Princess Vespa
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Quotes for
Princess Vespa (Character)
from Spaceballs (1987)

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Spaceballs (1987)
[as they are trekking through the desert]
Lone Starr: Water. Water.
Barf: [Barf is panting with his tongue hanging out]
Dot Matrix: Oil. Oil.
Princess Vespa: Room service. Room service.

Princess Vespa: I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King of the Druids.
Lone Starr: Oh great. That's all we needed. A Druish princess.
Barf: Funny, she doesn't look Druish.

[Princess Vespa has been given a gun]
Princess Vespa: I ain't shooting this thing, I hate guns.
[her hair gets singed by a laser]
Princess Vespa: My hair, he shot my hair. Son of a bitch!
[begins blasting]

Princess Vespa: [the quartet enters Yogurt's lair]
Princess Vespa: What is this place?
Barf: It looks like the Temple of Doom.
Dot Matrix: Well it sure ain't Temple Beth Israel.

Princess Vespa: Who are you?
Barf: Barf!
Dot Matrix: Not in here, mister! This is a Mercedes!

Dot Matrix: I was saying; Do you realize what you've done?
Princess Vespa: Yes, and I'm glad. Glad, glad, glad, glad, glad.
Dot Matrix: I wonder if she's glad.

Princess Vespa: Hey! I don't have to put up with this! I'm rich!

Princess Vespa: Ha, didn't even stay for the wedding. Just took his million spacebucks and ran.
King Roland: He didn't take the million...

Minister: Excuse me! I'm trying to conduct a wedding here which has nothing to do with love, so please be quiet!
Princess Vespa: I'm sorry!
King Roland: I'm sorry
Prince Valium: I'm sorry too.
Minister: Don't be sorry, be quiet!
Princess Vespa, King Roland, Prince Valium: I'm sorry!

Minister: Do you?
Lone Starr: Yes
Minister: Do you?
Princess Vespa: Yes
Minister: GOOD, you're married. KISS HER!

Princess Vespa: Now listen you...
Lone Starr: You listen. On this ship, you're to refer to me as 'idiot', not 'you captain'. I mean, you know what I mean.
Princess Vespa: And you will not call me 'you'. You will never address me as 'you'. You will call me 'your royal highness'.
Lone Starr: You are royal pain in the...
Barf: Whoa, hold it, time.

Barf: (reacting to the guards being shot by Princess Vespa) HOLY SHIT!
Princess Vespa: How was that?
Lone Starr: Not bad.
Barf: Not bad... for a girl.
Dot Matrix: Hey that was pretty good for RAMBO!

Lone Starr: Who hasn't heard of Yogurt!
Princess Vespa: Yogurt the Wise!
Dot Matrix: Yogurt the All-Powerful!
Barf: Yogurt the Magnificent!
Yogurt: Please, please, don't make a fuss. I'm just plain Yogurt.

Princess Vespa: What's going on?
Dot Matrix: It's either the 4th of July, or someone's trying to kill us!

Lone Starr: Called me an idiot! I'm going back there and explain a few things to her.
Dot Matrix: Besides he got a sexy voice. He might be cute.
Barf: Wait. You haven't seen what she looks like.
Lone Starr: I know what she looks like. You've seen one princess, you've seen them all.
Princess Vespa: Cute? I know these space bums, they're all alike. Fat, ugly...
Lone Starr: Buck-toothed, knock-kneed...
Princess Vespa: Beer-swilling pigs!
Lone Starr: Horse-faced space dogs!

Princess Vespa: I really must go back. I shouldn't have run away. I realize now that love is one luxury a princess cannot afford.
Lone Starr: You're probably right.
Princess Vespa: I know now that I must learn to live without love.
Lone Starr: I guess so.
Princess Vespa: Besides, love isn't that important.
Lone Starr: Nah... It never was!
Princess Vespa: I could be perfectly happy the rest of my life without...
[turns and looks into Lone Starr's eyes, pauses]
Princess Vespa: love.
Lone Starr: Sure you could.
Princess Vespa: Without physical contact.
Lone Starr: Yeah.
Princess Vespa: Without being held.
Lone Starr: Yeah.
Princess Vespa: Or kissed...
[they go to kiss, but right before they make contact, Dot Matrix's "Virgin Alarm" goes off]

Princess Vespa: [singing in a very deep tone] Nobody knows...
Lone Starr: It's coming from there.
Barf: That can't be her.
[Lone Starr and Barf walk toward the cell that the singing is coming from]
Princess Vespa: [singing in a very deep tone] ... the trouble I've seen...
[Lone Starr opens eye slot in jail cell door and sees Princess Vespa singing]
Princess Vespa: [singing in a very deep tone] Nobody knows but Jesus.
Lone Starr: It's her.
Princess Vespa: [Barf looks in - Princess Vespa still singing in a very deep tone] Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.
Barf: She's a bass.

Princess Vespa: [looking up at the night sky] Which one's yours?
Lone Starr: Who knows?
Princess Vespa: You don't know where you're from?
Lone Starr: Not really. I was found on the doorstep of a monastery.
Princess Vespa: A monastery? Where?
Lone Starr: Somewhere in the Ford Galaxy.

Dot Matrix: [Mega Maid is sucking the air away from Druidia] What'll we do?
Lone Starr: We've got to act fast. Step one, we reverse the vacuum and blow the air back onto the planet. Step two, we destroy that thing.
Princess Vespa: But isn't that dangerous?
Lone Starr: Extremely. Plus, I don't know how the hell we're gonna do it!

"Spaceballs: The Animated Series: Watch Your Assic Park (#1.4)" (2008)
Barf: Whoah by Jove it works, the precocious little girl's a hero.
Princess Vespa: Oh, is she? Then riddle me this: why didn't she stop these creatures two acts ago?
Lone Starr: Oh, zip it, Vespa, nobody wants to hear your logic problems. Besides, the episode's almost over.

Lone Starr: Ok, guys, I've found a dimly lit, confusing to navigate pasageway where we can wait out what will presumably be the final minutes of our lives in mindnumbing terror. What do you think?
Barf: Good Plan.
Princess Vespa: Ok.
Dot Matrix: Let's go.
Princess Vespa: Yeah.

Princess Vespa: Lone Starr, do something!
Lone Starr: Like what?
Princess Vespa: Use the Schwartz, you tool!

Princess Vespa: Look, Skroob, why don't you tell us what your evil plan is so we can speed things along here.
President Skroob: Ok, fair enough. Helmet?
Dark Helmet: Hm?
President Skroob: Prepare the expositional film strip.

Princess Vespa: What's Skroob doing here?
Lone Starr: Well, he kinda... owns the Spankees.
Princess Vespa: What? How can you root for a team run by the most evil man in the galaxy?
Lone Starr: It's a moral conundrum I've chosen to ignore, ok, princess?

"Spaceballs: The Animated Series: Mighty Meteor (#1.7)" (2008)
Princess Vespa: When was the last time we drove with Lone Starr and it didn't smell like hot wet barf inside?
Barf: [about to hit the shower] Huh, I'll remedy that shortly, sisters.

Dot Matrix: What's up with Lone Starr and his van? He's like... obsessed.
Barf: Hah. You know what he's been calling it lately? Huh. His 'Man'.
Princess Vespa: You're kidding. His what?
Lone Starr: My Man. Half miracle, half man. Just like Barf is my Mawg, half man half dog.

Yogurt: Where the hell is Lone Starr? We need him to safe Druidia from this meteor.
Princess Vespa: Oh, he's busy rubbing wax on his Man.

"Spaceballs: The Animated Series: Hairy Putter and the Gopher of Fire (#1.6)" (2008)
Princess Vespa: No thank you, Lone Starr's got my royal hynie covered.

Lone Starr: So, we're gonna get some golf supplies, wanna come along?
Princess Vespa: Are you kidding? This little royal hynie was born with a credit card in her hand. Seriously, daddy had it removed.

"Spaceballs: The Animated Series: Deep Ship (#1.11)" (2008)
Princess Vespa: What is it about long, hard, tubular things that I find so fascinating?
Dot Matrix: Talk about your Freudian ship.

Princess Vespa: What a great job.
Lone Starr: Oh, I'd love to hear you say that in another context.
Princess Vespa: Don't stop!
Lone Starr: That too.

"Spaceballs: The Animated Series: Spaceballs of the Caribbean (#1.8)" (2008)
Princess Vespa: Listen, Lone Starr, when I loaned you the money to pay me back the money that you owed me, I expected to be paid.
Lone Starr: You'll get your money, and your money.

Princess Vespa: This is terrible!
Lone Starr: I know, without my Schwarz...
Princess Vespa: No, I mean Barf's hogging all my eyeliner.
Barf: Frankly it looks better on me, sweetie.
Princess Vespa: [sighs] Bitch.

"Spaceballs: The Animated Series: Grand Theft Starship (#1.2)" (2008)
Lone Starr: [Lone Starr and Vespa are tied to the front of a tank] Uh, I know this is usually your line, but I think we're doomed.
Princess Vespa: Then there is only one thing left to do: scream.
Lone Starr: What good is that gonna do?
Princess Vespa: [stutters] Well, I, eeh, I don't know, but it always works for me.
[both take a deep breath and start screaming]

Princess Vespa: Just call him, I mean doesn't Yogurt have a cellphone?
Lone Starr: Eh, he does, but he doesn't know how to use it.
Princess Vespa: [sighs] Sounds just like my dad.

"Spaceballs: The Animated Series: Druidian Idol (#1.12)" (2008)
Princess Vespa: [on phone] Hi, this is Princess Vespa, I'd like to place an order for item 94563? Yes, the matching space jets. Eh, but forget the his, give me to hers instead.

"Spaceballs: The Animated Series: Lord of the Onion Rings (#1.3)" (2008)
Yogurt: Then we shall be the fellowship of the Onion Ring. But this is a dangerous mission. So we'll need indecipherable codenames. Barf, your name will be Barf Baggins. Lonestarr, you'll be Lone Staragorn and Vespa...
Princess Vespa: Can I be her most royal highness the incomparably beautiful?
Lone Star: Oh please.
Yogurt: You'll be Vesparwen.