Bowser
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Quotes for
Bowser (Character)
from Super Mario Bros. (1993)

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Super Mario Bros. (1993)
King Koopa: My, my, someone got up on the wrong side of the nest this morning.

King Koopa: [bathing in mud] Do you know what I love about mud? It's clean and it's dirty at the same time.

Sergeant Simon: Nobody touches President Koopa.
Luigi: [rubbing his eyes in pain] But he said he was...
King Koopa: -One evil, egg sucking son of a snake. Did I lie?

King Koopa: I'll kill that plumber.

King Koopa: Now... where's the rock?
[Iggy and Spike look at each other, then at Koopa]
Iggy: [together] Rock, sir?
Spike: [together] Rock, sir?
King Koopa: The meteorite piece that she wears around her neck, and I told you not to forget it!
Spike: That rock!
Iggy: I told you not to forget it!
King Koopa: And I told *you* to remind him! Without that rock, the meteorite lays dormant! I'll not be able to merge the dimensions! Where is it?
Iggy: [together] ... The plumbers took it.
Spike: [together] ... The plumbers took it.
King Koopa: [whispers] Plumbers?
[to Lena]
King Koopa: Plumber alert!

King Koopa: You may think of evolution as... an upward process. Things evolve from primeval slime, up to single-celled organisms, up to... intelligent life. De-evolution, of course, works the opposite way. Back to... simpler forms. For instance, even our musical friend Toad... can become... a loyal child of the royal family: Goombas!
[snickers]

Mario: What single-celled organism did *you* evolve from?
King Koopa: [indicates an evolution chart of a dinosaur becoming a man] Tyrannosaurus Rex, the lizard king, thank you very much.

[Iggy and Spike have become more intelligent]
King Koopa: Both of you, go to the desert!
Iggy: Excuse me, excuse me. That hardly seems logical, does it? Perhaps we should stay here and formulate our own strategy. Tete-tete, inner circle, that sort of thing.
King Koopa: Here's what's logical to me: If you do not return with the plumbers and the rock... I shall personally... kill you.
Iggy: ...We're going.

King Koopa: I am very disappointed in you, cousins.
Spike: Fascist!
Iggy: Oppressor of the proletariat!
King Koopa: Guy in charge!

King Koopa: Hand out the devolution guns! Prepare for destiny!... Where's my pizza?

[Koopa has had Toad de-evolved into a Goomba]
Luigi: That's Toad?
King Koopa: Why yes. Loyal, lethal... and stupid.

King Koopa: Look at this place. Pathetic. It gets worse every day. The humans on the other side have a world full of resources. Ready for the taking. Imagine: an endless supply of food, clean air, water. And what are we stuck with? This... pithole, germs everywhere, fungus. For 65 million years, we've been exhiled here after the meteorite stuck while mammals roamed freely in the other dimension! Ha! Well not for long!

King Koopa: Don't fight it. You know you've always been uncomfortable in the human world, and you at least suspected that you were...
[tongue flicks in and out like a snake's]
King Koopa: ?different.
Princess Daisy: I suspected a lot of things, but not that I...
King Koopa: That you were descended from the dinosaurs? And you know what they say about little girls, don't you? Hm? They say they never forget the first time they're kissed by a lizard.
[face starts to look more reptilian]

Princess Daisy: You must be the great Koopa.
King Koopa: That I am. Ruler of all that you see.
[indicates a globe that's nothing but desert and one single city]
King Koopa: A few miserable streets and an endless desert.

King Koopa: [pretending to be an attourney for the arrested Marios] I'm Larry Lazard, of "Lazard, Lazard, Conda, Dactyl, & Cohen".

[Koopa addresses the King that is in the form of fungus that's enveloping the city]
King Koopa: My my. You have let yourself go. You see? I'm not such a bad guy. You always wanted to be everywhere, well now you are.
[chuckles]
King Koopa: And let me tell you something: you can go ahead and choke this little "mushroom kingdom" all you want. Cuz I'm outta here! I'm out into the *bigger* world! I got me a couple of plumbers bringing me the rest of the meteorite. Soon to be dead plumbers. And by the way, you really ought to try to pull yourself back together again.
[chuckles]
King Koopa: Slime bucket!

King Koopa: I've just found out that I have saboteurs in the tower! I still do not have the meteorite piece! I'm about to loose everything! We can talk about this later, if later even occurs!

Sergeant Simon: Sir? Sir!
King Koopa: What is it?
Sergeant Simon: The Goombas are dancing again.
King Koopa: [enraged] Deal with it!

[King Koopa has a weapon aimed at the Mario Bros. in one hand and a walkie-talkie in the other]
King Koopa: Too late, humans!
Pizza Delivery Man: [over walkie-talkie] Sir, your pizza's here.
King Koopa: Not now!
[to Mario and Luigi]
King Koopa: Looks like I win!

Iggy: Between us, Spike doesn't have a thought in his brain, sir!
Spike: Ha, ha, ha! He's a liar, sir. Between us, Iggy doesn't have a brain in his head!
King Koopa: I agree.

King Koopa: Give me that Devo-Gun!
[Koopa tries to shoot Mario, but instead hits Scapelli, who is transformed into a chimpanzee. Koopa points at him and laughs]
King Koopa: Monkey!


Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story (2009) (VG)
[after their battle]
Bowser: HEY!
Dark Fawful: I have shock at you! You are surviving? Fawful hates you!
Bowser: Pfft! What, you thought your little castle-bot would crush me? Who do you think I am, buddy? I'm Bowser, the Koopa king!
Dark Fawful: But I am Lord Fawful! I am ruling the world!
Bowser: Please! Try again in about a hundred years, you weird little babbling nerd!
Dark Fawful: I have chortles... You are underestimating Fawful, who has the suction machine for draining the dark power! Fawful only got half the power, but I am thinking it is enough to KO you, the king of stupid! You have gotten in Fawful's way at each of the turns... Just like the red and green mustaches who I hate... Fawful hates your faces...
Bowser: Don't lump me with Mario!
Dark Fawful: But... Now... Fawful says farewell to all your fink-rat faces forever! Bowser! Meet... FURY OF FAWFUL!
[they battle again]

Dark Fawful: Dark Star! Dark Star! Fawful is wanting you!
Bowser: Seriously? You again? You're such a huge pain!
Dark Fawful: It is you who are the pain to me! I am needing more power!
Bowser: Like that's my problem! I'm done with you, pal! Where's that fake me?
Dark Fawful: Your meddling has made Fawful have a fury large as the world! Bowser! It is time for meeting and greeting with your doom!

[Bowser has saved some of his Goomba minions]
Fawful: I have the weeping! Such a reunion of sobs! You have moved Fawful with the family drama.
Bowser: Shut up! And don't mess with my minions! Only I do that!
Fawful: But now I have chortle time! Fawful scattered your minions like litter from a sad, ugly cat. Are you wanting to hear them? For they are on the TV show. The TV show of your tears!
Bowser: This... STINKS! MY MINIONS!
Fawful: I HAVE CHORTLES! And soon, I have your castle! Fawful will love it there! You will visit, perhaps! Fawful will reserve the Crying Room for the crying for your minions. And the crying will be like a savory soda for my soul! NOW I HAVE FURY!


Super Mario Sunshine (2002) (VG)
Bowser: Bwa ha ha! The water's great! Eh, Junior?
Bowser Jr.: Sure is, papa! Come on in, Mama Peach!
Princess Peach: [looks at the disgusting green water] Um, I think not.

Princess Peach: [Mario arrives at the giant hot tub filled with green water where Bowser and his son are keeping Peach] Mario!
Bowser Jr.: You again? Don't you ever give up?
Bowser: Mario! How dare you disturb my family vacation?

Bowser: Jr., I've got something... difficult... to tell you about Princess Peach...
Bowser Jr.: I know, she's not really my Mama...
[Bowser opens his mouth but then realizes that it's good Junior knows the truth]
Bowser Jr.: Someday... when I'm bigger...
[pause; Bowser waits expectantly]
Bowser Jr.: I wanna fight that Mario again!
Bowser: That's my boy! Well put, son! The royal Koopa line is as strong as ever! But for now, let's just rest awhile.


"The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3: Sneaky Lying Cheating Giant Ninja Koopas (#1.2)" (1990)
[first lines]
King Bowser Koopa: Listen up you reptiles, the Koopa family meeting will come to order. So far I've sent you Koopalings to pull sneaky little tricks and medium size meanness.

King Bowser Koopa: Now that my brilliant plan is complete, it's time for you kids to be zapped to normal size.
Bully Koopa: But Pop, we're having such fun being Sneaky, Lying, Cheating, Giant Ninja Koopas.
Big Mouth Koopa: Couldn't we stay like this and go capture a couple more kingdoms?
King Bowser Koopa: That's a cruel, rotten, disgusting idea. And I love it!


"The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3: Recycled Koopa (#1.24)" (1990)
[first lines]
King Bowser Koopa: You Koopa Kids clean up this mess or you don't get to do anything mean for a whole week.
[the Koopa Kids gasp]


"The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!: Day of the Orphan/King Mario of Cramalot (#1.2)" (1989)
King Bowser Koopa: As the old saying goes, he who koops and runs away, lives to koop another day.


Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time (2005) (VG)
Bowser: [about Thwomp Volcano] This place is a pit! It's hot, stinky, dangerous, and one humongous fire hazard! I LOVE IT! Talk about a perfect place for me to build a second castle!


"CollegeHumor Originals: The Roast of Mario (with Patrick Warburton) (#1.21)" (2011)
Bowser: Mario's first game was "Donkey Kong". It was the story of a big, disgusting ape and his battle against Donkey Kong.


"The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!: Mama Mia Mario/The Great BMX Race (#1.11)" (1989)
[Mario and Luigi save themselves from plummeting off a cliff]
Princess Peach Toadstool: [relieved] They're safe!
King Bowser Koopa: What?
Toad: She said...
Toad: [impersonating the Princess] They're safe!


"The Adventures of Super Mario Bros. 3: Crimes R Us (#1.19)" (1990)
[first lines]
Bully Koopa: Real world prison straight ahead, King Dad!
King Bowser Koopa: Prison, the only place in the real world with our kind of people.


New Super Mario Bros. Wii (2009) (VG)
Princess Peach: [during the credits, voice over] Dear Mario: I'll be waiting for you at the castle on the night of the star festi...
Bowser: Rargh!
Princess Peach: Oh!
[laughs]
Bowser: Huh?
Princess Peach: What? No.
Bowser: Grrr...
[unintelligible]
Princess Peach, Toads: Oh ho! Yeah!


Super Mario Brothers: Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach (1986)
King Koopa: I love you Princess!
Princess Peach Toadstool: You only love me for my kingdom, so leave!
King Koopa: That is not true Princess, that's not true!
Princess Peach Toadstool: Why should I believe you? Hell, you sent your troopas after me!


"The New Super Mario World: Mama Luigi (#1.13)" (1991)
King Koopa: [as Yoshi eats his mecha-koopas] That little twerp is eating me out of house and home!


Hotel Mario (1994) (VG)
Bowser: [watching Mario and Luigi walk down a path] Hoo ha ha ha ha!
[he hides]
Mario: Nice of the Princess to invite us over for a picnic, eh Luigi?
Luigi: I hope she made lots of spaghetti!
Mario: Luigi, look!
[points to a letter on the door]
Mario: It's from Bowser!
[reads]
Mario: Dear pesky plumbers; the Koopalings and I have taken over the Mushroom Kingdom! The Princess is now a permanent guest at one of my seven Koopa Hotels! I dare you to find her if you can!
[turns to Luigi]
Mario: We gotta find the Princess!
Luigi: [pointing at the screen/player] And you gotta help us!
Mario: [talking to player] If you need instructions on how to get through the hotels, check out the enclosed instruction book.