Eric Matthews
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Quotes for
Eric Matthews (Character)
from Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Miss Congeniality (2000)
Eric Matthews: Is this you not arguing? 'Cause you suck at it.

[after McDonald sees himself in a bikini on the computer]
Eric Matthews: We were just looking for someone to go undercover at the pageant.
McDonald: And I'm the best we have. That doesn't inspire much confidence.

Eric Matthews: Don't look at me like I betrayed you.
Gracie Hart: No, betrayal implies an action, you just stood there!

Eric Matthews: All right, here's your new IDs. For pageant identity.
Gracie Hart: [looking at hers] Gracie Lou Freebush?
Eric Matthews: Yeah, remember, you like that name.
Gracie Hart: Yeah, well, my IQ just dropped ten points.

Eric Matthews: What do you say, Hart?
Gracie Hart: No freakin' way.
Eric Matthews: Sparky, why not?
Gracie Hart: Cause I'm not gonna parade around in a swimsuit like some airhead bimbo that goes by the name, what, Gracie Lou Freebush and all she wants is world peace?
Eric Matthews: It won't be like that. Come on, you're an important member of the undercover team.
Gracie Hart: Yeah, right, in a thong.

Eric Matthews: Operation "Thong" has commenced.
Gracie Hart: Why don't you stun-gun yourself?
Eric Matthews: I knew she'd like that one.

Eric Matthews: Why don't just you shut up?
Gracie Hart: Why? You're shutting up enough for both of us.

Victor Melling: This woman has no talent!
Eric Matthews: Geez Vic! You don't gotta shout it out in front of her!

Eric Matthews: This earpiece lets you hear anybody on our frequencies, and they can hear you.
Gracie Hart: Don't need that, with all this foil in my hair I'm getting HBO.

Eric Matthews: Just imagine that she's me and there's something you wanna know but I don't wanna talk about it. What would you do?
Gracie Hart: You want me to beat it out of her?

[Gracie pulls earpiece out of her ear]
Eric Matthews: Wo wo wo. Wait a minute, what are you doing? Put that back in your ear.
Gracie Hart: I can't talk girl talk with a guy in my head! I can't even do it with me in my head!

Eric Matthews: You gotta admit, part of you is going to miss this.
Gracie Hart: I know I am going to miss the heels because they do something for my posture. And I'm suddenly very aware and proud of my breasts.
Eric Matthews: Funny, me too.

[after Eric pulls Gracie into the pool]
Gracie Hart: Oh, Vic's gonna kill you. You in big trouble.
Eric Matthews: You look good wet.
Gracie Hart: Shut up!

Eric Matthews: Maybe we could have dinner, you know?
Gracie Hart: What? You, like, asking me on a date?
Eric Matthews: No! Just casual dinner... If we happen to have sex afterwards so be it!

Victor Melling: He's with me.
Eric Matthews: I'm not "with him" with him, you know? It's not like...
Victor Melling: Come on, muffin!

Gracie Hart: Where am I gonna keep my gun?
Eric Matthews: Nowhere I wanna know about!

[arguing about Gracie's contract on providing a talent]
Eric Matthews: Listen to me, you old fruitcake!
Victor Melling: How dare you, you cupcake!

Eric Matthews: Hart, listen to me. I've waited five years to run my own op. You think I'd blow it on the wrong girl?
Gracie Hart: No no no, I know the only reason you picked me was because I was the only one who looked half decent in a bikini and wasn't on maternity leave.
Eric Matthews: No, that's why they *let* me pick you. You wanna know why I picked you?
Gracie Hart: Lost a bet?
Eric Matthews: Because you're smart. Because you don't take any crap from people. You're funny. You're easy to talk to when you're not armed. Look, give yourself a break. Cut Vic and the other pagent ladies some slack cause if they ever get a chance to see what I see then... they're gonna love you.

Eric Matthews: You took your earpiece out! Vic needs you, now!
Gracie Hart: Eric, I haven't slept in two days!
Eric Matthews: I'll give you a cookie.
Gracie Hart: [mumbling to herself] It better be a big one.

Gracie Hart: You know what...
[grabs Eric in a headlock]
Gracie Hart: Pull this off! What, is it because Macdonald hates me?
Eric Matthews: He doesn't hate you!
Gracie Hart: Is it some woman thing?
[Eric knocks her to the floor]
Eric Matthews: Don't kid yourself! Nobody thinks of you that way!
[Gracie trips him and sits on his back, holding him down]
Gracie Hart: He's punishing me, isn't he?
Eric Matthews: [under Gracie] Look, I had to beg him to let you do this!
Gracie Hart: What?
Eric Matthews: Yeah, like it or not you screwed up, pal!
[they roll over attacking each other]
Gracie Hart: [Sitting on Eric again] This may come as a shock to you but I've never been in a beauty pageant before! I don't even own a dress! I don't even own a brush!
[They roll around again]
Eric Matthews: [with Gracie's thighs squeezing his head] Which part o' that is supposed to shock me?
[Gracie slams her thighs against his head and they roll over on the floor again]
Gracie Hart: [Eric's feet squeezing her face] Jesus! Let's just swing reality for like a second! I have to do everything like the big hair, and the makeup...
Eric Matthews: Damn right! The spinning, the twirling, the smiling...
Gracie Hart: [out of breath] So you're saying... I have to wear... the bathing suit?

Agent Clonsky: McDonald called. He saw Hart's little anti-smoking commercial, he's on his way down.
Eric Matthews: Oh, good, perfect, because I'd hate for him to fire me over the phone!

Eric Matthews: We recently discovered some information about the winner from New Jersey.
Gracie Hart: And her performance in a little film called "Arma-get-it-on."
Stan Fields: Was that her?