Joel Cairo
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Quotes for
Joel Cairo (Character)
from The Maltese Falcon (1941)

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The Maltese Falcon (1941)
Joel Cairo: Look what you did to my shirt.

Joel Cairo: You always have a very smooth explanation ready.
Sam Spade: What do you want me to do, learn to stutter?

Joel Cairo: You... you bungled it. You and your stupid attempt to buy it. Kemedov found out how valuable it was, no wonder we had such an easy time stealing it. You... you imbecile. You bloated idiot. You stupid fat-head you.
[cries]

Joel Cairo: I am prepared to pay five thousand dollars for the figure's return. Do you have it?
Sam Spade: No.
Joel Cairo: But if it isn't here, why did you risk serious injury to prevent my searching for it?
Sam Spade: Why should I sit around here and let people come in and stick me up?
Joel Cairo: But certainly it is only natural that I try to save the owner such a considerable expense if possible.

Joel Cairo: I certainly wish you would have invented a more reasonable story. I felt distinctly like an idiot repeating it.
Sam Spade: Don't worry about the story's goofiness. A sensible one would have had us all in the cooler.

Joel Cairo: Might I remind you Mr. Spade that you may have the falcon, but we certainly have you.

[to Spade]
Joel Cairo: No, no. Our private conversations have not been such that I am anxious to continue them. Forgive me for speaking so bluntly, but it is the truth.

Kasper Gutman: Well, sir, what do you suggest? We stand here and shed tears and call each other names... or shall we go to Istanbul?
Joel Cairo: Are you going?
Kasper Gutman: Seventeen years I've wanted that little item and I've been trying to get it. If we must spend another year on the quest... well, sir, it will be an additional expenditure in time of only... five and fifteen seventeenths percent.


Satan Met a Lady (1936)
Ted Shayne: Find anything in the divan?
Anthony Travers: Only a few hairpins and some loose change.
Ted Shayne: [holding out hat] Come across!

Anthony Travers: Then you have the trumpet?
Ted Shayne: No.
Anthony Travers: But you know where it is?
Ted Shayne: Nope.
Anthony Travers: What? You've just inveigled me into telling you what it is. I say that's a pretty rotten trick, old boy. That's not cricket!


The Maltese Falcon (1931)
[repeated line]
Dr. Joel Cairo: You will please clasp your hands together at the back of your neck.