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Quotes for
Captain Logan (Character)
from Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)

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Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989)
Capt. Logan: I wanna speak with you, son.
[looks at Bill]
Capt. Logan: Alone, please, Bill.
[Bill goes outside]
Capt. Logan: All right, sit down! What am I gonna do with you, huh? You can't be...
Bill: [outside] Great.
Capt. Logan: You lose my keys, you fail history, you spend all your time with your loser friend planning a band that'll never happen. Now, you're not to leave this house again until tommorow morning.
[the phone rings]
Capt. Logan: Yes?
Bill: Captain Logan? This is Deputy Van Halen down at the station.
Capt. Logan: Deputy Van Halen?
[Ted sees Bill on the phone outside]
Bill: I'm new dude - sir. Look, we found your keys. If you want 'em, better come and get 'em.
[hangs up]
Capt. Logan: When I get back from the station, I want you packed and ready to go. Got it?
[Ted nods; Capt. Logan leaves]
Ted: [outside] We are in serious trouble. My dad already signed me up, my plane leaves tommorow night.
Bill: Only if we fail, dude.
[they look at the phone booth]
Bill, Ted: No way!

Ted: What are you doin' home, Dad?
Capt. Logan: I'm looking for my keys.
Ted: Oh!
Capt. Logan: You haven't done anything with them, have ya?
Ted: No, sir.
Capt. Logan: I spoke to your principal today, Ted. He said you're failing history.
Ted: Me and Bill...
Capt. Logan: He also said that if fail history, you flunk out of school. You know what that would mean, don't ya, Ted?
Ted: That I would have to go to Oates Military Acadamy, sir.
Capt. Logan: Uh-huh. I spoke to Colonel Oates this morning. He's anxious to meet you, Ted.

Capt. Logan: You pack your bags, Ted.
Ted: What?
Capt. Logan: You're going to military school, Ted.
Ted: But, Dad...
Capt. Logan: [interrupting] No, I don't wanna hear it, Ted.
Ted: But...
Capt. Logan: Ted! You go home and pack your bags now!

[Captain Logan is questioning Abraham Lincoln]
Capt. Logan: All right, what's your name?
Abraham Lincoln: Abraham Lincoln. That's L-I-N-C-O-L-N.
Capt. Logan: I know how to spell Lincoln. What's your birthday, Mr. Lincoln?
Abraham Lincoln: February 12... 1809.

Captain Logan: [Captain Logan sees Bill and Ted pushing Billy the Kid out of the prison block window] Ted, what in the hell do you think you're doing?
Ted: Trash can... remember a trash can!
Captain Logan: Trash can? What are you talking about...
[a trash can with "Wyld Stallyans Rule" written on the side lands on Captain Logan's head]


Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (1991)
Captain Logan: [Being possessed by Dead Ted] Whoa. Okay, dudes... Oh, I mean, fellow policemen. My son, Ted "Theodore" Logan, and his friend Bill S. Preston, Esquire, have been murdered and replaced by evil robots from the future.
Dead Bill: You totally did it dude.
Captain Logan: [as Dead Ted] I totally possessed my dad!
[both Bill and Captain Logan do air guitar]
Captain Logan: [as Dead Ted] Okay. You gotta go over and arrest these robots so they don't ruin everything for me and Bill. Oh, I mean, uh, my son and Bill. And most importantly, they don't hurt the babes... The princesses.
[to himself as Dead Ted]
Captain Logan: This isn't working.
[to Dead Bill]
Captain Logan: Back me up dude!
Dead Bill: You got it dude!
[Possesses Deputy James]
Deputy James: [Being possessed by Dead Bill] I totally believe you dude.
Captain Logan: [as Dead Ted] Yeah!
[Gives Deputy James a high five]
Deputy James: [as Dead Bill] Whoa, donuts!
Captain Logan: [as Dead Ted] Whoa, excellent!
Deputy James: [as Dead Bill] Savory cruller.
Captain Logan: [as Ted] Yeah. I got real hungry being dead.
Deputy James: [as Bill] Yeah.
[the cops look at them weird]
Captain Logan: [as Ted] Bill, I don't think they believe us.
Deputy James: [as Bill] Well, we'll have to find somebody who will.
Captain Logan, Deputy James: [still possessed] Catch ya later, cop dudes!