Ianto Jones
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Quotes for
Ianto Jones (Character)
from "Torchwood" (2006)

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"Torchwood: Sleeper (#2.2)" (2008)
Beth: [to Jack] Will it hurt?
Captain Jack Harkness: Yes.
Beth: Your bedside manner's rubbish.
Gwen Cooper: You should see his manners in bed. They're atrocious!... apparently. So I've heard.
Ianto Jones: Oh they are. I remember this one time...
Captain Jack Harkness: [clears throat forcefully]

Ianto Jones: It's all over.
Owen Harper: [pauses] Let's all have sex.
Ianto Jones: [deadpan] And I thought the End of the World couldn't get any worse.

Ianto Jones: They know more about this place than I do.
[bangs fist on table]
Ianto Jones: Nobody knows more than I do!

Owen Harper: How d'you know all that?
Ianto Jones: I know everything! And it says so on the bottom of the screen.

Ianto Jones: Just us... in this room... for as long as it takes. Terrifying.
Captain Jack Harkness: Really?
Ianto Jones: Absolutely. Shivers down my spine.
Captain Jack Harkness: You don't look scared.
Ianto Jones: Well, it... passed.
[Jack raises fist in a mock threatening manner and growls]

Toshiko Sato: [as Captain Jack takes an alien artifact out of a box] You said we weren't allowed to use that again.
Captain Jack Harkness: It's just a mind probe.
Ianto Jones: Remember what happened the last time you used it?
Captain Jack Harkness: That was different. That species has extremely high blood pressure.
Ianto Jones: All right, their heads must explode all the time.
Gwen Cooper: Jack, we can't do this. What if you're wrong? If she is human, it'll kill her.
Captain Jack Harkness: I'm not wrong. We have to find out what she is.
Toshiko Sato: Take it easy, Jack. Stop at the first sign of trouble.
Ianto Jones: Or the first sign of exploding.

Ianto Jones: We don't sniff the sub-etheric resonator!

Captain Jack Harkness: Have a little faith. With a dashing hero like me on the case, how can we fail?
Ianto Jones: He is dashing. You have to give him that.

Toshiko Sato: No, I can't just hook something up! The entire telephone network is down.
Owen Harper: What about a mobile connection?
Toshiko Sato: [slowly] The. Entire. Telephone. Network. Is down!
Ianto Jones: Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string, everything, absolutely everything: no phones, phones all broken.
[holds up hand in imitation of telephone]
Ianto Jones: Hello? Anyone there? No! Cause the phones aren't working!

Toshiko Sato: [hacking into a military database] Come on, guys, that wasn't even difficult. You disappoint me.
Ianto Jones: It's almost obscene what you do to security systems.

"Torchwood: Meat (#2.4)" (2008)
Owen Harper: So the protein chains are regenerating despite the mutilation, so not only is it replenishing its own flesh, but it's increasing it, giving them a brand new meat supply.
Gwen Cooper: It will last them for years, then.
Toshiko Sato: If we understood how it worked, we could feed the whole world!
Ianto Jones: [deadpan] We could release a single!

Ianto Jones: Pray they survive.

Captain Jack Harkness: Before we get ahead of ourselves, we're talking about dodgy pies in Merthyr, okay? And the fact that they're cutting it up alive - which we could've put a stop to already if it wasn't for you.
Rhys Williams: I thought that my fiancée was in danger!
Captain Jack Harkness: Well, Mr. Caveman, she wasn't. She can handle herself.
Gwen Cooper: [warningly] Jack.
Captain Jack Harkness: All you did tonight was mess things up. Now we have to think of a way to get back in, and thanks to you, they'll have tightened security!
Rhys Williams: Well, if you stopped, and asked me exactly what I saw in there instead of showin' off 'round the place...
Captain Jack Harkness: [to Ianto] Do I show off?
Ianto Jones: [nods] Just a bit.
Rhys Williams: ...you'd know that I got out by tellin' them I wanted a job - as a delivery boy. So rather than 'cock things up', I found you a way to get in, but if you can't handle that, big boy, then you can stuff it!
Captain Jack Harkness: [pause, looks at Gwen] This is quite homoerotic.

Captain Jack Harkness: [talking about the alien] We're going to save it. Stabilize it, wait for the rift to open, and, fwooh, send it back.
Ianto Jones: ...And guess who'll have to look after it in the meantime?
[later, at the end of the meeting]
Captain Jack Harkness: We are doing this. That's an order.
Owen Harper: Fine.
Ianto Jones: I'll stock up on plankton.

Ianto Jones: Did you bring the alarm deactivator?
Ianto Jones: [Owen shoots the alarm panel] Well that's one way of doing it.

Ianto Jones: Pizza's arrived. I presumed it would be a late one.
Owen Harper: What did you get me?
Ianto Jones: Your usual, Meat Feast.
Owen Harper: [Owen looks disdainfully at alien meat he's examining] Lovely.

Ianto Jones: [regarding Gwen] Next time, let her take the bullet.
Rhys Williams: Never.

Ianto Jones: Well, this is unprecedented. The fiancé finding out.
Toshiko Sato: Mainly because we're all sad and single.

"Torchwood: Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (#2.1)" (2008)
Gwen Cooper: Can you deal with the body when it's cold?
Ianto Jones: My pleasure, unless you'll be making sushi.

Captain Jack Harkness: How are you, Ianto?
Ianto Jones: All the better for having you back, sir.
Captain Jack Harkness: Could we maybe drop the "sir" now? I mean, while I was away, I was thinking. Maybe we could, you know, when this is all done: dinner, a movie...
Ianto Jones: Are you asking me out on a date?
Captain Jack Harkness: Interested?
Ianto Jones: [scoffs] Well, as long as it's not in an office. Some fetishes should be kept to yourself...

Captain Jack Harkness: Oh yeah, loving that 'officey' feel. I always get excited in these places. To me they're exotic: office romances, photocopying your butt. Well, maybe not your butt, although, as we're here, why don't we photo...
Ianto Jones: [interrupting] The rift was active at these co-ordinates approximately 200 feet above ground. That means this floor, or the roof.

Gwen Cooper: You left us, Jack!
Captain Jack Harkness: [sigh] I know, I'm sorry.
Gwen Cooper: We knew nothing, Jack!
Toshiko Sato: Where were you?
Captain Jack Harkness: [smiles] I found my Doctor.
Owen Harper: Did he fix you?
Captain Jack Harkness: What's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection.
Ianto Jones: [softly] Are you going back to him?
Captain Jack Harkness: I came back for you.
Captain Jack Harkness: All of you.

Ianto Jones: [about Jack's WristComm] Woah, that never beeps.
Captain Jack Harkness: That's what I was thinking.
[presses button]
Captain John Hart: [via Hologram] I can't believe I got the answering machine. What can you be doing that's more important than me? Anyway, you've probably traced the energy shift, found the body - all me. Sorry about the mess, bill me for the clean up. Now, Drinks! Retrolog the transmission coordinates, that's where I am. And hurry up, work to do.
[American accent]
Captain John Hart: "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope."

Captain Jack Harkness: Looks like we're going to have to go through every drawer, bin and plant-pot.
Ianto Jones: Right, OK. I'll do this floor, don't want you getting over excited. You take the roof, you're good on roofs.
[pause; Jack starts to leave]
Ianto Jones: Jack? Why are we helping him?
Captain Jack Harkness: He's a reminder of my past, I want him gone.
Captain Jack Harkness: [Jack asked a Ianto on a date earlier] By the way, was that a yes?
Ianto Jones: Yes, yes...

Captain John Hart: [regarding himself and Jack] We were partners.
Ianto Jones: In what way?
Captain John Hart: In every way.

Captain Jack Harkness: [Introducing the team] Gwen Cooper, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato, Owen Harper, meet...
Captain John Hart: Captain John Hart.
Captain Jack Harkness: We go back.
Captain John Hart: Excuse me, we more than go back; we were partners.
Ianto Jones: [Softly] In what way?
Captain John Hart: In every way, and then some.
Captain Jack Harkness: It was two weeks.
Captain John Hart: Except that two weeks was trapped in a time loop, so we were together for five years. It was like having a wife.
Captain Jack Harkness: You were the wife.
Captain John Hart: *You* were the wife.
Captain Jack Harkness: No, you were the wife.
Captain John Hart: Oh, but I was a *good* wife!

"Torchwood: They Keep Killing Suzie (#1.8)" (2006)
Ianto Jones: If... you're interested, I've still got that stopwatch.
Captain Jack Harkness: So?
Ianto Jones: Well. Think about it. Lots of things you can do with a stopwatch.
Captain Jack Harkness: Oh. Yeah! I could think of a few.
Ianto Jones: There's quite a list.
Captain Jack Harkness: I'll send the others home early. See you in my office in... ten.
Ianto Jones: That's ten minutes, and counting.

Ianto Jones: [holding a cell phone] I've got reception sir.
Captain Jack Harkness: How'd you do that? We're sealed off.
Ianto Jones: Just use the water tower as a relay
Captain Jack Harkness: [takes phone] Nice work Ianto.
[goes to dial, stops]
Captain Jack Harkness: But who the hell do we phone?

[last lines]
Ianto Jones: What do you want me to say on the death certificate?
Captain Jack Harkness: Good question.
Ianto Jones: She had quite a few deaths in the end.
Captain Jack Harkness: I don't know.
Captain Jack Harkness: Death by Torchwood.
Ianto Jones: I'll put a lock on the door just in case she goes walking again.
Captain Jack Harkness: Na. No chance of that. The resurrection days are over, thank God.
Ianto Jones: Oh, I wouldn't be too sure. That's the thing about gloves, sir; they come in pairs.

Owen Harper: Give Ianto a stop watch and he's happy.
Ianto Jones: [smiles] It's the button on top.

Owen Harper: You know, we never gave a name to the Glove.
Toshiko Sato: I thought we called it the Resurrection Gauntlet.
Owen Harper: I said cool name.
Ianto Jones: How about the Rizzen-Mitten.
[beat, others stare Ianto in disbelief]
Ianto Jones: I think it's catchy.

Owen Harper: [as Jack gets the knife that joins with the Glove] Ianto?
Ianto Jones: [Deep breath] Life knife.

"Doctor Who: The Stolen Earth (#4.12)" (2008)
Paul O'Grady: [on TV] Do you know what? I look up and there's all these moons and things, have you seen them? Do you see them?
[the audience agrees]
Paul O'Grady: What was I drinking last night? Furniture polish?
[Ianto laughs at the television screen]
Captain Jack Harkness: Ianto, time and a place!
Ianto Jones: It is funny though.

Ianto Jones: [the whole earth has been moved in a massive earthquake across time and the universe] A little bit bigger than south Wales, then...

Captain Jack Harkness: I met a soldier in a bar...
[Ianto shoots him a death glare]
Captain Jack Harkness: [to Martha] Long story.
Ianto Jones: When was that?
Captain Jack Harkness: Strictly professional!

Unnamed UNIT operative: The shields are down, there's too many of them. Abandon ship! Abandon ship!
Captain Jack Harkness: [Jack runs to the monitor] Tha Valiant's down!
Ianto Jones: Air Force in retreat over North Africa, Daleks landing in Japan.
Gwen Cooper: We've lost contact with the Prime Minister's plane. Jack! Manhattan!
Captain Jack Harkness: [runs to his cell phone] Martha get out of there.
Martha Jones: [bandaging a colleague's head] I can't Jack, I've got a job to do.
Captain Jack Harkness: They're targeting military bases and you're next on the list.

Captain Jack Harkness: Gwen! Ianto! You okay?
Ianto Jones: No broken bones. Slight loss of dignity. No change there, though.

General Sanchez: Dr. Jones, you will come with me. Project Indigo is being activated. Quick march!
Martha Jones: But we can't use Project Indigo. It hasn't been tested, sir, we don't even know if it works.
General Sanchez: [a panel is opened to reveal a harness-like device] Put it on. Fast as you can!
Captain Jack Harkness: Martha, I'm telling you *don't* use Project Indigo, it's not safe.
General Sanchez: You take your orders from UNIT, Dr. Jones, not from Torchwood.
Martha Jones: [she straps herself into the device] But why me?
General Sanchez: You're our only hope of finding the Doctor. But failing that, if no help is coming, then with the power invested in me by the Unified Intelligence Taskforce I order you to take this.
[he holds out a small square device]
General Sanchez: The Osterhagen Key.
Martha Jones: I can't take that, sir!
General Sanchez: You know what to do! For the sake of the human race!
[She takes the key just as Daleks break onto their floor]
Dalek: Dalek Attack Squad Five reaching north corridor. Exterminate! Exterminate!
General Sanchez: Dr. Jones
[he salutes her then arms himself]
General Sanchez: Good luck.
Martha Jones: Bye, Jack.
Captain Jack Harkness: Martha, don't do it!
[she pulls the ripcords and vanishes just as General Sanchez is exterminated]
Captain Jack Harkness: DON'T!
Ianto Jones: [Jack throws his phone across the room in anger] What's Project Indigo?
Captain Jack Harkness: Experimental teleport salvaged from the Sontarans. But they haven't got coordinates or stabilization!
Gwen Cooper: So where is she?
Captain Jack Harkness: Scattered into atoms. Martha's down.

"Torchwood: Fragments (#2.12)" (2008)
[trying to catch a pterodactyl]
Ianto Jones: What exactly is your plan?
Captain Jack Harkness: I'm going to be the decoy.
Ianto Jones: And it will rip you to shreds.
Captain Jack Harkness: Dinosaurs? Had 'em for breakfast. Had to. Only source of pre-cooked food protein after the asteroid crashed. Long story.

Captain Jack Harkness: And you are?
Ianto Jones: Jones, Ianto Jones.
Captain Jack Harkness: Nice to meet you, Jones Ianto Jones.

Ianto Jones: Like a butler! I could be a butler!
Captain Jack Harkness: We don't need a butler.
Ianto Jones: Excuse me, dried egg on your collar!
Captain Jack Harkness: [defensive] It was a busy week!

Captain Jack Harkness: [to the pterodactyl] Come back with me. I've got somewhere nice and big where you can fly around.
Ianto Jones: So you'll let the pterodactyl in and not me?
Captain Jack Harkness: I need a guard dog.
Ianto Jones: I could be that!

Captain Jack Harkness: [talking about the pterodactyl] Quite excitable!
Ianto Jones: Must be that aftershave.
Captain Jack Harkness: I never wear any.
Ianto Jones: You smell like that naturally?
Captain Jack Harkness: Fifty first century pheromones, you people have no idea!

Ianto Jones: I've got a secret weapon. Chocolate. Preferably dark.

"Torchwood: Something Borrowed (#2.9)" (2008)
[last lines]
Ianto Jones: That's what I love about Torchwood. By day, chasing the scum of the universe; come midnight, you're the wedding fairy.

Captain Jack Harkness: What is it with you? Ever since Owen died all you do is agree with him!
Ianto Jones: I was brought up never to speak ill of the dead, even if they still do most of the talking for themselves.

Captain Jack Harkness: What I don't understand is if people are going to make such a big deal about getting married, why come all the way out into the middle of nowhere where no one can find you to do it? That, to me, suggests inner conflict.
Ianto Jones: It's because the happy couple want everything to be perfect.
Owen Harper: An alien egg in your belly and its mother coming to rip you open. Yeah, perfect.

[Ianto looks in a mirror holding a wedding dress to himself to gauge Gwen's size]
Shop Assistant: Can I help you?
Ianto Jones: Yeah, I'm looking for a wedding dress for a friend.
Shop Assistant: [with knowing looks] Ah, of course you are, sir. You'd be surprised; we're quite used to men buying for their "friends".

Captain Jack Harkness: [flipping through wedding dress catalogue] No, I like that one. Good choice.
Ianto Jones: I estimated Gwen's size from the Hub's security laser scans. As you know, my dad was a master tailor. He could size a man's inside leg measurement by his stride across the shop's threshold.
Captain Jack Harkness: Ah, the family eye. Remind me to test it sometime.
Ianto Jones: Well, if, uh, later on...
Owen Harper: Jack!
Ianto Jones: Yeah, brilliant. Like that one.
Owen Harper: We've got a problem.

"Torchwood: Day One (#1.2)" (2006)
Owen Harper: 119 suspects - this things supposed to give us one clear match.
Toshiko Sato: The CCTV was too low-res. Enlarge it and it breaks up, which means the software can't function properly.
Ianto Jones: It's narrowed it down, I can check through the others. You know, the old-fashioned way - with my eyes?

Gwen Cooper: That girl's body has been overrun by I don't know what, and you think it's a joke?
Owen Harper: Jesus, sorry!
Gwen Cooper: We should be helping her, she's not some lab rat.
Owen Harper: No, she's a murderer. And you were the one who wanted her caught. How come suddenly she's your best friend?
Captain Jack Harkness: [to Gwen] You know, strictly speaking, throttling the staff is my job.
Ianto Jones: [entering] Who wants Chinese?

Gwen Cooper: I don't know anything.
Owen Harper: Not who he is, not where he's from, not anything. Except... him being gay.
Gwen Cooper: No he's not. really, do you think?
Toshiko Sato: Owen does, I don't.
Ianto Jones: And I don't care.
Owen Harper: Period military is not the dress code of a straight man.
Gwen Cooper: I think it suits him. Sort of classic.
Toshiko Sato: Exactly! I've watched him in action, he'll shag anything if it's gorgeous enough.
Gwen Cooper: We know he's from America, right?
Owen Harper: Don't even know that for sure.
Toshiko Sato: No US citizen by the name of Jack Harkness born in the last fifty years.
Gwen Cooper: Maybe his identity's classified.
Ianto Jones: Used to be something big in the CIA, that's what I reckon.
Gwen Cooper: He must have his reasons for wanting to keep things secret.
Owen Harper: Sure he has. Doesn't stop me from wanting to know.

[the captive alien has made it up to reception with the doctor's hand as a hostage]
Ianto Jones: Need me to do any attacking, sir?
Captain Jack Harkness: Appreciate the offer. Just open the door.

"Torchwood: Cyberwoman (#1.4)" (2006)
Captain Jack Harkness: Are you hiding anything else in the basement?
Ianto Jones: Like you'd care. I clean up your shit, and that's the way you like it: no questions asked. When's the last time you asked me about my life?

Captain Jack Harkness: Execute her, or I'll execute you both!
Ianto Jones: You think you're some kind of hero, but you're the biggest monster of them all!

Ianto Jones: For God' sake have you heard yourself? Lisa please, I brought you here to heal you, so we could be together!
Lisa: Together? Yes! Transplant my brain into your body, the two of us together, fused, we'll be one complete person, isn't that what love is?
Ianto Jones: No!
Lisa: Then we are not compatible!

Ianto Jones: Oh, can you make that two pizzas, and you'd better add a pot of coleslaw - my boss says I'm not eating enough vegetables.

"Torchwood: Captain Jack Harkness (#1.12)" (2007)
Ianto Jones: Maybe this is a trap. He could be sucking us back through time one by one.
[to Gwen, via phone]
Ianto Jones: Get out of there, Gwen. That's an order.
Owen Harper: I'm sorry, but who exactly put you in charge?

Ianto Jones: You have to let Diane go. Like I did with Lisa.
Owen Harper: Don't compare yourself to me. You're just a tea boy.
Ianto Jones: I'm much more than that. Jack needs me.
Owen Harper: In your dreams, Ianto. In your sad wet dreams when you're his part-time shag, maybe. That rift took my lover and my captain. So if I die trying to beat it, then it will all be in the line of duty.

Ianto Jones: When are you going to accept that Dianne *chose* to leave you.

Ianto Jones: The rift's been opening more and more recently.

"Torchwood: Adam (#2.5)" (2008)
Captain Jack Harkness: Found your diary.
Ianto Jones: Oh, yeah, I've been looking for that...
[starts to walk away]
Captain Jack Harkness: And for the record: measuring tapes never lie.
Ianto Jones: [silently] Fuck.

Ianto Jones: I'll have a look in the diary. I like to log the interesting stuff.
Toshiko Sato: You write about artefacts in your diary?
Ianto Jones: Among other things.

[Jack has put his team into a trance-like state and asked them to try and rediscover their real selves]
Gwen Cooper: [about Rhys] I love him. But not in the way I love you.
Captain Jack Harkness: [gives Gwen a RetCon pill] Take this.
Toshiko Sato: Knowing there has to be more to life than this. Knowing I'm special. Waiting for someone to see it.
Captain Jack Harkness: I saw it.
Owen Harper: You save one life, a hundred lives, but it's never enough. Who'll save me?
Captain Jack Harkness: I will.
Ianto Jones: Coming here, it gave me meaning again. You.
[Jack kisses Ianto]

"Torchwood: Children of Earth: Day One (#3.1)" (2009)
Gwen Cooper: Who's back?
Captain Jack: What's he doing?
Ianto Jones: Waiting, just like you said. He's been there 20 minutes.
Captain Jack: Persistent.
Ianto Jones: Good sign.
Captain Jack: Dogmatic.
Ianto Jones: Always a plus.
Gwen Cooper: Oh, Christ, never work with a couple, you two talk like twins!

[Gwen has found out she is pregnant]
Captain Jack: Ianto! We're having a baby.
Ianto Jones: Congratulations. Is now a good time to tell you I lost the car?
Captain Jack: You did what?

Rhiannon Davies: We got things to talk about
Ianto Jones: What things?
Rhiannon Davies: You've been *seen*.
[she tells Ianto about a friend of hers going out for an anniversary meal at a nice French restaurant in Cardiff]
Rhiannon Davies: And there was you.
Ianto Jones: Sooo?
Rhiannon Davies: There was you having dinner... with a man
Ianto Jones: [Scoffs] So?
Rhiannon Davies: [Curious and Excited] Suzie says he was gorgeous! Like a film star! have you gone bender?
Ianto Jones: Mica's hearing this?
Rhiannon Davies: She's not bothered her friend Dan has two mothers.
[Ianto looks away]
Rhiannon Davies: Go on.
Rhiannon Davies: You never tell me anything these days. Dad died that was it you were off you couldn't wait. Like, I did something wrong, I didn't, did I?
Ianto Jones: It's not that. It's... my job It's... difficult it's...
Ianto Jones: he is very handsome.
Rhiannon Davies: [Delighted] No!
Ianto Jones: [Embarrassed] Now stop it
Rhiannon Davies: You're kidding me! Really though? Since when?
Ianto Jones: It's weird. It's just different. It's not... men... it's just him.
Ianto Jones: It's only him. And, I don't even know what it is really. So... so I'm not broadcasting it
Rhiannon Davies: Oh, I won't say, if you want it kept quiet I won't say a word, I promise.
Johnny Davies: [Rhiannon's Husband Johnny barrels in] Ah aye gay boy heard you're takin' it up yer ass!
[to Mica playing a game console]
Johnny Davies: Mica will you get off that thing?
[Ianto and Rhiannon share a look]
Johnny Davies: How you been then you smug bastard?

"Torchwood: Out of Time (#1.10)" (2006)
Diana Holmes: How did it do that?
Ianto Jones: It's automatic. It knows you're there. There are wave-bouncing detectors which emit high-frequency radio waves -
Diana Holmes: Ooh look, bananas!
Ianto Jones: Of course, bananas are far more interesting.

[at the supermarket]
John Ellis: Look at all this. We'd just come rationing in '53.
Ianto Jones: Yeah, sorry. We are a consumer society.
John Ellis: It's bloody fantastic!

[John Ellis finds a magazine with a bikini-clad model on the front]
Ianto Jones: Welcome to the world of scantily-clad celebrities.
John Ellis: But there could be children around here.
Ianto Jones: Well, she's a childrens' TV presenter.

"Torchwood: Children of Earth: Day Four (#3.4)" (2009)
Ianto Jones: I love you.
Captain Jack Harkness: [pause] Don't.
Captain Jack Harkness: [Ianto closes his eyes, dying] Ianto, stay with me. Stay with me. Please! Stay with me, please, please...
Ianto Jones: [Ianto opens his eyes again] Hey.
Ianto Jones: It was good, yea?
Captain Jack Harkness: Yea.
Ianto Jones: Don't forget me.
Captain Jack Harkness: Never could.
Ianto Jones: A thousand years time? You won't remember me.
Captain Jack Harkness: Yes I will. I promise. I will.
[Ianto dies]

[the 456 have sealed Thames House and is pumping a virus into the air]
456 Voice: You are dying, even now.
Captain Jack Harkness: [grabbing Ianto] We've gotta get you outta here. I can survive anything, but you can't.
Ianto Jones: Too late. I breathed the air.
Captain Jack Harkness: There's gotta be something. There's gotta be an antidote!
456 Voice: [Affronted] You said you would fight.
Captain Jack Harkness: [releasing Ianto and facing the 456] Then I take it back, alright? I take it all back, but not him!
[Ianto collapses]
Captain Jack Harkness: [catching him] No! No no no, no, no. Ianto!

"Torchwood: Children of Earth: Day Three (#3.3)" (2009)
Captain Jack Harkness: Ianto, the world could be ending.
Ianto Jones: The world's always ending. And I have missed that coat.

Clement McDonald: [talking to Rhys and Gwen] And who's the queer?
Ianto Jones: [angry] OY!
[pauses, Calm]
Ianto Jones: It's not 1965 anymore.
Clement McDonald: [to Gwen and Rhys] S'queer, I can smell it.

"Torchwood: To the Last Man (#2.3)" (2008)
Captain Jack Harkness: This time tomorrow he'll be back in 1918.
Ianto Jones: In his own time. Would you go back to yours if you could?
Captain Jack Harkness: Why? Would you miss me?
Ianto Jones: Yep.
Captain Jack Harkness: I left home a long time ago. Don't really know where I really belong. Maybe that doesn't matter anymore.
Ianto Jones: I... know you get lonely.
Captain Jack Harkness: Going home wouldn't fix that. Being here, I've seen things I never dreamt I'd see. Loved people I never would have known if I'd just stayed where I was. And I wouldn't change that for the world.
[they kiss]

Gwen Cooper: Who is he?
Captain Jack Harkness: Thomas Reginald Brockless.
Ianto Jones: Tommy.
Captain Jack Harkness: Twenty-four years old.
Ianto Jones: Sort of.
Gwen Cooper: Well, he's either twenty-four or he's not.
Ianto Jones: Depends how you work it out.
Gwen Cooper: Alright, when was he born?
Captain Jack Harkness: 1894.

"Torchwood: Children of Earth: Day Two (#3.2)" (2009)
Ianto Jones: He pushed me too hard. He always did.
Rhiannon Davies: You should've held on tighter.

Rhiannon Davies: Seriously, how'd you get in that state?
Ianto Jones: A bomb. It was meant for me and the people I work with.
Rhiannon Davies: My God, why?
Ianto Jones: I don't know.
Rhiannon Davies: What sort of civil servants are you?
Ianto Jones: Unappreciated ones.

"Torchwood: Exit Wounds (#2.13)" (2008)
Ianto Jones: Put Jack on right now!
Captain John Hart: Eye candy! That was so masterful, so bossy, so basically powerless.

Cowled Leader: Devils! Blasphemers! Pray to your heathen god, while in the Lord's name, we cast out!
[Ianto and Tosh look at each other, pull out their guns, and fire. The three cowled figures fall to the floor dead]
Ianto Jones: There we are, then.
Toshiko Sato: Sorted.

"Torchwood: A Day in the Death (#2.8)" (2008)
Ianto Jones: You okay?
Owen Harper: What do you think? Bet you're loving this, aren't you? It's like you've finally won.
Ianto Jones: Didn't realize we were in a competition.
Owen Harper: Oh, come on. Even Tosh had more of a life than you used to, and now you're always out on missions, you're shagging Jack, and I'm stuck here makin' the coffee!
Ianto Jones: It's not like that. Me and Jack.
Owen Harper: [bitterly] Yeah, yeah. You an' Jack. Gwen's gettin' married, Martha's got her bloke; God, even Tosh 'ad Tommy. This is really shit!
Ianto Jones: We've all gone through shit. I've seen you, dissecting them corpses. I've seen you save so many lives. You really gonna let this beat you?

Owen Harper: And what the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime?
Captain Jack Harkness: We always need someone to make coffee.
Ianto Jones: [silently] Oh, no.
Owen Harper: Oh, no.

"Torchwood: Adrift (#2.11)" (2008)
Captain Jack Harkness: Too bad you weren't here a hour ago; we could have used you for naked hide and seek.
Ianto Jones: [smirks] He cheats, he always cheats.

"Torchwood: Small Worlds (#1.5)" (2006)
Toshiko Sato: [showing photos of "fairies"] This is the youngest girl, and the girl's cousin.
Ianto Jones: I blame it on magic mushrooms.
Captain Jack Harkness: What you do in your own time is none of our business.

"Torchwood: Everything Changes (#1.1)" (2006)
Captain Jack Harkness: [introducing Gwen to the Torchwood members] Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper.
Owen Harper: Dr. Owen Harper, thank you.
Captain Jack Harkness: Toshiko Sato, computer genius. Suzie Costello, she's second in command. And this is Ianto Jones. Ianto cleans up after us and gets us everywhere on time.
Ianto Jones: I try my best.
Captain Jack Harkness: And he looks good in a suit.
Ianto Jones: [smiling] Careful. That's harassment, sir.

"Torchwood: Ghost Machine (#1.3)" (2006)
Captain Jack Harkness: This kid, Bernie. Where does he live?
Toshiko Sato: Splott.
Owen Harper: Splott?
Ianto Jones: I believe estate agents pronounce it, 'Sploe'.

"Torchwood: Dead Man Walking (#2.7)" (2008)
Ianto Jones: I have searched for the phrase "I shall walk the Earth and my hunger shall know no bounds", but I keep getting redirected to Weight Watchers.

"Torchwood: Greeks Bearing Gifts (#1.7)" (2006)
Ianto Jones: [Tosh is reading Ianto's mind] Can't imagine the time when this isn't everything. Pain so constant, like my stomach's full of rats. Feels like this is all I am now. There isn't an inch of me that doesn't hurt.

"Torchwood: End of Days (#1.13)" (2007)
Gwen Cooper: This is what happens here. We all end up alone. Not me. No way. You bring him back.
Captain Jack Harkness: No.
Gwen Cooper: The resurrection gauntlet...
Ianto Jones: Was destroyed.
Gwen Cooper: You've gotta have something else.
Captain Jack Harkness: I said no.
Gwen Cooper: No, there's something wrong with time so we, we can go back and, to the moment, to the very moment...
Captain Jack Harkness: Gwen!
Gwen Cooper: Well there's got to be, there's got to be something that you can do, otherwise what's the fucking point of you! You bring him back! You bring him back, do you understand me Jack fucking Harkness?
Captain Jack Harkness: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

"Torchwood: Reset (#2.6)" (2008)
Martha Jones: So, Jack asked me if I could get you a UNIT cap to wear.
Ianto Jones: Did he? Well, red is my color.
Martha Jones: So, am I right in thinking that you and he...
Ianto Jones: We... dabble.
Martha Jones: Yeah?
Ianto Jones: Yeah.
Martha Jones: So what's his "dabbling" like?
Ianto Jones: Innovative.
Martha Jones: Really!
Ianto Jones: Bordering on the avant-garde.
Martha Jones: Wow.
Ianto Jones: Oh yeah.
[Ianto smiles a little distantly]