Gaius Baltar
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Quotes for
Gaius Baltar (Character)
from "Battlestar Galactica" (2004)

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"Battlestar Galactica: Lost Planet of the Gods: Part 2 (#1.3)" (1978)
Baltar: Lieutenant Starbuck. How nice of you to drop in.
Lt. Starbuck: Baltar! I'd trade my life for one shot at you.

Baltar: Adama, listen to reason. You could drift forever in search of what? A planet that may be the myth of half drunken star voyagers who came back to die here?

Baltar: I cannot stay here too long before my machine friends will become nervous and do something rash.

Commander Adama: How dare you defile the holy crypt!
Baltar: Do you think I believe in all that primitive superstition?
[the crypt starts to cave in]
Baltar: I didn't mean it!

Baltar: It was a mistake! I meant no harm. Adama, the Lords are with you. Use your power. Get us out of here!
Commander Adama: I cannot.

Commander Adama: Get him out!
Baltar: Adama, wait! You must hear me out. I have been to the Cylon seat of power. It is in chaos! Cylon forces are scattered throughout the star system searching for you. The route back into the Cylon empire is BARELY defended. They're spread so thin, ONE SINGLE BATTLESTAR can take control of the empire and bring it to its knees!


"Battlestar Galactica: The Eye of Jupiter (#3.11)" (2006)
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Can't believe how much I actually miss this place.
Number Six: You know you can't return. They'd toss you out the nearest airlock and then throw a party!

Dr. Gaius Baltar: [Walking through Galactica with the Cylon delegation] I can't believe how much I actually miss this place.
Number Six: You know you can't return. They'd toss you out the nearest airlock and then throw a party.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Yes, I know. Still, I can't help feeling I'm finally home.
Number Six: If you're really a Cylon, one of the final five, then these feelings are just part of your programming, part of your cover.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: And if I'm a human being after all, if I'm not one of the final five, then this is the last chance I'll get to see my kind again.

Admiral William Adama: What's your offer?
D'Anna Biers: You give us the Eye of Jupiter. We let you go.
Brother Cavil: And... we'll throw in Baltar.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [to Cavil] What are you talking about now?
[to D'Anna]
Dr. Gaius Baltar: What's he saying?
D'Anna Biers: [to Cavil] Indeed?
Brother Cavil: I am improvising. Throw in something to sweeten the pot. Besides, I suspect the Admiral and Madam President would enjoy some nice, quiet private time with the former leader. Am I right?
Colonel Saul Tigh: Worth thinking about.
Admiral William Adama: Definately worth thinking about.

Brother Cavil: We have a stand-off, very predictable. They have the Eye and they'll nuke it if we try to take it, and we'll shoot them down if they try bringing it up to Galactica.
Leoben Conoy: Are we sure that they have it? How do we know they're not bluffing?
Dr. Gaius Baltar: You don't.
D'Anna Biers: We Threes feel that we can't afford to take the chance.
Brother Cavil: I think we're missing the big picture here. We have the oppotunity to rid the universe of the human pestilence, once and for all.
Number Six: We can discuss that after we get the Eye of Jupiter, after we find the path to Earth.
Brother Cavil: Let me point out that it doesn't matter if we find Earth in five days, or if we find Earth in five thousand years. We're machines. We'll still be around to savor the great miracle. So let them destroy the Eye, if indeed they have it. We have to take advantage of the situation and take down Galactica once and for all... or we could stand here and do nothing.


"Battlestar Galactica: The Hand of God (#1.21)" (1979)
Baltar: What do you want, Adama?
Commander Adama: Information.
Baltar: They found you.
Commander Adama: We found them.

Baltar: Destroy them? A basestar? Not likely.
Commander Adama: With your help.
Baltar: Why would I possibly help you?
Commander Adama: To regain your freedom.

[Baltar has just bartered his knowledge of the Cylons in exchange for freedom]
Commander Adama: Apollo, Starbuck, see you soon.
Baltar: Good luck.
[Apollo and Starbuck are taken aback by Baltar's response, but proceed to begin their mission]
Baltar: If they don't succeed, I die too.

Baltar: And when am I to be set free?
Commander Adama: After the basestar has been destroyed.
Baltar: What if they destroy you? And me along with you?
Commander Adama: Then that's the risk you'll have to take.
[Baltar realizes that Adama intends to keep him on the Galactica when she engages a Cylon basestar]
Commander Adama: Do we have an agreement?
[reluctantly, Baltar shakes Adama's hand in agreement]


Battlestar Galactica (1978)
Cmdr. Adama: Mr. President, a wall of unidentified craft is closing in on the fleet.
Baltar: Possibly a Cylon welcoming committee.
Cmdr. Adama: Sir, might I suggest we launch a "welcoming committee" of our own?
Baltar: Mr. President, there remain many hostile feelings amongst our warriors. The likelihood of an unfortunate incident with all those pilots in the sky at once.
President Adar: Did you hear that, Commander?
Cmdr. Adama: Sir, did Count Baltar suggest that our forces sit here totally defenseless?
President Adar: My friend, we are on a peace mission. The first peace man has known in a thousand years.

Imperious Leader: Welcome, Baltar. I have grave news. A handful of Colonials prevail, but we will soon find them.
Baltar: What of our bargain? My colony was to be spared!
Imperious Leader: I now alter the bargain.
Baltar: How can you change one side of a bargain?
Imperious Leader: When there is no other side. You have missed the entire point of the war.
Baltar: But I have no ambitions against you!
Imperious Leader: Could you think me so foolish as to trust a man who would see his own race destroyed?
Baltar: Not destroyed, subjugated, under me!
Imperious Leader: There can be *no* survivors. So long as one human remains alive, the Alliance is threatened.
Baltar: Surely... you don't mean me?
Imperious Leader: We thank you for your help, Baltar. Your time is at an end.
Baltar: No! You can't! You still need me! ARGH!
[a Cylon Centurion slits Baltar's throat]

Baltar: If a handful of survivors did indeed escape, they would have neither fuel nor food for a prolonged voyage.
Cylon Centurion: The information is not complete. It is offered in exchange for life.
Baltar: And what is the standing order, for humans, from your Imperious Leader.
Cylon Centurion: Extermination.
Baltar: Then carry out your orders. If they exist, they're doomed.

President Adar: Baltar, my friend, this armistice conference would not have been possible with your tireless work. You have secured for yourself a place in the history books.
Baltar: [smiling humbly] That the Cylons chose me as their liason to the Quorum of the Twelve was an act of... providence, not skill.


"Battlestar Galactica: Saga of a Star World (#1.1)" (1978)
President Adar: Baltar, my friend, this armistice conference would not have been possible without your tireless work. You have secured for yourself a place in the history books.
Baltar: [smiling humbly] That the Cylons chose ME as their liason to the Quorum of the Twelve was an act of... providence, not skill.

Imperious Leader: Welcome, Baltar. I have grave news. I handful of Colonials prevail, but we will soon find them.
Baltar: What of out bargain? My Colony was to be spared!
Imperious Leader: I now alter the bargain.
Baltar: How can you change one side of a bargain?
Imperious Leader: When there is no other side. You have missed the entire point of the war.

[Two centurions drag Baltar into the throne chamber of Imperious Leader]
Imperious Leader: You are Baltar?
[Baltar laughs contemptuously at Imperious Leader's seeming ignorance]
Baltar: As if you don't remember.
Imperious Leader: My predecessor has left me with a difficult choice.
[Baltar's smirk disappears, as he is now genuinely surprised]
Baltar: Your... predecessor?
Imperious Leader: Was destroyed by your peers. A foolish miscalculation of the will of your people.

Imperious Leader: We thank you for your help, Baltar. Your time is at an end.
Baltar: No! You can't...
[a centurion seizes Baltar while a second begins to unsheath his sword]
Imperious Leader: No! Not now, centurion.
[the centurion stops and resheaths the sword]
Imperious Leader: Remove him for public execution.


"Battlestar Galactica: The Living Legend: Part 1 (#1.10)" (1978)
Baltar: I've decided that the city of Gamoray will be my seat of power. From it, I will decide how and where I will extend my dominion troughout the star system.
Lucifer: Begging your pardon, Baltar, but don't you think we should first go through the formality of conquering the humans before ordering our victory celebration?
Baltar: That had the note of sarcasm, Lucifer. Watch yourself. You're not the only IL-series Cylon who dreams of standing beside the greatest conqueror in all the universe.
Lucifer: Forgive my impudence.
Baltar: Hmm...
Lucifer: About that launch order.
Baltar: Yes, yes let's get on with it.

Baltar: Goodbye, Galactica. Goodbye, Adama. You're finished!

[on board a command-class Cylon raider, Baltar witnesses as full-scale battle is joined between the Galactica and his own overwhelming phalanx of Cylon attack craft]
Baltar: This time, the Galactica hasn't a chance. Concentrate our fighters on the Galactica's landing bays! Her warriors won't be able to refuel, reload or land!
[a swarm of Cylon raiders immediately attack the Galactica's portside flight bay amid heavy antiassault laser fire, and one fires into the bay before slamming into its side and exploding]
Officer Omega: Fire in the bay.
Commander Adama: [expecting the worst] Damage report.
[Omega's scan image shows the interior of the bay engulfed in fire]
Officer Omega: It's out of control. Alpha Bay is completely shut off.

[last lines]
Baltar: Burn, Galactica. You're finished, Adama!
Cylon Pilot: [looking out to port] Sir, if I may...
Baltar: I don't want to miss a moment of the last Battlestar's destruction.
Cylon Pilot: I really think you should take look at the other Battlestar.
Baltar: What are you babbling about, a...
[Baltar is dumbstruck at the sight of the Battlestar Pegasus]
Baltar: It's impossible!
Cylon Pilot: No. It is a Battlestar.
Baltar: *Turn* you fool! Turn! He's coming right for us!
[freeze frame: TO BE CONTINUED]


"Battlestar Galactica: Murder on the Rising Star (#1.16)" (1979)
Baltar: Think about it, Apollo. There's more than one prisoner on this barge who'd love to have Lieutenant Starbuck here. He won't live long enough to reach his cell!

Baltar: You're a wonder, Captain. Instead of offering me freedom to identify Karibidis, you offer me... my life. How touching.
Capt. Apollo: It's your only chance.
Baltar: You mean Lieutenant Starbuck's only chance.
Capt. Apollo: That may be true, but I'm betting your instinct for survival is stronger than your desire to see Starbuck convicted for a crime he didn't commit.

Baltar: You must take me as a fool. The affection Karibdis had for me was akin to that of a son for a father. He would never be a threat to my life.
Capt. Apollo: Then why is he onboard this shuttle?
[Baltar looks back into the shuttle, and sees nothing]
Baltar: I don't believe you. If he were onboard this shuttle it would be for one reason, to kill you.
Capt. Apollo: You're right. First. Then he'll kill you with my laser. It will look like you jumped me and in the struggle we both killed each other.
Baltar: And how would he explain that I did such a thing while wearing shackles?
Capt. Apollo: He'll remove them, after you're dead.


"Battlestar Galactica: He That Believeth in Me (#4.1)" (2008)
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [praying for Derek] God, I'm only going to ask you this one last time: Don't let this child die. Has he sinned against you? He can't have sinned against you. He's not even had a life yet. How can you take him and let me live? After all I've done... really, if you want someone to suffer, take me. We both know I deserve it. Selfish and weak. I have failed so many people. And I have killed. I'm not asking for your forgiveness. I'm just asking that you spare the life of this innocent child. Don't take him, take me. Take me, please.

Number Six: Yesterday, you were facing execution. Today, you're free. Why the long face?
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Oh, gee, I don't know. From President of the colonies to this. King of fools. Probably best to be hated by everyone than loved by this lot. Doomed to live out the rest of my life in this loony bin. I don't know, that might have something to do with my rather savage mood swings.
Number Six: Relax, Gaius. You think I've brought you this far just to let it end here?
Dr. Gaius Baltar: I need some encouragement. A ray of hope about the future. An inkling.
Number Six: You've got me. I'm here for you.

Tracey Anne: [walking in and seeing Gaius on his knees seemly in prayer; not knowing that Number Six had been comforting him by saying she was there for him] That is so beautiful.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [he opens his eyes and looks around] Hello. Sorry, what?
Tracey Anne: The way you were praying.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [noticing he had his palms together in an attitude of prayer] Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, thank you, yeah.
Tracey Anne: [she comes over and sits down facing Gaius] Not some hollow ritual.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: No, no.
Tracey Anne: It's as if the Gods are right here beside you.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Well, yeah.
Tracey Anne: When I pray to the gods...
[we see Number Six watching them with interest]
Tracey Anne: I feel empty.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Do you? That's a shame, isn't it?
Number Six: Her gods are false. Tell her.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [Tracey reaches up and strokes his hair] Well, if you feel empty when you pray to Zeus or Poseidon or Aphrodite, it's because it is. It's a totally empty experience.
[she begins unbuttoning Gaius' shirt]
Dr. Gaius Baltar: They're not real. They've been promulgated by a ruling elite, to stop you from learning the truth.
Tracey Anne: And what truth is that?
Tracey Anne: That's a very good question. What is the... the...
Number Six: There's only one God.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [Tracey begins unbuttoning her blouse] There is only one God. In a nutshell, that's the truth. We're alone here,aren't we? The others aren't coming back soon.
[She grins and shakes her head]
Dr. Gaius Baltar: And the door's locked. All right, good.
Tracey Anne: [She takes Gaius' hands and places them on her uncovered breasts] Can you feel God's presence?
Dr. Gaius Baltar: You know what? I think I do.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: So do I.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Do you? Do you, too? We both feel...
[Fade as they start to kiss and slide toward the floor]


"Battlestar Galactica: Tigh Me Up, Tigh Me Down (#1.9)" (2004)
Doctor Gaius Baltar: [speaking to his test tube] Commander Adama, are you a cylon?... Tune in tomorrow.

Doctor Gaius Baltar: [Phone rings in Dr. Baltar's lab] Dr. Gains Baltar, department of Cylon detection, how may I direct your call?
President Laura Roslin: You're in a good mood.
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Madame president. I'm... I'm sorry, I was expecting someone else.I have started and stopped the test twice already now so I'm running a little behind.
President Laura Roslin: Doctor, I would like you to call me the moment Commander Adama's test is complete. Will you do that?
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Commander Adama cancelled his test a short while ago.
President Laura Roslin: [Taken aback] Why?
Doctor Gaius Baltar: I dunno, um... he gave me another sample, and said it had priority. Yes, I probably shouldn't have mentioned that.
President Laura Roslin: Whose?No, you probably shouldn't have.
Doctor Gaius Baltar: I'll just check.
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Some woman called Ellen. No surname. He dropped it of, and left. Is there a problem?
President Laura Roslin: Dr. Baltar, I would like you to resume testin Commander Adama's blood sample, immediately, thank you.
[Laura Roslin hangs up the phone]

[last lines]
Number Six: If only they knew that everyone passes these days.
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Why, it's so much simpler that way. No muss, no fuss.
Number Six: So...
[pause]
Number Six: What did her test really say?
Doctor Gaius Baltar: I'll never tell.
[Baltar is grinning, spinning in his chair alone]


"Battlestar Galactica: Baltar's Escape (#1.18)" (1979)
Baltar: Is it a bargain?
Maga: Your record to date does not exactly inspire confidence.
Baltar: I, eh, I had incompetent followers.
Maga: We do not follow, Baltar.

Baltar: The micron the hatch opens, you and your men will eliminate all guards and take as many hostages as possible.
Commandant Leiter: Don't worry. We are very good at such operations.

Commander Adama: [communicating over the intercom] Do you think for one centon I believe you?
Baltar: You don't have a choice, Adama. If my demands are not followed to the letter within one centare, I'll kill these hostages one by one in front of you. Beginning with Lieutenant Boomer.


"Battlestar Galactica: Daybreak: Part 2 & 3 (#4.20)" (2009)
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Over there, between those two peaks, I saw some terrain that looked good for cultivation.
Number Six: Cultivation?
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Yes. You know, I know about farming
[suddenly starts weeping for his father, who was a farmer]
Number Six: Hey
[gently puts her arm on his shoulder]
Number Six: I know.
[kisses him]
Number Six: I know you do.

Brother Cavil: [holding Hera at gunpoint after overpowering a CIC gaurd] This makes it alot easier. I just take the girl and I'm out of here!
Admiral William Adama: [with a gun trained on Cavil] Not a chance!
Number Six: Cavil, we won't let you take Hera. You know that.
Brother Cavil: I know nothing of the kind. I know I'm going to watch you chase your tail across the universe for another four years.
Colonel Saul Tigh: That's not going to happen!
Brother Cavil: This thing is the key to my people's survival, and I'm not leaving without it!
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Hera's not a thing! She's a child, and she holds the key to humanity's survival as well!
Brother Cavil: And how do you know that?
Doctor Gaius Baltar: [glances briefly at Head-Six and Head-Baltar] I see angels, angels in this very room. Now, I may be mad, but that doesn't mean that I'm not right. Because there's another force at work here. There always has been. It's undeniable. We've all experienced it. Everyone in this room has witnessed events that they can't fathom, let alone explain by rational means. Puzzles deciphered in prophecy. Dreams given to a chosen few. Our loved ones, dead, risen. Wheather we want to call that "God" or "gods" or some sublime inspiration or a divine force we can't know or understand, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's here. It exists, and our two destinies are entwined in its force.
Brother Cavil: If that were true, and that's a big "if", how do I know this force has our best interests in mind? How do you know that God is on your side, Doctor?
Doctor Gaius Baltar: I don't. God's not on anyone side. God is a force of nature, beyond good and evil. Good and evil, we created those. You wanna break the cycle? Break the cycle of birth? Death? Rebirth? destruction? Escape? Death? Well, that's in our hands, in our hands only. It requires that we live in hope, not fear.

Head-Six: All the pieces are falling into place.
Head-Baltar: You will hold the future of Cylons and Humans in your hands.
Caprica Six, Doctor Gaius Baltar: [to their visions] I will?
Caprica Six, Doctor Gaius Baltar: [to each other] You see them?


"Battlestar Galactica: Lay Down Your Burdens: Part 2 (#2.20)" (2006)
[SPOILER]
Lt. Felix Gaeta: [Running into President Baltar's quarters] Mr. President! Mr. President?
Doctor Gaius Baltar: [mutters in displeasure]
Lt. Felix Gaeta: Gaius. Gaius!
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Yeah, what is it?
Lt. Felix Gaeta: The Cylons just jumped into orbit. And the fleet's jumped away.
Number Six: Judgment day.

[SPOILER]
[Doral, Sharon, and Six walk into Baltar's office]
Doctor Gaius Baltar: I'm Gaius Baltar. President of the colonies.
Number Six: I know who you are, Gaius. I know very well.
Lt. Sharon 'Boomer' Valerii: As long as you offer no resistance, you won't be harmed.
Doctor Gaius Baltar: How do I know that?
Aaron Doral: You don't. You also don't have any choice.
Doctor Gaius Baltar: How did you find us?
Aaron Doral: Oh, it was quite by accident. Actually, we were over a light year away from here when we detected the radiation signature... of a nuclear detonation.
[pause]
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Very well. On behalf of the people of the twelve colonies, I surrender.

Admiral William Adama: You're not listening.
Doctor Gaius Baltar: I don't have to listen. I'm the President.


"Battlestar Galactica: The Living Legend: Part 2 (#1.11)" (1978)
Baltar: What is the latest intelligence?
Lucifer: It is the consensus of the commanders of the two supporting baseships that we should ask for help from the planet Gamoray at once.
Baltar: Somehow I find the idea of some base commander on Gamoray taking credit for destroying the Galactica slightly annoying.
Lucifer: We did not do quite so well in battle this day.
Baltar: We were taken by surprise! Thanks to your so-called intelligence report!

Baltar: Sound the retreat, return to our baseships!
Cylon Pilot: But we have not finished off the Galactica.
Baltar: We're half out of fuel and those Vipers are coming in fresh! Now do as I say before they blast us out of the stars!
Cylon Pilot: Retreat. Squardron, retreat.

Baltar: How long before out fighters can return to defend us?
Lucifer: I'm afraid the Pegasus will reach us first.
Baltar: Then drop back. Let the other two baseships intercept the Pegasus.
Lucifer: I'm not sure the other base commanders will appreciate that.
Baltar: It isn't a request, it's an order.


"Battlestar Galactica: War of the Gods: Part 2 (#1.14)" (1979)
Baltar: That voice. There's something about your voice. I've heard it before.
Count Iblis: It is the voice of truth. It will lead these people as it has led you to surrender to their justice.

Baltar: I know you! I remember that voice.
Count Iblis: Do you?
Baltar: The voice of the Cylon Imperious Leader.


"Battlestar Galactica: Home: Part 2 (#2.7)" (2005)
Doctor Cottle: [to Gaius Baltar on an MRI table, who just had an outburst of yelling at no-one present ] Will you stop going crazy in there?
Doctor Gaius Baltar: [in the most paranoid voice imaginable] I'm not crazy!

Doctor Gaius Baltar: Then who, or what... are you... exactly?
Number Six: I'm an angel of God sent here to protect you. To guide you. To love you.
Doctor Gaius Baltar: To what end?
Number Six: To the end of the human race.


"Battlestar Galactica: The Oath (#4.13)" (2009)
President Laura Roslin: [trying to convince an unsympathetic Baltar to let her use his wireless to make a fleet wide broadcast] The thing is that I never really believed in your conversion, so I was counting on your well-honed sense of self-preservation.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: I'm so sick of your insinuations. I recall your sudden allegiance to the priestess Elshoa and the Scrolls of Pythia the last time your political fortunes were in doubt. Tell me, how is that working for you now?
President Laura Roslin: If it makes you happy, maybe we're both frauds and this is our last chance to atone.

President Laura Roslin: Felix Gaeta. Who would have thought? You probably knew him better then anyone back on New Caprica.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Well, obviously his loyalties were divided even back then. Seems we both made rather bad choices when it comes to our Presidential aides-de-camp, wouldn't you say?
[making reference to Tory Foster, Roslin's Chief of Staff who was eventually revealed to be a Cylon. Roslin reluctantly nods her head in agreement with Baltar]


"Battlestar Galactica: Pegasus (#2.10)" (2005)
Lieutenant Alastair Thorne: [Dr. Baltar has been asked aboard the Battlestar Pegasus to examine their "Cylon prisoner"] Don't get too close. It killed seven of my crew. Do you want my guards to come in with you?
Number Six: Feeling scared, Gaius? Want the big, bad soldiers to protect you from the mean old Cylon prisoner?
Doctor Gaius Baltar: No, I think we'll be just fine. Thank you.
[the Cylon Prisoner is shackled to the floor]
Number Six: Oh, my God.
[the Cylon comes into full view]
Number Six: My God, Gaius, it's me! Look at what they've done to her!
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Open the door, now, please.
Computer Voice: ID confirmed. Lieutenant Thorne.
[the door opens and Baltar instantly covers his face with a handkerchief]
Doctor Gaius Baltar: [Baltar examines the other Number Six: she is in a catatonic state] She must have struggled. She must have fought back.
Number Six: [crying] That doesn't justify this!

Doctor Gaius Baltar: My name is Gaius Baltar and I am here to help you.


"Battlestar Galactica: The Young Lords (#1.9)" (1978)
Specter: I apologise for the delay. The captured warrior is still unconscious. He may even terminate.
Baltar: Die?
Specter: Unfortunately, we are programmed to destroy humans, not save them. Our knowledge of their anatomy is so limited.

Specter: Well, we have had our problems.
Baltar: Problems?
Specter: This planet is so wet, half our garrison is down with rust.


"Battlestar Galactica: Six of One (#4.2)" (2008)
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [after talking out loud to a "Baltar" only he can see] I am talking to you. Why did you come here?
Tory Foster: Maybe it was a mistake. Well, I can't stop thinking about what's happened. You were found innocent when everyone hated you. I hated you. And this healed boy, the return of Kara Trace. I mean everyone thought she was dead. so perhaps there are miracles.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [the unseen "Baltar" interjects:] Perhaps.
Tory Foster: The thing is, somehow you seem to be at the center of them.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Yes, I do, don't I? I don't understand myself, to be honest. Just... Well, it seems that God has chosen me to... sing his song.
Tory Foster: A song?
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Music. Did you say music?
Tory Foster: No.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Yeah, you know, it's funny. It's a lot like that. It's like the distant chaos of an orchestra tuning up. And then somebody waves a magic wand, and all of those notes start to slide into place. A grotesque,screeching cacophony becomes a single melody.
Tory Foster: [becomes very disturbed and leaves abruptly] I really shouldn't be seen here.

Dr. Gaius Baltar: [talking about her habit of crying during sex] Don't be sorry. Why should you apologize? You should be thankful. You have an abundance of feeling.
Tory Foster: I really never thought of it like that.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Well, I mean, you're blessed, aren't you?
Tory Foster: I don't know, I guess.
[shrugs]
Tory Foster: I suppose I could be a Cylon.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Well, I don't know about that. Human beings don't exclusively hold the patent on suffering. Cylons can feel.
Tory Foster: You believe that?
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Yeah, I do, actually. I've spent time amongst them. Man may have made them, but God's at the beginning of the string, isn't he? It's God who imbued them with a soul. The one true God.
Tory Foster: One God?
Dr. Gaius Baltar: The one true God. You know, I'm becoming increasingly tired of holding that in. Of denying that essential truth.


"Battlestar Galactica: 33 (#1.1)" (2004)
Number Six: Procreation is one of God's commandments.
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Really? Well, I'm sure someday if you're a good Cylon, he'll reward you with a lovely little walking toaster of your very own.

Doctor Gaius Baltar: There is no God or gods, singular or plural. There are no large invisible men - or women for that matter - in the sky taking a personal interest in the fortunes of Gaius Baltar.


"Battlestar Galactica: The Road Less Traveled (#4.5)" (2008)
Phoebe: [standing before Baltar who is seated and surrounded by his devotees] I need you to tell me this all somehow makes sense.
[showing him a family group photo]
Phoebe: This was my husband, James. My two children, Danya and Reece. They were on Picon when the Cylons attacked.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [after looking around the room at all the expectant faces] What do you feel when you look at this photograph?
Phoebe: I feel rage.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Against the Cylon?
Phoebe: Mmmm...
[Shaking her head]
Phoebe: Not just the machines, anyone involved. The engineers who designed them... The corporations... The politicians... who provoked this war and then did nothing to protect us... And most of all, the Gods.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: The Gods? They stood by and let it all happen. Yes, I know. I know.
[Stands up, hands the photo back and warmly hugs her]
Dr. Gaius Baltar: I am so sorry Phoebe.
[Stands back and returns toward his chair]
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Sit with us.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [back in his chair, he takes the microphone to the recording device] Unfortunately, the Gods cannot be blamed for not coming to you aid. It's not because they weren't listening. It's because they don't exist. The Gods we've been praying to for thousands of years do not exist. They can't help you, because they are not real. We have been pandering to our own ignorance for far too long.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [cut to Chief Tyrol's quarters where he is jumping rope and his stepson Nickolas is in the playpen. We hear Baltar continue over the radio] Now, on my own journey. I've been wronged, persecuted. I prayed to the Gods... on my knees, begging them for mercy, tortured. I recieved nothing in...
[Tyrol shuts off the radio, sighs and starts to jumping rope again. Nicholas suddenly cries loudly and looks expectantly at Tyrol. With resignation, the Chief turns the radio back on]
Dr. Gaius Baltar: I could have lived in that abyss of bitterness, but that will destroy you like nothing else.
[Tyrol listens as if those words truly struck home and starts jumping rope again]
Dr. Gaius Baltar: But I chose to forgive. And most importantly, I began with myself.

[a large meeting of people listening to Baltar speak is being held]
Dr. Gaius Baltar: The past is written, impossible to change. Why are so many of us living in the past, living with the shame of what we have done, when we could live in awe of what we might do? What we might do.
[We see Chief Tyrol coming upon the fringes of the meeting and listening]
Dr. Gaius Baltar: What will we do? Spiral endlessly through the heavens until humanity itself comes to a close?
[We see Tigh appear in the corridor behind Tyrol]
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Or do we look inward and find that strength within?
Colonel Saul Tigh: [Coming up behind Tyrol and speaking quietly to him. Baltar's word become more and more indistinct and fades into background noise] Can you believe these people are actually buying into Baltar's crap? We need to talk.
Chief Galen Tyrol: I don't have anything to say to you.
Colonel Saul Tigh: Well, then you can listen. Come with me.
[They turn and walk several feet back into the corridor]
Colonel Saul Tigh: I've been cutting you some slack because of Cally, but that's over. You gotta pull yourself together *now.*
Chief Galen Tyrol: Suck it up. Just like you,huh?
Colonel Saul Tigh: Now what is that supposed to mean?
Chief Galen Tyrol: Hear you've been spending some time in the lockup with the Six. Remember when this all started? You said nothing would change you from the man you want to be. Well, how about it, Colonel? You still the same old Saul Tigh?
Colonel Saul Tigh: Anything I've done I can live with.
Chief Galen Tyrol: Well, that's the difference between you and me. I can't.
[Both turn and look towards the crowd hanging on Baltar's words]
Chief Galen Tyrol: Tory's got it in her head that we can be the salvation of the human race. All I know is if there is a God, he's laughing his ass off.
[Tyrol turns away and walks back to listen to Baltar speak]


"Battlestar Galactica: Fragged (#2.3)" (2005)
Doctor Gaius Baltar: [Lt. Crashdown has ordered his untrained, outnumbered men to make a suicidal attack on Cylon Centurions] This is insane. I've never fired a gun in my life!
Selix: I haven't fired a weapon since Basic.
Doctor Gaius Baltar: [to Cally] You?
Crewman Specialist Cally: I only joined up to pay for dental school!

Number Six: I'm so proud of you, Gaius.
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Why? Because I've taken a life?
Number Six: It makes you human.
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Is it? Not conscious thought? Not poetry, or art, or music, literature? Murder. Murder is my heritage. Is that the lesson I'm supposed to pass on to our child?


"Battlestar Galactica: Daybreak: Part 1 (#4.19)" (2009)
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [desperately trying to stop the Nurse he hired to look after his father, Julius, from quitting after Julius attacked her with a knife] Nurse Barbara, please! I've got five hundred cubits! One thousand. One thousand frakking cubits for you to stay the night! Please, I'll take all the knives away! He'll be on liquid diet forever! Just spend one frakking night!

Dr. Gaius Baltar: I need this. I need this like a frakking hole in the head.


"Battlestar Galactica: Gun on Ice Planet Zero: Part 2 (#1.7)" (1978)
Baltar: Have our fighters engaged the Galactica?
Lucifer: Yes, but they will not have enough fuel to return.
Baltar: Break off the attack.
Lucifer: Baltar, I believe my sound sensor mishears you.
Baltar: I said break off the attack.

Lucifer: I recommend we come up with some sort of solid front to explain this debacle to the Imperious Leader.
Baltar: Very well, but I will yet have the last laugh on Adama, mark my words.
Lucifer: Don't I always, Baltar?


"Battlestar Galactica: Lay Down Your Burdens: Part 1 (#2.19)" (2006)
Doctor Gaius Baltar: I'm not sure if you're aware, Tom, but "the mob" isn't usually in the habit of electing ungodly apostates who denigrate people of faith!

Tom Zarek: Gaius, you're a genius.
Doctor Gaius Baltar: And?


"Battlestar Galactica: Revelations (#4.10)" (2008)
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Lee Adama doesn't give a tinker's damn about those three. Not now.


"Battlestar Galactica: Lost Planet of the Gods: Part 1 (#1.2)" (1978)
Baltar: Do not fence with me, my friend. Everything is still proceeding according to my plan, except you have not captured one of their pilots as I ordered.
Lucifer: To assure such a capture, we would have to risk being discovered. You ordered us out of the Galactica's scanner range.
Baltar: They send out patrols, do they not? Capture one!


"Battlestar Galactica: Colonial Day (#1.11)" (2005)
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Politics is the only thing more boring than blood samples.


"Battlestar Galactica: Bastille Day (#1.3)" (2004)
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Lieutenant Thrace! Good to see you!
Lt. Kara 'Starbuck' Thrace: Good to see you too!
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Really?
Lt. Kara 'Starbuck' Thrace: No!
Number Six: Oh!
Doctor Gaius Baltar: I wonder if she's a real blonde.
Number Six: I doubt it.


"Battlestar Galactica: Resistance (#2.4)" (2005)
Crewman Specialist Cally: [Chief Tyrol has been wrongly accused by Col. Tigh of being a Cylon] I've known the Chief for years. He's no Toaster!
Doctor Gaius Baltar: He was involved with Lieutenant Valerii, who most certainly is a Toaster.
Number Six: That word is racist! I don't like it!
Crewman Specialist Cally: Sure... he's shown some bad judgment getting involved with her. But that doesn't mean he's a Toaster. You've got to help him.
Number Six: Say something, Gaius. Tell her you won't have racial epithets used in your presence!


"Battlestar Galactica: Dirty Hands (#3.16)" (2007)
Dr. Gaius Baltar: I don't sound like I'm from Aerilon?
Chief Galen Tyrol: No.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Well you know I take that as a particular compliment. I don't know about you, but I've always found the Aerilon dialect to be particularly hard on the ears.
[Baltar begins speaking with an Aerilon accent]
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Something about the consonants that scrape the back of the throat. Course I should know an awful lot about my native tongue, I spent hours on it in trying to overcome it. Do you have any idea how hard it is for a ten year old boy to change the way he speaks? To unlearn everything he ever learned, so that one day, one day there might be the small hope that he might be considered as not comin' from Aerilon?
[Baltar speaks with his usual accent]
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Maybe I don't know, Caprica... Caprica... oh to be Caprican, the seat of politics, culture, art, science, learning. And what was Aerilon, just a drab ugly rock condemned to be the food basket for the twelve worlds, and that's how we were treated, like servants, like laborers, like working-class. You know you would have fitted right in there Chief, lots of men who like to work with their hands, and uh, grab a pint down at the pub and...
[Baltar again speaks with his Aerilon accent]
Dr. Gaius Baltar: ...finish off the evenin' with a good old-fashioned fight.
[Baltar returns to speaking as he normally does]
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Oh yes, I left Aerilon after my eighteenth birthday, I turned my back on my family, my heritage, all of them, of course it doesn't matter though, they're all dead now...


"Battlestar Galactica: The Hand of God (#1.10)" (2005)
Number Six: All of this has happened before. All of this will happen again.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Everyone knows that verse. What are you getting at?
Number Six: Remember this one? Led by serpents numbering two and ten.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: The Vipers, they're the serpents?
Number Six: There's a later verse, Gaius. You should read it. Though the outcome favoured the few, it led to a confrontation at the home of the gods.


"Battlestar Galactica: A Disquiet Follows My Soul (#4.12)" (2009)
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Are you children? Well you're a child of course. We have some children here with us. But for the rest of you...


"Battlestar Galactica: Crossroads: Part 2 (#3.20)" (2007)
Doctor Gaius Baltar: I knew right from the very start that if there was a way to demonstrate the sheer - what's the word I'm looking for... hypocrisy. Hypocrisy is the word I'm looking for... Hypocrisy of the prosecution's case then really the judges would have no other option but to find me not guilty.
Romo Lampkin: Well your boundless confidence provided us with great solace throughout the proceedings.
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Look I want to thank you both. Truly. From the bottom of my heart. I am very, very grateful for all you've done. On a personal note, if I could've seen the Admiral squirm just a little bit more, it wouldn't have hurt.
Captain Lee 'Apollo' Adama: Now you listen... Don't push it, Doctor.
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Fine.
[to Lampkin]
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Romo, perhaps we could have a chat. I've thought about maybe doing a book tour around the fleet. And there's the publishing rights. And there's issues about my security, where I'm going to live, what I'm going to do. Since we forged this great relationship during the trial, I thought, you know, who better than...
Romo Lampkin: Actually, now that the fleet's legal system is in place, my not-so-inconsiderable talents are required elsewhere. So I'm afraid this is the end of our journey.
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Wait a minute. What about me? Wait a minute, wait please! Think about this for a second. Where am I going to live? What am I going to do? How am I going to survive?
Romo Lampkin: Much as I hate to use a cat metaphor, Doctor, I think you'll land on your feet.
Romo Lampkin: Close the door on your way out.
[Adama and Lampkin leave]


"Battlestar Galactica: The Hub (#4.9)" (2008)
Dr. Gaius Baltar: I gave the access codes to the Cylons. They wiped out most of humanity. Of course, I didn't know what I was doing at the time exactly, but that's what I did. And when I realized what I had done, the magnitude, in that moment I was saved. I was loved. By God. Looking back, I think I was rewarded.
President Laura Roslin: Rewarded?
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Pythia talks about a flood. Wiped out most of humanity. Nobody blames the flood. The flood is a force of nature. Through the flood mankind is rejuvenated, born again. I was another flood, you see. I blamed myself. I blamed myself. But God made the man that made that choice. God made us all perfect. And in that thought, all my guilt flies away. Flies away like a bird.


"Battlestar Galactica: Escape Velocity (#4.4)" (2008)
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Something in the universe loves me. Something in the universe loves the entity that is me. I will choose to call this something, "God." A singular spark that dwells in the soul of every living being. If you look inside yourself, you will find this spark too. You will. But you have to look deep. Love your faults. Embrace them. If God embraces them, then how can they be faults? Love yourself. You have to love yourself. If we don't love ourselves, how can we love others? And when we know what we are, then we can find the truth about others, see what they are, the truth about them. And you know what the truth is, the truth about them, about you, about me. Do you? The truth is we are all perfect. Just as we are. God only loves that which is perfect, and he loves you. He loves you because you are perfect. You are perfect just as you are.


"Battlestar Galactica: Blood on the Scales (#4.14)" (2009)
Number Six: [after he cut off her sexual advances] But, I want to make you feel better.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Cut off my legs. I ran. Again. I disappeared in the nick of time, again.


"Battlestar Galactica: Six Degrees of Separation (#1.7)" (2004)
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [shouting] No more Mr. Nice Gaius!


"Battlestar Galactica: Kobol's Last Gleaming: Part 2 (#1.13)" (2005)
Dr. Gaius Baltar: I don't understand.
Number Six: Life has a melody, Gaius... A rhythm of notes that become your existence once played in harmony with God's plan. It's time to do your part and realize your destiny.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: Which is what exactly?
Number Six: You are the guardian and protector of the new generation of God's children. First member of our family will be with us soon, Gaius. It's time to make your choice.
Dr. Gaius Baltar: But I don't understand what you're talking about. Really I don't understand.
Number Six: Come. See the face of the shape of things to come. Isn't she beautiful, Gaius?


"Battlestar Galactica: Downloaded (#2.18)" (2006)
Doctor Gaius Baltar: What are you suggesting?
President Laura Roslin: I'm not suggesting anything Doctor. If I want to throw a baby out an airlock I'll do it.


"Battlestar Galactica: Exodus: Part 1 (#3.3)" (2006)
Dr. Gaius Baltar: [to Caprica Six] Well let me tell you about my day. It was a hoot. Had the most fascinating chat with one of the Dorals. He's got this theory about sanitation being the key to regaining human trust and confidence. Something about toilet paper. No, lack of toilet paper, that's it. How if people could only wipe their bums properly, there would be a measurable uptick in the polls.


"Battlestar Galactica: Precipice (#3.2)" (2006)
Dr. Gaius Baltar: You don't need my signature.
D'Anna Biers: Well, actually we do. We're here as allies and friends of the legitimate government of the colonies. You are the president so everything we do requires your signature.
Brother Cavil: In other words, they are worried about what God might think if they commit murder. They are covering their existential asses!


"Battlestar Galactica: Resurrection Ship: Part 1 (#2.11)" (2006)
Doctor Gaius Baltar: Were you aware of your true nature as a Cylon when you boarded the ship? Or would you describe you as a sleeper agent?
Gina: I knew what I was. I was a soldier. I-I had a mission, I carried it out. I thought that when it was done I was going to die. That you would kill me. Then I- then I would download into a new body... be reborn. But you didn't kill me... The things you did to me...
Doctor Gaius Baltar: What they did to you was wrong. Evil. But I'm not one of them. You have to believe me. Things are going to get better for you. From this moment on. I promise.
Gina: I don't want things to get better. I want to die.