Michael J. 'Crocodile' Dundee
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Quotes for
Michael J. 'Crocodile' Dundee (Character)
from Crocodile Dundee (1986)

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Crocodile Dundee (1986)
Sue Charlton: That croc was going to eat me alive.
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Well, I wouldn't hold that against him. Same thought crossed my mind once or twice.
Sue Charlton: [smiling in slightly bashful amusement, while still allowing herself a little quiet satisfaction from Mick's compliment that she looks "delectable enough to eat"] Good night, Mick.

Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Of course it took me a week to crawl this far. I thought I was a goner. I said to meself, "Mick old son, find yourself a nice comfortable spot and lay down and die".
Sue Charlton: Weren't you afraid?
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Of dying? Nah. I read The Bible once. You know God and Jesus and all them apostles? They were all fishermen, just like me. Yeah, straight to heaven for Mick Dundee. Yep, me and God, we'd be mates.
[they continue along the way followed by Mick after he had been attacked and injured by a crocodile]

Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: [seeing a woman's shapely bare foot and lower leg seductively appear around the doorway to the washroom, and then sighing with relief after seeing that it's only Sue playfully teasing him] For a minute there, uh, "room-service" took on a whole new meaning.

Teenage Mugger: [Dundee and Sue are approached by a black youth stepping out from the shadows, followed by some others] You got a light, buddy?
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Yeah, sure kid.
[reaches for lighter]
Teenage Mugger: [flicks open switchblade] And your wallet!
Sue Charlton: [guardedly] Mick, give him your wallet.
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: [amused] What for?
Sue Charlton: [cautiously] He's got a knife.
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: [chuckles] That's not a knife.
[he pulls out a large bowie knife]
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: THAT's a knife.
[Dundee slashes the teen mugger's jacket and maintains eyeball to eyeball stare]
Teenage Mugger: Shit!
[he and his friends run off]
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: [to Sue] Just kids having fun. You all right?
Sue Charlton: [relieved] I'm always all right when I'm with you, Dundee.

Richard Mason: New York City, Mr. Dundee. Home to seven million people.
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: That's incredible. Imagine seven million people all wanting to live together. Yeah, New York must be the friendliest place on earth.

[Mick "Crocodile" Dundee singing in the bathtub]
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: If I give my heart to you...
[pause]
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Then I'll have none and you'll have two...

Sue Charlton: How does he find his way in the dark?
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: He "thinks" his way. A lot of people believe that they're telepathic.
[Sounds of branches breaking, splashing]
Neville Bell: OOOOh, God, I hate the bush.

Neville Bell: [Mick has just snuck up on Nev and is holding his knife to Nev's throat] Ah, Mick! You frightened shit out of me!
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: So I oughta, mate. Sneaking up on a man when he's rendering first aid to a lady.
Neville Bell: Ah, is that what you were doing?

Walter Reilly: [after the fight with the croc in the bar, Mick joins Sue and Wally] Sorry if that frightened you, miss. Uh, you see, it's **stuffed**.
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: [Mick indicates "Cyril"] Him an' me both, Wal.
[notices the cute and "proper" Sue for the first time, and shyly smiles and tips his hat]
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Michael J "Crocodile" Dundee.
Sue Charlton: [Sue shakes his hand] Never-Never Safaris.
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Yeah, er, "never" go out with us... If you do, you'll "never" come back. Right, Wal?
Walter Reilly: [giggles and nods]

Sue Charlton: [Sue and Mick are dancing] Legend has it a crocodile took half your leg off.
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: ...
[Mick rolls up his trousers]
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: More like a love bite really. Here ya are, enough about me leg. Let me tell you about the rest of me. "Up North in the Never-Never, where the land is harsh and bare, lives a mighty hunter named Mick Dundee
[points to himself]
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: who can dance like Fred Astaire".

Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: [Sue and Mick are kissing at Echo Lake. Wally calls in the distance] Bloody Wally. He's only been here a dozen times. He's probably lost.

Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: I don't mean to put down your black widow spider, but the funnelweb spider can kill a man in eight seconds, just by lookin' at him.

Walter Reilly: Right, well, ah. 'Till Wednesday. Cheerio
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Wednesday
[Walks off, pauses, turns back to Walter]
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: What's today, Wal?
Walter Reilly: Monday
[Mick walks away]
Walter Reilly: Doesn't know. Doesn't care. Heh! Lucky Bastard.

Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Well, you see, Aborigines don't own the land.They belong to it. It's like their mother. See those rocks? Been standing there for 600 million years. Still be there when you and I are gone. So arguing over who owns them is like two fleas arguing over who owns the dog they live on.

Sue Charlton: Is it dead?
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: [looks at the crocodile with his knife in its skull] Well, if it isn't, it'll be a helluva job skinning the bastard.

Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: [Mick brings stuffed croc up to the bar after making his grand entrance] Two beers, Ida. One for me, and one for me mate.
Ida: [laughing] One for your mate! Ya mad bugger!

Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: [a goanna is sizzling over a fire. Sue looks ill] How do you like your goanna? Medium? Well done?
Sue Charlton: You don't really expect me to eat that?
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Yeah, its great. Yeah, try some of these yams, try the grubs and the sugar ants. Just bite the end off, they're really sweet. Black fellas love 'em.
Sue Charlton: [tentatively tries a large beetle] What about you, aren't you having any?
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Me?
[Mick starts working on a tin with his knife]
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: ...Well, you can live on it, but it taste like shit.

Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: I was sorta married once - - nice girl, good cook, biiig chest. Then I went walkabout, and when I came back, she'd gone.
Sue Charlton: How long were you gone?
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Couple of months.
Walter Reilly: Try eighteen.
Sue Charlton: And she didn't wait? Humph - strange girl!
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Yeah!

Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Flat out like a lizard drinkin'.

Sue Charlton: People go to a psychiatrist to talk about their problems. She just needed to unload them. You know, bring them out in the open.
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Hasn't she got any mates?
Sue Charlton: You're right. I guess we could all use more mates. I suppose you don't have any shrinks at Walkabout Creek.
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Nah - - back there, if you got a problem, you tell Wally. And he tells everyone in town... brings it out in the open... no more problem.

Sue Charlton: [helping Mick get settled in to his NYC apartment] There's a TV over there if you get bored.
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: Oh, yeah - - I remember television from way back. I saw it at a buddy's house one time.
Michael J. "Crocodile" Dundee: [turns on the set and sees an "oldies re-run" of an "I Love Lucy" show pop up on the screen] Yup - - that's what I saw that time.


Crocodile Dundee in Los Angeles (2001)
The Wendy's Girl: Welcome to Wendy's. How may I help you?
Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Good evening, Wendy!

Miss Mathis: Your son says that you're a hunter, and that you hunt and kill crocodiles.
Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Aw, geez he should know better than that, Crocodiles are protected. I don't kill them, I catch them alive.
Miss Mathis: [amazed] Oh!
Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Don't you worry. There'll be no more fibs.

Sue Charleton: So did he behave?
Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Oh, yeah he was no trouble.
Sue Charleton: Not you. I was talking to Mikey!

Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: [just before leaving curator's office, he notices a painting] Who painted this?
Curator: Pablo Picasso.
Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: I'm a drinkin' man myself, but I've never been *that* wasted.

[Driving into Wendy's Drive-Thru]
Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Now, you pick out what you want on that menu there. Then you yell it out into that box. Then in 2 minutes, you're scoffing it down, without even getting out of the car.
Jacko: So, you can eat like a pig... and nobody can see you.
[winks]
Jacko: Clever buggers, these yanks.

Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Couldn't you just buy the actual paintings?
Phil: Maybe for a big motion picture like Mission Impossible 3. But I haven't seen Tom Cruise around the set, have you?
Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: [thinking] Tom Cruise... what's he look like?
Phil: [confused] Like Tom Cruise...... Geez Mick, where you born in a cave?
Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Yeah! How'd you know that?
Phil: Never mind.

[After foiling some gangsters who try to mug them]
Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Now I know why they call L.A. 'The city on wheels'.
Jacko: Why's that?
Mick "Crocodile" Dundee: Well they don't even get out of there car to mug ya.