Max California
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Quotes for
Max California (Character)
from 8MM (1999)

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8MM (1999)
Max California: There's three rules in life: One, there's always a victim; two, don't be it.
Tom Welles: And three?
Max California: I forgot what three is.

Max California: [on the porn industry] All I'm saying is... it can get to you.
Tom Welles: No worries. Thanks for the warning, though.
Max California: You're welcome. Pops... If you dance with the devil, the devil don't change. The devil changes you.
Tom Welles: Some of your lyrics?
Max California: That's cute.

Max California: Do you get turned on at places like tonight?
Tom Welles: No, I do not.
Max California: But you don't exactly get turned off either, do ya?
Max California: Devil's changing you already.

[Tom hands Max an envelope]
Max California: What is this?
Tom Welles: Money. People use it to buy goods and services.

[to porn store customer]
Max California: Hey! It's like a gas station, you pay before you pump!

Max California: There are some things that you see, and you can't unsee them. Know what I mean?

Max California: Can I interest you in a battery-operated vagina?
Tom Welles: No thank you.
Max California: Are you sure? I'd hate for you to be in one of those everyday situations that calls for a battery-operated vagina and not have one.

Tom Welles: What're you reading?
[Max California shows book - "Anal Secretary"]
Tom Welles: Catchy title. What are you really reading? Hard to believe that book's got any parts worth highlighting.
[Max California reveals real book - "In Cold Blood"]
Tom Welles: Capote!
Max California: Yeah, well. You know how it is.
Tom Welles: Yeah. Wouldn't want to embarrass yourself in front of your fellow perverts.
Max California: That's right. I might get drummed out of the Pornographer's Union. Where would I be then?

[On seeing a bogus snuff film]
Max California: Oh, wow. That's great! "Snuff 2: The Resurrection!" Well, what'd you expect for twelve hundred?

[On selling porn]
Max California: I don't buy it. I don't endorse it. I just point the way.

[On Dino Velvet]
Max California: He's a producer-slash-director-slash weirdo. He's like the Jim Jarmusch of S & M.

Max California: So you got a wife and a daughter and a nice little yellow house and a dog named 'Shep'. What the hell are you doing here?

[after Tom Welles has asked for his "assistance"]
Max California: I don't know exactly what you're looking for, but just for the record - I'm straight.
Tom Welles: Congratulations.

Max California: I can hook you up, though. You name the vice I name the price.

Max California: [watching a video of Machine torturing a woman] Oh, he's a lover, man... definitely loves what he does for a living.

Larry: Are you a police officer or in any way affiliated with law enforcement?
Max California: Fuck you Larry.
Larry: Are you a police officer or in any way affiliated with law enforcement?
Tom Welles: Fuck you Larry.
Max California: Mmm, you're getting the moves.

Max California: Hey! It's like a gas station! You pay before you pump!

Tom Welles: Who makes these films?
Max California: I don't know. Probably the Philippines.
[after watching some more of the girl being tortured]
Max California: Yep. Definitely the Philippines.