Quotes for
Audrey Horne (Character)
from "Twin Peaks" (1990)

"Twin Peaks: Episode #2.2" (1990)

Emory Battis: You don't know what you're dealing with, Miss Horne. You don't know how deep you're in.
Audrey Horne: Oh, yes I do. I'm Audrey Horne and I get what I want.

Audrey Horne: Talk, Emory! I want to know everything. About you, Laura, Ronnette, One-Eyed Jacks.
Emory Battis: All right! I work for the owner of One-Eyed Jacks.
Audrey Horne: Who is?
Emory Battis: That's all you need to know. I work for the owner of One-Eyed Jacks.
Audrey Horne: [strangles Emory with an electric cord] Who is?
Emory Battis: [gagging] Your father! Ben Horne! He owns this place. He owns everything in Twin Peaks, including me. I run girls through the perfume counter at Horne's Department Store. That's how I recruited Laura Palmer and Ronnette Pulaski.
Audrey Horne: Did Laura and Ronnette both work here?
Emory Battis: Yes... on weekends they would come up here to service the clientele. Ronnette worked here until that night. As for Laura... one weekend a few months ago, she was caught using drugs. So, Blackie and I threw her out and we never saw her again. That's the truth, I swear.
Audrey Horne: Did my father know that Laura worked here?
Emory Battis: Yes. Mr. Horne makes it his personal business to entertain all the girls on their very first night.

Audrey Horne: Wait. One more question. Did Laura know that my father owned it?
Emory Battis: Owned what?
Audrey Horne: One-Eyed Jacks! Did she know that he was the owner the whole time she worked here?
Emory Battis: I don't know. I never asked, and she never asked.
[Audrey strangles Emory harder with the cord]
Emory Battis: [gagging] AHHH! Yes... I guess... probably she did. Laura was a wild girl. She always got what she wanted... just like you Miss Horne. Just like you.

---

"Twin Peaks: Episode #1.2" (1990)

Benjamin Horne: If you ever pull another stunt like that, you are going to be scrubbing bidets in a Bulgarian convent.
Audrey Horne: [mocking] Oh, Daddy, I'm so afraid.

Audrey Horne: Do you like my ring?
FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper: Very nice.
Audrey Horne: You know, sometimes I get so flushed, it's interesting. Do your palms ever itch?

---

"Twin Peaks: Episode #2.6" (1990)

Audrey Horne: I'm sinking! I'm sinking!

Audrey Horne: [to Cooper] I prayed... I prayed that you would come. And you did.

---

"Twin Peaks: Episode #2.10" (1990)

Bobby Briggs: Is there anything I can do for you?
Audrey Horne: How about taking me out for some ice cream?
Bobby Briggs: Cup or cone?
Audrey Horne: Cone. I like to lick.

Audrey Horne: [to Agent Cooper] You know, there's only one problem with you: you're perfect.

---

"Twin Peaks: Episode #1.6" (1990)

Audrey Horne: I can't believe you were ever my age.
Dale Cooper: I've got the pictures to prove it.

---

"Twin Peaks: Pilot (#1.1)" (1990)

Sven Jorgenson: Excuse me, is there something wrong, young pretty girl?
Audrey Horne: They found my friend Laura... lying facedown on a rocky beach... completely naked. She'd been murdered.

---

"Twin Peaks: Episode #2.15" (1991)

Jerry Horne: Now, Audrey, you know I was upset too, but there's some projects, both domestic and international, that *I*'d like a chance to develop. I mean, one man's crisis is another man's opportunity.
[kisses her forehead]
Audrey Horne: Let me tell you something, Uncle Jerry. We leave him the way he is, and I become executor of the estate.
Jerry Horne: Oh, Audrey, it's a little more complicated than that, sweetheart.
Audrey Horne: No it isn't. I examined his will, Jerry. If my father becomes incapacitated, it all goes to me when I'm old enough. And I *am* old enough, Jer, and he *is* incapacitated. I have my way either way. Where the only project you'll be developing is selling baseboard heaters at the local Cash 'n' Carry.
Jerry Horne: [sees the light] What's happened to the man is a tragedy.
Audrey Horne: It is a tragedy, Jer.

---

"Twin Peaks: Episode #2.1" (1990)

Blackie: The owner was a little disappointed in your performance last night.
Audrey Horne: Well, the owner isn't exactly my type.
Blackie: And what is your type exactly?
Audrey Horne: Not you. No offense.

---

"Twin Peaks: Episode #1.7" (1990)

Special Agent Dale Cooper: Audrey, you're a high school girl. I'm an agent of the FBI.
Audrey Horne: So, do you want me to leave or what?
Special Agent Dale Cooper: What I want and what I need are two different things, Audrey.

---

"Saturday Night Live: Kyle MacLachlan/Sinéad O'Connor (#16.1)" (1990)

Audrey Horne: Agent Cooper.
Dale Cooper: Audrey. Did you dig up any new leads at the perfume counter?
Audrey Horne: I quit that job as soon as I found out that Leo did it.
Leo Johnson: That's right. I'm the one.
Dale Cooper: [walking over to Leo] I'm talking to Audrey.
Leo Johnson: I got pictures, see?
[pulls his wallet out of his pocket]
Leo Johnson: Here's me, about to kill her. Here's me killing her. Here's me wrapping her in plastic.

---

"Twin Peaks: Episode #1.3" (1990)

Audrey Horne: I love this music. Isn't it too dreamy?

---