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Quotes for
Barf (Character)
from Spaceballs (1987)

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Spaceballs (1987)
[after attempting to get out of a chair with his seatbelt on]
Barf: Oh! That's gonna leave a mark.

Barf: It's not that we're afraid, far from it, it's just that we've got this thing about death... It's not us!

[as they are trekking through the desert]
Lone Starr: Water. Water.
Barf: [Barf is panting with his tongue hanging out]
Dot Matrix: Oil. Oil.
Princess Vespa: Room service. Room service.

Lone Starr: A million? That's unfair.
Pizza the Hutt: Unfair to payor but not to payee. But you're gonna pay it, or else!
Barf: Or else what?
Pizza the Hutt: Tell him, Vinnie.
Vinnie: Or else Pizza is gonna send out for *you*!

Princess Vespa: I am Princess Vespa, daughter of Roland, King of the Druids.
Lone Starr: Oh great. That's all we needed. A Druish princess.
Barf: Funny, she doesn't look Druish.

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!

Barf: I know we need the money, but...
Lone Starr: Listen! We're not just doing this for money!
Barf: [Barf looks at him, raises his ears]
Lone Starr: We're doing it for a SHIT LOAD of money!

Barf: The minute we move in they're gonna spot us on their radar.
Lone Starr: Nuh-uh.
Barf: Uh-huh.
Lone Starr: Nuh-uh.
Barf: Uh-uh.
Lone Starr: Nuh-uh. Not if we jam it.
Barf: Aha! You're right.
Lone Starr: Down scope.
Barf: Down scope.
[puts down a periscope and targets the Spaceball 1's radar dish]
Barf: Radar about to be "jammed."
[then, a huge jar of "jam" smashes into the dish]

Pizza the Hutt: Well, if it isn't Lone Star. And his sidekick, Puke.
Barf: That's Barf.
Pizza the Hutt: Barf... Puke... *Whatever!*

Princess Vespa: [the quartet enters Yogurt's lair]
Princess Vespa: What is this place?
Barf: It looks like the Temple of Doom.
Dot Matrix: Well it sure ain't Temple Beth Israel.

Princess Vespa: Who are you?
Barf: Barf!
Dot Matrix: Not in here, mister! This is a Mercedes!

Barf: [Spaceball 1 roars by them, in a plaid colouration of speed] Aah!
Barf: What the hell was that?
Lonestar: Spaceball 1.
Barf: They've gone to plaid!

Yogurt: I am the keeper of a greater magic, a power known throughout the universe... as the...
Barf: ...the Force?
Yogurt: No, the Schwartz!

Lone Starr: We gotta get moving before dawn.
Barf: Why so early?
Lone Starr: Because we're in the middle of a desert and we're not going to get very far once that blazing sun gets overhead.
[screen dissolves into a shot of the blazing sun overhead, with Lone Starr and Barf still slightly visible]
Barf: Nice dissolve.

Minister: What's your name?
Barf: Barf.
Minister: Your full name?
[Barf sucks in chest to look stronger]
Barf: Barfolomew!

Princess Vespa: Now listen you...
Lone Starr: You listen. On this ship, you're to refer to me as 'idiot', not 'you captain'. I mean, you know what I mean.
Princess Vespa: And you will not call me 'you'. You will never address me as 'you'. You will call me 'your royal highness'.
Lone Starr: You are royal pain in the...
Barf: Whoa, hold it, time.

Lone Starr: [sees Barf carrying a lot of luggage] Checking in? What the hell is all that?
Barf: [unintelligable from the bag in his mouth] Ith her oyal igness' atched uggage!
Lone Starr: What?
Barf: [pulls the bag out of his mouth] Her royal highness' matched luggage!
Lone Starr: Matched luggage? What does she think this is, a princess cruise?

Barf: (reacting to the guards being shot by Princess Vespa) HOLY SHIT!
Princess Vespa: How was that?
Lone Starr: Not bad.
Barf: Not bad... for a girl.
Dot Matrix: Hey that was pretty good for RAMBO!

Lone Starr: Chief... I can't... I can't go any further. I can't go any further.
Lone Starr: Just one more dune to go.
Barf: That's what you said three dunes ago. I got no more left. Oh, waiter... cheque please.
[collapses, dropping Dot]
Lone Starr: Must go on... MUST GO ON! Must go on...
[stops]
Lone Starr: Who am I kidding?
[Drops Vespa, collapses]

Lone Starr: Who hasn't heard of Yogurt!
Princess Vespa: Yogurt the Wise!
Dot Matrix: Yogurt the All-Powerful!
Barf: Yogurt the Magnificent!
Yogurt: Please, please, don't make a fuss. I'm just plain Yogurt.

Dot Matrix: Hey, stop looking up my can.
Barf: Sorry.

Lone Starr: Called me an idiot! I'm going back there and explain a few things to her.
Dot Matrix: Besides he got a sexy voice. He might be cute.
Barf: Wait. You haven't seen what she looks like.
Lone Starr: I know what she looks like. You've seen one princess, you've seen them all.
Princess Vespa: Cute? I know these space bums, they're all alike. Fat, ugly...
Lone Starr: Buck-toothed, knock-kneed...
Princess Vespa: Beer-swilling pigs!
Lone Starr: Horse-faced space dogs!

[watching Spaceball One change into MegaMaid]
Barf: Oh, my gosh. It's not just a spaceship. It's a Transformer.

Barf: Abandon ship! Abandon ship! Women and mogs first!

Princess Vespa: [singing in a very deep tone] Nobody knows...
Lone Starr: It's coming from there.
Barf: That can't be her.
[Lone Starr and Barf walk toward the cell that the singing is coming from]
Princess Vespa: [singing in a very deep tone] ... the trouble I've seen...
[Lone Starr opens eye slot in jail cell door and sees Princess Vespa singing]
Princess Vespa: [singing in a very deep tone] Nobody knows but Jesus.
Lone Starr: It's her.
Princess Vespa: [Barf looks in - Princess Vespa still singing in a very deep tone] Nobody knows the trouble I've seen.
Barf: She's a bass.

Barf, Lone Starr: [after the chest-bursting alien dances across the counter at the diner] Check please!

Barf: [Steps out of motorhome and flips off guards while making kissing sounds]

Barf: [after Spaceball 1 zooms past the Winnebago at 'ludicrous speed'] They must've overshot us by about a week!


"Spaceballs: The Animated Series: Mighty Meteor (#1.7)" (2008)
Barf: I'll get the duct tape.
Lone Starr: No, Barf. I think it's time...
Barf: No, no, don't say it, don't say it!
Lone Starr: ...for a new van.
Barf: Ah, you said it! Have you no heart? This, this van is vintage. It's, it's, it's got history.
Lone Starr: It's got pizza from 1983 under the seats. Point taken.

Princess Vespa: When was the last time we drove with Lone Starr and it didn't smell like hot wet barf inside?
Barf: [about to hit the shower] Huh, I'll remedy that shortly, sisters.

Dot Matrix: What's up with Lone Starr and his van? He's like... obsessed.
Barf: Hah. You know what he's been calling it lately? Huh. His 'Man'.
Princess Vespa: You're kidding. His what?
Lone Starr: My Man. Half miracle, half man. Just like Barf is my Mawg, half man half dog.

Barf: Hey, didn't this just happen before the commercial?

Barf: I guess that sound means were going to commercial again huh?
Dot Matrix: I hope it's for adult dating.


"Spaceballs: The Animated Series: Lord of the Onion Rings (#1.3)" (2008)
Barf: Spaceballs at 3 o'clock... Spaceballs at 8 o'clock... Spaceballs rockin' us around the clock.
Lone Star: Let's get the clock outta here.

Barf Baggins: What kind of sicko would exploit my addiction to onion rings? I need a commercial break!

Barf Baggins: It was Lone Staragorn. He tried to take the Onion Ring from me.
Vesparwen: Lone Staragorn, get a hold of yourself!
Lone Staragorn: I am the leader here, I should be the one to wear the ring.
Vesparwen: Oh yeah? I'm the girl here and if there's any jewelry to be worn, I should be the one to wear it.

Bad Barfum: My delicious! My delicious! Fatty Barf Baggins wants to destroy my delicous.


"Spaceballs: The Animated Series: Spaceballs of the Caribbean (#1.8)" (2008)
Dark Helmet: Not so fast, Lone Starr and... and gypsy girl?
Barf: Not gypsy, pirate!
Dark Helmet: Oh? What's your name, Pirate girl?
Barf: Black Barf.
Dark Helmet: Sound like what happened after I ate too much lickorice.

Princess Vespa: This is terrible!
Lone Starr: I know, without my Schwarz...
Princess Vespa: No, I mean Barf's hogging all my eyeliner.
Barf: Frankly it looks better on me, sweetie.
Princess Vespa: [sighs] Bitch.


"Spaceballs: The Animated Series: Watch Your Assic Park (#1.4)" (2008)
Barf: Whoah by Jove it works, the precocious little girl's a hero.
Princess Vespa: Oh, is she? Then riddle me this: why didn't she stop these creatures two acts ago?
Lone Starr: Oh, zip it, Vespa, nobody wants to hear your logic problems. Besides, the episode's almost over.

Lone Starr: Ok, guys, I've found a dimly lit, confusing to navigate pasageway where we can wait out what will presumably be the final minutes of our lives in mindnumbing terror. What do you think?
Barf: Good Plan.
Princess Vespa: Ok.
Dot Matrix: Let's go.
Princess Vespa: Yeah.


"Spaceballs: The Animated Series: Hairy Putter and the Gopher of Fire (#1.6)" (2008)
Barf: Nothing like the smell of Mawgdirt in the morning


"Spaceballs: The Animated Series: Fishfinger (#1.9)" (2008)
Lone Starr: [Lone Starr's wristwatch is beeping] Uh oh, it's Vespa. She needs me right away.
Yogurt: Oh, she needs him right away, sure. Sure, let's, let's put saving the galaxy's food supply on hold because you've got a needy girlfriend.
Lone Starr: She's not needy.
[his watch beeps again]
Lone Starr: Oh, I'm sorry, I really gotta go.
Barf: Yeah yeah, I really gotta go too, but you know, behind a bush.


"Spaceballs: The Animated Series: Grand Theft Starship (#1.2)" (2008)
Barf: Look, maybe this was a waste of time. They're trapped inside a video game but obviously you wouldn't know the first thing about games.
Yogurt: Are you kidding? I was the star fo the world's first educational game "Yogurt teaches typing A thru E"
Barf: Why only A thru E?
Yogurt: Showbusiness. Always leave 'em wanting more.