield: Oh yeah, well I've had about enough of morons and half wits, dolts, dunces, dullards and dumbbells... and you, you chowder-head yokel, you blithering hayseed. You've had enough of me?
Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Yes I have.
[punches Albert in the face]

Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Albert, I understand you're the best that there is. Agent Cooper told me that you do your job very well.
Albert Rosenfield: That's right.
Sheriff Harry S. Truman: Good. Because normaly if a stranger walked into my police station talking that kind of insulting crap, he'd be looking for his front teeth two blocks away on Queer Street!

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me (1992)
Jeffries: Well now, I'm not gonna talk about Judy. In fact, we're not gonna talk about Judy at all, we're gonna keep her out of it.
Cooper: [bewildered] Gordon?
Gordon: I KNOW, COOP!
Jeffries: Who do you think this is there?
Albert: Suffered some bumps on the old noggin, hey, Phil?
Jeffries: The stories that I wanna tell you about...

Albert: I've got the front desk now. He was never here.

Cooper: Lately I've been filled with the knowledge that the killer will strike again. But because it is just a feeling, I am powerless to stop it. One more thing, Albert. When the next murder happens, you will help me solve it.
Albert: Let's test it for the record. Will the next victim be a man or a woman?
Cooper: A woman.
Albert: All right. What color hair will she have?
Cooper: Blonde.
Albert: Tell me some other things about her.
Cooper: She's in high school. She is sexually active. She is using drugs. She's crying out for help.
Albert: Well damn, Cooper, that really narrows it down. You're talking about half the high school girls in America!

"Twin Peaks: Episode #2.2" (1990)
Albert Rosenfield: I've performed the autopsy on Jacques Renault. Stomach contents revealed... let's see, beer cans, a Maryland licence plate, half a bicycle tire, a goat, and a small wooden puppet. Goes by the name of Pinocchio.
Dale Cooper: You're making a joke!
Albert Rosenfield: I like to think of myself as one of the happy generation.

Dale Cooper: Who shot me Albert?
Albert Rosenfield: My men are interrogating the hotel staff and the guests as we speak. They're the usual bumper crop of simple-minded, rural no-nothings and drunken fly fishermen. Nothing so far. Oh by the way, I personally found and talked with the waiter who delivered your glass of warm milk from that night. The world's oldest and most decrepit room service waiter remembers nothing unusual about the night in question. No surprise there. Being 104 years old, Senor Drool cup has, shall we say, a mind that wanders.

Albert Rosenfield: Dedication to duty is not the only reason of my return to Twin Peaks. It's about Windom Earle.
Dale Cooper: Agent Earle? But he's retired!
Albert Rosenfield: Yeah, I know. To a nice, comfortable chair complete with wrist and ankle restraints at the local laughing academy in D.C., until recently.
Dale Cooper: What happened?
Albert Rosenfield: Nobody knows. One day he's there, the next... poof! He disappeared. He escaped. Vanished into thin air. Your former partner flew the coop, Coop.

"Twin Peaks: Episode #2.1" (1990)
Dale Cooper: Albert, where does this attitude of general unpleasantness come from?
Albert Rosenfield: I'll have to get back on you on that.
Dale Cooper: Well if you don't want two black eyes on a regular basis I would suggest you make some kind of peace with rural life.
Albert Rosenfield: Great. After the square dance, maybe we can all take a hayride.

Albert Rosenfield: [about Deputy Andy Brennan] Where do they keep his water dish?

FBI Agent Albert Rosenfield: What was your vest doing riding up like that?
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Wood tick.

"Twin Peaks: Episode #2.9" (1990)
Special Agent Dale Cooper: Gentlemen, two days ago a young woman was found murdered by the same individual I believe responsible for the death of Laura Palmer. I have reason to believe that the killer is in this room. As a member of the Bureau, I spend most of my time seeking simple answers to difficult questions. In the pursuit of Laura's killer, I have employed Bureau guidelines, deductive technique, Tibetan method, instinct, and luck. But now I find myself in need of something new, which, for lack of a better word, we shall call... magic.
Benjamin Horne: Would you like us to hum? A Tibetan chant, perhaps?
FBI Agent Albert Rosenfield: I think it's going terrifically well. Don't you?

FBI Agent Albert Rosenfield: Cooper. In observation, I don't know where this is headed. But the only one of us with the coordinates for this destination and its hardware is you. Go on whatever vision quest you require. Stand on the rim of a volcano, stand alone and do your dance. Just find this beast before he takes another bite.

[first lines]
FBI Agent Albert Rosenfield: The short answer is, this is the work of the same ghoul who killed Laura. More fan mail: the letter 'O' under Maddy's ring fingernail. There were strands of fur clutched in her right hand.
Special Agent Dale Cooper: What kind of fur?
FBI Agent Albert Rosenfield: White fox. The strands were laced with formaldehyde. A dead animal, stuffed.
Sheriff Harry S. Truman: I'll make phone calls. Leland will know how to get ahold of Maddy's family.
Special Agent Dale Cooper: Harry, don't make any calls. I need 24 hours.
Sheriff Harry S. Truman: For what?
Special Agent Dale Cooper: To finish this.

"Twin Peaks: Episode #2.15" (1991)
Albert Rosenfield: Oh, Coop, uh, about the uniform... replacing the quiet elegance of the dark suit and tie with the casual indifference of these muted earth tones is a form of fashion suicide, but, uh, call me crazy - on you it works.

Albert Rosenfield: [Albert almost bumps into Bobby Briggs as booby is leaving the interrogation room with a bad attitude] Get a life, punk!