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Quotes for
Joel Meyers (Character)
from Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (2005)

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Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (2005)
Joel: People care about people who care about themselves.

Joel: How do you feel about a push-up bra?
Gracie Hart: How would you feel about a genital-shocking taser gun?
Joel: I'm open to it.
Gracie Hart: ...Okay.

Collins: Why don't we get you to the hotel while I give the agents a debriefing?
Joel: Oh, that's too bad. It's been months since I've had a good debriefing. Although, I'm really more of a boxers man. Ha, ha!
[nobody laughs]
Joel: Okay, wrong audience.

Joel: [both Hart and Fuller are pointing a gun at Foreman] You see, this is what I like. Learning to work together. A little "Ebony & Ivory" action.
Jeff Foreman: Guys, I can't do it.
Sam Fuller: Stop being a wuss, Foreman. Be a man.
Gracie Hart: Yeah, like Fuller.

Shirley, Assisted Living Receptionist: [Gracie is disguised as the old mother of Joel to snoop around the nursing home] Are you interested in touring our facilities?
Joel: Oh, yes, we are very interested. I can't wait to get rid of her.
Gracie Hart: Oh, don't you listen to him. He's a momma's boy. Come here, cutie. Come here and let me fix your tie.
[grabs his tie]
Joel: Oh!
Gracie Hart: Such a momma's boy!
Joel: Ma, not now!
Gracie Hart: Momma's boy face, that's a momma's boy face!
[smacks him repeatedly on the cheek]
Joel: [rising] Do you have a euthanasia program?
Shirley, Assisted Living Receptionist: We just need to fill out some forms. If you'll give me one minute.

Janet: Tell us where they went or we'll arrest you for obstructing justice and throw you in prison.
Joel: [aroused] Which prison?

Joel: [Explaining the rules to being the face of the FBI] Rule #1, no hitting.
Gracie Hart: What?
Joel: The face of the FBI uses her words, not her fists,
Gracie Hart: [Gracie goes to grab a chair]
Joel: or chair.
Joel: Rule #2, chew with your mouth closed.
Gracie Hart: You don't know how I eat.
Joel: [Points out the ketchup stain on Gracie's shirt]
Joel: [Sarcastically]
Joel: How would that get there if it didn't fall from an open oraface?
Gracie Hart: Well maybe I walked under a ketchup tree.
Gracie Hart: [laughs and snorts]
Joel: Rule #3, no snorting.

Sam Fuller: I've got to take her to the bathroom.
Gracie Hart: I need a tampon!
Sam Fuller: You heard her, we've got an agent down. We NEED TAMPONS!
Jenkins: I'm not getting them.
Hills: I don't even get them for my wife.
Joel: I guess this is a job for a real man. Any particular brand?

Joel: Tinas of the world unite, take the stage!

Sam Fuller: We need a big finish
Joel: I can take my top off
Gracie Hart: We need a GOOD big finish

Joel: Ooh... I hope she's not a fatty.
FBI Asst. Director Harry McDonald: Hart, Joel Mayers. Joel Mayers, Gracie Hart.
Gracie Hart: Hi.
Joel: Oh, yes. I can work with this. I can work with this. Your are going to be my icon.
Gracie Hart: Hey, calm down.
Joel: Hmm.