Gracie Hart
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Quotes for
Gracie Hart (Character)
from Miss Congeniality (2000)

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Miss Congeniality (2000)
Gracie Hart: You think I'm gorgeous, you want to kiss me...
[singsonging]
Gracie Hart: You want to hug me... You want to love me... You want to hug me... You want to smooch me... You want to...

[to models refusing pizza and beer]
Gracie Hart: It's lite beer, and she's gonna throw it up anyway.

Gracie Hart: I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven't slept all night, I'm starved, and I'm armed! Don't *mess* with me!

Gracie Hart: Donut Nazi.

Gracie Hart: I would so love to hurt you right now.
Victor Melling: As long as you smile.

Victor Melling: What, no armored car?
Gracie Hart: That would be in my other dress.

Eric Matthews: Don't look at me like I betrayed you.
Gracie Hart: No, betrayal implies an action, you just stood there!

Eric Matthews: All right, here's your new IDs. For pageant identity.
Gracie Hart: [looking at hers] Gracie Lou Freebush?
Eric Matthews: Yeah, remember, you like that name.
Gracie Hart: Yeah, well, my IQ just dropped ten points.

Eric Matthews: What do you say, Hart?
Gracie Hart: No freakin' way.
Eric Matthews: Sparky, why not?
Gracie Hart: Cause I'm not gonna parade around in a swimsuit like some airhead bimbo that goes by the name, what, Gracie Lou Freebush and all she wants is world peace?
Eric Matthews: It won't be like that. Come on, you're an important member of the undercover team.
Gracie Hart: Yeah, right, in a thong.

Eric Matthews: Operation "Thong" has commenced.
Gracie Hart: Why don't you stun-gun yourself?
Eric Matthews: I knew she'd like that one.

Victor Melling: Why is New Jersey called "The Garden State"?
Gracie Hart: Because it's too hard to fit"Oil and Petrochemical Refinery State" on a license plate?

Stan Fields: What is the one most important thing our society needs?
Gracie Hart: That would be harsher punishment for parole violators, Stan.
[crowd is silent]
Gracie Hart: And world peace!
[crowd cheers ecstatically]
Stan Fields: Thank you, Gracie Lou.
Gracie Hart: And thank *you*, Stan.
[Gracie walks offstage]
Victor Melling: That was charming. Are you drunk?
Gracie Hart: I'm glad you enjoyed it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go unscrew my smile!

Eric Matthews: Why don't just you shut up?
Gracie Hart: Why? You're shutting up enough for both of us.

Gracie Hart: Look I know what I'm gonna do. I haven't done this since high school but it's like riding a bike.
Victor Melling: You are not having sex on this stage.
Gracie Hart: I didn't know that was an option.

Victor Melling: Your hair should make a statement.
Gracie Hart: As long as it doesn't say 'Thank you very much for the Country Music Award'!

[Explaining why she was with a guy the night before]
Gracie Hart: I was dating him for a little while because he told me he had an incurable disease...
All Girls: Ooh.
Gracie Hart: Yeah, I didn't realize it was stupidity.

Victor Melling: Don't pick your feet up. Why are you picking your feet up?
Gracie Hart: Because I'm preparing to run away!

Victor Melling: [teaching Gracie how to glide] See? Glide. It's all in the buttocks. Don't I look pretty?
Gracie Hart: It takes a very secure man to walk like that.

Gracie Hart: [a taxi nearly runs Gracie over] Hey! I'm gliding here!

Gracie Hart: Look, she's gonna cry again.
[imitating winner]
Gracie Hart: "Oh, if I only had a brain."

Gracie Hart: My teeth - What are you going to do with my teeth?
Victor Melling: Hopefully, remove the beer stains and steak residue.

Gracie Hart: In Hawaii, don't they use aloha for, like, hello and goodbye?
Gracie Hart: So?
Gracie Hart: So if you're on the phone with somebody and they won't stop talking, how do you get them? You say, 'Okay take care, aloha' don't they just start over again?

Eric Matthews: This earpiece lets you hear anybody on our frequencies, and they can hear you.
Gracie Hart: Don't need that, with all this foil in my hair I'm getting HBO.

Gracie Hart: Good evening, I know the program says I'm supposed to play the water glasses for you, but, uh, some of the girls got dehydrated.

[Vic puts some fake boobs in Gracie's suit]
Gracie Hart: Oh good. I guess it's time to go apply at my local Hooters.
[Vic holds up a tube Hemorrhoid ointment]
Gracie Hart: What? Hemorrhoid ointment? You really think the judges are going to be looking that closely?
Victor Melling: It's for the little baggies under your eyes.
Gracie Hart: Really.
[Vic shakes a can of hairspray]
Gracie Hart: Oh good, hairspray. Something I finally recognize.
[Vic sprays the bottom of her suit and she bonks into the mirror]
Gracie Hart: What are you doing?
Victor Melling: It stops the suit from riding up.
Gracie Hart: Riding up where?
Victor Melling: Just... up!
Gracie Hart: That is enough!
Victor Melling: Why do you make things difficult for me?
Gracie Hart: Oh, yeah. I can see this is an incredibly embarrassing situation for you!

Eric Matthews: Just imagine that she's me and there's something you wanna know but I don't wanna talk about it. What would you do?
Gracie Hart: You want me to beat it out of her?

[Gracie pulls earpiece out of her ear]
Eric Matthews: Wo wo wo. Wait a minute, what are you doing? Put that back in your ear.
Gracie Hart: I can't talk girl talk with a guy in my head! I can't even do it with me in my head!

Kathy Morningside: New Jersey, as you know, there are many who consider the Miss United States Pageant to be outdated and anti-feminist. What would you say to them?
Gracie Hart: Well, I would have to say - I used to be one of them. And then I came here and I realized that these women are smart, terrific people who are just trying to make a difference in the world. And we've become really good friends. I mean, I know we all secretly hope the other one will trip and fall on her face, and - wait a minute, I've already done that! And for me this experience has been one of the most rewarding and liberating experiences of my life.
[audience applauds]
Victor Melling: My God, I did it!
Gracie Hart: And if anyone, anyone - tries to hurt one of my new friends, I would take them out. I would make them suffer so much that they'd wish they were never born. And if they ran, I would hunt them down. Thank you, Kathy.
Victor Melling: A brief shining moment, and then that mouth!

Grace's father: [from trailer] Honey, are you a lesbian?
Gracie Hart: [snorts] I wish!

Kathy Morningside: You know, you think you saved something tonight, but all you did was to destroy the dream of young women all over this country.
Gracie Hart: What? You think that their dream is to get blown up?

Eric Matthews: You gotta admit, part of you is going to miss this.
Gracie Hart: I know I am going to miss the heels because they do something for my posture. And I'm suddenly very aware and proud of my breasts.
Eric Matthews: Funny, me too.

[after getting a pint of Ben and Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream]
Gracie Hart: I'm going to get chip-faced.

[after Eric pulls Gracie into the pool]
Gracie Hart: Oh, Vic's gonna kill you. You in big trouble.
Eric Matthews: You look good wet.
Gracie Hart: Shut up!

Eric Matthews: Maybe we could have dinner, you know?
Gracie Hart: What? You, like, asking me on a date?
Eric Matthews: No! Just casual dinner... If we happen to have sex afterwards so be it!

Gracie Hart: The last time I was this naked in public I was coming out of a uterus!

Gracie Hart: Where am I gonna keep my gun?
Eric Matthews: Nowhere I wanna know about!

Gracie Hart: [to Victor] You know, you're gonna get yours, Henry Higgins.

Kathy Morningside: Twenty-five years of bitching beauty queens, and what do I get? Fired! They steal my life, they steal my beauty pageant...
Gracie Hart: Hey, hey! It is not a beauty pageant, it is a scholarship program.
Kathy Morningside: Yeah, yeah.
Gracie Hart: *Yes*!

Gracie Hart: There's something I can do for the talent, that I know how to do it since high school.
Victor Melling: You will not be having sex on this stage!
Gracie Hart: I didn't know that was an option, all right? All I have to do is call room service.

Gracie Hart: Oh my gosh, it's the crown!
Victor Melling: Yes, it is! You can taste it now, can't you?
[Gracie is taken to the stage, wildly pointing at her head while she stutters about the crown]
Victor Melling: Yes, yes. You *wear* the crown, *be* the crown, you *are* the crown!

Gracie Hart: You ate pizza, you stole panties! You're a wild woman!

Victor Melling: The interview is the single most important part of the pageant. It counts for 30 percent of your total score.
Gracie Hart: What's the other 70 percent, cleavage?

Victor Melling: In place of friends and relationships, you have sarcasm and a gun!
Gracie Hart: Oh, *I* have sarcasm? When every word that comes out of your mouth is dripping with disdain?
Victor Melling: Ah! That is because I am a miserable, grumpy elitist - and that works for me!
Gracie Hart: You know what? I don't have relationships because I don't want them, an-an-and I don't have friends because I work 24/7. And you have no idea why I am the way that I am.

Eric Matthews: Hart, listen to me. I've waited five years to run my own op. You think I'd blow it on the wrong girl?
Gracie Hart: No no no, I know the only reason you picked me was because I was the only one who looked half decent in a bikini and wasn't on maternity leave.
Eric Matthews: No, that's why they *let* me pick you. You wanna know why I picked you?
Gracie Hart: Lost a bet?
Eric Matthews: Because you're smart. Because you don't take any crap from people. You're funny. You're easy to talk to when you're not armed. Look, give yourself a break. Cut Vic and the other pagent ladies some slack cause if they ever get a chance to see what I see then... they're gonna love you.

Gracie Hart: Sir, that is one really really purple Russian, sir!

Eric Matthews: You took your earpiece out! Vic needs you, now!
Gracie Hart: Eric, I haven't slept in two days!
Eric Matthews: I'll give you a cookie.
Gracie Hart: [mumbling to herself] It better be a big one.

Gracie Hart: You know what...
[grabs Eric in a headlock]
Gracie Hart: Pull this off! What, is it because Macdonald hates me?
Eric Matthews: He doesn't hate you!
Gracie Hart: Is it some woman thing?
[Eric knocks her to the floor]
Eric Matthews: Don't kid yourself! Nobody thinks of you that way!
[Gracie trips him and sits on his back, holding him down]
Gracie Hart: He's punishing me, isn't he?
Eric Matthews: [under Gracie] Look, I had to beg him to let you do this!
Gracie Hart: What?
Eric Matthews: Yeah, like it or not you screwed up, pal!
[they roll over attacking each other]
Gracie Hart: [Sitting on Eric again] This may come as a shock to you but I've never been in a beauty pageant before! I don't even own a dress! I don't even own a brush!
[They roll around again]
Eric Matthews: [with Gracie's thighs squeezing his head] Which part o' that is supposed to shock me?
[Gracie slams her thighs against his head and they roll over on the floor again]
Gracie Hart: [Eric's feet squeezing her face] Jesus! Let's just swing reality for like a second! I have to do everything like the big hair, and the makeup...
Eric Matthews: Damn right! The spinning, the twirling, the smiling...
Gracie Hart: [out of breath] So you're saying... I have to wear... the bathing suit?

Victor Melling: By the way, what are you planning to do for your talent: sing, dance, chew with your mouth closed?
Gracie Hart: I will do whatever you want me to do, Yoda.

Gracie Hart: Enjoy running the Miss San Antonio Women's Correctional Facility Pageant, huh, huh?
[chuckles to herself, then turns to Matthews]
Gracie Hart: Get it, the Women's Correctional Facility Pageant...?

Gracie Hart: His ego is like this big and his equpment is like this big!

[a dentist is cleaning Grace's teeth, and a barber is untangling her hair]
Gracie Hart: Can't I get some Novocain?
Dentist: It's only a cleaning.
Gracie Hart: No, I'm talking about Sweeney Todd back here.

Eric Matthews: We recently discovered some information about the winner from New Jersey.
Gracie Hart: And her performance in a little film called "Arma-get-it-on."
Stan Fields: Was that her?

Gracie Hart: Ok, with all due respect here, why did Miss Morningside suggest you?
Victor Melling: Because I am the best... they had their Southern belles, their Midwestern farmers' daughters, spunky western cowgirls, and I have... dirty Harriet!


Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous (2005)
Gracie Hart: [singing to the tune of "You Think I'm Gorgeous"] You're my new partner, / You have to like me and... back me up if someone's shooting at me
Sam Fuller: Not necessarily.

Gracie Hart: Uh, excuse me, private conversation in progress.

Gracie Hart: Please be careful! My guns are in the Fendi!

Gracie Hart: People may care about people who care about themselves, but I just don't care about those people.

Joel: How do you feel about a push-up bra?
Gracie Hart: How would you feel about a genital-shocking taser gun?
Joel: I'm open to it.
Gracie Hart: ...Okay.

Sam Fuller: I don't recall seeing a skinny, white-ass girl growing up at the table.
Gracie Hart: Okay, first of all... thank you for calling me skinny.

Gracie Hart: How about a real sorry?
Sam Fuller: Come again?
Gracie Hart: You heard me. I said how about a real sorry.
Sam Fuller: You are about to feel some real pain if you don't back off
Gracie Hart: You don't want to talk to me about pain, sister. I invented pain alright.
Sam Fuller: You didn't just call me sister, because I don't recall seeing a little skinny ass white girl around the table growing up.
Gracie Hart: HEY! First of all thank you for calling me skinny, second of all what is your problem and third of all you'd better apologize to me.

Gracie Hart: I wish you wouldn?t kiss my watch. It?s not water resistant.

Gracie Hart: I don?t cry! I don?t even have tear ducts.

Cheryl: [after Gracie rescues her from the sinking ship] You must be really tired of saving my life.
Gracie Hart: No no, it's good exercise

Gracie Hart: [going through the office talking with McDonald] Sir, I went through a makeover for the pageant. I'm still getting hairspray off my butt!
[everyone in the office stops talking]
Gracie Hart: What? It - it prevents the swimsuit from, from riding up, thank you!

Gracie Hart: I wish you wouldn't kiss my watch. It's not water resistant.

Gracie Hart: I don't cry! I don't even have tear ducts.

Sam Fuller: Okay, look! I don't work for you and you don't work for me. We're a team. Get it? As in 'I will kick your sorry ass if you don't listen to me' team.
Gracie Hart: Well first of all, if you remember correctly it was 'skinny' ass. And second of all what is your problem Fuller? DO you honestly feel it's okay to go around harrasing people and bashing their faces in? Because guess what Fuller, you will never make it in this bureau if you don't start usuing your head.
[Sam Headbuts Gracie]
Gracie Hart: What, you start listening to me now?

Gracie Hart: You can do this. You know you can because you are Sam Fuller FBI. Nothing and nobody scares you. And I am Gracie Hart and at this moment I am also big bird and nothing scares me except... except loosing Cheryl, because having a friend like her and having any friend for me is a really really rare thing. Okay?
Sam Fuller: Okay but I am not singing.
Dolly Impersonator: And here's the fabulous Tina Turner.
Gracie Hart: Everything's going to be okay, just be Tina - -ish.

Clonsky: Hey, Hart, can you get me Miss Arizona's number?
Gracie Hart: Why would I do that, Clonsky?
Clonsky: Because she needs a man in her life.
Gracie Hart: Yeah? Where do you fit in?
Clonsky: Nice. Nice talk. Not too congenial, Hart.

[first lines]
[FBI agents in a Jim & Dan's Fine Foods van on their way to the bank for a sting operation]
Clonsky: Hey Hart, can you give me Miss Arizona's number?
Gracie Hart: Why would I do that Clonsky?
Clonsky: Cause she needs a man in her life.
Gracie Hart: Yeah, where do you fit in?

[last lines]
[Gracie in Priscilla's classroom so Priscilla can read book report on Gracie]
Gracie Hart: Priscilla,
[stutters]
Gracie Hart: what do, what do we want?
Priscilla: World Peace.
[smiles]
Gracie Hart: [Nods and smiles] World peace. And... the strength to hold fast to your beliefs... while society's forcing you to conform to some barbie doll image, know what I'm saying?
[Says to boy at table next to her who gives her a look like he thinks she's crazy]
Gracie Hart: [Stutters] You don't, you don't know what I'm saying? Ok, well... it's, it's mostly, um...
[looks at Priscilla]
Gracie Hart: it's mostly world peace.
[smiles at Priscilla]
Priscilla: [Smiles at Gracie] Snorts
[snort sounds like Gracie when she laughs]
Priscilla: [then large grin]
[Gracie winks at Priscilla]

Gracie Hart: Fuller, I'm sensing a little subtle hostility, and I think we should talk about it.
[Fuller walks away]
Gracie Hart: Fuller, you shouldn't keep things bottled up.
Gracie Hart: Fuller! What is your problem?
Sam Fuller: The problem is, I don't like you.

Collins: I never gave up because the word "quit" is not in my vocabulary. Neither is "failure", "A for effort", "abandon ship"...
[Gracie Hart pushes him into the water]
Gracie Hart: And that's how we do it in New York.

Joel: [both Hart and Fuller are pointing a gun at Foreman] You see, this is what I like. Learning to work together. A little "Ebony & Ivory" action.
Jeff Foreman: Guys, I can't do it.
Sam Fuller: Stop being a wuss, Foreman. Be a man.
Gracie Hart: Yeah, like Fuller.

Shirley, Assisted Living Receptionist: [Gracie is disguised as the old mother of Joel to snoop around the nursing home] Are you interested in touring our facilities?
Joel: Oh, yes, we are very interested. I can't wait to get rid of her.
Gracie Hart: Oh, don't you listen to him. He's a momma's boy. Come here, cutie. Come here and let me fix your tie.
[grabs his tie]
Joel: Oh!
Gracie Hart: Such a momma's boy!
Joel: Ma, not now!
Gracie Hart: Momma's boy face, that's a momma's boy face!
[smacks him repeatedly on the cheek]
Joel: [rising] Do you have a euthanasia program?
Shirley, Assisted Living Receptionist: We just need to fill out some forms. If you'll give me one minute.

Sam Fuller: [after Gracie, pretending to be an old woman in a wheelchair, stands up] Ida, you can walk?
Gracie Hart: Praise Jesus!
Sam Fuller: Moses!
Gracie Hart: Moses! Oh, sign me up for this place! The men make me all fachuchin!

Sam Fuller: Let me tell you when I'm gonna get you an iced Venti Caramel Macchiato: when they elect a black woman president of the Daughers of the American Revolution.
Gracie Hart: Okay. And if that happens, I'd also like one of those little muffins.
Sam Fuller: Where would you like it?

Sam Fuller: Let me explain something.
Gracie Hart: Okay.
Sam Fuller: [Angry] You didn't do what was on the schedule, and I'm a schedule-type person.
Gracie Hart: [Absolutely uninterested] Oh.
[Turns towards Foreman]

Sam Fuller: Well, like it or not, that plane is not taking off unless we're both on it.
Gracie Hart: You might consider a tic-tac.

Gracie Hart: Wake up and smell the iced vente decaf caramel macchiato!

Joel: [Explaining the rules to being the face of the FBI] Rule #1, no hitting.
Gracie Hart: What?
Joel: The face of the FBI uses her words, not her fists,
Gracie Hart: [Gracie goes to grab a chair]
Joel: or chair.
Joel: Rule #2, chew with your mouth closed.
Gracie Hart: You don't know how I eat.
Joel: [Points out the ketchup stain on Gracie's shirt]
Joel: [Sarcastically]
Joel: How would that get there if it didn't fall from an open oraface?
Gracie Hart: Well maybe I walked under a ketchup tree.
Gracie Hart: [laughs and snorts]
Joel: Rule #3, no snorting.

Gracie Hart: I just don't see why I can't be Tina!
Sam Fuller: [with disdain] You don't see that?

Gracie Hart: I just don't see why I couldn't be Tina.
Sam Fuller: You don't see that?

Gracie Hart: That's right, walk away.
Sam Fuller: You lucky you still can walk away.

Gracie Hart: Please tell me you have tickets to see "Cirq du Soleil".

Gracie Hart: All right, Regis... grab her.
Regis Philbin: She looks angry... do I have to grab her?
Gracie Hart: Go ahead. Agent Fuller has no place else to be.

Gracie Hart: Come on; come on!
Gracie Hart: [honks horn on car repeatedly with no results in traffic]
Sam Fuller: All right all right, clearly that's not working!
Gracie Hart: Don't start with me, Tina!

Sam Fuller: I've got to take her to the bathroom.
Gracie Hart: I need a tampon!
Sam Fuller: You heard her, we've got an agent down. We NEED TAMPONS!
Jenkins: I'm not getting them.
Hills: I don't even get them for my wife.
Joel: I guess this is a job for a real man. Any particular brand?

Gracie Hart: Cheryl would never refer to her ass as her booty! Cheryl would never refer to her ass, period! She calls it her "popo"!

Gracie Hart: I've got you. Can you swim?
Stan Fields: Can I swim? I made junior lifesaver at Camp Mondago. I was captain of the miniature golf team.

Gracie Hart: [Sam Fuller is demonstrating defence on Regis] So remember SING: That's solar plexus,
Sam Fuller: [hits Regis in the chest]
Gracie Hart: instep,
Sam Fuller: [stomps on Regis's foot]
Gracie Hart: nose,
Sam Fuller: [punches Regis in the nose]
Gracie Hart: and groin.
Regis Philbin: Not the groin!
Sam Fuller: [hits him in the groin and he collapses]

Gracie Hart: What happened to team yo? You and me in it together?
Sam Fuller: Don't do that again.

Sam Fuller: We need a big finish
Joel: I can take my top off
Gracie Hart: We need a GOOD big finish

Tobin: Whatever happened to World Peace?
Gracie Hart: It comes and goes!

Gracie Hart: I dont cry! I dont even have tear ducts.

Gracie Hart: I wish you wouldn't kiss my watch. It's not water resistant.

Gracie Hart: Sir I went through a makeover for the pageant. I'm still getting hairspray off my butt!

Gracie Hart: How about a real sorry.
Sam Fuller: Come again?
Gracie Hart: You heard me. I said how about a real sorry.
Sam Fuller: You are about to feel some real pain if you don't back off
Gracie Hart: You don't want to talk to me about pain sister. I invented pain alright.
Sam Fuller: You didn't just call me sister, because I don't recall seeing a little skinny ass white girl around the table growing up.
Gracie Hart: Hey! First of all thank you for calling me skinny, second of all what is your problem and third of all you'd better apologize to me.

FBI Asst. Director Harry McDonald: Get your beauty team together, the plane leaves at 08:00. Oh, and I want you to have a bodyguard outside of New York.
Gracie Hart: A bodyguard? Why would I need a bodyguard sir?
FBI Asst. Director Harry McDonald: Crowd control... You're gonna be the hottest celebrity in Vegas.
[Gracie stops and turns around]
FBI Asst. Director Harry McDonald: Assuming Newton isn't in town...
Gracie Hart: Oh,right sir, Danke schon
[snorts and leaves]

Sam Fuller: Okay look! I don't work for you and you don't work for me, we're a team. get it? As in I will kick your sorry ass if you don't listen to me 'team'
Gracie Hart: Well first of all, if you remember correctly it was skinny ass. and second of all what is your problem Fuller? DO you honestly feel its okay to go around harassing people and bashing their faces in. Because guess what Fuller, you will never make it in this bureau if you don't start usuing your head.
[Sam headbutts Gracie]
Gracie Hart: What you start listening to me now!

[Gracie is restraining Sam from hitting a tourist]
Sam Fuller: Too much! Too much!
Gracie Hart: [pulls Sam aside] Fuller, I don't think you fully understand the concept of TOO MUCH!
Sam Fuller: Hey, McDonald told me to keep people alone.

Joel: Ooh... I hope she's not a fatty.
FBI Asst. Director Harry McDonald: Hart, Joel Mayers. Joel Mayers, Gracie Hart.
Gracie Hart: Hi.
Joel: Oh, yes. I can work with this. I can work with this. Your are going to be my icon.
Gracie Hart: Hey, calm down.
Joel: Hmm.