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Quotes for
Ted Newman (Character)
from Click (2006)

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Click (2006)
Michael Newman: My schmeckel got bigger now that I'm older, just so you guys know that.
Trudy: It couldn't have gotten any smaller.
Ted: [laughing] It looked like a little Tic Tac.
Michael Newman: Yeah, come here. I'll freshen your breath.

[Michael was told his father, Ted, died. In his grave, he asks the remote to flashback to the last time he saw him. Flashback: Michael's very busy working and his son, Ben, arrives]
Ben Newman - Age 22-30: Hi, Dad. Sorry to bother you. Would you mind looking at my shopping mall design again? This one is cheaper, but... If you check this out, you'll see it has much better natural flow...
Michael Newman: [Flashback-Michael interrupts without having seen his son's project] Cheaper one, like I said. Just, let me do my e-mail.
Ben Newman - Age 22-30: Yeah, yeah, you're right. Er...
Michael Newman: [Real Michael] He ain't right. You are a schmark, look at it!
Ted: [arrives] Surprise!
Ben Newman - Age 22-30: Hey, grandpa!
Michael Newman: [Real Michael sees how old his dad is] Oh, my God...
Ted: [hugs Ben] How did you get so handsome?
[to Michael]
Ted: So, Michael. I have a wonderful idea. Your mother is going to play canasta with her friends tonight, so I thought: "What a great opportunity". You, me and Ben should go and have a boys night out.
Michael Newman: [Flashback-Michael] I can't.
Ted: What do you mean you can't? You have to weak some time. We can go, we can whistle the pretty ladies.
Ben Newman - Age 22-30: I'm down for that.
Ted: See? He's down. I don't know what that means but he's down.
Michael Newman: [Flashback-Michael] Hey, please.
Ted: Don't give me that finger.
[after seeing he's son keeps busy]
Ted: I'll make you a deal. If you come, I'll show you the quarter trick.
Michael Newman: [Real Michael] Will you look at the man?
Ted: I'll tell you the secret.
Michael Newman: [Flashback-Michael] No, Dad.
Ted: Don't you wanna know...?
Michael Newman: ...how you do the stupid trick? I've always known. Can you let me do my job?
Ted: [voice braking] You've always known...
Michael Newman: [Real Michael, to Flashback-Michael] You're pathetic.
Ted: Okay... I'm so sorry I butched in. I love you son.
Ben Newman - Age 22-30: Don't you worry, grandpa. I'll go with you.
[Grandpa starts leaving and cries. Real Michael freezes him, then rewinds the scene to the part Granpa Ted tells Flashback-Michael that he loves him]
Michael Newman: [Real Michael, when he freezes his dad when he's looking at him] I love you dad.
[kisses him in the cheek]
Michael Newman: I'll miss ya... You know that... Good-bye.

Michael Newman: You've gotta show me how you do the quarter trick, it's driving me crazy!
Ted: A good magician never reveals his secrets... however, if you invite us over for dinner more often...
Michael Newman: You can come over tomorrow night and the next night and the next night and whenever you want!

Ted: Benjamin, what do I have in my hand?
Trudy: A quarter.
Ted: Now, Grandma doesn't let me eat ice cream because of my diabetes.
Trudy: True.
Ted: But she says nothing about a tasty quarter.
[bites off half of it]
Ted: Alright, please, very quickly, count to 3, it tastes terrible. One...
Ted, Trudy, Ben at 7-Years-Old, Donna Newman: Two, three.
[Ted spits the quarter back into one piece]
Trudy: Ahh!
Ben at 7-Years-Old: Are you shitting me?
Trudy: First he's eating like his father and now you're talking like him?
Donna Newman: Ben!
Trudy: Don't you EVER say that again!
Ben at 7-Years-Old: Sorry, Grandma.
Samantha Newman - Age 5: HOW did you do that, Grandpa?
Ted: A good magician NEVER reveals his secrets, your daddy's been wanting to know how I did it since he was your age.

Trudy: [Michael rewinds to his family's camping trip at Lake Winnipesaukee in the 70s] Uh uh uh, no cupcakes yet!
Michael at 10 Years Old: But I'm starving!
Ted: I know exactly how you feel, Michael, I'm so hungry, I could eat this quarter!
Michael Newman: Ah, so THIS is where the quarter trick started.
Morty: [watches Ted bite the quarter in half and then spit it whole again, amazed] How did he do that?
Michael Newman: It's a trick coin you buy in a magic shop, I just couldn't ever let him know I knew that.