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Army Capt. Halloran
: [about Klinger
] What about her? Capt. Sam Pak
: She's my wife. Dr. Sidney Freedman
: Interesting joke, Sam. Capt. Sam Pak
: Thanks for seeing me, Sidney.
: [Hawkeye and Sidney are joking around off camera
] Are we here to play cards or chew the fat? Capt. Sam Pak
: If I want to chew the fat, I'll eat a sandwich.
Capt. Sam Pak
: [Radar has allegedly struck a Korean with a Jeep, and the man wants money from him
] Well, you know what you got there, Henry. You got the famous Whiplash Wang.
: ["The Conference" is under way
] Five clams. Trapper
: I'm out. Henry Blake
: I'm in. Hawkeye
: I wonder what the chances are of my getting the fifth Jack? Oh well not to worry.
] Dr. Sidney Freedman
: Your five, and up five. Klinger
: That's mean. Dr. Sidney Freedman
: I'm gonna beat the pants off ya, lady. Trapper
: Hey! Where'd we get the kosher salami? Capt. Sam Pak
: I brought it! A little girl I knew at Berkley sent it. She's a yenta now. Klinger
: All right, all right. Here we go. Down and dirty!
[deals the next cards
] Dr. Sidney Freedman
: [groaning at his hand
] Aiyeeeee! Hawkeye
: What's your problem, poker face? Dr. Sidney Freedman
: I'm "committing suicide." Henry Blake
: Go out in turn, Sidney. Whoops, just found something... but i'll check. Hawkeye
: Hey, I bought the fifth Jack... i'm out. Klinger
: Dealer bets ten bucks!
[tosses in the bet
: Colonel? Henry Blake
: [Radar enters behind him trying to get his attention, Blake is fondling his chips
] Let's see here. Dr. Sidney Freedman
: Fondling your chips is very infantile. Henry Blake
: Not now, Sidney. Radar
: But sir... Henry Blake
: Not now, Radar. Radar
: Yeah, but sir... Henry Blake
: Radar, whatever it is, sign it, cancel it, or order five more!
Capt. Sam Pak
: Good news. Lt. Col. Henry Blake
: I'll take it. Capt. Sam Pak
: I had a long, reasonable talk with the farmer. Everything's cool. Lt. Col. Henry Blake
: Great. Capt. Sam Pak
: You got three days to get the hell outta here. Lt. Col. Henry Blake
: Sam, what's Korean for "suicide"? Capt. Sam Pak
: That's the Japanese. We don't do that shtick. Lt. Col. Henry Blake
: You wanna step in my office for another goody? Sam, this is Miss Choon Hi. The baby is Su Yong. Stand by for the fingering of the father. Capt. Sam Pak
: Aha. Choon Hi
: Him not doctor. Capt. Sam Pak
: You betcha. I don't make house calls.
] Capt. Sam Pak
: Wal, Sheriff, looks like you got troubles right here in Pregnant City!
Cpl. Walter "Radar" O'Reilly
: It's not mine! Lt. Col. Henry Blake
: The mother says it is. Cpl. Walter "Radar" O'Reilly
: Well, what does she know? I mean, she's mixing me up with somebody else. Capt. Sam Pak
: That's possible. You all look alike to us. Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
: Come on, Radar. Level. Could you be the father? Cpl. Walter "Radar" O'Reilly
: Of course I could, but I'm not. I mean, I do, but I didn't! Lt. Col. Henry Blake
: Do you admit that you know her? Cpl. Walter "Radar" O'Reilly
: Sure I know her. She's from the village. I've run into her a few times. Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
: Well, *once* anyway. Cpl. Walter "Radar" O'Reilly
: No! Never! Lt. Col. Henry Blake
: You'd better be telling the truth, Radar. They're sending someone from the Judge Advocate to question you. Cpl. Walter "Radar" O'Reilly
: I'm not worried. Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
: Radar, why would she pick on you? Army Capt. "Trapper John" McIntyre
: Of all people. Cpl. Walter "Radar" O'Reilly
: Now what is that crack? Just 'cause I don't fool around like you guys doesn't mean I don't fool around like you guys!