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Quotes for
Ula (Character)
from 50 First Dates (2004)

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50 First Dates (2004)
Henry: Okay, this is her. Start beating me up. Make it look good.
Ula: Give me your wallet. Okay, haole, what do you think? You can come to this island, eat our pineapple.
Henry: Help me! Not so hard. Take it easy.
Ula: Try to bang our women. Making my sister clean your hotel room.
Henry: Okay. What does that have to do with this? Relax. Hey! Hey! Help me, please!
Ula: Stupid haole!

Henry: See what happens when you play with sharks.
Ula: Sharks are like dogs, they only bite when you touch their private parts.

[to his children]
Ula: You kids suck; you're good at everything!

Ula's Kid: Hey, Dad.
Ula: Not now, Keanu Mokokokakau.
Ula's Kid: But your stitches are bleeding.
[while playing golf, Ula has ripped the stitches over a shark bite on his waist]
Ula: It must have been my huge back swing. You think you can stitch me up tonight after I get back from surfing?
Henry: Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
Caddy: I wouldn't surf with a bleeding wound like that. You might attract a shark or something.
Ula: What's wrong with that, cuz? Sharks are naturally peaceful.
Caddy: Is that right? How'd you get that nasty cut anyway?
Ula: A shark bit me.
Caddy: Nice! Go smoke another one, bro!

Ula: Come on, I need some details. You get some booby, some assy, a pull on your poi-poi? Come on.
Ula's Kid: Daddy, what's a nympho?
Ula: Uh, the nympho is the state bird of Ohio.
Henry: You're the state idiot of Hawaii.

Ula: Oh, you crazy bitch!
Lucy: Yeah, keep running!

Ula: [to Henry] My shirt size is medium husky.

Henry: [after Ula speaks in Hawaiian] Thanks buddy. What does it mean, again?
Ula: Bring me back a t-shirt

Ula: [dressed up as Lucy, with a coconut bra on] Aquariums make me super horny!

Ula's Kid: What's wrong with that turtle?
Henry: He has lung problems cause he smoked too much turtle weed, which is bad for you. Right Ula?
Ula: What? I don't smoke weed.

Henry: And why is your foot on my pillow?
Ula: Sorry brah
[removes to reveal a dirty footprint and brushes it off, then sits on the pillow]
Henry: And I don't want your ass on it either!

Ula: Hey! Kikikuloa! No flippies off the dock! You could get hurt! Let the Master show you how it's done.
[after doing a painful belly flop off a dock]
Ula: One of you kids go down there and find my nuts!

Henry: Ula! Get back to cleaning the pool! And if that's one of your special brownies, don't let any of the dolphins eat that!
Ula: How do you think I get the dolphins to do double-flips and play with the white kids?

Ula: Dude, I met this sexy blonde tax attorney from Florida at Starbucks today. I told her you the kahuna she wanna have fun on this island. You want her number?
Henry: You pimping tourists for me again, Ula?
Ula: Yes! I live vicariously through you, remember? My life sucks. Now, come on give her the Waikikiki sneaky behind the cheeky.

Noreen: I'd like to do something extra fun tonight.
Ula: Uh-oh.

Ula: You meet her, hang out, flirt, no commitment, nobody gets hurt.
Henry: She's got brain damage, you psycho.
Ula: Okay, I'll give you that one. But I think it'd be healthy for you. You haven't allowed yourself to connect with a girl for many years.
Henry: I appreciate your interest Ula, but leave me alone.
Ula: Hey, you'd be doing exactly what her father does: Giving her a wonderful day. Then when it's time for you to go on your big boat trip, poof, you just leave. She'll never even know you're gone.
Henry: See I'm not sure about the "poofing" part, because I'm not a very big poofer. Could you demonstrate a good poof for me.
Ula: Quit busting my coconuts for five seconds.
Henry: Alright. Would you stop poofing on that joint and do some work!
Ula: Okay. Let's get this sucker ready. Then we're gonna take her out for a spin.

Lucy: Yeah, that's right. Take that! And that! And that! And that! And that!
Henry: You got him. You got him. Enough. Enough.
Lucy: Are you okay?
Henry: Yes.
Lucy: Okay, I'll be right back. Hey! Come here!
Henry: No, no, no. I think he's had enough. I'm sorry.
Ula: My eye!
Henry: You got him!
Lucy: Not good enough.
Ula: Oh, Kamehameha!
Henry: He learned his lesson!

Henry: [on video] The part of you for this reenactment will be played by my good friend, Ula.
Ula: [on video] Aloha. Sorry about your brain.

Ula: Really? Even though in 10-15 years she could possibly let herself go and then sex would be like, nauseating, for you?
Henry: What, are you nuts? Your wife's right over there.
Ula: I'm just kidding, Muumuu!

Ula: [to Henry] You're such a lau lau.

Ula: [Ula falls through the deck of Henry's boat up to his chest] I think I pulled out my stitches again.
[pause]
Ula: Hey, did you get a cat? Because I feel something licking me...