Pugsley Addams
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Quotes for
Pugsley Addams (Character)
from "The Addams Family" (1964)

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Addams Family Values (1993)
Wednesday: We don't hug.
Becky: Oh, they're just shy.
Pugsley: We're not shy.
Wednesday: We're contagious.

Gomez: Children, why do you hate the baby?
Pugsley: We don't hate him. We just wanna play with him.
Wednesday: Especially his head.

Wednesday: Pugsley, the baby weighs ten pounds, the cannonball weighs twenty pounds. Which will hit the stone walkway first?
Pugsley: I'm still on fractions.
Wednesday: Which do you think?
Pugsley: The cannonball?
Wednesday: Very good. But which one will bounce?
Pugsley: The baby?
Wednesday: There's only one way to find out. Ready? One... two... three.

[driving to Camp Chippewa]
Pugsley: What's a Chippewa?
Gomez: It's an old Indian word.
Wednesday: It means "orphan."

Uncle Fester: [walking down the hallway, arms full of presents] A birthday party! What a treat! And to think, I might have missed all this! What was I thinking of?
Wednesday: Physical pleasure.
Uncle Fester: Ooohhh!
Pugsley: Uncle Fester, do you miss Debbie?
Uncle Fester: Well... sometimes, late at night, I remember how she used to turn to me and say, "Jeez, Fester, go back to your room!"

Morticia: Children, do you think we love the baby more than we love you?
Wednesday, Pugsley: Yes.
Morticia: Do you think that when a new baby arrives, one of the other children has to die?
Wednesday, Pugsley: Yes.
Grandma: Well, that's just not true.
[sighs wistfully]
Grandma: Not anymore.

Pugsley: It's a boy.
Wednesday: It's a girl.
Uncle Fester: Gomez!
Grandma: What news?
Wednesday: Father, what is it?
Gomez: [just upon returning from the hospital room, bursting] It's an Addams!

Pugsley: [in the Thanksgiving play] I am a turkey. Kill me.

Camp Children: [at Thanksgiving play, singing, dressed as Thanksgiving food] Eat us! Hey, its Thanksgiving Day! Eat us, we make a nice buffet! We lost the race with Farmer Ed, eat us 'cause we're good and dead. White man or red man from east, north or south, chop off our legs, and put 'em in your mouth!
Pugsley: Eat me!
Camp Children: Sautéed or barbecued!
Pugsley: Eat me!
Camp Children: We once were pets but now we're food! We won't stay fresh for very long! So eat us before we finish this song! Eat us before we finish this song!

Young Girl: And then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and left a diamond under a leaf in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby, too.
Wednesday: They had sex.

Wednesday: Death! Death to the enemies of the people of the Republic.
[Pugsley releases the guillotine and chops a watermelon in half]
Wednesday: Hurrah! Justice is served. Bring forward the evil one.
[Pugsley brings over Pubert, who is in a white dress and bonnet]
Wednesday: [to Pubert] You have betrayed the people of France. You are evil incarnate. How do you plead?
Pugsley: [holds up Pubert, speaks in "baby voice"] Guilty!
Wednesday: Guilty! By her own admission! The sentence is death. Executioner, place her on the block.
[Pugsley lays Pubert down in the guillotine]
Wednesday: 1... 2...
Morticia: [from downstairs] Children, what are you doing?
Wednesday, Pugsley: Playing!
Wednesday: ...3!
[She releases the guillotine. Pubert catches the blade in his fingers]
Wednesday: Woe to the Republic.

Gary: [opens cabin door] Mail call.
[handing out mail]
Gary: Addams!
Becky: [handing out mail] Barclay, Cesselman, Calloway, Dexter, Donman, Edwards, Evans, Barclay, Finley, Fisher, Gingham, Ginley, Harper.
Wednesday: Oh, no.
Pugsley: What is it?
Wednesday: This is unspeakable.
Becky: Is something wrong, Wednesday? Bad news?
Wednesday: This is the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of human events. Uncle Fester's getting married.
Gary: A wedding? But that's great news!
Amanda: To whom?
Wednesday: The nanny.
Amanda: Get out of the cabin. I mean, I'll kill myself. The help?
Becky: I'm sure she's a very nice lady.
Amanda: I think that's disgusting. I think their whole family's like some weird medical experiment. I think they're like, circus people.
Pugsley: [menacingly] What did you say?
Becky: Campers! Group hug!
Gary: Wednesday... Pugsley. Will a hug hurt us?
Wednesday: We don't hug.
Becky: Oh, they're just shy.
Pugsley: We're not shy.
Wednesday: We're contagious.
Gary: I'm sensing some friction here. Somethin' not quite Chippewa.
Camp Children: Mm-hmm.
Gary: But, hey, no problemo. All they need are good friends, good fun, and a little time in the Harmony Hut.

Wednesday: Hurry up!
Pugsley: I'm coming.
Joel: Wait!
Wednesday: Who's there?
Joel: Be careful. Tetanus.
[siren sounds]
Amanda: [walking toward Wednesday, Pugsley and Joel with Gary, Becky and Camp Children] There they are! I saw them sneak out.
Gary: Children, what do you think you're doing?
Wednesday: We have to see our family. It's very important.
Becky: More important than a summer of fun? More important than making new friends? More important than sharing?
Gary: And Joel Glicker. I'm surprised at you.
Joel: I-I have to get out of here. I have allergies.
Becky: [mockingly] Oh, you're allergic? To sunshine and archery and crafts?
Joel: Yes.
Amanda: I think they should be punished.
[starts chanting]
Amanda: Punish!
Camp Children: [chanting along with Amanda] Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish! Punish!
Becky: No! No! We are *not* here to punish. We are here to inspire.
Gary: Campers? Do you know what I think are little ninja friends here need? Do you know what just might turn their sad and potentially wasted little lives right all around?
Joel: What?
Camp Children: [singing in unison with Gary, Becky, and Amanda] Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, kumbaya. Oh Lord, kumbaya.


The Addams Family (1991)
[Wednesday is hooking up an electric chair]
Wednesday: Pugsley, sit in the chair.
Pugsley: Why?
Wednesday: So we can play a game.
Pugsley: What game?
Wednesday: [strapping him in] It's called, "Is There a God?"

[about to bury two people]
Pugsley: Are they dead?
Wednesday: Does it matter?

Girl Scout: Is this made from real lemons?
Wednesday: Yes.
Girl Scout: I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?
Pugsley: Yes.
Girl Scout: Well, I'll tell you what. I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?
Wednesday: Are they made from real Girl Scouts?

Morticia: Children, what are you doing?
Wednesday: I'm going to electrocute him.
Morticia: But we're late for the charity auction.
Wednesday: But, Mother...
Morticia: I said no.
Pugsley: Pleeaaaase?
Morticia: Oh, all right.

[Pugsley is strapped in the electric chair]
Wednesday: [Cranking the switches] It has to warm up.
Pugsley: Why?
Wednesday: So it can kill you.
Pugsley: I knew that.

[performing abridged "Hamlet" in school play; sword fighting]
Wednesday: How all occasions do inform against me and spur my dull revenge. O, from this time forth, my thoughts be bloody or nothing worth. If I must strike you dead, I will.
Pugsley: [slashes Wednesday's left wrist; blood sprays out] A hit! A very palpable hit!
[Wednesday cuts of Pugsley's arm, Pugsley slashes her throat; there is lots of blood spraying everywhere, getting the front rows]
Wednesday: O, Proud Death. What feast is toward in thine eternal cell?
[drops both swords and falls to her knees]
Wednesday: Sweet Oblivion, open your arms!
[choking and gasping for breath, collapses, and dies]
Wednesday: [the audience sits aghast in stunned silence, covered with blood while the Addams give a standing ovation]
Gomez: Bravo!
Morticia: Bravo!
Gomez: Bravo! Bravo!

Uncle Fester: [reading a book] Look, children. A new chapter.
Uncle Fester, Wednesday, Pugsley: "Scabs".

Pugsley: ...Because we're Addams'.
Gomez: We're Addams'.

[last lines]
Uncle Fester: Children, look. Great-Aunt Lavinia! She was beheaded by her own children!
Wednesday, Pugsley: Yay!

Gomez: [Playing with the train set, ranting about Fester's finger-trap] How do you take it off? That's absurd! That finger trap was a party favor at his tenth birthday!
Morticia: [In the room below, Morticia is reading a bedtime story to Wednesday and Pugsley. She looks up at the noise] Oh, no.
Pugsley: Father's playing with his trains.
Gomez: He wore that finger-trap for two years! Mother had to teach him to eat with his feet! And the combination! AND the password! And my cigar! And he slept so well!
[Thing bangs his fist as Gomez speeds up the trains]
Pugsley: He's using the diesel!
Wednesday: [Looking horrified, as the train approaches a bridge] The covered bridge!
Morticia: [Horrified, as the train runs through a ravine] Dead Man's Curve!
[Grandmama looks up exasperatedly then continues read Gray's Anatomy. Lurch looks up as he darns his socks. A man on the train looks up as Gomez laughs maniacally]
Wednesday: It's all about Uncle Fester, isn't it?
Morticia: [Looks up as Fester passes through a pipe. Her eyes narrow]
[as the trains approach each other]
Gomez: Spirits above me... Give me a sign! Shall I be joyous? Or shall I be damned?
[Trains collide and explode in front of Gomez's face]


"The Addams Family: Little Big Thing/Little Bad Riding Hood/Metamorphosister (#1.13)" (1992)
[Wednesday brings a gift for her brother Pugsley]
Pugsley Addams: An ankle-shackle! For me? You shouldn't have!
Wednesday Addams: I know.
Pugsley Addams: [putting it on] And it even fits!
Wednesday Addams: Good.
[fires a cannonball, which was tied to the shackle. This sends Pugsley flying into the air... ]

Pugsley Addams: Aw, Thing, Wednesday is so good to me. I try to pay her back for all that she does, but nothing I do compares to her... her... her, uh...
[Thing appears with a diploma]
Pugsley Addams: Yeah, genius! I wish I could return the favour just ONCE!

Pugsley Addams: Hey, isn't that the dogcatcher who nabbed Uncle Mange last spring? He must be looking for another Addams to make miserable. Hmmm... Thing, that's it! I'll change Wednesday into a dog! Yeah! Then get her thrown in the pound for a few cold and lonely nights - she'll love it!

Pugsley Addams: All those late-night chemistry lessons... thank you, Uncle Fester!

Pugsley Addams: It's dog time, Thing!

Pugsley Addams: AHA! Surprise, sis!
[douses Wednesday]
Pugsley Addams: You are now a... porcupine?
Wednesday Addams: This has potential...

Pugsley Addams: [douses Wednesday] Okay! Now you are a dog!
[Out of the mist, a clawed hand holds out a picture of a dog... ]
Wednesday Addams: No, Pugsley, this dog... me GRIZZLY!
[unsheathes claws]

Pugsley Addams: Uh-oh! Now she's a wildebeest! Great... what do they do?
Wednesday Addams: [charging] Allow me!

Pugsley Addams: [being stomped by a rhinoceros Wednesday] Wait! Hold it! Time out!
Wednesday Addams: What ails you, brother?
Pugsley Addams: I wanted to change you into a dog and make you miserable, and look what happened! I got stomped, crushed, trampled... I mean, why should I have all the fun? It's just not fair!
Wednesday Addams: But brother Pugsley, I can think of no greater joy than pummeling you into non-existence.
Pugsley Addams: Do you really mean it?
Wednesday Addams: With all my heart.
Pugsley Addams: Cool! Then don't let me stop you! Let it pour, Thing!
[Thing douses Wednesday with several drops of the chemical]


"The Addams Family: Dead and Breakfast (#1.2)" (1992)
Pugsley Addams: Come on, let's tell them we don't want to open a hotel!
Wednesday Addams: We can't say that. You saw how excited they were. Look at them!
[points out the window]
Pugsley Addams: [looking out] Yeah, you know it's a big deal when Dad rolls out the barbed wire...
Wednesday Addams: Lurch, I need some advice. What should we do?
[Lurch moans]
Wednesday Addams: Do you really think so?
[Lurch moans]
Wednesday Addams: You're right, Lurch! We're Addamses through and through, and everyone knows what that means!
Pugsley Addams: We eat our young?
Wednesday Addams: No, Brain Zero! We never let each other down! It's the Addams way! Hotel management, here we come!

Wednesday Addams: We have to think of something to keep the Inspector busy or he'll shut us down be4 we finish our project!
Pugsley Addams: I'll get the bazooka!
Wednesday Addams: No, we need something worse.
Pugsley Addams: Worse than a bazooka?
Pugsley Addams, Wednesday Addams: GRANNY!

[Pugsley holds a spitting cobra at Wednesday]
Wednesday Addams: Stop it! We'll play later!
[Later, Wednesday points a cannon at Pugsley]
Pugsley Addams: You said we didn't have time for playing!
Wednesday Addams: Pardon me, I just get swept away sometimes...

[Mrs. Quaint asks for a safe to keep her pearls]
Pugsley Addams: Safe? Did you say safe?
[the children show Mrs. Quaint a vast crypt]
Pugsley Addams: [slapping away a tentacle] Not now, Otto, we're busy!
Wednesday Addams: We hid your box behind the cash bundle. Just go straight past the diamonds, then right at the pearl-studded silverware.

Pugsley Addams: Imagine, somewhere in our house stalks a wine-stealing, dangerous criminal!
Wednesday Addams: Isn't it great!

Uncle Fester: Did somebody say crime? That's my middle name!
Wednesday Addams: I thought plumbing was your middle name.
Uncle Fester: But that was last week. I've always been known as a sleuthist!
Pugsley Addams: Wow! Can you help us solve the mystery?

Pugsley Addams: The silverware's gone... and so's everything else!
Wednesday Addams: We've been plundered, pillaged!
Pugsley Addams: And robbed, too!


"The Addams Family: The Day Gomez Failed (#1.3)" (1992)
Wednesday Addams: Mother, Father, there be many men with bulldozers outside!
Morticia Addams: Oh how nice, visitors!
Pugsley Addams: Uh-uh, they're not visitors, Mom! They're from the City!
Wednesday Addams: Father, the foreman told us that the land you sold them was our house. They're going to demolish it!

Wednesday Addams: Hey, Dad, want to make the Mona Lisa frown?
Gomez Addams: Nope. Done that too.
Wednesday Addams: Don't worry, Father. We understand.
[Wednesday and Pugsley leave]
Pugsley Addams: Hey, Mona...
[a scream is heard]

Pugsley Addams: Bad news from the chocolate diet centre, Dad!
Wednesday Addams: People became sick from eating Uncle Fester's chocolate and started losing weight.
[the Addams home is flooded with money]
Wednesday Addams: That means your diet centre is...
Gomez Addams: Let me guess: a booming success.

Mr. Normanmeyer: Addams, I understand that you've been trying to fail...
Gomez Addams: Tish! It's all over town! What will the children do when the other kids tease them about their father who just can't fail?
Morticia Addams: There, there, dear, I'm sure they won't love their father any less. Will you, Pugsley?
Pugsley Addams: [brandishing a spiked flail] 'Course not, Mom! Oh, Wednesday... Olly olly oxen free! Come on, girl! Big brother's got a present for you...
Mr. Normanmeyer: Well, as a concerned underwear-coveting member of the community, I'm here to help. It's the neighborly thing to do. And I've got your ticket to failure, Addams!
Gomez Addams: [overjoyed] What a neighbor! Normanmeyer, old man, what is it? What is it?
Mr. Normanmeyer: [bringing out a map] The City needs a small piece of land to finish building its new freeway.
Gomez Addams: Please, say that it's one of MY pieces of land!
Mr. Normanmeyer: Bingo! And you can sell it to us really cheap!
Gomez Addams: At a major loss?
Mr. Normanmeyer: Generally speaking. You'll be a laughingstock of the neighborhood!
Gomez Addams: Did you hear that, Tish? I'll be a laughingstock! Scorned by the very community in which I live!
Morticia Addams: Mother and Father Addams would be so proud of you!
Gomez Addams: Hurry, Normanmeyer, let's make this official!

Gomez Addams: Fester, your diet chocolate convinced me to open up a whole line of centres!
Pugsley Addams: And we're glad we get to run them for you, Dad!
Wednesday Addams: That's right. The last thing people on a diet should do is consume mass quantities of chocolate.


"The Addams Family: Hide and Go Lurch/Hook, Line and Stinkers/A Sword Fightin' Thing (#1.11)" (1992)
Pugsley Addams: Dad, Uncle Fester, what's the big deal about an old horn?
Gomez Addams: Only the greatest game ever played, son!
Uncle Fester: Yeah, back when we were little critters like you!
Gomez Addams: First, we blew the horn as loud as we could...
Uncle Fester: Hopefully passing out from hyperventilation...
Gomez Addams: ...then Lurch would have until midnight to find us!
Morticia Addams: And he always did.
Gomez Addams: Ah, that's right, Tish! In all those years, we never once could shake the big fella! Except that one time we tied him to the faultline...

Wednesday Addams: Friend Lurch, confess. You knew they were under that weight all the time, did you not?
[Lurch moans with bashfulness]
Pugsley Addams: Ah, you old softy!

Gomez Addams: Well, Fester, I guess we'll never have to hide from Lurch again...
Uncle Fester: Yeah. No more humiliation, no more dragging our names through the mud...
Gomez Addams: What have we done?
[Fester starts crying and embraces his brother]
Pugsley Addams: Uh-oh! Somebody better do something...

Pugsley Addams: Dad, why can't we just trash my old head vice? I'm too big for it now!
Wednesday Addams: Yes, and I've outgrown the comfort of Uncle Fester's pickled tonsils set next to me at night.
Gomez Addams: Because, my little cretins, we Addamses never throw our things away. We cherish them. In here, the attic!

Gomez Addams: Children! Guess what I've found!
Pugsley Addams: Uncle Fester's first head?
Wednesday Addams: Does the third eye still blink?


"The Addams Family: Girlfriendstein/Pugsley by the Numbers/Beware of Thing (#1.4)" (1992)
Pugsley Addams: Maybe we can look around Lurch's room and find out what's bugging him!
[Wednesday and Pugsley slop into Lurch's room]
Wednesday Addams: Methinks we shouldn't be in here...
Pugsley Addams: Ah, Lurch said we could watch his TV anytime we wanted. So let's rummage!
[starts going through Lurch's belongings]
Wednesday Addams: [grabs] Calm down, Attila!

Wednesday Addams: I didn't know Lurch had a girlfriend...
Pugsley Addams: Listen to this letter! "Dear, Lurch... uh..."
Wednesday Addams: Oh, no! She left him!

Pugsley Addams: [eating a bug] Mmm-MMMM! Barbeque!

Uncle Fester: [a la Dr Frankenstein] It's ready! It's ready!
Pugsley Addams: What's ready, Uncle Fester?
Wednesday Addams: Lurch's new girlfriend?
Uncle Fester: Nah! My monkey-hair hoagie!


"The Addams Family: F.T.V. (#1.9)" (1992)
Mr. Normanmeyer: Wait a minute, a hopeless pinhead like you run a TV station?
Pugsley Addams: Yeah!
Mr. Normanmeyer: Why, never in my whole life have I heard of anything more ridiculous, more idiotic and... and bizarre!
Uncle Fester: [tears of joy] I knew you'd approve, but WOW! Your enthusiasm overwhelms me!

Mr. Normanmeyer: [points out the window] Say, isn't that a six-car pile-up?
Pugsley Addams: Cool!
[the Addamses rush over to the window to check it out]
Mr. Normanmeyer: [deactivating the satellite] Come on, baby, come on down...
[the Addams return from the window depressed]
Wednesday Addams: Darn the luck!
Uncle Fester: Oh, buck it!
Gomez Addams: Just another Johnson barbecue...
Mr. Normanmeyer: Well, I guess my eyes aren't what they used to be...

[the F.T.V. satellite is going to crash into town]
Pugsley Addams: [running outside] I want to be first!
Wednesday Addams: [following Pugsley] No, ME!
Uncle Fester: Way to go, Normster!


"The Addams Family: Pugsley's Allowance (#2.21)" (1966)
Mr. Glenville: Mrs. Addams, it is not the policy of the First National Bank to start our trainees off in the vault. What bothers me is how he got in there in the first place.
Morticia Frump Addams: Well, I think I can explain that. He dug a tunnel.
Mr. Glenville: A tunnel?
Morticia Frump Addams: Yes, he's always digging tunnels. Aren't you, Pugsley, darling?
Pugsley Addams: I had to. You kept throwing me out of your office.

Gomez Addams: Pugsley, why don't you give up job-hunting and take an allowance?
Pugsley Addams: I wanna work for my money.
[Pugsley leaves]
Gomez Addams: That boy's fallen in with the wrong crowd.


"The Addams Family: Addams Cum Laude (#2.25)" (1966)
Morticia Frump Addams: Why on Earth would the principal scold you?
Pugsley Addams: Search us. We were just showing the kids how to shoot dynamite caps.
Pugsley Addams: Ah, seems harmless enough. At last they weren't frittering away their time with marbles.

Pugsley Addams: When my octopus gave the teacher a hug, she got so flustered she rang the fire alarm.
Morticia Frump Addams: Dear Aristotle, he's such an affectionate creature.
Gomez Addams: Sometimes I worry about the way he takes up with total strangers.


"The Addams Family: The Addams Family Meets the Undercover Man (#1.16)" (1965)
Mr. Hollister: [locked in the stockade] Look, uh... would you get me out if I give you a pair of genuine undercover man's handcuffs?
Pugsley Addams: Nope. I already got a pair from a REGULAR cop that was here once.

Pugsley Addams: When we grow up, we're all going to meet in Bulgaria and fight the gypsies from outer space.


"The Addams Family: Happyester Fester (#1.1)" (1992)
Wednesday Addams: [improvising a formula] Fluorine. Benzene. Margarine. Nitroglycerine.
Pugsley Addams: Yeah!

[Pugsley throws food at his father]
Morticia Addams: Pugsley, where are your manners?
Pugsley Addams: Sorry, Mom.
Morticia Addams: You forgot the gravy!
Pugsley Addams: Oh, yeah. Sorry, Dad!
[throws gravy at his father]
Gomez Addams: Mmm. Crunchy, just the way I like it!


"The Addams Family: Morticia, the Writer (#2.8)" (1965)
Morticia Frump Addams: Imagine, poisoning a child's mind with all this terrible literature.
Gomez Addams: Children, have you protested?
Pugsley Addams: Sure. We told Miss Doubleday that us Addamses LIKE giants, goblins and witches.
Wednesday Addams: But she just muttered something about nuts.

Pugsley Addams: Look at these books they gave us to read in school: "A Treasury of Mean Witches, Evil Giants, Wicked Goblins & Other Bedtime Stories by Moricia Addams."
Wednesday Addams: Mother, how could you? Yuch!
Gomez Addams: Children, please, watch your language. Besides, your mother didn't write those. I did.
Morticia Frump Addams: Gomez, you?
Gomez Addams: Children, please go play with your spiders. Cara, much as it hurt to rewrite those glorious phrases of yours, I... I HAD to do it.
Morticia Frump Addams: And I know why.
Gomez Addams: You do?
Morticia Frump Addams: You wanted to prove that the only thing that publishers will print today is junk.


"The Addams Family: Sweetheart of a Brother (#2.4)" (1993)
Mortimer: [about the contents of his lunchbox] That thing's your lunch?
Pugsley Addams: Well, actually, I'm HIS lunch...
[jumps in]
Mortimer: Man, you are weird, Addams!
[runs off]
Wednesday Addams: Pugsley, tell your food to stop playing!

Pugsley Addams: No... You leave her alone!
[turns back into an Addams]


"The Addams Family: Itt's Over (#1.10)" (1992)
[first lines]
[a set of model trains are about to crash into each other at a crossroads]
Wednesday Addams: Prepare yourself, Pugsley!
Pugsley Addams: It's time to kick in the turbos! Oh yeah! Do it!
Wednesday Addams: And now for the coup de grace, Pugsley!
[Wednesday, Pugsley and Thing pull out plungers]
Gomez Addams: STOP! What are you two doing?
Wednesday Addams: We're sorry, Father. We didn't think you'd mind.
Gomez Addams: Mind? Of course I mind!
[takes a doll's pram, puts a cute teddy bear in it, and puts the pram on the crossroads... ]
Gomez Addams: Ah, yes...!
Pugsley Addams: Yeah!
Gomez Addams: [grabbing a plunger] Let her rip, my lovely little atrocities!
Wednesday Addams: Oui, mon papa!
[big explosion]
Pugsley Addams: GOTCHA!
Gomez Addams: Now THAT"s the way to enjoy a wreck!

Pugsley Addams: [in a bakery] Oh, boy! Donuts!
[takes a bite out of one and gags]
Wednesday Addams: What's wrong?
Pugsley Addams: These donuts are fresh!
Wednesday Addams: [shudders] Ewww! 'Tis a mixed world we live in!


"The Addams Family: Wednesday Leaves Home (#1.10)" (1964)
Pugsley Addams: Got any money?
Wednesday Addams: Twelve cents.
Pugsley Addams: Good. I thought you were broke.


"The Addams Family: Double O Honeymoon (#2.5)" (1993)
Wednesday Addams: [holding a stick] Mother, Father, might I strike the gong and start a family dance?
Pugsley Addams: [tied to the gong] Yeah, let's break it down!
Gomez Addams: Excellent idea, my little cremators!
Uncle Fester: [holding a diper] I got it! how about Oopsie Addams' Diper Play?
Uncle Fester: But Fester, you haven't built a picnic table in years!
Uncle Fester: Oh, yeah...


"The Addams Family: My Son, the Chimp (#1.28)" (1965)
Uncle Fester Frump: Well, n-now, take it easy, Pugsley, old boy. Rap once and whistle twice for yes, and rap twice and whistle three times for no.
Pugsley Addams: [confused, he simply calls out] HELP!


"The New Scooby-Doo Movies: Wednesday Is Missing (#1.3)" (1972)
Daphne: Something brushed against me!
Fred: That was me!
Shaggy: That's nothing, a *brush* brushed against me!
Pugsley Addams: That was Cousin It.


"The Addams Family: Cousin Itt's Problem (#2.6)" (1965)
Morticia Frump Addams: What is it, Lurch? Is something wrong?
Lurch: Hair!
Pugsley Addams: Mother, look. There's hair on the chair, too.
Morticia Frump Addams: Cousin Itt, you're losing your hair!


"The Addams Family: Christmas with the Addams Family (#2.15)" (1965)
[Confront by a second Santa Claus in their house, Wednesday pulls Pugsley aside]
Wednesday Addams: Either that's Grandmama or Santa Claus is a woman.
Pugsley Addams: Either that or Grandmama's a man.


"The Addams Family: Feud in the Addams Family (#2.11)" (1965)
Pugsley Addams: Yesterday she got so upset for him while waiting for his call that she let the trains run for twenty minutes without one crash.
Morticia Frump Addams: Wednesday, you didn't.
Gomez Addams: Shocking waste of electricity. We could've recharged Uncle Fester TEN TIMES with all that power.
Wednesday Addams: I'm sorry, Father, but you don't measure love with dollars.
Pugsley Addams: That's a woman for ya.


"The Addams Family: Morticia and Gomez vs. Fester and Grandmama (#2.17)" (1966)
Wednesday Addams: My guillotine's busted.
Inez Thudd: "Broken," not "busted."
Pugsley Addams: Well, either way, we can't make it work.
Inez Thudd: You must think positively. Keep repeating firmly to yourself, "My guillotine WILL work. My guillotine WILL work. My guillotine WILL WORK."


"The Addams Family: Morticia, the Breadwinner (#1.26)" (1965)
[Wednesday and Pugsley stand before their sidewalk drink stand sign: "Henbane on the Rocks 25¢."]
Man at Drink Stand: Well, how's business, kids?
Pugsley Addams: Pretty slow, sir.
Man at Drink Stand: Gee, with a cute sign like that, you should be doin' great. "Henbane on the Rocks." Boy, those trade names get wackier every day. Let me have a tall one, son.
Pugsley Addams: Yes, sir.
Man at Drink Stand: Well, always like to help out the small business man. Cheers.
Pugsley Addams: Cheers.
[the customer drinks and chokes. Smoke shoots out of his ears]
Wednesday Addams: Would you like some more?
Man at Drink Stand: [gasping] I'd like some help! I'm gonna tell my lawyer about this.
Pugsley Addams: [turns to Wednesday] See? Satisfied customers ALWAYS tell their friends.


"The Addams Family: Happy Birthday, Grandma Frump (#2.22)" (1966)
Granny Hester Frump: Say, you kids look like a couple o' ghosts.
Pugsley Addams: Gosh, thanks, Granny!


"The Addams Family: Morticia Joins the Ladies League (#1.6)" (1964)
Pugsley Addams: I'd rather know Gorgo. I've got lots of people-friends, but I don't know one gorilla.


"The Addams Family: Gomez, the Reluctant Lover (#2.10)" (1965)
Pugsley Addams: I'm writing a letter.
Morticia Frump Addams: [sniffs] Scented?
Pugsley Addams: Licorice. My favorite.


"The Addams Family: Morticia's Romance: Part 2 (#2.3)" (1965)
Pugsley Addams: This is the best storm since lightning put the short circuit in Uncle Fester.
Wednesday Addams: You remember all those red, white and blue flashes coming from his head?


"The Addams Family: Morticia and the Psychiatrist (#1.2)" (1964)
Morticia Frump Addams: What's closer in this world than a boy and his mother?
Pugsley Addams: A boy and his octopus?