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: Yeah McLovin, how is it going with the ladies? Fogell
: It's not the "going" I'm worried about... but the "coming".
: Ah, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin, McLovin.
: [hears a siren
] Oh shit, the cops!
: I'm assuming you all have guns and crack!
: Hey kid, what's your real name? Fogell
: Fogell... it's Fogell. Officer Michaels
: Fogell? Fuck that, we're calling you McLovin!
: What's it like to have a gun? Officer Michaels
: It's like having two cocks. If one of your cocks could kill someone.
: Prepare to be fucked by the long dick of the law!
: Look, kay? He assaulted the customer, grabbed the cash and ran out. Officer Slater
: So, how how, how... Officer Michaels
: Say when, height wise... Officer Slater
: I'm gonna start up here. Officer Michaels
: I'm gonna start from the buttom... Mindy
: Whatever 5'10 is, he was 5'10. Officer Slater
: E-ethnicly, I mean, did, what, uhhm. I mean, wa-was he, like u-us or... Mindy
: A woman? A female, is that what you're asking? Officer Slater
: No, I would say... Officer Michaels
: Was he... Officer Slater
: Was he African? Mindy
: Was he African? No, he was American. And he was like you. He looked just like you. Officer Michaels
: He was Jewish! An odd crime for a Jew to commit. Ok, so we have an African Jew wearing a hoodie... Mindy
: No. You don't. No, that's not what I said. Is that what you heard me say? I said he looked like you. Do you look like an African Jew? Officer Michaels
: No, I look like a cop. Mindy
: He was caucasian. Officer Michaels
: Caucasian... Officer Slater
: Oh... Mindy
: Kinda looked like Eminem. Officer Michaels
: Ah, an M&M... Officer Slater
: M&M, so he was like circular... Mindy
: Marshall Mathers. Eminem, the rapper, Eminem. Officer Michaels
: He looked like this? I'm a amateur. Officer Slater
: 'Cause that kinda looks like an M&M. Officer Michaels
: Longer face? Bigger nose? Would you say his mouth was wider? Open? A gap?
] Officer Michaels
: McLovin? Fogell
: Yeah. Officer Michaels
: Great name. Officer Slater
: It is, it just rolls of the tongue. Officer Michaels
: 'Sounds like a sexy hamburger!
: You just cock-blocked McLovin!
: [out of breath
] He's a freak...
] Officer Michaels
: He's the fastest kid alive...
: We shouldn't be cock-blocking McLovin, we should be guiding his cock.
: Shit! The cops!
: How old are you McLovin? Fogell
: Old enough. Fogell
: Old enough for what? Fogell
: To party.
: Everyone should hold a gun at least a couple times.
: [Vomiting after chasing Eva
] It's just beer! It's just beer! Officer Slater
: C'mon man up. What happened? Officer Michaels
: [Without breath
] He's a freakin' kid! He's the fastest kid alive! Officer Slater
: This is not good! Officer Michaels
: He's the fastest kid alive! Officer Slater
: Fastest kid alive my ass! What we're gonna do?
: You know, this job though isn't how shows like CSI make it out to be, when I first joined the force, I was under the impression that everything was covered in a fine layer of semen. And that the police had at their disposal a semen database with every bad guy's semen on it. Not true! Officer Slater
: Yup Officer Michaels
: If only there was semen on everything, it would make our jobs easier... Officer Slater
: Hell, yeah! Officer Michaels
: I often go to sleep and dream of waking up in a world where everything is covered in semen. Officer Slater
: I mean, who doesn't? It's like your wish that you could walk out of a room and just know where the semen was. You just know like Sherlock Holmes, if he was in his day, Sherlock Holomes, in his day... And this is a proven historical fact. Sherlock Holmes, when he was alive, knew where semen was. Officer Michaels
: Could smell it out like a rat. Officer Slater
: Smell it out. ANything Officer Michaels
: Like the crime scene today, if the man had ejaculated and then punched you in the face, we'd have a real good shot at catching him... Officer Slater
: No way, Officer Michaels
: Just punched you in the face. No semen. Officer Slater
: Yeah, no semen. And that's the only way you can find DNA by the way, if it's in the jizz. Officer Michaels
: Semen. It's the best DNA, is in the jizz. Officer Slater
: I'm telling you right now, sometimes I just want to make you know, live in a world of semen. That's funny you say that because I feel the same same way... Officer Michaels
: It's true Officer Slater
: I would make semen snowballs... Officer Michaels
: It would just make our lives easier if everything was covered in semen. Officer Slater
: Yeah, no crime. Officer Michaels
: Just semen. FUck, that'd be nice. Officer Slater
: I think we've exhausted this point. Sherlock Holmes, in his day, would look at you and say: "Five nights ago, Veronica Shear, USA Up All Night." Officer Michaels
: Four ounces. Officer Slater
: I know that, four ounces into your hand. Officer Michaels
: One time we found semen, one time. Fogell
: I thought you said you never found semen. Officer Slater
: One time we found semen, one time we found semen, we've got really excited, took it back to the lab, turned out it was Michaels' semen.
: It was my semen. One time we walk into a murder house, blood everywhere, I go on, I think I find a bit of semen, clean it off. Long story short. Cream of wheat. Officer Slater
: Yup. Dope. Officer Michaels
: In short. Officer Slater
: In short. Officer Michaels
: Semen. Officer Slater
: Semen. Not, like, a man. I'm talking about the white stuff that comes out of your penis, when you're excited and happy. Your happy juice. Officer Michaels
: Your happy jism. Officer Slater
: I take it you've masturbated before, McLovin. Listen to me... Fogell
: Can a man... Officer Slater
: So when's the last time you masturbated, McLovin? Fogell
: Do a semen run.
: Prepare to get fucked by the long dick of the law.