Gwen Cooper
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Quotes for
Gwen Cooper (Character)
from "Torchwood" (2006)

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"Torchwood: Day One (#1.2)" (2006)
Captain Jack Harkness: You want to prove yourself? Find her. Get your old pals in the police to do something useful for once.
Gwen Cooper: All right, I'll give them a call. Put out an A.P.B. "Woman posessed by gas knobbing fellas to death."

Captain Jack Harkness: Alright, usual formation.
Gwen Cooper: What's the usual formation?
Owen Harper: Varies.
Gwen Cooper: How can the usual formation vary?

Gwen Cooper: [questioning an alien] Right sorry. Just to recap, you've traveled here to feed off orgasmic energy?

Owen Harper: Make yourself useful, sweetheart, pass us the big chisel from the toolbox.
Gwen Cooper: It's Gwen, not sweetheart. One syllable, I'm sure you can manage it.
Owen Harper: Not sweet cheeks, then? New girl?
Gwen Cooper: Shame your tool's not big enough for the job.

Toshiko Sato: You've got a boyfriend?
Gwen Cooper: Yeah. You?
Toshiko Sato: Haven't got time with this job.
Gwen Cooper: What about you?
Owen Harper: You gotta be joking. I can get all the grief I need here.
Gwen Cooper: None of you have partners?
Owen Harper: Just you.
Gwen Cooper: I'm not being rude or anything- well, maybe I am, but- how do you switch off from all this? What do you do to relax?
Owen Harper: I torture people in happy relationships.

Gwen Cooper: That girl's body has been overrun by I don't know what, and you think it's a joke?
Owen Harper: Jesus, sorry!
Gwen Cooper: We should be helping her, she's not some lab rat.
Owen Harper: No, she's a murderer. And you were the one who wanted her caught. How come suddenly she's your best friend?
Captain Jack Harkness: [to Gwen] You know, strictly speaking, throttling the staff is my job.
Ianto Jones: [entering] Who wants Chinese?

Gwen Cooper: I don't know anything.
Owen Harper: Not who he is, not where he's from, not anything. Except... him being gay.
Gwen Cooper: No he's not. really, do you think?
Toshiko Sato: Owen does, I don't.
Ianto Jones: And I don't care.
Owen Harper: Period military is not the dress code of a straight man.
Gwen Cooper: I think it suits him. Sort of classic.
Toshiko Sato: Exactly! I've watched him in action, he'll shag anything if it's gorgeous enough.
Gwen Cooper: We know he's from America, right?
Owen Harper: Don't even know that for sure.
Toshiko Sato: No US citizen by the name of Jack Harkness born in the last fifty years.
Gwen Cooper: Maybe his identity's classified.
Ianto Jones: Used to be something big in the CIA, that's what I reckon.
Gwen Cooper: He must have his reasons for wanting to keep things secret.
Owen Harper: Sure he has. Doesn't stop me from wanting to know.

Gwen Cooper: Is this CrimInt? This is the police computer system, you shouldn't have this.
Captain Jack Harkness: Might wanna stop saying "you" and start saying "we".

Gwen Cooper: What about his family? You can't just fake his death!
Captain Jack Harkness: You want to tell his family he died screwing an alien?

Private Moriarty: Who the hell are you?
Gwen Cooper: Hi. Sorry.
Sgt. Johnson: This area's restricited.
Gwen Cooper: No, it's alright. I'm with Special Ops. I'm Special Ops. Torchwood? I'm with Torchwood.
Sgt. Johnson: Don't mess with me, little girl. You're not with Torchwood. And even if you were...
Captain Jack Harkness: [pushing past] You'd have put out the welcome banners. Now, first of all, she's no little girl. From where I'm standing, all the right curves in all the right places. But she is Torchwood, we both are, and we'd appreciate it if you'd leave us to do the real work.

Captain Jack Harkness: So what's our next move?
Owen Harper: Stop the entire city of Cardiff from shagging?
Gwen Cooper: Put bromide in the water supply.
Captain Jack Harkness: No. Too hit and miss.
Owen Harper: Yeah, and the water company got really pissed off the last time we did that.

Gwen Cooper: God, this has been the worst first day ever.

Captain Jack Harkness: [watching CCTV] Wow.
Toshiko Sato: My God!
Gwen Cooper: He just...
Captain Jack Harkness: Came and went.
Owen Harper: Now that's how I'd like to go.
Toshiko Sato: I'm sure we could arrange it.

Gwen Cooper: So what's that supposed to do?
Captain Jack Harkness: I'm using satellite tracking data to determine the inward trajectory of the meteorite.
Toshiko Sato: He means he's trying to find out where its come from.
Captain Jack Harkness: Hey, sometimes a little techno-babble is good for the soul.

Gwen Cooper: I mean it was just gas, wasn't it? Can't be too bad. Can it?
Owen Harper: Right, because gas never did anyone any harm.

"Torchwood: Everything Changes (#1.1)" (2006)
Gwen Cooper: He was murdered.
Toshiko Sato: Yeah.
Gwen Cooper: And you covered it up?
Toshiko Sato: It's my job.

Gwen Cooper: But those people last night, those people in the car. Who were they? Who's Torchwood?
PC Andy: Dunno. Special ops.
Gwen Cooper: Yes, but what does that mean?

Gwen Cooper: But... but they can see the lift! Why aren't they, I mean... we are right out in the open, they can see everything!
Captain Jack Harkness: Do they look like they can see us?
Gwen Cooper: No, but look at us! We couldn't be any more public!
Captain Jack Harkness: [calling to passers-by] Hello! Hey, you there, hello!
[to Gwen]
Captain Jack Harkness: It's called the perception filter. He can sort of see us, but we don't quite register, just like something in the corner of your eye. It only works on this exact spot. Step off... hi! Nice night. Ooh, hello we are perceived.
Gwen Cooper: How does it work?
Captain Jack Harkness: No idea. We know how to use it, not how it happens, but if I were to guess, I would say that there was once a dimensionally transcendental chameleon circuit placed right on this spot which welded its perception properties to a spacio-temporal rift. But that sounds kinda ridiculous. Invisible lift has got more of a ring to it, don't'cha think?

Gwen Cooper: The thing is, I just don't understand...
Captain Jack Harkness: No, I tell you what I don't understand, you're going to rattle on with that "how can this be true" kinda shtick. What's it gonna take for you people? If you want evidence of aliens, how about that great big spaceship hovering over London on Christmas day? What about the battle of Canary Wharf, a Cyberman in every home?
Gwen Cooper: My boyfriend says it's like a sort of terrorism, that they'd put drugs in the water supplies, psychotropic drugs causing mass hallucinations and stuff.
Captain Jack Harkness: Yeah, well your boyfriend's stupid.
Gwen Cooper: Oh, you've met him.

Gwen Cooper: So go on then. How the hell did you end up in Cardiff?
Captain Jack Harkness: This is Torchwood Three. Torchwood One was London, destroyed in the battle. Torchwood Two is an office in Glasgow, very strange man. Torchwood Three, Cardiff. Torchwood Four's kind of gone missing but we'll find it one day.

Gwen Cooper: I remember... I remember

Gwen Cooper: Owen and Toshiko, you didn't tell them that you were shot in the head and survived.
Captain Jack Harkness: You didn't tell them either. Followed my lead. Keep doing that, you might just get through this.
Gwen Cooper: But she killed you!
Captain Jack Harkness: I can't die.
Gwen Cooper: Ok!
Captain Jack Harkness: But I can't. Something happened to me a while back. Long story and far away. But I was killed, and I was brought back to life, and since then, I can't die.
Gwen Cooper: But how...?
Captain Jack Harkness: I don't know. One day I'll find a doctor, the right sort of doctor, and maybe he can explain it, but until then...
Gwen Cooper: Nothing kills you?
Captain Jack Harkness: Well, it kinda freaks people out. Best if you don't say anything.

Gwen Cooper: That's good, that's a good mask sort of thing.

Gwen Cooper: And who are you, then?
Captain Jack Harkness: Captain Jack Harkness.
Gwen Cooper: I did some research. And there's only one Captain Jack Harkness on record and he disappeared in 1941.
Captain Jack Harkness: Well, that couldn't be me... Could it?

Gwen Cooper: So, you catch aliens?
Captain Jack Harkness: Yep.
Gwen Cooper: You catch aliens for a living.
Captain Jack Harkness: Yes, we do.
Gwen Cooper: You're an alien catcher.
Captain Jack Harkness: Yes, I am.
Gwen Cooper: Caught any good aliens?
Captain Jack Harkness: Tons of them.
Gwen Cooper: That's a hell of a job.
Captain Jack Harkness: [chuckling] Sure is.

Captain Jack Harkness: How's your drink?
Gwen Cooper: Have you poisoned me?
Captain Jack Harkness: Don't be so dramatic. It's an amnesia pill. My own recipe with a touch of denial and a dash of retcon. Wake up tomorrow morning and you'll have forgotten everything about Torchwood. Worse still, you'll have forgotten me. Which is kind of tragic.

Captain Jack Harkness: We don't just catch aliens. We scavenge the stuff they leave behind, find ways of using it, arming the human race for the future. The 21st century's when it all changes, and you gotta be ready.
Gwen Cooper: But who's in charge of you? Is it the government, or what?
Captain Jack Harkness: We're separate from the government, outside the police, beyond the United Nations. Cause if one power got hold of this stuff, they could use it for their own purposes.

Gwen Cooper: You bastard!
Captain Jack Harkness: [completely unoffended] Likely...

Yvonne: No sign of a Captain Jack Harkness.
Gwen Cooper: Did you search outside Cardiff?
Yvonne: No, that never even occurred to me. 'Course I did. I went nationwide. There's about fifteen Jacks and Johns with that surname, none of them's a captain.
Gwen Cooper: Suppose he could've made it up.
Yvonne: The only Captain Jack Harkness on record is American.
Gwen Cooper: That's it, he's American.
Yvonne: And you forgot to tell me.
Gwen Cooper: So who is he?
Yvonne: American volunteer. Royal Air Force. 133 Squadron. Except he disappeared. Vanished off the records, presumed dead.
Gwen Cooper: When was that?
Yvonne: 1941, at the height of the Blitz. On the morning of January the 21st, 1941, Captain Jack Harkness failed to report for duty. Never seen again until now. What's going on, Gwen, you seeing ghosts?

"Torchwood: Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (#2.1)" (2008)
Gwen Cooper: What happened to Jack? He should be here!
Captain John Hart: What I've been saying all along: unreliable.
Gwen Cooper: Shut up!
Captain John Hart: [looking out the window] I think I'm starting to see what he likes about this place: she's beautiful, he's stunning...
Gwen Cooper: Do you ever stop?
Captain John Hart: What? Five minutes to live, you want me to behave? Oh, that's gorgeous.
Gwen Cooper: That's a poodle.
Captain John Hart: [savagely] That's nice.

[first lines]
Gwen Cooper: [to an old woman] Excuse me, have you seen a blowfish driving a sports car?
[woman points]
Gwen Cooper: Thank you.
[they drive on]
Old Woman: Bloody Torchwood.

Gwen Cooper: All I'm saying is: You are speeding, and there are children.
Owen Harper: Well, if kids are out at midnight, they've got it coming.

Gwen Cooper: Can you deal with the body when it's cold?
Ianto Jones: My pleasure, unless you'll be making sushi.

Gwen Cooper: You left us, Jack!
Captain Jack Harkness: [sigh] I know, I'm sorry.
Gwen Cooper: We knew nothing, Jack!
Toshiko Sato: Where were you?
Captain Jack Harkness: [smiles] I found my Doctor.
Owen Harper: Did he fix you?
Captain Jack Harkness: What's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection.
Ianto Jones: [softly] Are you going back to him?
Captain Jack Harkness: I came back for you.
Captain Jack Harkness: All of you.

[last lines]
Captain John Hart: Oh. By the way. Meant to tell you, I found Gray.
Gwen Cooper: Who's Gray?
Captain Jack Harkness: It's nothing.
Captain Jack Harkness: Let's get back to work.

Gwen Cooper: [dragging John towards the crack in the rift] We have to go!
Captain John Hart: Woah! What about a last minute rescue? What's the point of being on a team if you don't get a last minute rescue?

Gwen Cooper: [heavily annoyed] You are unbelievable.
Captain John Hart: [smugly] And yet you still find me strangely attractive.

Captain Jack Harkness: [about John] Three rules. One, don't believe anything he say. Two, always keep him in front of you. And three, under no circumstances let him kiss you.
Gwen Cooper: As if I would!
Captain John Hart: Has he got to the "no kissing" rule yet? He only invented that one because he wants me all to himself.

"Torchwood: Miracle Day: Rendition (#4.2)" (2011)
Gwen Cooper: [Gwen to Jack as they're fleeing CIA agents after landing Dulles Airport] Even if we can get past how do we get out? Y'know what U.S. immigration is like at the best of times.
Rex Matheson: [Re-joining Jack and Gwen after a fistfight with other agents during which Jack and Gwen ditched him] Hey what the hell are you waitin' around here for?
Gwen Cooper: We're stuck! Thanks to you!
Rex Matheson: [Aghast] Oh my god you two are idiots, you're already landside! Take a look around you're at the baggage claim for *domestic* flights! We can just walk out of here! Now come on and follow me.
Gwen Cooper: Hey! You get us arrested, okay, you break up my family, you nearly get Jack killed, why should we go anywhere with you?
Rex Matheson: Because I have a *car*,
[to Jack]
Rex Matheson: Here, take y'thing
[Tosses Jack his Vortex Manipulator]
Captain Jack Harkness: [to uniformed security officer] Excuse me sir, those two men over there in the black suits?
[Points at pursuing agents]
Captain Jack Harkness: I think I overheard them talking about a bomb.

Captain Jack Harkness: [Danny hands Jack and Gwen beverages] Thanks.
Gwen Cooper: When do we land?
Danny: [Dismissive] I'm still not allowed to talk!

Rex Matheson: Hey, uh, I just remembered, there's one final piece of legislation necessary to make this a full and proper rendition. And according to recent amendments to U.S. Code Section 3184 and Section 3185 in transferring prisoners from air side to land side, the law clearly states that, ah, once they touch down on American soil, they have free and easy access to one very important thing.
Gwen Cooper: And what's that?
Rex Matheson: Bullshit.

Gwen Cooper: That was your last chance.
Lyn Peterfield: Yeah? What are you going to do about it. If you're the best England has to offer, God help you.
Gwen Cooper: I'm Welsh.
[Gwen punches her out]

Gwen Cooper: [getting in a Mini Cooper] What kind of a getaway car is this? I thought you Americans had these big SUVs. This is rubbish.

Gwen Cooper: You went to supervise him, that's what you said. Supervise. Who needs supervising pouring a drink? What did you supervise, exactly?
Lyn Peterfield: So now you're accusing anyone.
Gwen Cooper: It's either you or the big gay steward. So that means only you.
Danny: I'm not gay.

Gwen Cooper: Welcome to Torchwood!

Danny: Be careful, that's my favorite tie!
Gwen Cooper: Yeah, and you're definitely not gay...
Danny: It was one time, okay?

"Torchwood: Miracle Day: The Blood Line (#4.10)" (2011)
[first lines]
Gwen Cooper: When I was about five or six, my Dad came home from work early and I knew there was something wrong. I could hear voices from the kitchen. So I looked through the door and I could see him crying. It turns out money had gone missing from work and he'd got the blame. So I went to get all my pocket money and I put it in his hand. It must've been $2.50. And he looked at me and he said, "It's not about the money." He said "I can't stand anyone thinking I'm not an honest man." I will always remember that. Always. 'Cause that was the first time in my life that anyone had spoken to me like an adult. And then we went in the back garden and we played until dark. So that's my Dad, Geraint Wyn Cooper, the nicest man in the world. And today's the day that I kill him.

Oswald Danes: Speaking as man who's walked to his death, can I say I did it with a lot less sentiment?
Gwen Cooper: [aims gun at Oswald] Just you wait. If this goes right, murder's coming back.

The Mother: It is said that it reflects your own self back at you. What can you see?
Gwen Cooper: Enough guilt to last me a lifetime. But that's okay. I'm a working mother. I don't need The Blessing to tell me that.
The Mother: And you, Jack?
Captain Jack Harkness: I've lived so many lives. And now I can see them all. Hey. Not so bad.

Gwen Cooper: You're the expert. What is it?
Captain Jack Harkness: The world's been turning for over four billion years. There's so much buried under its skin. The Doctor used to say there's a Silurian mythology, Huon particles, Racnoss energy, an expansion of their hibernation matrix, maybe.
Gwen Cooper: You don't bloody know, do you?
Captain Jack Harkness: No.

Gwen Cooper: It's been here since the Earth began?
Captain Jack Harkness: Could be.
Gwen Cooper: Yeah. Oh, it has. I can feel it. We're so used to these things being extraterrestrial, but those must be the most terrestrial thing of them all. Wow.

Rex Matheson: You've seen immortality. I'm living it. Why would you want this?
The Cousin: This is only stage one.
Gwen Cooper: But you ruined the world out there!
The Mother: The Miracle shocked the economy. The economy collapsed. We tear down in order to rebuild. And now it's almost within sight - the new world.
Gwen Cooper: Yeah, with no room for the poor, the weak and the ones who don't fit in.
The Mother: That's the way the world works now. We're just making it official. The families have just been waiting. Now we can step in to control the banks. The banks control the government. The government controls the people. Soon we'll be able to decide who lives, how long, where and why.
Jilly Kitzinger: [relieved sigh] It's about time.
Gwen Cooper: Oh great, so it's about the world according to Kitzinger, is it?
Jilly Kitzinger: Listen, you can bleed your liberal heart all over the place, but are you really going to tell me the world was working before? 'Cause I have worked for the rich, the powerful, and the obese. I have stared into the high end of the Western Society and let me tell you, it's like shoveling an open sewer. These families - they want to make the world fitter, more compact, more disciplined. I like the sound of that. That sounds like salvation.

Gwen Cooper: [narrating] And that's what I did. In a pit of old Shanghai. I brought death back to the world. They said it was like a breath - the breath that went around the whole wide world. The last breath. And then no more. We said goodbye to them then - the Dads and the Moms, the sick and the old, the friends and the neighbors and the people we once met. And the people whose names we never knew. We said goodbye to them all on the day that death came back.

Gwen Cooper: [punching Jilly] How much bloody lipstick can you wear?

"Torchwood: End of Days (#1.13)" (2007)
Owen Harper: We need to be prepared. We're helpless. All we're doing here is putting sticking plasters on gaping wounds!
Captain Jack Harkness: What do you suggest?
Owen Harper: I suggest you lead us and you tell us what the instructions are.
Gwen Cooper: Owen.
Owen Harper: No, come on. You're all thinking it too. You're the big man here. You keep all the secrets. Well, now's the time to tell us a few and tell us how the hell we're going to get out of this!
Captain Jack Harkness: You wanna know the secret? There is no solution. I can't fix this. Because this was never meant to happen. The first thing you learned when you joined Torchwood is 'don't mess with the Rift'. But you disobeyed those orders, and now everything that's happening is down to you.
Gwen Cooper: I only disobeyed instructions to get you back!
Captain Jack Harkness: And now people are dying.
Owen Harper: What, so I shouldn't have bothered? Who the fuck are you anyway, Jack Harkness? You don't even exist. We've looked. So if you're not even a real person, then why the hell should I follow your orders?
Captain Jack Harkness: Get out.

Gwen Cooper: This is what happens here. We all end up alone. Not me. No way. You bring him back.
Captain Jack Harkness: No.
Gwen Cooper: The resurrection gauntlet...
Ianto Jones: Was destroyed.
Gwen Cooper: You've gotta have something else.
Captain Jack Harkness: I said no.
Gwen Cooper: No, there's something wrong with time so we, we can go back and, to the moment, to the very moment...
Captain Jack Harkness: Gwen!
Gwen Cooper: Well there's got to be, there's got to be something that you can do, otherwise what's the fucking point of you! You bring him back! You bring him back, do you understand me Jack fucking Harkness?
Captain Jack Harkness: I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Gwen Cooper: I've got to get Rhys back.
Captain Jack Harkness: Yeah, you're so in love with Rhys, you spend half your time in Owen's bed.
Gwen Cooper: [Gwen punches Jack in the face] Fuck you!

Gwen Cooper: Jack, what would have tempted you? What visions would have convinced you to open the Rift?
Captain Jack Harkness: The right kind of Doctor.

[the team are planning to open the rift but Jack is trying to stop them]
Captain Jack Harkness: Gwen Cooper, so in love with your boyfriend you spend half your life in Owen's bed.
Gwen Cooper: [Gwen punches Jack in the face and he falls to the ground] Fuck you.
Owen Harper: [Owen points a gun at Jack's head] We're relieving you of your command, Captain.

[last lines]
Owen Harper: I thought we tidied up in here. What's the matter?
Gwen Cooper: He was just here. Something's taken him; Jack's gone.

Gwen Cooper: [Rushing into the cell as the power comes back on, she sees Rhys lying in a large pool of blood] No! Rhys! No, please please God!
[She cradles him in her arms as Jack searches his neck for a pulse, and finds none]
Gwen Cooper: We-we can bring him back!
Captain Jack Harkness: Gwen, Gwen there's nothing we can do.
Gwen Cooper: Yes there is!
[she clutches Rhys closer to her]
Gwen Cooper: My boy! What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?
[she screams in pain and agony, punching Jack on the shoulder]
Gwen Cooper: No! Noooooo!

"Torchwood: Ghost Machine (#1.3)" (2006)
Toshiko Sato: The little boy? You said there was a name on the card around his neck?
Gwen Cooper: Flanagan. Tom Erasmus Flanagan.
Captain Jack Harkness: Unusual name, that'll help. Run a full check. Births, marriages, deaths. Criminal records, passports. However long it takes, wherever he is, we'll find him.
Owen Harper: Found him. Flanagan, Thomas Erasmus. 74 Bryneiron Terrace, Butetown.
Owen Harper: He's in the phone book.

Rhys Williams: Are you in or out tonight?
Gwen Cooper: I don't know.
Rhys Williams: Gwen, I can live with all the Secret Squirrel stuff, but if you can't even tell me if you're coming home...
Gwen Cooper: Well, nagging isn't helping.
Rhys Williams: Right, well, that's me told.

Captain Jack Harkness: [pointing at table of guns] You need to know how to use these, though I hope you never have to.
Gwen Cooper: So, do I?
[giggles nervously]
Gwen Cooper: I'm sorry, it's just, I don't even kill spiders in the bath.
Captain Jack Harkness: Nor do I. Not with a gun.

Gwen Cooper: It was as real as this is. More real. I didn't just see that little boy, I could, I could hear what he was thinking. I could feel it. Like I was lost.
Owen Harper: Intense emotion can be part of a neurological event. Hallucinations, dementia...
Gwen Cooper: I wasn't hallucinating, Owen, and I'm not bloody senile!

Gwen Cooper: When do you get to go home? You seem to live here. You don't, do you?
Captain Jack Harkness: Gotta be ready. The twenty-first century's when it all changes. And I hate the commute.
Gwen Cooper: Where do you sleep?
Captain Jack Harkness: I don't.
Gwen Cooper: Doesn't it get lonely at night?
[Jack doesn't answer]

Rhys Williams: Look, I don't mind you working all the hours, I really don't, just as long as you still want to come home at the end of it all.
Gwen Cooper: I do. I'm here. And you're gorgeous.

"Torchwood: Countrycide (#1.6)" (2006)
[Owen is preparing an injection for an injured Gwen]
Owen Harper: All right, you want a quip about feeling a small prick?
Gwen Cooper: No, but thanks for offering.
[laughs nervously]

Owen Harper: What is that smell?
Gwen Cooper: That would be grass.
Owen Harper: It's disgusting.

Owen Harper: [Owen has just been slammed against a tree by Gwen for commenting on her sex life] See old Rhys makes the Earth rumble, but he don't make it move, does he?
Gwen Cooper: You better shut up before I lump you up!
Owen Harper: [spinning Gwen around and slamming her against the tree, speaking as she struggles] When was the last time you screwed all night? When was the last time you came so hard and so long you forgot where you are?
[Gwen begins to struggle less]
Owen Harper: Don't you ever think you're too familiar? Whereas you and me... we're not cozy at all.
[pressing his face to Gwen's as he hisses]
Owen Harper: We'd be AMAZING. And that scares the shit out of you.
Gwen Cooper: [jumping as she sees movement through the trees] Someone - someone's watching us. Through the trees. Fifty yards north, I just saw them move.
Owen Harper: You got your gun?
Gwen Cooper: Yes.
Owen Harper: You go to the left. I'll go right.
[both are visibly shaking and fighting themselves for control]
Owen Harper: Three... two... one.
[they pull away and take off running]

Owen Harper: [holding up a piece of shot he has just dug out of Gwen's side] You beauty.
[to Gwen]
Owen Harper: Come on. I'm good.
Gwen Cooper: Not bad.

[last lines]
Gwen Cooper: I had a good job before this. I thought in a year or two, perhaps a baby, I know Rhys would be a good dad, and I could try for desk sergeant, and... Well, it was all sorting into place. And then I met you lot. All these things... all these things that change in me. Changing how I see the world. And I can't share them with anyone.
Owen Harper: You can now.

"Torchwood: Something Borrowed (#2.9)" (2008)
Captain Jack Harkness: Passed the eggs on in the bite. Some species do that. A kind of sneaky way of keeping the bloodline going. Boy, would Darwin have a field day if he'd made it to space.
Gwen Cooper: [sarcastically] Mmm! Yeah, great!

Gwen Cooper: [about marriage] You know, Tosh, it'll happen for you, one day. There's always Owen.
Tosh: I don't think so. "In sickness and in health, till death do us part"? That's going to sound like a bad joke, isn't it?

Gwen Cooper: We're not postponing the wedding. No way.
Rhys Williams: Forget the money, I want you where they can look after you, right? Getting married today doesn't matter.
Gwen Cooper: It matters to me! It's not about the money, Rhys. I want to marry you! Today. Whatever happens. If the skies suddenly fill full of spaceships, or an army of Weevils climb out of the drains on St. Mary's Street, you fool! Do you not understand what I'm saying, Rhys Williams? All I want to do today is marry you. That's all I want to do.

Rhys Williams: You all right?
Gwen Cooper: I'm running around in a wedding dress with what feels like a keg of lager stuck up my skirt. What do you think, Rhys?

Gwen Cooper: What will you do while I'm gone?
Captain Jack Harkness: Oh, the usual. Pizza, Ianto, save the world a couple of times.

"Torchwood: Sleeper (#2.2)" (2008)
Beth: [to Jack] Will it hurt?
Captain Jack Harkness: Yes.
Beth: Your bedside manner's rubbish.
Gwen Cooper: You should see his manners in bed. They're atrocious!... apparently. So I've heard.
Ianto Jones: Oh they are. I remember this one time...
Captain Jack Harkness: [clears throat forcefully]

Gwen Cooper: It's just like going to sleep.
Owen Harper: Only a bit colder.

Toshiko Sato: [as Captain Jack takes an alien artifact out of a box] You said we weren't allowed to use that again.
Captain Jack Harkness: It's just a mind probe.
Ianto Jones: Remember what happened the last time you used it?
Captain Jack Harkness: That was different. That species has extremely high blood pressure.
Ianto Jones: All right, their heads must explode all the time.
Gwen Cooper: Jack, we can't do this. What if you're wrong? If she is human, it'll kill her.
Captain Jack Harkness: I'm not wrong. We have to find out what she is.
Toshiko Sato: Take it easy, Jack. Stop at the first sign of trouble.
Ianto Jones: Or the first sign of exploding.

Gwen Cooper: Do you feel human?
Beth: Yes.
Gwen Cooper: Yes, well, then you are. What makes us human? Is it our minds or our bodies?

"Torchwood: Children of Earth: Day One (#3.1)" (2009)
Gwen Cooper: Who's back?
Captain Jack: What's he doing?
Ianto Jones: Waiting, just like you said. He's been there 20 minutes.
Captain Jack: Persistent.
Ianto Jones: Good sign.
Captain Jack: Dogmatic.
Ianto Jones: Always a plus.
Gwen Cooper: Oh, Christ, never work with a couple, you two talk like twins!

Gwen Cooper: [mockingly] Oh my God, Severn Bridge. I'm going into England. Farewell forever.
Rhys Williams: [mock-concerned] Good luck. Have you got currency?
Gwen Cooper: Yes, and I've had my injections.

Rupesh Patanjali: [after Jack and Ianto go into the headquarters] What's in there?
Gwen Cooper: Big science-fiction superbase. Honestly, see you.

Rupesh Patanjali: The thing is we've all seen it now, the past few years - alien life. Even though half the world's still denying it. For me...
Rupesh Patanjali: . Okay... it's the suicides. The past few years suicide rates have doubled, and that's ever since the first alien. My first case, my first death was a suicide. Do you know why she did it? Because she'd written all these letters, she'd been a Christian all her life, and then alien life appears. She wrote this bit, she said - "It's like science has won."
Gwen Cooper: Loss of faith.
Rupesh Patanjali: More than that. She said she saw her place in the universe, and it was tiny. She died because she thought she was nothing.
Gwen Cooper: I went through that. Even now I get terrified. But at the same time, it is brilliant, and beautiful, and completely bloody magic.

"Torchwood: Children of Earth: Day Five (#3.5)" (2009)
[first lines]
Gwen Cooper: There's one thing I always meant to ask Jack. Back in the old days. I wanted to know about that Doctor of his. The man who appears out of nowhere and saves the world. Except sometimes he doesn't. All those times in history when there was no sign of him, I wanted to know why not. But I don't need to ask any more. I know the answer now. Sometimes the Doctor must look at this planet and turn away in shame. I'm recording this in case anyone ever finds it, so you can see... you can see how the world ended.

John Frobisher: Do you think you're still players?
Gwen Cooper: We can try.

Gwen Cooper: I can't tell you.
PC Andy: Hey! I am the police!
Gwen Cooper: Right now, I need you to drive this car, and if I told you...
PC Andy: What? Don't you bloody hate people who don't finish their sentences?

Gwen Cooper: That's what Torchwood does. It ruins your life.
Rhys Williams: How's it ruined?
Gwen Cooper: You want to have kids in a world like this, Rhys?
Rhys Williams: You're not getting rid of it.
Gwen Cooper: Is that right?

"Torchwood: Adrift (#2.11)" (2008)
Gwen Cooper: Do you think I've changed?
Rhys Williams: Eh?
Gwen Cooper: Since I joined Torchwood, am I different?
Rhys Williams: Why?
Gwen Cooper: It's just something Andy said. Okay, let me just tell you this one thing, okay?
Rhys Williams: Okay, go on.
Gwen Cooper: He still fancies me.
[Rhys snickers]
Gwen Cooper: Don't laugh, Rhys. That's why he didn't come to the wedding.
Rhys Williams: Bloody hell, poor sod.
Gwen Cooper: Oi! I'm a very sexy lady and you are a very lucky man. Just remember that, okay?
[unzips her jacket]
Rhys Williams: We're not going to talk about kids tonight, are we?
Gwen Cooper: We could so some practising.

Gwen Cooper: [arguing with Rhys about having children] Torchwood doesn't do maternity leave - "Sorry Jack, I'd love to deal with those aliens but I can't find a babysitter", "No, no, no, I'll sort out that bomb once I've dropped Rhys Jr. off at nursery."

Gwen Cooper: So, is that it, then? We just sweep it under the carpet?
Owen Harper: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change."
Gwen Cooper: Oh, bollocks to serenity!
Owen Harper: For a lovely girl, you've got a very dirty mouth.

"Torchwood: Small Worlds (#1.5)" (2006)
Gwen Cooper: Where did you and Estelle meet?
Captain Jack Harkness: In London. At the Estoria ballroom. A few weeks before Christmas. She was seventeen years old and she was beautiful. I loved her at first sight. But nothing lasted back then. Promises were always being broken. Estelle... to have to die like that...

Gwen Cooper: [a man has been choked to death in a locked cell with flowers in his mouth] Never seen anything like that before!
Captain Jack Harkness: I have.

Captain Jack Harkness: We know the dead man was a convicted pedophile. Used to hang around schools.
Gwen Cooper: But why the petals in his mouth?
Captain Jack Harkness: Just a bit of fun on their part.
Gwen Cooper: [referring to the victim thrashing on the CCTV footage] You call that fun?
Captain Jack Harkness: That's the way these creatures like to do things: they play games, they torment, and then kill.
Gwen Cooper: Why?
Captain Jack Harkness: As a punishment, or a warning to others. They protect their own, the chosen ones. Somehow, children and the spirit world, they go together.
Toshiko Sato: So how do we stop them?
Captain Jack Harkness: First, we have to find out who they want. And we can't trap them. They have control of the elements: fire, water, the air that we breathe. They can drag that air right out of our bodies. Sometimes I think they're part Mara.
Toshiko Sato: Mara?
Captain Jack Harkness: Kind of malignant wraiths. It's where the word "nightmare" came from. They suffocate people in their sleep.
[telephone rings, snapping Gwen's attention away]

"Torchwood: Meat (#2.4)" (2008)
Gwen Cooper: Have you ever eaten alien meat?
Captain Jack Harkness: Yeah.
Gwen Cooper: What was it like?
Captain Jack Harkness: Well, *he* seemed to enjoy it...

Owen Harper: So the protein chains are regenerating despite the mutilation, so not only is it replenishing its own flesh, but it's increasing it, giving them a brand new meat supply.
Gwen Cooper: It will last them for years, then.
Toshiko Sato: If we understood how it worked, we could feed the whole world!
Ianto Jones: [deadpan] We could release a single!

Captain Jack Harkness: Before we get ahead of ourselves, we're talking about dodgy pies in Merthyr, okay? And the fact that they're cutting it up alive - which we could've put a stop to already if it wasn't for you.
Rhys Williams: I thought that my fiancée was in danger!
Captain Jack Harkness: Well, Mr. Caveman, she wasn't. She can handle herself.
Gwen Cooper: [warningly] Jack.
Captain Jack Harkness: All you did tonight was mess things up. Now we have to think of a way to get back in, and thanks to you, they'll have tightened security!
Rhys Williams: Well, if you stopped, and asked me exactly what I saw in there instead of showin' off 'round the place...
Captain Jack Harkness: [to Ianto] Do I show off?
Ianto Jones: [nods] Just a bit.
Rhys Williams:'d know that I got out by tellin' them I wanted a job - as a delivery boy. So rather than 'cock things up', I found you a way to get in, but if you can't handle that, big boy, then you can stuff it!
Captain Jack Harkness: [pause, looks at Gwen] This is quite homoerotic.

"Torchwood: To the Last Man (#2.3)" (2008)
Gwen Cooper: [regarding Tosh liking Tommy] He's a frozen soldier from 1918.
Captain Jack Harkness: Nobody's perfect.

Gwen Cooper: Who is he?
Captain Jack Harkness: Thomas Reginald Brockless.
Ianto Jones: Tommy.
Captain Jack Harkness: Twenty-four years old.
Ianto Jones: Sort of.
Gwen Cooper: Well, he's either twenty-four or he's not.
Ianto Jones: Depends how you work it out.
Gwen Cooper: Alright, when was he born?
Captain Jack Harkness: 1894.

Gwen Cooper: Jack, have we got any other pretty boys in the freezer?
Captain Jack Harkness: Hands off, Missy. Toshiko got there first.

"Torchwood: Exit Wounds (#2.13)" (2008)
[final lines]
Captain Jack Harkness: Now we carry on.
Gwen Cooper: I don't think I can. Not after this.
Captain Jack Harkness: You can. We all can. The end is where we start from.

PC Andy: They just appeared out of nowhere, across the whole building. They weren't human. At least not like any human I've ever seen. The whole station is in shock. The four most senior officers murdered. Everyone is running around like headless chickens.
PC Andy: [Andy sees Rhys enter] Whoa, whoa, whoa, Rhys, what are you doing here? This is a crime scene, and a confidential crime scene at that.
[to Gwen]
PC Andy: If it gets out what happened here there will be a citywide panic.
Gwen Cooper: Rhys isn't gonna go blabbing.
Rhys Williams: Yeah, I'm keeping more secrets than you'd ever believe.
PC Andy: Oh yeah, like what?
Rhys Williams: Like a Time Agency based in Cardiff?
Gwen Cooper: No, it's not based in Cardiff!
PC Andy: Brilliant secret - I ask, you tell. Well done!

Captain John Hart: You took your time!
Gwen Cooper: [pointing gun] On your knees, now!
Captain John Hart: [sigh] Honestly, it's just "sex, sex, sex" with you people.

"Torchwood: They Keep Killing Suzie (#1.8)" (2006)
Suzie Costello: So tell me, since I've been gone, you enjoying it?
Gwen Cooper: Yeah. Well, you know this place, it's sort of... it's mad, isn't it?
Suzie Costello: Insane.
Gwen Cooper: Bloody nuts.
Suzie Costello: Best job I ever had.
Gwen Cooper: Me too.
Suzie Costello: And the worst.
Gwen Cooper: Yeah, tell me about it.

Gwen Cooper: Have I got this right? When I die, you get to keep all my possessions. My whole life's gonna get stashed in a locker!
Captain Jack Harkness: Rules and regulations.
Gwen Cooper: What if I leave all my stuff to Rhys?
Captain Jack Harkness: We'll stash him away too.

Owen Harper: B67, AKA-Retcon, AKA-The magic ingredient of the amnesia pill.
Gwen Cooper: And this belongs to us. Whoever this is it's someone we have the amnesia pill to.
Owen Harper: Is he remember that he's a serial killer, or is he becoming one because of the Retcon?
Gwen Cooper: Wait a minute. I've taken Retcon...
Captain Jack Harkness: ...Then, better stay away from sharp objects.

"Doctor Who: The Stolen Earth (#4.12)" (2008)
Unnamed UNIT operative: The shields are down, there's too many of them. Abandon ship! Abandon ship!
Captain Jack Harkness: [Jack runs to the monitor] Tha Valiant's down!
Ianto Jones: Air Force in retreat over North Africa, Daleks landing in Japan.
Gwen Cooper: We've lost contact with the Prime Minister's plane. Jack! Manhattan!
Captain Jack Harkness: [runs to his cell phone] Martha get out of there.
Martha Jones: [bandaging a colleague's head] I can't Jack, I've got a job to do.
Captain Jack Harkness: They're targeting military bases and you're next on the list.

Mr Smith: I'm receiving a communication from the Earth-bound ships. They have a message for the human race.
Sarah Jane Smith: Put it through. Let's hear it.
[Sarah Jane is visibly shaken]
Dalek: [at Torchwood] EXTERMINATE!
Captain Jack Harkness: No.
Captain Jack Harkness: Oh no!
Gwen Cooper: What is it? Who are they? Do you know them, Jack?
[Jack embraces and kisses Ianto and Gwen on their temples]
Dalek: [at Bannerman Road, Sarah is practically frozen in teary-eyed fear] EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!
Sarah Jane Smith: [whispering] No.
Captain Jack Harkness: There's nothing I can do.
Captain Jack Harkness: I'm sorry; we're dead.
Sarah Jane Smith: [breaking down, hugging Luke] Oh, son, you're so young!
Dalek: [Rose listens at Megabyte City shop] EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!

General Sanchez: Dr. Jones, you will come with me. Project Indigo is being activated. Quick march!
Martha Jones: But we can't use Project Indigo. It hasn't been tested, sir, we don't even know if it works.
General Sanchez: [a panel is opened to reveal a harness-like device] Put it on. Fast as you can!
Captain Jack Harkness: Martha, I'm telling you *don't* use Project Indigo, it's not safe.
General Sanchez: You take your orders from UNIT, Dr. Jones, not from Torchwood.
Martha Jones: [she straps herself into the device] But why me?
General Sanchez: You're our only hope of finding the Doctor. But failing that, if no help is coming, then with the power invested in me by the Unified Intelligence Taskforce I order you to take this.
[he holds out a small square device]
General Sanchez: The Osterhagen Key.
Martha Jones: I can't take that, sir!
General Sanchez: You know what to do! For the sake of the human race!
[She takes the key just as Daleks break onto their floor]
Dalek: Dalek Attack Squad Five reaching north corridor. Exterminate! Exterminate!
General Sanchez: Dr. Jones
[he salutes her then arms himself]
General Sanchez: Good luck.
Martha Jones: Bye, Jack.
Captain Jack Harkness: Martha, don't do it!
[she pulls the ripcords and vanishes just as General Sanchez is exterminated]
Captain Jack Harkness: DON'T!
Ianto Jones: [Jack throws his phone across the room in anger] What's Project Indigo?
Captain Jack Harkness: Experimental teleport salvaged from the Sontarans. But they haven't got coordinates or stabilization!
Gwen Cooper: So where is she?
Captain Jack Harkness: Scattered into atoms. Martha's down.

"Torchwood: Combat (#1.11)" (2006)
Rhys Williams: [Gwen had just told Rhys she's been having sex with Owen] Why are you telling me?
Gwen Cooper: Because I'm ashamed! And I'm angry. And I want, I *need*, I need you to forgive me. And because I've drugged you.
Rhys Williams: You've done what?
Gwen Cooper: Just sit down, it's nothing. It's... it's just an amnesia pill, dash of sedative. You'll wake up tomorrow and you'll forget everything. Rhys.
Rhys Williams: God, you selfish bitch!
Gwen Cooper: I know. I just thought it would give us a chance. A chance to get everything out in the open. You know, get everything out! Rhys! Stay with me, Rhys. Say you forgive me. Say, "It's all right, Gwen. Gwen, it's all right. Gwe - " Say it, please, Rhys. Rhys, just say it once. Say it once: "I forgive you." Rhys, *please* *say* it! Say you forgive me! Say you forgive me, say it! Say it, please, say it. Say it, please.

[in an outdoor French bistro, Rhys sees a Weevil in the distance, pursued by Jack]
Rhys Williams: What was that?
[Gwen looks around, sees Jack. Jack sees her and runs over. She smiles]
Gwen Cooper: [noticing Jack's injury] Oh God! What's happened to you?
Captain Jack Harkness: Rhys, is it? Nice to meet you. Sorry too, kind of an emergency. Uh, I'll have her back for dessert. Come on.
Rhys Williams: Hey, hold on, sunshine, that's my girlfriend!
Gwen Cooper: [explaining, cherubic-faced] Rhys, this is Jack!
Rhys Williams: Sit down, Gwen.
Gwen Cooper: [continuing] He's my boss.
Rhys Williams: [shouting] Sit the fuck down!
Gwen Cooper: [pregnant pause, expressionless] Don't ever speak to me like that.
[another dramatic pause]
Captain Jack Harkness: Come on, Gwen. Let's go.
Rhys Williams: [to Jack] Hey, she's with me tonight.
Rhys Williams: [to Gwen] One night off, you promised.
[Gwen stares and picks up her purse]
Rhys Williams: Don't you dare.
[Gwen looks daggers into Rhys and chases after Jack]
Rhys Williams: [yelling] If you go now, Gwen...
[Gwen continues running without one look back]

"Torchwood: Children of Earth: Day Two (#3.2)" (2009)
Rhys Williams: How're you, love?
Gwen Cooper: My best friend's belly had a bomb go off in it last night. Someone's been trying to kill us ever since. I'm traveling at 70 miles an hour on top of a bed of potatoes, and I think I'm going to be sick.
Rhys Williams: Travel sick, is it?
Gwen Cooper: When have you ever known me to be travel sick?
Rhys Williams: Well... when have you ever traveled like this?
Gwen Cooper: Mhm.
Rhys Williams: On an empty stomach...
[off Gwen's look]
Rhys Williams: What? What?
Gwen Cooper: You know some of those announcements you, you rehearse in your head. And this wasn't quite what I had in mind
Rhys Williams: What do you mean 'announcements'?
[Gwen smiles]

Gwen Cooper: [Gwen has announced her pregnancy and insists it changes nothing] We're up the same creek and we still need a paddle.
Rhys Williams: Well yeah, but three of us in the boat!

"Torchwood: From Out of the Rain (#2.10)" (2008)
Gwen Cooper: You did stand-up.
Captain Jack Harkness: I never did stand-up.
Gwen Cooper: Okay, then. A song and dance.
Captain Jack Harkness: I was sensational!
Toshiko Sato: I don't believe this, Jack. What were you doing there?
Owen Harper: He was part of this freak show.
Captain Jack Harkness: Yeah, some things never change.
Owen Harper: Are you being rude about me?

Captain Jack Harkness: Ianto, you're with me. I need your local knowledge.
Gwen Cooper: Oh, is that what you're calling it these days?

"Torchwood: Cyberwoman (#1.4)" (2006)
Gwen Cooper: What the hell was that?
Owen Harper: What?
Gwen Cooper: Snogging me.
Owen Harper: Last kiss for the condemned man. Embarrassing given that we haven't been killed.

Gwen Cooper: When she had hold of you, I thought, just for a moment, I thought that maybe you could die after all.
Captain Jack Harkness: Wanna know a secret? So did I. And just for a second, I felt so alive.

"Torchwood: Random Shoes (#1.9)" (2006)
Gwen Cooper: What exactly is a Sixth Eye, I mean, exactly?
Captain Jack Harkness: It's one in the back. Lets you see behind you, where you've been. Kind of puts things in perspective. It's useful, fun, slightly terrifying. That's why they were in demand.

"Torchwood: Adam (#2.5)" (2008)
[Jack has put his team into a trance-like state and asked them to try and rediscover their real selves]
Gwen Cooper: [about Rhys] I love him. But not in the way I love you.
Captain Jack Harkness: [gives Gwen a RetCon pill] Take this.
Toshiko Sato: Knowing there has to be more to life than this. Knowing I'm special. Waiting for someone to see it.
Captain Jack Harkness: I saw it.
Owen Harper: You save one life, a hundred lives, but it's never enough. Who'll save me?
Captain Jack Harkness: I will.
Ianto Jones: Coming here, it gave me meaning again. You.
[Jack kisses Ianto]

"Torchwood: Dead Man Walking (#2.7)" (2008)
Owen Harper: I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I can't shag. And they are three of my favourite things.
Gwen Cooper: Owen!
Owen Harper: I'm not the same, Gwen. I came back different. Hollow. Like I'm missing something. And I do not want to be like this. Okay? I'm ready.

"Torchwood: Greeks Bearing Gifts (#1.7)" (2006)
Gwen Cooper: Amanda Burton here has just finished the postmortem.
Owen Harper: Okay, I can explain.
Gwen Cooper: [cutting Owen off] As you may remember, Owen said said this was a woman killed by a single gunshot.
Owen Harper: I'd have been there in like a minute.
Gwen Cooper: Since then he has had to tweak some of his initial conclusions. The first being that this is not, in fact, a woman, but a man!
Owen Harper: A young man. A very girly man!
Gwen Cooper: But still, ultimately, a man. Then there was the cause of death. Owen said, GSW.
[makes a buzzer sound]
Gwen Cooper: The correct answer was...
Owen Harper: Unidentified trauma, but...
Toshiko Sato: Unidentified trauma?
Gwen Cooper: You see it in RTAs, when something like a post or steering column goes into the body at high velocity. However, the one thing that could be ruled out was...
Owen Harper: [sighing heavily] Gunshot wound.
Gwen Cooper: [smacking the railing with delight] Gunshot wound! So tell me, was there any part of your prognosis that was correct?
Owen Harper: I got that it was a... skeleton.
Gwen Cooper: [pointing dramatically] Yes you did! Yes you did!
Owen Harper: [as Tosh and Jack walk away] You've just passed the point of no return.
Gwen Cooper: [talking over Owen] Where did you train? Where did you train?
Owen Harper: I trained at...
Gwen Cooper: Did you train?
Owen Harper: Look...
Gwen Cooper: [off-screen as Jack and Tosh enter another room] Absolutely useless.

"Torchwood: Children of Earth: Day Three (#3.3)" (2009)
Captain Jack Harkness: In 1965, I gave them twelve children.
Gwen Cooper: What for?
Captain Jack Harkness: As a gift.

"Torchwood: Reset (#2.6)" (2008)
Gwen Cooper: Um, so, you know Jack pretty well, then?
Martha Jones: Oh, we were only together for a few days, but it was pretty intense.
Gwen Cooper: You mean...
Martha Jones: Oh, God, no, no! No! Not that sort of intense! No, nothing like that.
[both utter embarrassed laughs]
Martha Jones: Why, are you and him...
Gwen Cooper: No! No! Not at all!
Martha Jones: We must be the only two people on the planet.
Gwen Cooper: I know. What are we doing wrong?
[both laugh]

"Torchwood: Miracle Day: Escape to LA (#4.4)" (2011)
Captain Jack Harkness: We are travelling circus folk.
Rex Matheson: Yeah, and he's the clown.
Gwen Cooper: I'm the bearded woman, but I've shaved.
Captain Jack Harkness: Yeah, you missed a bit.

"Doctor Who: Journey's End (#4.13)" (2008)
Gwen Cooper: [after the Dalek in the Hub's doorway explodes] There goes the time lock!