Detective Bill Stork
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Quotes for
Detective Bill Stork (Character)
from Hoodwinked! (2005)

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Hoodwinked! (2005)
Granny: [Granny has just revealed that she is an extreme sports athlete] Honey, don't look at your granny like that.
Red Puckett: I'm sorry, I thought you were Triple G! Or are you the Bandit?
[beat]
Det. Bill Stork: Awkward!
[awkwardly side slips his way out of the room]
Granny: You're being ridiculous, Red.
Red Puckett: *I'm* being ridiculous? You're off living... La Vida Loca, risking your life for some dumb thrills! And I'm supposed to stay home and be your happy little delivery girl?
Tommy: I, have a...
Nicky Flippers: Coffee break, anyone?
Chief Grizzly: Uh, yeah.
Det. Bill Stork: Whose got my keys?
Raccoon Jerry: You think Granny would mind if I went through her garbage?
Chief Grizzly: Excuse us.
[Everyone except Red and Granny files out of the room]
Granny: I thought you were happy.
Red Puckett: Open your eyes. I've never even been outside of the forest. Don't you think I'd want more than that?
Granny: Of course you do. You're a Puckett.
Red Puckett: [sighs] I don't know what that means anymore.

Nicky Flippers: I wanna know more about this fellow with the axe. How does he fit into all this?
Det. Bill Stork: Maybe you should AXE him yourself! Ha ha ha ha haaa ha haaa! You-haha-see haa ha haaa! Axe-haaa ha ha! He he hee...
Chief Grizzly: [Stares blankly at Bill]
Det. Bill Stork: [glumly] I'll bring him in.

Chief Grizzly: This looks pretty open and shut. Little miss rosy-capes making covert deliveries to the goodie-tycoon. Wolfie tries to eat 'em both, then crazy flannel-pants with the axe here busts in, swinging vigilante-style. Take 'em downtown boys!
Det. Bill Stork: Ah, it's the woods chief, we don't have a downtown.
Chief Grizzly: You know what I mean! Just book'em!

Chief Grizzly: [referring about the Woodsman] This guy's a loon.
Det. Bill Stork: Watch it, chief. My mama's half-loon.

Nicky Flippers: [preparing to question Red, whose hands are still in cuffs] What's with the handcuffs on a little girl? Her wrists can slip right out. How about a cage?
Det. Bill Stork: [on radio, eager] Bring in the cage!
Nicky Flippers: I was being sarcastic.
Det. Bill Stork: [resigned, into radio] Sarcasm. Strike the cage...

Det. Bill Stork: What is it boy? Truck! Trouble at the mill! Is the barn on fire? The barn's on fire! The well! Timmy's stuck in the well!