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Quotes for
Cpl. Igor Straminsky (Character)
from "M*A*S*H" (1972)

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"M*A*S*H: Goodbye, Farewell, and Amen (#11.16)" (1983)
Cpl. Igor Straminsky: I'm gonna do something where people don't yell at me when I put food in front of them - I'm gonna be a pig farmer.
Sergeant Luther Rizzo: What do you mean, "gonna be"?

Maj. Winchester: Just a minute. You handle our food and dig latrines?
Cpl. Igor Straminsky: Don't worry, sir. I always wash my hands before I dig the latrines.


"M*A*S*H: The Price of Tomato Juice (#4.15)" (1975)
Maj. Frank Burns: [In mess line] You're going on KP, Maxwell!
Igor Straminsky: I *am* on KP, sir!
Maj. Frank Burns: Well... when you go off, you're going on!


"M*A*S*H: None Like It Hot (#7.6)" (1978)
Cpl. Igor Straminsky: Can we move along, sir? We've already had three servers faint from the steam.
Hawkeye: I'll just have the salad. Brown lettuce?? What am I supposed to do with it, eat it or smoke it?
Cpl. Igor Straminsky: You think that's brown? Look at that mayonnaise.
Hawkeye: [dumps his food] Right back at you.
Cpl. Igor Straminsky: You want green, have the liver.


"M*A*S*H: The Joker Is Wild (#11.4)" (1982)
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: What's the slop de jour?
Cpl. Igor Straminsky: This here's carrots and peas.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Oh, succo-trash.
Cpl. Igor Straminsky: Actually, sir, they're pretty good today. I highly recommend them.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: What about this stuff?
Cpl. Igor Straminsky: The beans, I wouldn't give them to my neighbor's dog. In fact, they're so old, they're has-beans.
[laughs like crazy]


"M*A*S*H: Dear Sis (#7.14)" (1978)
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: I understand the cook made us a traditional Christmas dinner.
Cpl. Igor Straminsky: Right, turkey on shingles with cranberry sausage.


"M*A*S*H: Picture This (#10.20)" (1982)
Cpl. Igor Straminsky: Uh, Captain, your friends over THERE wanted me to tell you there is an empty seat OVER there.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: That's fine by me. I'm in better company alone.
Cpl. Igor Straminsky: You guys are really on the outs, huh?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: Do you have any idea how tough it is to live in the same shoebox with a couple of irrational jackasses?
Cpl. Igor Straminsky: Yeah, I know. They were just complaining how tough it is to live with ONE.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce: What a rotten thing to say.


"M*A*S*H: A War for All Seasons (#9.6)" (1980)
Capt. B.J. Hunnicut: In a few minutes we're going to be decobbing corn, thanks to you and your khaki thumb.
Father Mulcahy: Don't I know it. All week I've been dreaming of getting butter on my cheeks, juice on my shirt, and a niblet wedged between two molars.
[walks up to the table]
Father Mulcahy: Where is the corn?
Cpl. Igor Straminsky: You're looking at it. The mushy stuff.
Father Mulcahy: You... You creamed it!
[on the verge of tears]
Father Mulcahy: You... you ninny!
Cpl. Igor Straminsky: [everybody yells at Igor] I was just trying to be helpful. Next Fourth of July you can eat it on the cob for all I care.