Max Fischer
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Quotes for
Max Fischer (Character)
from Rushmore (1998)

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Rushmore (1998)
Rosemary Cross: Has it ever crossed your mind that you're far too young for me?
Max Fischer: It crossed my mind that you might consider that a possibility, yeah.

Rosemary Cross: Do you think we're going to have sex?
Max Fischer: That's a kinda cheap way to put it.
Rosemary Cross: Not if you've ever fucked before, it isn't.

Max Fischer: My top schools where I want to apply to are Oxford and the Sorbonne. My safety's Harvard.

Max Fischer: I like your nurse's uniform, guy.
Dr. Peter Flynn: These are O.R. scrubs.
Max Fischer: O, R they?

Max Fischer: Maybe I'm spending too much of my time starting up clubs and putting on plays. I should probably be trying harder to score chicks.

Herman Blume: What's the secret, Max?
Max Fischer: The secret?
Herman Blume: Yeah, you seem to have it pretty figured out.
Max Fischer: The secret, I don't know... I guess you've just gotta find something you love to do and then... do it for the rest of your life. For me, it's going to Rushmore.

Max Fischer: What do you call getting a handjob from Mrs. Calloway in the back of her Jaguar?
Magnus Buchan: A fucking lie.
Max Fischer: You think I got kicked out because of just the aquarium? Nah, it was the handjob. And you know what else? It was worth it.

Max Fischer: So you were in Vietnam?
Herman Blume: Yeah.
Max Fischer: Were you in the shit?
Herman Blume: Yeah, I was in the shit.

Max Fischer: The truth is, neither one of us has the slightest idea where this relationship is going. We can't predict the future.
Rosemary Cross: We don't have a relationship.
Max Fischer: But we're friends.
Rosemary Cross: Yes, and that's all we're *going* to be. Well, yes...
Max Fischer: That's all I meant by "relationship." You want me to grab a dictionary?

Herman Blume: She's my Rushmore.
Max Fischer: I know. She was mine too.

Max Fischer: I saved Latin. What did you ever do?

Max Fischer: How the hell did you get so rich? You're a quitter, man!
Herman Blume: I spent eight million dollars on this.
Max Fischer: And is that all you're willing to spend?

Max Fischer: So tell me Curly, how do you know Miss Cross?
Dr. Peter Flynn: We went to Harvard together.
Max Fischer: Oh that's great. I wrote a hit play and directed it, so I'm not sweating it either.

Ernie: What kind of fish?
Max Fischer: Barracuda, stingrays, electric eels, trout, hammerheads, piranha, giant squid, octopi...
Herman Blume: Piranhas? Really?
Max Fischer: Yes, I'm talking to a guy in South America.

Max Fischer: How much are you worth, by the way?
Herman Blume: I don't know.
Max Fischer: Over ten million?
Herman Blume: Yeah, I guess so.
Max Fischer: Good, good.
Herman Blume: Why?
Max Fischer: Cause we're gonna need all of it.

[Introducing his play "Heaven and Hell"]
Max Fischer: Also, you'll find a pair of safety glasses and some earplugs under your seats. Please feel free to use them.

[Max has just petitioned to make Latin a required subject]
Magnus Buchan: [heavy Scottish brogue] Why dincha just piss off, Fischer? Ya dotty wee skid mark!
Max Fischer: Is that Latin?

Max Fischer: [to Dr. Peter] I was punched in the face. What's your excuse?

Max Fischer: [to Rosemary] We both have dead people in our families.

Rosemary Cross: That's none of your business.
Max Fischer: I know it's not, but I just got hit my a car and I'm feeling a little confused.

Rosemary Cross: I'll show you the door.
Max Fischer: I'll just go back out the window.

Dr. Peter Flynn: I didn't know we were going to dinner.
Max Fischer: Well, that's because you weren't invited.

Max Fischer: [to Rosemary] I'm sorry, I just came by to thank you for WRECKING MY LIFE!

Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: We're putting you on what we call sudden death academic probation.
Max Fischer: And what does that entail?
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: It entails that if you fail another class, you'll be asked to leave Rushmore.
Max Fischer: In other words, I'll be expelled.
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: That's correct.
Max Fischer: Can I see some documentation on that, please?
[Guggenheim hands him his transcript]
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: Too many extracurricular activities, Max. Not enough studying
Max Fischer: Dr. Guggenheim, I don't want to tell you how to do your job. But the fact is, no matter how hard I try, I still might flunk another class. If that means I have to stay on for a post-graduate year, so be it...
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: - We don't offer a post-graduate year.
Max Fischer: Well, we don't offer it yet.

Max Fischer: Your mind's as warped as your ear, Magnus.
Magnus Buchan: Don't Get Nasty, Brother.

Herman Blume: Why did you ask me to come here?
Max Fischer: Oh, I was going to drop that tree on you.
Herman Blume: That big one?
Max Fischer: Yeah.
Herman Blume: It would've flattened me like a pancake.

Max Fischer: What was your major?
Rosemary Cross: I didn't have a major, but my thesis was on Latin American economic policy.
Max Fischer: Oh, that's interesting. Did you hear that they're not going to teach Latin anymore?
Rosemary Cross: This was more like Central America.

Herman Blume: Come work for me.
Max Fischer: What do you mean?
Herman Blume: I mean I-I could use someone like you.
Max Fischer: Look, I may not be rich, Mr. Blume, my father may only be a doctor, but we manage.

Herman Blume: So you've changed your mind and you want the job.
Max Fischer: No, I've got an idea and I need some money.

Bert Fischer: You're like one of those clipper ship captains. You're married to the sea.
Max Fischer: Yes, that's true.
[pause]
Max Fischer: But I've been out to sea for a long time.

Rosemary Cross: How did I hurt your feelings?
Max Fischer: Oh, my God! I wrote a hit play!
[pauses]
Max Fischer: And I'm in love with you.

Rosemary Cross: [tending a wound on Max's forehead] Is this fake blood?
Max Fischer: Yes, it is.

Max Fischer: I don't give a shit about the barracudas, fuck it! I'm building it anyway.

Max Fischer: [during his play "Heaven and Hell"] Maybe We'll meet again someday...
[holds up a peace sign]
Max Fischer: When the fighting stops.

Max Fischer: Sic transit gloria. Glory fades. I'm Max Fischer.
Rosemary Cross: Hi.
Max Fischer: Hi.

Max Fischer: Tell that stupid Mick he just made my list of things to do today.

Herman Blume: What does Guggenheim say?
Max Fischer: Nothing. I felt I should go to you first.
Herman Blume: Why?
Max Fischer: Because at this moment I feel our best strategy is to keep a low profile. The more preparation I can do, the stronger our case will be when we go to the administration.
Herman Blume: How much do you want?
Max Fischer: $35.000 for the initial plans.
Herman Blume: I'll give you $2500.

Margaret Yang: You're a real jerk to me, you know that?
Max Fischer: I'm sorry, Margaret.
Margaret Yang: Well anyway, nice to see you.

Rosemary Cross: Well, you pulled it off.
Max Fischer: Yeah, it went okay. At least nobody got hurt.
Rosemary Cross: Except you.

Herman Blume: [on Max's offering a small box] What's this?
[Herman opens it and looks]
Max Fischer: That's the Perfect Attendance Award and the Punctuality Award. I got those at Rushmore. I thought you could choose which one you like more, and you could wear one and I could wear the other.
Herman Blume: [after gravely considering both the proffered olive branch and the choice] I'll take Punctuality.
Max Fischer: [smiles] Okay.

Herman Blume: Take it easy, Max.
Rosemary Cross: You were the one that ordered him a whiskey and soda.
Max Fischer: So what's wrong with that? I can write a hit play. Why can't I have a little drink to unwind myself?

Max Fischer: War does funny things to men.

Max Fischer: Good. I just wanted to inform you about what is going on.
[Dr. Guggenheim stares at Max with contempt]
Dr. Nelson Guggenheim: I never took you for an informer, Max.