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[Don's about to start shooting a new movie
] Cosmo Brown
: What's this one about? Don Lockwood
: It's a French revolution story... Cosmo Brown
: Don't tell me. You're a French aristocrat, she's a simple girl of the people, and she won't even give you a tumbrel. Hah!
[after filming a love scene
: Oh Donny! You couldn't kiss me like that and not mean it just a teensy bit! Don Lockwood
: Meet the greatest actor in the world! I'd rather kiss a tarantula. Lina
: You don't mean that. Don Lockwood
: I don't - - Hey Joe, get me a tarantula.
: Now listen, R.F., the owner of the Coconut Grove may do what Lina tells him to, but you're the head of this studio. R.F. Simpson
: That's right, I'm the head of this studio. She's hired! But don't let Lina know she's on the lot.
: The new Don Lockwood. He yodels, he jumps around to music. Don Lockwood
: The only problem is once they release this movie, no-one's gonna want to see me jump off the Woolworth building into a damp rag.
: [while filming a love scene
] Why, you rattlesnake! You got that poor kid fired. Lina Lamont
: That's not all I'm gonna do if I ever get my hands on her. Don Lockwood
: I never heard of anything so low. Why did you do it? Lina Lamont
: Because you liked her. I could tell. Don Lockwood
: So that's it. Believe me, I don't like her half as much as I hate you, you reptile. Lina Lamont
: Sticks and stones may break my bones... Don Lockwood
: I'd like to break every bone in your body. Lina Lamont
: You and who else, you big lummox?
: I do hope you're going to favor us with something special tonight. Kathy Selden
: Please! Don Lockwood
: Say, Hamlet's soliloquy, or the balcony scene from "Romeo and Juliet." Kathy Selden
: Mr. Lockwood! Don Lockwood
: Don't be shy. You'd make about the prettiest Juliet I've ever seen. Really.
: Are you sure it's all right? Being seen with me? Don Lockwood
: You mean lofty star with humble player? Kathy
: Not exactly, but for lunch don't you usually tear a pheasant with Miss Lamont? Don Lockwood
: Kathy, all the stories about Lina and me are sheer publicity. Kathy
: Oh? It certainly seems more than that. From all those columns in the newspapers and articles in the fan magazines... Don Lockwood
: You read the fan magazines? Kathy
: I pick them up at the beauty parlor or the dentist's office, just like anybody. Don Lockwood
: Really? Kathy
: Well... I buy four or five a month. Don Lockwood
: Four or five... Kathy
: But anyway, to get back to the point, you and Miss Lamont do achieve a certain intimacy in all your pictures... Don Lockwood
: Did you say *all* our pictures? Kathy
: I guess if I think about it I've seen eight or nine of them. Don Lockwood
: You know I remember someone saying, "If you've seen one you've seen 'em all". Kathy
: I said some awful things that night, didn't I? Don Lockwood
: No. I deserved them. But I must admit I was hurt by them. So hurt in fact that I haven't been able to think about anything but you ever since.
: Why bother to shoot this film? Why not release the old one under a new title? You've seen one, you've seen them all. Don Lockwood
: Hey, what'd you say that for? Cosmo Brown
: What's the matter? Don Lockwood
: That's what that Kathy Selden said to me that night. Cosmo Brown
: That's three weeks ago, you still thinking about that? Don Lockwood
: I can't get her out of my mind. Cosmo Brown
: How could you - she's the first dame who hasn't fallen for your line since you were four.
: Where'd Miss Selden go? Female dancer
: She just grabbed her things and bolted. Anything I can do? Don Lockwood
: Sorry, I don't have time to find out.
: Which of my pictures have you seen? Kathy
: I don't remember. I saw one once. Don Lockwood
: You saw one once? Kathy
: Yes, I think you were dueling and there was a girl - Lina Lamont. But I don't go to the movies much. If you've seen one you've seen them all. Don Lockwood
: Thank you. Kathy
: Oh, no offense. Movies are entertaining enough for the masses but the personalities on the screen just don't impress me. I mean they don't talk, they don't act, the just make a lot of dumb show. Well, you know
: like that. Don Lockwood
: You mean like what I do? Kathy
: Well, yes!
: I'm no actor. I never was. Just a bunch of dumb show. I know that now. Cosmo Brown
: Well, at least you're taking it lying down. Don Lockwood
: No. No kidding, Cosmo. Did you ever see anything as ridiculous as me on that screen tonight? Kathy
: Yeah, how about Lina? Don Lockwood
: All right. I ran her a close second. Maybe it was a photo finish. I'm through, fellas. Kathy
: Don, you're not through! Cosmo Brown
: Why of course not. Why, with your looks and figure, you could drive an ice wagon or shine shoes! Kathy
: Block hats! Cosmo Brown
: Sell pencils! Kathy
: Dig ditches! Cosmo Brown
: Or worse still, go back to vaudeville.
[Don Lockwood is being mobbed by several fans on the street
] Don Lockwood
] Hey, Cos! Do something! Call me a cab! Cosmo Brown
: OK, you're a cab. Don Lockwood
] Thanks a lot!
: Now look, Miss Lamont, Don and I... Lina Lamont
: Don? Don't you *dare* call him Don! I was calling him Don before you were born! I mean... You-you were kissing him! Don Lockwood
: *I* was kissing *her*! I happen to be in love with her. Lina Lamont
: That's ridiculous. Everybody knows you're in love with me.
: What's your lofty mission in life that lets you sneer at my humble profession? Kathy Selden
: I'm an actress... Don Lockwood
: Oh... Kathy
: ...on the stage. Don Lockwood
: Oh, on the stage, well I'd like to see you act, what are you in right now? I could brush up on my English, or bring along an interpreter, that is if they'd let in a *movie* actor. Kathy Selden
: I'm not in a play right now, but I will be. I'm going to New York... Don Lockwood
: Oh, you're going to New York and then some day we'll all hear of you, won't we? Kathy Selden as Juliet, as Lady Macbeth, as King Lear. You'll have to wear a beard for that one of course. Kathy Selden
: Laugh all you want, but at least the stage is a dignified profession. Don Lockwood
] Dignified profession. Kathy
: What do you have to be so conceited about? You're nothing but a shadow on film... just a shadow. You're not flesh and blood. Don Lockwood
: Oh, no?
[moves amorously towards her
: Stop! Don Lockwood
: What can I do to you, I'm only a shadow.
: Dignity. Always, dignity.
: Now Lina, you've been reading all those fan magazines again! Now look Lina, you shouldn't believe all that banana oil Dora Bailey and the columnists dish out. Now try to get this straight: there is nothing between us. There has never been anything between us. Just air. Lina
: Oh, Donny, you don't mean that.
: What's the matter with that girl? Can't she take a gentle hint? Cosmo Brown
: Well haven't ya heard? She's irresistible. She told me so herself.
: You keep away from me! Just because you're a big movie star, wild parties, swimming pools, you expect every girl to fall in a dead faint at your feet. Well, don't you touch me! Don Lockwood
] Fear not, sweet lady! I will not molest you. I am but a humble jester, and you? You are to far above me!
[he gets out of the car and closes the door on his coat tails
] Don Lockwood
: Farewell, Ethel Barrymore! I must tear myself from your side!
[Don tears his coat. Kathy guffaws as Don walks away
: The price of fame. You've got the glory, you gotta take the little heartaches that go with it. Now look at me: I've got no fame, I've got no glory, I've got no big mansions, I've got no money! But I've got - what have I got? Don Lockwood
: I don't know, what have you got? Cosmo Brown
: I gotta get out of here.
: [to Kathy, after she jumps out of the cake
] Well, if it isn't Ethel Barrymore.
: What's your name? Don Lockwood
: Don Lockwood sir, but the fellas all call me Donald. Rosco
: Wise guy, eh? All right, get this guy into Bert's suit! And remember Lockwood, you might be trading that fiddle in for a harp!
: Are you doing anything tonight, Miss Lamont?
[she shakes her head "no"
] Don Lockwood
: Well's that's funny - *I'm* busy.
: I just had to tell you how good you were. Kathy Selden
: Excuse me. Don Lockwood
: No, no, don't go.
[pointing to cake she came out of at beginning of scene
] Don Lockwood
: Now that I know where you live I'd like to see you home.
[after Cosmo's car breaks down
] Don Lockwood
: Don't tell me, it's a flat tire. Cosmo Brown
: I can't undertand it. This car hasn't given me a lick of trouble in nearly 6 hours.
: Tell me the truth, am I a good actor? Cosmo Brown
: As long as I'm working for Monumental Pictures, you're the greatest of 'em all.
] Don Lockwood
: Ladies and gentlemen, stop that girl, that girl running up the aisle. Stop her! That's the girl whose voice you heard and loved tonight. She's the real star of the picture. Kathy Selden!
[theater audience applauds and cheers
] Don Lockwood
[Don and Kathy sing "You Are My Lucky Star"
: Well, we movie stars get the glory. I guess we have to take the little heartaches that go with it. People think we lead lives of glamour and romance, but we're really lonely - terribly lonely.
] Gotta dance! Don Lockwood
] Gotta dance! Gotta Dance! / Broadway Rhythm, it's got me, everybody dance!
] That's the Broadway Melody!
: [to the press
] They sent me to the finest schools, including dancing schools. That's where I first met Cosmo. And with him I used to perform for all of Mom and Dad's society friends.
: [the lead-in to Don's "Singin' In the Rain" number
] This California dew's a little heavier than usual tonight. Don Lockwood
: Oh really? From where I stand, the sun is shining all over the place...
John Ross Ewing #2
: So are you gonna marry my mom, or what? Don Lockwood
: [clears throat
] Ah... actually... no. Does that make you feel better? John Ross Ewing #2
: Lots! Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing
: John Ross, what is wrong with you? John Ross Ewing #2
: It took me a long time to whip Dad's new wife into shape. Cally was hard work. I'm not in the mood for another big job. Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing
: I want you to apologize right now! John Ross Ewing #2
: You're the one who asked me what's wrong. Don Lockwood
: It's OK, Sue Ellen. Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing
: No, it's not OK. He's being incredibly rude. John Ross Ewing #2
: What do you expect? How do you talk to a guy who's never played baseball? Don Lockwood
: Well, I played cricket. Does that count? John Ross Ewing #2
: Any sport named after an insect has gotta be lame. Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing
: That's enough! John Ross Ewing #2
: Why can't you find someone like Uncle Cliff? At least he doesn't say "toMAHtos". I mean... can't you find a boyfriend who speaks English? Sue Ellen Shepard Ewing
: You go wait for me in the lounge. Come on! Up! Go on!
[John Ross leaves
] Don Lockwood
: I kind of liked his line about cricket.
: [to JR
] Sue Ellen would have had a normal life if it weren't for two big mistakes... She married you twice.
: [Looking at the newly wed Mr. and Mrs. J.R. Ewing - J.R. and Cally - dancing their first dance
] Well, they seem to be enjoying themselves. Sue Ellen Ewing
: [Shaking her head
] Being married to J.R. is like a Hitchcock movie: You start out laughing, and then you find yourself screaming in terror...