Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell
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Quotes for
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell (Character)
from Old School (2003)

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Old School (2003)
Beanie: Max, can you earmuff for me? We are going to get so much ass here, it's going to be sick. I'm talking like crazy boy band ass.

Beanie: All right, let me be the first to say congratulations to then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart, Frank. Way to work it through.

Beanie: Well why don't you give me your number in case anything happens to my wife.

Beanie: [to Frank's father in law] It takes a man to give away an angel. You're sweet.

Beanie: I know a really good sand guy.

Mitch Martin: At this point, you may be asking yourself, why am I holding this 30 pound cinderblock in my hands? You might also ask yourself, why does this cinderblock have a long piece of string tied to it? And finally, why is the other end of this string tied securely to your penis?
Beanie: And the answer, ladies... is trust.

Mitch: I've had a hell of a day and even worse week. And all I want to do is get some fucking sleep.
Beanie: Whoa. Whoa. Why the F-ing? Why in front of the kid? All ya gotta do is say "earmuffs" to him, and you can say "Fuck, shit, bitch."
Frank: Cock. Balls.
Beanie: I'm just trying to make a point, Frank. You don't have to celebrate it.

Beanie: Earmuffs.

Beanie: [after finding out that it's in the bylaw that the only way to keep the fraternity is take a course of tests but Beanie does not want to do it] Who'se lives are ruined?
Mitch Martin: Well, see. Blue's dead. Frank's divorced. I lost my house. Nicole thinks I'm a total jackass. And now we got nine kids who are gonna get expelled from school, and you're not even gonna help them.

Beanie: Yeah, that's it. I got a student alt rock band coming on next. Mitch, I own six speaker cities. I am worth three-and-a-half-million dollars that the government knows about. I got more electronics up there than a damn KISS concert. Tou think I'm gonna roll out this type of red carpet for a fucking marching band? Just make sure you can see the stage.

Beanie: I'd like to welcome you all to the Mitch Martin Freedom Festival. Now for those of you who don't know who Mitch Martin is, he's the very successful, very disease-free gentleman standing by the mini-bar. Now, courtesy of Speaker City, which is slashing prices on everything from beepers to DVD players, give a warm welcome Harrison welcome to my pal and your favorite, Snoop Dogg.

Beanie: Frank here was staring at a white picket fence. Now he's single, he's broke, and has second-degree burns all over his body. And I see a spark in his eye that I haven't seen in fifteen years.

Beanie: Six weeks ago Abdul here had a one-way ticket to an arranged marriage with a broad he never met in Bangladesh. Now he's crushing ass every Thursday night at our mixers.

Beanie: You think I like avoiding my wife and kids to hangout with nineteen-year-old girls everyday?

Beanie: Spanish, what the hell are you doing?
Spanish: I'm just going to get some water. This suit is crazy hot, yo.
Beanie: Put your head back on. That can be very traumatic for the kids.
Spanish: You're right, I'm sorry, sir.
Beanie: Don't sorry me, babe. And shake the tail when you walk. You're better than that.

Beanie: Girls love a guy who's in your situation.
Mitch: What situation?
Beanie: Mitch. You're on the rebound. You're like an injured young fawn who's been nursed back to health and is finally going to be released back into the wilderness.

Frank: Yea, I'm cool either way. I just have to run it by Marissa.
[Mitch and Beanie give him a weird look]
Frank: I'm messing with you guys.
Beanie: Not funny. Not funny. And now the baby is upset.

Beanie: He's playing hardball. And I got to admit. I'm impressed.

Beanie: Guys, this is a very special occasion. The Godfather himself has decided to grace us with his presence. This is his damn house. He sleeps twenty feet away.

Beanie: Don't say sorry to me. You let down Frank. You let down me. Most importantly, you let down Max. And right about now I'm having a hard time trying to figure out why I take time out of my schedule to help you get over...
[to Max]
Beanie: Max, can you earmuff it for me?
[to Mitch]
Beanie: That whore you dated.

Mitch: I wasn't looking for a girl like that.
Beanie: Well, Columbus wasn't looking for America, my man, but that turned out to be pretty okay for everyone.

Frank: I just wanna tell you guys thanks for being here. Best day ever.
Beanie: Frank, you need to walk away from this right now.

Mitch: A professor lived here for like thirty years and died.
Beanie: That's awesome.

Beanie: Don't say sorry to me, Frank. Say it to the baby.
Frank: Sorry, baby.

Mitch: So what are you? Campus security?
Dean Pritchard: Try again.
Beanie: Jevohah Witness?
Dean Pritchard: I'm the Dean. Dean Pritchard.

Beanie: That party that we had last night has given us a lot of street cred.

Beanie: Weensie, you're on lifeguard duty.
Weensie: Sir, I can't swim, sir.
Frank: Speak when spoken to.

Beanie: Whose life is ruined?
Mitch: Let's see. Blue's dead. Frank's divorced. I've lost my house. Nicole thinks I'm a total jackass. And we got nine kids who are gonna get expelled from school and you're not even gonna help them out.

Mitch: Wow. Cheese. Is that you?
Dean Pritchard: Hello, Mitch. Bernard. I see you guys haven't changed much.
Beanie: Who's this guy?
Mitch: Beanie, you remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother?
Dean Pritchard: Actually, my name's not Cheese anymore. It's Gordon Pritchard.
Beanie: Oh, yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?
Dean Pritchard: Yea, I got out.
Beanie: Cool man. Good. Glad you did.

Mitch: Beanie, you remember, Cheese.
Beanie: Oh, yeah. Cheeeeese... Didn't we lock you in the dumpster one time?
Dean Pritchard: [aggitated] I got out.
Beanie: Cool, man.

Frank: I had an awesome time!
Beanie: I know that you had an awesome time. I think the entire town knows you had an awesome time.
[to Mitch]
Beanie: And wouldn't you want those times to keep on going?

Beanie: What about Mitch here? He saw the wheels come off his life, guys. His whole world crumbled. Now he's the Godfather.

Beanie: Don't beat yourself up over this, Mitch. It's not your fault. Dammit, Blue was old. That's what old people do. They die.

Beanie: Good luck to everybody. Nice to know you all and I'll see you around campus.

Beanie: Mitch is a lawyer, buddy. He'll find a way out for us.

Beanie: You're the lady, Marissa. High five.

Beanie: No. That's a piece of crap. We stopped selling that six months ago. Nice gesture, though.

Beanie: Because this is a very big idea, my friends. We're talking about a non-exclusive egalitarian brotherhood where community status and, more importantly, age have bearing whatsoever.

Beanie: Yeah, from the guy who probably won't get in.
Jerry: I go to school here...
Beanie: Okay...

Jerry: What sort of actual association will you have with the university?
Mitch Martin: Who are these people?
Frank: I don't know.
Beanie: Well, legally speaking, there will be a loose affiliation. But, we will give nothing back to the academic community. As well as provide no public service of any kind. This much I promise you.

Mitch: Who's this guy?
Beanie: Oh, that's Blue. An old navy vet who hangs around my store a lot. Don't worry. He's legit.
Mitch: He looks like he's one hundred years old and he wants to pledge?
Beanie: You kidding me? Old man river can't shut up about it.

Beanie: What we need to do is throw a big kick-off, kick-ass party.

Beanie: I have a wife and kids. Do I seem like a happy guy to you, Frank?

[deleted scene]
Beanie: Can you do me a favor and tell Mitch it's perfectly okay to have sex with a 17-year-old?
Lara Campbell: Oh, yeah. It's fine, if you're 18 or you live in Louisiana.

Frank: Hey, I just want to thank you one last time for being here. It's the best day ever.
Beanie: Don't even start with me, Franklin, okay? You need to walk away from this ASAP.
Frank: What?
Beanie: You need to get out, Frankie. This is it. It's now or never. You need to get out of here while you're still single.
Frank: I'm not single.
Beanie: She's 30 yards away, you're single now.
Frank: Come on, Marissa's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Beanie: Why don't you give that six months. You don't think that'll change? I got a wife, kids. Do I seem like a happy guy to you, Frankie?
Beanie: There's my wife. See that? Always smiling? Hi, honey. Judging, watching, "Look at the baby."
Mitch Martin: She's coming down the aisle, Beanie. Let it go.

Mitch: You don't understand me Beanie, it's sexual harassment. I mean I could go to jail for this.
Beanie: For what? Being Awesome? Besides Mitch, how old did you say this girl was, 17 years old? Mitch, that's a total grey area.
Mitch: It's a total felony.