Owen Harper
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Quotes for
Owen Harper (Character)
from "Torchwood" (2006)

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"Torchwood: Day One (#1.2)" (2006)
Captain Jack Harkness: Alright, usual formation.
Gwen Cooper: What's the usual formation?
Owen Harper: Varies.
Gwen Cooper: How can the usual formation vary?

Captain Jack Harkness: What do we know?
Owen Harper: Bog standard space debris. That's a technical term.

Owen Harper: Make yourself useful, sweetheart, pass us the big chisel from the toolbox.
Gwen Cooper: It's Gwen, not sweetheart. One syllable, I'm sure you can manage it.
Owen Harper: Not sweet cheeks, then? New girl?
Gwen Cooper: Shame your tool's not big enough for the job.

Toshiko Sato: You've got a boyfriend?
Gwen Cooper: Yeah. You?
Toshiko Sato: Haven't got time with this job.
Gwen Cooper: What about you?
Owen Harper: You gotta be joking. I can get all the grief I need here.
Gwen Cooper: None of you have partners?
Owen Harper: Just you.
Gwen Cooper: I'm not being rude or anything- well, maybe I am, but- how do you switch off from all this? What do you do to relax?
Owen Harper: I torture people in happy relationships.

Owen Harper: 119 suspects - this things supposed to give us one clear match.
Toshiko Sato: The CCTV was too low-res. Enlarge it and it breaks up, which means the software can't function properly.
Ianto Jones: It's narrowed it down, I can check through the others. You know, the old-fashioned way - with my eyes?

Owen Harper: [Gwen is snogging Carys] I thought she said she had a boyfriend?
Captain Jack Harkness: You people and your quaint little categories.

Gwen Cooper: That girl's body has been overrun by I don't know what, and you think it's a joke?
Owen Harper: Jesus, sorry!
Gwen Cooper: We should be helping her, she's not some lab rat.
Owen Harper: No, she's a murderer. And you were the one who wanted her caught. How come suddenly she's your best friend?
Captain Jack Harkness: [to Gwen] You know, strictly speaking, throttling the staff is my job.
Ianto Jones: [entering] Who wants Chinese?

Gwen Cooper: I don't know anything.
Owen Harper: Not who he is, not where he's from, not anything. Except... him being gay.
Gwen Cooper: No he's not. really, do you think?
Toshiko Sato: Owen does, I don't.
Ianto Jones: And I don't care.
Owen Harper: Period military is not the dress code of a straight man.
Gwen Cooper: I think it suits him. Sort of classic.
Toshiko Sato: Exactly! I've watched him in action, he'll shag anything if it's gorgeous enough.
Gwen Cooper: We know he's from America, right?
Owen Harper: Don't even know that for sure.
Toshiko Sato: No US citizen by the name of Jack Harkness born in the last fifty years.
Gwen Cooper: Maybe his identity's classified.
Ianto Jones: Used to be something big in the CIA, that's what I reckon.
Gwen Cooper: He must have his reasons for wanting to keep things secret.
Owen Harper: Sure he has. Doesn't stop me from wanting to know.

Captain Jack Harkness: So what's our next move?
Owen Harper: Stop the entire city of Cardiff from shagging?
Gwen Cooper: Put bromide in the water supply.
Captain Jack Harkness: No. Too hit and miss.
Owen Harper: Yeah, and the water company got really pissed off the last time we did that.

Captain Jack Harkness: [watching CCTV] Wow.
Toshiko Sato: My God!
Gwen Cooper: He just...
Captain Jack Harkness: Came and went.
Owen Harper: Now that's how I'd like to go.
Toshiko Sato: I'm sure we could arrange it.

Gwen Cooper: I mean it was just gas, wasn't it? Can't be too bad. Can it?
Owen Harper: Right, because gas never did anyone any harm.

"Torchwood: A Day in the Death (#2.8)" (2008)
Captain Jack Harkness: [Owen has just resurfaced after an attempt to kill himself by drowning] Thirty-six minutes. Not bad.
Owen Harper: You were watching?
Captain Jack Harkness: Skinny guy in tight jeans runs into water, I was taking pictures.

Security Guy: Who are you?
Owen Harper: I'm Doctor Owen Harper, and I'm having one hell of a day.

Ianto Jones: You okay?
Owen Harper: What do you think? Bet you're loving this, aren't you? It's like you've finally won.
Ianto Jones: Didn't realize we were in a competition.
Owen Harper: Oh, come on. Even Tosh had more of a life than you used to, and now you're always out on missions, you're shagging Jack, and I'm stuck here makin' the coffee!
Ianto Jones: It's not like that. Me and Jack.
Owen Harper: [bitterly] Yeah, yeah. You an' Jack. Gwen's gettin' married, Martha's got her bloke; God, even Tosh 'ad Tommy. This is really shit!
Ianto Jones: We've all gone through shit. I've seen you, dissecting them corpses. I've seen you save so many lives. You really gonna let this beat you?

[first lines]
Owen Harper: My name is Doctor Owen Harper, and this is my life. A life that is full of action and violence and work and wonder. Secrets and sex and love and heartbreak and death. My death. The death I survived. The death I am now living through. Except that is isn't living. Every day is the same. I get up. Get ready for work, same as everyone else. The thing is, I'm not the same. I get to work and everyone's doing the same old thing. Babbling away about aliens and weddings. I'm not real. Three days ago, I died. And they think I'm fine, but they're wrong.

Owen Harper: [on being told to go home] What exactly do I do when I get home?
Captain Jack Harkness: Watch TV, chill.
Owen Harper: Jack, I'm dead. I'm permanently chilled. You know you get to live forever. I get to die forever. It's funny, that.

Maggie: Okay, you're dead, and clearly that's a bit shit, and I'm sorry and everything, but if, if you are dead, then why are you here? You can't be wanting to jump, you can't die twice!
Owen Harper: Sorry, are you an expert?
Maggie: Sorry, are you an idiot?
Owen Harper: Yeah, I'm a dead idiot.

Owen Harper: Tosh, I'm scared. I'm scared that if I close my eyes, I'll get trapped. In the darkness.
Toshiko Sato: I'm here.

[last lines]
Maggie: [about whether to commit suicide or not] What do I do now?
Owen Harper: You've got a choice. If you think that the darkness is too much then go for it. But if there is a chance, just some hope... It could be having a cigarette, or that first sip of hot tea on a cold morning. Or it could be your mates. If there is even a tiny glimmer of light, then don't you think that's worth taking a chance?

Owen Harper: And what the hell am I supposed to do in the meantime?
Captain Jack Harkness: We always need someone to make coffee.
Ianto Jones: [silently] Oh, no.
Owen Harper: Oh, no.

Security Guy: Hold it there!
Owen Harper: [stops, removes hood, looks at guard and continues up the stairs slowly] Evening. Nice place you've got here. Love what you've done with the pictures.
Security Guy: Who are you? Why are my sensors not picking you up? Okay, stop. Stop! Or I'll shoot.
Owen Harper: No, you won't. You're a security guard. Come on, that gun's just for show, innit? Do you know what a bullet does to a living person? It's not like a knife through butter. No no no no, it rotates, tears into the flesh and the gooey stuff behind it, rips into the organs and, oof, it's not nice. But anyway, I haven't got any body heat. You must know what that means. You can't kill a dead man.
Security Guy: What are you?
Owen Harper: I'm wrong.
Security Guy: What are you?
Owen Harper: [shows gloved hand with broken finger] I'm broken. I'm Dr. Owen Harper.
Owen Harper: [snatches gun, whispers] And I'm having one hell of a day.
[Owen punches out the guard with the butt of the gun]

"Torchwood: Countrycide (#1.6)" (2006)
[Owen is preparing an injection for an injured Gwen]
Owen Harper: All right, you want a quip about feeling a small prick?
Gwen Cooper: No, but thanks for offering.
[laughs nervously]

[about to be eaten by cannibals]
Owen Harper: Only in the bloody countryside. You sick fuckers!

Owen Harper: What is that smell?
Gwen Cooper: That would be grass.
Owen Harper: It's disgusting.

Captain Jack Harkness: [about the last person they kissed] Are we including non-human life-forms?
Owen Harper: You're a sick man, Harkness. That is disgusting!

Owen Harper: [Owen has just been slammed against a tree by Gwen for commenting on her sex life] See old Rhys makes the Earth rumble, but he don't make it move, does he?
Gwen Cooper: You better shut up before I lump you up!
Owen Harper: [spinning Gwen around and slamming her against the tree, speaking as she struggles] When was the last time you screwed all night? When was the last time you came so hard and so long you forgot where you are?
[Gwen begins to struggle less]
Owen Harper: Don't you ever think you're too familiar? Whereas you and me... we're not cozy at all.
[pressing his face to Gwen's as he hisses]
Owen Harper: We'd be AMAZING. And that scares the shit out of you.
Gwen Cooper: [jumping as she sees movement through the trees] Someone - someone's watching us. Through the trees. Fifty yards north, I just saw them move.
Owen Harper: You got your gun?
Gwen Cooper: Yes.
Owen Harper: You go to the left. I'll go right.
[both are visibly shaking and fighting themselves for control]
Owen Harper: Three... two... one.
[they pull away and take off running]

Owen Harper: [holding up a piece of shot he has just dug out of Gwen's side] You beauty.
[to Gwen]
Owen Harper: Come on. I'm good.
Gwen Cooper: Not bad.

Captain Jack Harkness: Seventeen disappearances within the last five months. The police are clueless.
Owen Harper: Now, there's a surprise.
[to Gwen]
Owen Harper: No offence, P.C. Cooper.

[last lines]
Gwen Cooper: I had a good job before this. I thought in a year or two, perhaps a baby, I know Rhys would be a good dad, and I could try for desk sergeant, and... Well, it was all sorting into place. And then I met you lot. All these things... all these things that change in me. Changing how I see the world. And I can't share them with anyone.
Owen Harper: You can now.

"Torchwood: Dead Man Walking (#2.7)" (2008)
Owen Harper: Jamie, they got you in for a round of chemo, have they?
Jamie Burton: Had that, it didn't work.
Owen Harper: So why are you here?
Jamie Burton: They're trying to make me have it again. It didn't work though, the cancer just comes back, just makes my hair fall out. I'm gonna die. I might as well do it with eyebrows.

Owen Harper: I'm a headless chicken. I just haven't stopped running about.

Owen Harper: [to Martha] You've stopped flirting with me. I mean, it's all right. I wouldn't flirt with me in my condition either, but, is it still necrophilia if I'm conscious?

Owen Harper: But eventually that will stop too. I'll fart my last fart. God, I'm going to really miss farting. And sex.
Captain Jack Harkness: Sex more than farting, I hope.

Owen Harper: You take these things for granted. It's only when they're slipping away you realise how amazing they are. This could be the last time I see these flecks, or, you know, feel these bricks underneath my hands.
Captain Jack Harkness: "Only in suffering do we recognise beauty".
Owen Harper: Yeah, yeah! Who said that?
Captain Jack Harkness: Proust.
Owen Harper: You've read Proust?
Captain Jack Harkness: Yeah. Well, no. We dated for a while, he was really immature.
Owen Harper: You know, none of us know whether to take you seriously when you say those things.
Captain Jack Harkness: When you've lived as long as I have, you don't make any more up.

Owen Harper: I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I can't shag. And they are three of my favourite things.
Gwen Cooper: Owen!
Owen Harper: I'm not the same, Gwen. I came back different. Hollow. Like I'm missing something. And I do not want to be like this. Okay? I'm ready.

[Martha has asked Owen to tell what death is like]
Owen Harper: There was a light, a tiny speck of light and I was rushing towards it, like down a corridor, and it got brighter, and brighter, then suddenly there were these gates... these big, pearly gates and there was this old geezer and he said, "You've been a very naughty boy!"

[repeated line]
Owen Harper: [demonic voice] Melenkurion abatha duroc minas mill khabaal.

"Torchwood: Greeks Bearing Gifts (#1.7)" (2006)
Gwen Cooper: Amanda Burton here has just finished the postmortem.
Owen Harper: Okay, I can explain.
Gwen Cooper: [cutting Owen off] As you may remember, Owen said said this was a woman killed by a single gunshot.
Owen Harper: I'd have been there in like a minute.
Gwen Cooper: Since then he has had to tweak some of his initial conclusions. The first being that this is not, in fact, a woman, but a man!
Owen Harper: A young man. A very girly man!
Gwen Cooper: But still, ultimately, a man. Then there was the cause of death. Owen said, GSW.
[makes a buzzer sound]
Gwen Cooper: The correct answer was...
Owen Harper: Unidentified trauma, but...
Toshiko Sato: Unidentified trauma?
Gwen Cooper: You see it in RTAs, when something like a post or steering column goes into the body at high velocity. However, the one thing that could be ruled out was...
Owen Harper: [sighing heavily] Gunshot wound.
Gwen Cooper: [smacking the railing with delight] Gunshot wound! So tell me, was there any part of your prognosis that was correct?
Owen Harper: I got that it was a... skeleton.
Gwen Cooper: [pointing dramatically] Yes you did! Yes you did!
Owen Harper: [as Tosh and Jack walk away] You've just passed the point of no return.
Gwen Cooper: [talking over Owen] Where did you train? Where did you train?
Owen Harper: I trained at...
Gwen Cooper: Did you train?
Owen Harper: Look...
Gwen Cooper: [off-screen as Jack and Tosh enter another room] Absolutely useless.

Owen Harper: D'you know what, Tosh? Sometimes I think even that stick up your arse has a stick up it's arse.

Owen Harper: Do me a favor. Just go over there, do your computer thing, and think about shoes? Thank you.

Owen Harper: [Gestures to a hole in a skeleton's rib cage] That remind you of anything?
Toshiko Sato: Um, that bit in _Alien_ where that thing bursts out of John Hurt?
Owen Harper: Mmm, I'm sorry, I should have been more specific. Does that remind you of anything helpful?

Owen Harper: So, I started looking into devil worship and stuff from that era, see if there's anything about plucking out hearts, and would you believe it, there's nothing. They ate eyeballs, they drank blood, they had sex with animals, but they did not pluck out each others' hearts, because obviously that would have been weird.

[the Torchwood team is investigating a 100+ year old murder victim]
Captain Jack Harkness: How's our friend there?
Owen Harper: She's dead.
Captain Jack Harkness: Yeah, thanks, Quincy.

"Torchwood: Ghost Machine (#1.3)" (2006)
Captain Jack Harkness: This kid, Bernie. Where does he live?
Toshiko Sato: Splott.
Owen Harper: Splott?
Ianto Jones: I believe estate agents pronounce it, 'Sploe'.

Toshiko Sato: The little boy? You said there was a name on the card around his neck?
Gwen Cooper: Flanagan. Tom Erasmus Flanagan.
Captain Jack Harkness: Unusual name, that'll help. Run a full check. Births, marriages, deaths. Criminal records, passports. However long it takes, wherever he is, we'll find him.
Owen Harper: Found him. Flanagan, Thomas Erasmus. 74 Bryneiron Terrace, Butetown.
Owen Harper: He's in the phone book.

Gwen Cooper: It was as real as this is. More real. I didn't just see that little boy, I could, I could hear what he was thinking. I could feel it. Like I was lost.
Owen Harper: Intense emotion can be part of a neurological event. Hallucinations, dementia...
Gwen Cooper: I wasn't hallucinating, Owen, and I'm not bloody senile!

Captain Jack Harkness: For the case to be reopened, you need new evidence or a new witness.
Owen Harper: I saw it happen.
Captain Jack Harkness: No, you didn't. You weren't there! You saw the echo of a moment amplified by alien technology. So just tell me how that'll play in court.

Owen Harper: Bernie Harris!
Bernie: Please don't hurt me.
Owen Harper: I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm gonna bloody kill you!

[Owen has a knife in Ed Morgan's face and speaks to him]
Owen Harper: Why should you get away with it?
Captain Jack Harkness: Owen...
Owen Harper: You said you were sorry, you said you didn't want to hurt her but you didn't stop!
Captain Jack Harkness: Owen!
Owen Harper: What if I didn't stop? Would I be sorry?

"Torchwood: Combat (#1.11)" (2006)
Owen Harper: [a bag of grapes is thrown onto the table near his hospital bed] You shouldn't have. No, really, you shouldn't. I hate grapes.

[Owen is preparing to enter the cage to fight the Weevil]
Mark Lynch: When you get in there, when you're up close with it, take a look into its eyes.
Owen Harper: Open the door!
Mark Lynch: It's like looking into the darkest recesses of your own soul.

Owen Harper: [about going undercover] I could do with being someone else right now.

Captain Jack Harkness: Where the hell have you been?
Owen Harper: Walking.
Captain Jack Harkness: Well, in your absence, Toshiko's had a great idea.
Owen Harper: Well, it had to happen sooner or later.

Captain Jack Harkness: You ask me, these guys are using Weevils to carry out the perfect murder. No fingerprints, no traces of recognisable DNA; a quick, guaranteed death. Nothing to connect anyone to the murder.
Owen Harper: Right. Should be a piece of piss to find the killer, then.

Owen Harper: [Owen answers his cellphone] This is Owen's voicemail. Don't leave a message.
Captain Jack Harkness: Nice try, Owen. I want you back at the hub immediately. We've got a Weevil murder, so get your bony little ass over here now.
Owen Harper: [hangs up on Jack]

"Torchwood: They Keep Killing Suzie (#1.8)" (2006)
Owen Harper: Give Ianto a stop watch and he's happy.
Ianto Jones: [smiles] It's the button on top.

Owen Harper: You know, we never gave a name to the Glove.
Toshiko Sato: I thought we called it the Resurrection Gauntlet.
Owen Harper: I said cool name.
Ianto Jones: How about the Rizzen-Mitten.
[beat, others stare Ianto in disbelief]
Ianto Jones: I think it's catchy.

Owen Harper: [as Jack gets the knife that joins with the Glove] Ianto?
Ianto Jones: [Deep breath] Life knife.

Owen Harper: B67, AKA-Retcon, AKA-The magic ingredient of the amnesia pill.
Gwen Cooper: And this belongs to us. Whoever this is it's someone we have the amnesia pill to.
Owen Harper: Is he remember that he's a serial killer, or is he becoming one because of the Retcon?
Gwen Cooper: Wait a minute. I've taken Retcon...
Captain Jack Harkness: ...Then, better stay away from sharp objects.

Owen Harper: Still, at least we've got a head start. If it's someone we've pissed off, that narrows it down to, oh, 4 or 5 million?
Captain Jack Harkness: And that's just the humans...

"Torchwood: Sleeper (#2.2)" (2008)
Gwen Cooper: It's just like going to sleep.
Owen Harper: Only a bit colder.

Ianto Jones: It's all over.
Owen Harper: [pauses] Let's all have sex.
Ianto Jones: [deadpan] And I thought the End of the World couldn't get any worse.

Owen Harper: How d'you know all that?
Ianto Jones: I know everything! And it says so on the bottom of the screen.

Toshiko Sato: No, I can't just hook something up! The entire telephone network is down.
Owen Harper: What about a mobile connection?
Toshiko Sato: [slowly] The. Entire. Telephone. Network. Is down!
Ianto Jones: Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string, everything, absolutely everything: no phones, phones all broken.
[holds up hand in imitation of telephone]
Ianto Jones: Hello? Anyone there? No! Cause the phones aren't working!

"Torchwood: Meat (#2.4)" (2008)
Owen Harper: So the protein chains are regenerating despite the mutilation, so not only is it replenishing its own flesh, but it's increasing it, giving them a brand new meat supply.
Gwen Cooper: It will last them for years, then.
Toshiko Sato: If we understood how it worked, we could feed the whole world!
Ianto Jones: [deadpan] We could release a single!

Captain Jack Harkness: [talking about the alien] We're going to save it. Stabilize it, wait for the rift to open, and, fwooh, send it back.
Ianto Jones: ...And guess who'll have to look after it in the meantime?
[later, at the end of the meeting]
Captain Jack Harkness: We are doing this. That's an order.
Owen Harper: Fine.
Ianto Jones: I'll stock up on plankton.

Captain Jack Harkness: Stun guns only.
Owen Harper: We've handled bigger than this. Why don't we just storm in, guns in the air, and arrest them?
Captain Jack Harkness: Those men aren't organized criminals. If we go in, guns blazing, they'll kill the evidence and run.
Owen Harper: Well, I wasn't suggesting blazing, just waving.

Ianto Jones: Pizza's arrived. I presumed it would be a late one.
Owen Harper: What did you get me?
Ianto Jones: Your usual, Meat Feast.
Owen Harper: [Owen looks disdainfully at alien meat he's examining] Lovely.

"Torchwood: Everything Changes (#1.1)" (2006)
Captain Jack Harkness: And before we go any further, who the hell orders pizza under the name of Torchwood?
Owen Harper: Uh yeah, that would be me, sorry I'm a twat.

Owen Harper: Shit. I said it was stupid, telling him he was dead.
Toshiko Sato: Well, you try it!
Owen Harper: Trust me, like that's going to work!
Captain Jack Harkness: Told the last corpse he was injured. He wasted the whole two minutes screaming for an ambulance.

Owen Harper: If it punches me again, I'm punching it right back!

Captain Jack Harkness: [introducing Gwen to the Torchwood members] Owen Harper, Gwen Cooper.
Owen Harper: Dr. Owen Harper, thank you.
Captain Jack Harkness: Toshiko Sato, computer genius. Suzie Costello, she's second in command. And this is Ianto Jones. Ianto cleans up after us and gets us everywhere on time.
Ianto Jones: I try my best.
Captain Jack Harkness: And he looks good in a suit.
Ianto Jones: [smiling] Careful. That's harassment, sir.

"Torchwood: Out of Time (#1.10)" (2006)
Diana Holmes: Do you have a girlfriend?
Owen Harper: No.
Diana Holmes: So who do all those beauty products belong to?
Owen Harper: Uh, me, actually.
Diana Holmes: No?
Owen Harper: Oi, real men can moisturise too, you know.

Owen Harper: I always thought the '50s were uptight, sexually repressed, you know.
Diana Holmes: You didn't invent it, you know.

Diana Holmes: So what other strides have women made?
Owen Harper: Well, under "strange but true", how about this? You don't have to have sex to have kids any more.
Diana Holmes: What? How come?
Owen Harper: Get yourself inseminated with a sort of syringe. Cheery little process. Seriously, men donate sperm anonymously. A little shuffle into a pot at a sperm bank. And they say romance is dead.

Owen Harper: I don't know if I can do this any more. This isn't how it works for me. I've slept with enough women, I've done the fuck buddies thing. This is not it. I can't concentrate. All I see is you, all I can think about is what you're wearing, what you're thinking, what your face looks like when you come. It's been, what, a week? And it's like, I don't know, when I'm not with you, um, I'm out of focus. How have you done this to me? I'm scared. I'm fucking scared.
Diana Holmes: I love you too.

"Torchwood: Something Borrowed (#2.9)" (2008)
[Tosh walks in wearing a dress for Gwen's wedding]
Owen Harper: Woo, woo, look at you.
Tosh: Do you like it?
Owen Harper: Drop dead gorgeous, Tosh. And I think I speak with some authority.

Captain Jack Harkness: What I don't understand is if people are going to make such a big deal about getting married, why come all the way out into the middle of nowhere where no one can find you to do it? That, to me, suggests inner conflict.
Ianto Jones: It's because the happy couple want everything to be perfect.
Owen Harper: An alien egg in your belly and its mother coming to rip you open. Yeah, perfect.

Owen Harper: [about Gwen] That's the kind of daughter every mother must dream of. Cool as ice, packing an automatic.

Captain Jack Harkness: [flipping through wedding dress catalogue] No, I like that one. Good choice.
Ianto Jones: I estimated Gwen's size from the Hub's security laser scans. As you know, my dad was a master tailor. He could size a man's inside leg measurement by his stride across the shop's threshold.
Captain Jack Harkness: Ah, the family eye. Remind me to test it sometime.
Ianto Jones: Well, if, uh, later on...
Owen Harper: Jack!
Ianto Jones: Yeah, brilliant. Like that one.
Owen Harper: We've got a problem.

"Torchwood: Fragments (#2.12)" (2008)
Owen Harper: [upon seeing a bomb at his feet] Snap!

Owen Harper: If you're not a figment of my imagination, then I don't know what's happening any more. Maybe this is what a mental breakdown feels like.
Captain Jack Harkness: You're fine. It's the rest of the world that's delusional.

Captain Jack Harkness: Owen. Why did you become a doctor?
Owen Harper: I thought if I could save one life, mine would be worthwhile. But you save one, and there's another and another, all clawing at you, demanding to be saved. And even if you do succeed, you can never save enough.
Captain Jack Harkness: Maybe here you can.

"Torchwood: End of Days (#1.13)" (2007)
Owen Harper: We need to be prepared. We're helpless. All we're doing here is putting sticking plasters on gaping wounds!
Captain Jack Harkness: What do you suggest?
Owen Harper: I suggest you lead us and you tell us what the instructions are.
Gwen Cooper: Owen.
Owen Harper: No, come on. You're all thinking it too. You're the big man here. You keep all the secrets. Well, now's the time to tell us a few and tell us how the hell we're going to get out of this!
Captain Jack Harkness: You wanna know the secret? There is no solution. I can't fix this. Because this was never meant to happen. The first thing you learned when you joined Torchwood is 'don't mess with the Rift'. But you disobeyed those orders, and now everything that's happening is down to you.
Gwen Cooper: I only disobeyed instructions to get you back!
Captain Jack Harkness: And now people are dying.
Owen Harper: What, so I shouldn't have bothered? Who the fuck are you anyway, Jack Harkness? You don't even exist. We've looked. So if you're not even a real person, then why the hell should I follow your orders?
Captain Jack Harkness: Get out.

[the team are planning to open the rift but Jack is trying to stop them]
Captain Jack Harkness: Gwen Cooper, so in love with your boyfriend you spend half your life in Owen's bed.
Gwen Cooper: [Gwen punches Jack in the face and he falls to the ground] Fuck you.
Owen Harper: [Owen points a gun at Jack's head] We're relieving you of your command, Captain.

[last lines]
Owen Harper: I thought we tidied up in here. What's the matter?
Gwen Cooper: He was just here. Something's taken him; Jack's gone.

"Torchwood: Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (#2.1)" (2008)
Gwen Cooper: All I'm saying is: You are speeding, and there are children.
Owen Harper: Well, if kids are out at midnight, they've got it coming.

Owen Harper: What are we gonna do when we catch it?
Toshiko Sato: Jack would know.
Owen Harper: Yeah, well Jack's not here, is he. Jack's disappeared. Fat lot of good Jack is.

Gwen Cooper: You left us, Jack!
Captain Jack Harkness: [sigh] I know, I'm sorry.
Gwen Cooper: We knew nothing, Jack!
Toshiko Sato: Where were you?
Captain Jack Harkness: [smiles] I found my Doctor.
Owen Harper: Did he fix you?
Captain Jack Harkness: What's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection.
Ianto Jones: [softly] Are you going back to him?
Captain Jack Harkness: I came back for you.
Captain Jack Harkness: All of you.

"Torchwood: Exit Wounds (#2.13)" (2008)
Owen Harper: I'm gonna rage my way to oblivion!
Toshiko Sato: Please don't.
Owen Harper: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't keep bloody screaming.
Toshiko Sato: Because you're breaking my heart.
Owen Harper: I'm sorry.

Owen Harper: We never did get that date, did we? You and me? We sort of missed each other. It was my fault. I didn't - I didn't notice until it was too late. I'm sorry.
Toshiko Sato: Me, too.

"Torchwood: Captain Jack Harkness (#1.12)" (2007)
Ianto Jones: Maybe this is a trap. He could be sucking us back through time one by one.
[to Gwen, via phone]
Ianto Jones: Get out of there, Gwen. That's an order.
Owen Harper: I'm sorry, but who exactly put you in charge?

Ianto Jones: You have to let Diane go. Like I did with Lisa.
Owen Harper: Don't compare yourself to me. You're just a tea boy.
Ianto Jones: I'm much more than that. Jack needs me.
Owen Harper: In your dreams, Ianto. In your sad wet dreams when you're his part-time shag, maybe. That rift took my lover and my captain. So if I die trying to beat it, then it will all be in the line of duty.

"Torchwood: Cyberwoman (#1.4)" (2006)
Gwen Cooper: What the hell was that?
Owen Harper: What?
Gwen Cooper: Snogging me.
Owen Harper: Last kiss for the condemned man. Embarrassing given that we haven't been killed.

Toshiko Sato: All I'm saying is, once in a while I'd like to drive.
Owen Harper: Yeah, and all I'm saying is no!
Toshiko Sato: Why not?
Owen Harper: I've shared cars with women before, I know what'll happen. They'll be an emergency, we're all raring to go, I jump in and what'll I find? Seat's in the wrong position, the rear view mirror's out of line and the steering wheel's in my crotch. By the time it's all sorted out, aliens will have taken Newport.

"Torchwood: Adrift (#2.11)" (2008)
Gwen Cooper: So, is that it, then? We just sweep it under the carpet?
Owen Harper: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change."
Gwen Cooper: Oh, bollocks to serenity!
Owen Harper: For a lovely girl, you've got a very dirty mouth.

"Torchwood: Reset (#2.6)" (2008)
Owen Harper: So, you and Jack go back a long way?
Martha Jones: Forward and back really.

"Torchwood: Adam (#2.5)" (2008)
[Jack has put his team into a trance-like state and asked them to try and rediscover their real selves]
Gwen Cooper: [about Rhys] I love him. But not in the way I love you.
Captain Jack Harkness: [gives Gwen a RetCon pill] Take this.
Toshiko Sato: Knowing there has to be more to life than this. Knowing I'm special. Waiting for someone to see it.
Captain Jack Harkness: I saw it.
Owen Harper: You save one life, a hundred lives, but it's never enough. Who'll save me?
Captain Jack Harkness: I will.
Ianto Jones: Coming here, it gave me meaning again. You.
[Jack kisses Ianto]

"Torchwood: To the Last Man (#2.3)" (2008)
[last lines]
Toshiko Sato: He trusted me. Right to the end.
Owen Harper: Because you were strong. All of this is still here, because of you.
Toshiko Sato: Because of Tommy. Let's hope we're worth it.

"Torchwood: From Out of the Rain (#2.10)" (2008)
Gwen Cooper: You did stand-up.
Captain Jack Harkness: I never did stand-up.
Gwen Cooper: Okay, then. A song and dance.
Captain Jack Harkness: I was sensational!
Toshiko Sato: I don't believe this, Jack. What were you doing there?
Owen Harper: He was part of this freak show.
Captain Jack Harkness: Yeah, some things never change.
Owen Harper: Are you being rude about me?