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Quotes for
Grinch (Character)
from How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

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How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
The Grinch: Those Whos are hard to frazzle, Max. But, we did our worst, and that's all that matters.

The Grinch: Blast this Christmas music. It's joyful and triumphant.

The Grinch: What's that stench? It's fantastic.

The Grinch: Are you having a holly, jolly Christmas?

The Grinch: MAX. HELP ME... I'm FEELING.

The Grinch: We're gonna die! We're gonna die! I'm going to throw up, and then I'm gonna die! Mommy, tell it to stop!
[continues to scream and yell, then chuckle as he gets the sleigh under control]
The Grinch: Whew... ha! Almost lost my *cool* there.

The Grinch: [messing with peoples mail] Jury duty, jury duty, jury duty, black mail, pink slip, chain letter, eviction notice, jury duty.

The Grinch: Any calls?
Grinch's Answering Machine: [computer voice] You have no messages.
The Grinch: Odd. Better check the outgoing.
Grinch's Answering Machine: [Grinch's voice] If you utter so much as one syllable, I'LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me, press the star key.
The Grinch: Hmm. Hmm.

The Grinch: Oh, the Who-manity.

Narrator: The Whos young and old would sit down to a feast, and they'll feast, and they'll feast.
The Grinch: And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast. They'll eat their Who-Pudding and rare Who-Roast Beast. But that's something I just cannot stand in the least. Oh, no. I'M SPEAKING IN RHYME!

[Cindy meets the Grinch for the first time]
Cindy Lou Who: You're the... the...
The Grinch: [mimicking Cindy] The... the... THE GRINCH!

[a taxicab passes him by]
The Grinch: It's because I'm green isn't it?

The Grinch: The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there - on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn't allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me - I can't cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing... I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear?

The Grinch: One man's toxic sludge is another man's potpourri.
[Max barks]
The Grinch: I don't know, it's some kind of soup.

The Grinch: [stops a tiny car] Evening, folks. Mind if I squeeze in?
[starts to sit on the car]
The Grinch: You might want to scooch over.
[the whos run away]
The Grinch: You did the right thing.

Cindy Lou Who: Thanks for saving me.
The Grinch: [stops in his tracks] Saving you, is that what you think I was doing? Wrongo. I just noticed that you were improperly packaged, my dear.
[grabs wrapping paper and starts wrapping Cindy up]
The Grinch: Hold still.
[to Max]
The Grinch: Max, pick out a bow.
[to Cindy]
The Grinch: Can I use your finger for a sec?

The Grinch: I am the Grinch that stole Christmas... and I'm sorry.
[long silence]
The Grinch: Aren't you going to cuff me? Put me in a choke hole? Blind me with pepper spray?
Mayor Augustus Maywho: You heard him, Officer. He admitted it. I'd go with the pepper spray.
Officer Wholihan: Yes, I heard him all right. He said he was sorry.

The Grinch: Oh, no, the sleigh, the presents, they'll be destroyed, and I care!
The Grinch: What is the deal?

Narrator: And the more the Grinch thought of what Christmas would bring, the more the Grinch thought...
The Grinch: I must stop this whole thing!
The Grinch: Why, for year after year I've put up with it now. I must stop this Christmas from coming... but how? I MEAN... in what way?

The Grinch: I tell you Max, I don't know why I ever leave this place. I've got all the company I need right here.
[indicates himself]
The Grinch: [shouts] Hello?
Echo: Hello.
The Grinch: How are you?
Echo: How are you?
The Grinch: I asked you first.
Echo: I asked you first.
The Grinch: Oh right, that's REALLY mature, saying exactly what I say.
Echo: ...Saying exactly what I say.
The Grinch: I'm an idiot!
Echo: You're an idiot!
The Grinch: [whispering] Alright fine! I'm not talking to you anymore! In fact, I'm going to whisper! So that by the time my voice reverbarates off the walls, and gets back to me, I won't be able to hear it.
Echo: You're an idiot!

The Grinch: Oh. Bleeding hearts of the world UNITE.

The Grinch: [Takes back his mask and barks at Cindy Lou] Give me that! Don't you know you're not suppose to take things that don't belong to you? What's the matter with you, you some kind of wild animal? Huh?

The Grinch: Who wants the gizzard?
Drew Lou Who: I do.
The Grinch: Too late. That'll be mine.

Lou Lou Who: Hello? Is my Subzero Chillibrator running? I suppose.
The Grinch: Well then you better go catch it.

The Grinch: It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes, or bags.
Narrator: The the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before.
The Grinch: Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas...
Narrator: He thought
The Grinch: ...means a little bit more.

The Grinch: All right, you're a reindeer. Here's your motivation: Your name is Rudolph, you're a freak with a red nose, and no one likes you. Then, one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. No, forget that part. We'll improvise... just keep it kind of loosey-goosey. You HATE Christmas! You're gonna steal it. Saving Christmas is a lousy ending, way too commercial. ACTION!
[Max knocks the red nose off]
The Grinch: BRILLIANT! You reject your own nose because it represents the glitter of commercialism. Why didn't I think of that? Cut, print, check the gate, moving on.

The Grinch: Well, pucker up and kiss it, Whoville.
[puts mistletoe up to his butt and makes a taunting noise as he shakes it around]

Cindy Lou Who: [kisses the Grinch on the cheek] Your cheek's so...
The Grinch: I know. Hairy.
Cindy Lou Who: No.
The Grinch: Greasy? Stinky? Do I have a zit?
Cindy Lou Who: No. Warm.

The Grinch: Am I just eating because I'm bored?

Narrator: ...He slunk to the fridge...
[the Grinch tackles the refrigerator]
The Grinch: SLUNK!

Cindy Lou Who: We're gonna crash!
The Grinch: Now you listen to me, young lady! Even if we're *horribly mangled*, there'll be no sad faces on Christmas.

The Grinch: [singing] Be it ever so heinous, there's no place like home.

Narrator: So whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood outside his cave, hating the Whos.
The Grinch: [opens phone book] Alphabetically!
[looks into book]
The Grinch: Aadvarkian Abakeneezer Who, I...
The Grinch: HATE YOU!
[looks into book again]
The Grinch: Aaron B. Benson Who, I hate *you*.
[looking into book]
The Grinch: Hate, hate, hate. Hate, hate, hate. Double hate. LOATHE ENTIRELY!

The Grinch: I'm all toasty inside. And I'm leaking.

Cindy Lou Who: Santa, what's the meaning of Christmas?
The Grinch: [bursts through the Christmas tree] VENGEANCE!
The Grinch: [calmly] Er, I mean... presents, I suppose.

Cindy Lou Who: Santa?
The Grinch: WHAT?
Cindy Lou Who: Don't forget the Grinch. I know he's mean and hairy and smelly. His hands might be cold and clammy, but I think he's actually kinda... sweet.
The Grinch: SWEET? You think he's sweet?
Cindy Lou Who: [nods] Merry Christmas, Santa.
[goes upstairs]
The Grinch: Nice kid... baaad judge of character.

Mayor Augustus Maywho: They fed you, they clothed you, and here they are today! Your old biddies!
The Grinch: Are you two still living?

The Grinch: [after getting bit on the butt by Max] That is not a chew toy. You have no idea where it's been.

The Grinch: That's what it's all about, isn't it? That's what it's always been *about*. Gifts, gifts... gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts! You wanna know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me. In your garbage. You see what I'm saying? In your *garbage*. I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump. And the avarice...
The Grinch: The avarice never ends! "I want golf clubs. I want diamonds. I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored and sell it to make glue." Look, I don't wanna make waves, but this *whole* Christmas season is...
[shouts again]
The Grinch: ...stupid, stupid, stupid!
The Grinch: There is, however, one teeny-tiny Christmas tradition I find quite meaningful...
[holds up mistletoe]
The Grinch: Mistletoe.
[puts mistletoe over his butt]
The Grinch: Now pucker up and kiss it, Whoville!
[wiggles mistletoe]
The Grinch: Boi-yoi-yoi-yoing!

Cindy Lou Who: [Lou standing in the way of the Sleigh] Daddy, move!
The Grinch: Dad, move it!

The Grinch: [his plan to ruin Christmas for the Whos] The crescendo of my odious opus.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (1966) (TV)
Narrator: As the Grinch took the tree, as he started to shove, he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove. He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who. Little Cindy Lou Who, who was no more than two. She stared at the Grinch and said...
Cindy Lou Who: Santie Claus, why? Why are you taking our Christmas tree? Why?
Narrator: But do you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick, that he thought up a lie and he thought it up quick.
Grinch: Why my sweet little tot...
Narrator: The fake Santie Claus lied...
Grinch: ...there's a light on this tree that won't light on one side. So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear. I'll fix it up there, then I'll bring it back here.
Narrator: And his fib fooled the child. Then he patted her head, he got her a drink, and he sent her to bed. And when Cindy Lou Who was in bed with her cup, he crupt to the chimney and stuffed the tree up. Then he went up the chimney himself, the old liar, and the last thing he took was the log for their fire. On their walls, he left nothing but hooks and some wire. And the one speck of food that he left in the house was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse. Then he did the same thing to the other Whos' houses: leaving crumbs much too small for the other Whos' mouses!

Grinch: I must stop this *whole* thing! Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now. I must stop Christmas from coming... but how?

Grinch: That's one thing I hate! All the noise, noise, noise, noise!

Grinch: Pooh-pooh to the Whos!
Narrator: ...he was grinchily humming.
Grinch: They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming! They're just waking up, I know just what they'll do. Their mouths will hang open a minute or two, then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry, "Boo Hoo."

Grinch: How could it be so? It came without ribbons!... it came without tags!... it came without packages, boxes, or bags!

Grinch: All I need is a reindeer!
Narrator: The Grinch looked around, but since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found. Did that stop the Grinch? Ha! The Grinch simply said...
Grinch: If I can't *find* a reindeer, I'll *make* one instead.
Narrator: So he took his dog Max, and he took some black thread, and he tied a big horn on the top of his head.

Grinch: I know just what to do!
Narrator: ...the Grinch laughed in his throat.
Grinch: I'll make a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
Narrator: And he chuckled and clucked...
Grinch: What a great Grinchy trick. With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!

Narrator: Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch, but if Santa could do it, then so could the Grinch. He got stuck only once for a minute or two, then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue where the little Who stockings were hung all in a row.
Grinch: These stockings...
Narrator: He grinched...
Grinch: ...are the first things to go!

Grinch: That's a noise...
Narrator: Grinned the Grinch...
Grinch: That I simply *must* hear!
Narrator: So he paused - and the Grinch put a hand to his ear. And he *did* hear a sound rising over the snow. It started in low... then it started to grow.

Grinch: And they'll play noisy games like zoozit and kazay, a rollerskate type of lacrosse and croquet!

Grinch: And then, they'll do something I hate most of all. Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small, will stand close together... with Christmas bells ringing. They'll stand hand in hand... and those Whos... will start singing!

Grinch: And they're hanging their stockings!
Narrator: He snarled with a sneer.
Grinch: Tomorrow is Christmas. It's practically here!

Grinch: This is stop number one!
Narrator: The old Grinchy Claus hissed as he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Grinch: Then the Whos, young and old, will sit down to a feast. And they'll feast, and they'll feast. And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast! They'll feast on Who pudding and rare Who roast beast. Aw, roast beast is a feast I can't stand in the least!

Narrator: Whatever the reason, his heart or his shoes, he stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Whos. Staring down from his cave with a sour, grinchy frown, at the warm, lighted windows below in their town.
Narrator: For he knew every Who down in Whoville beneath, was busy now, hanging a holly Who-wreath.
Grinch: "And they're hanging their stockings",
Narrator: He snarled with a sneer,
Grinch: "Tomorrow is Christmas, it's practically here!"
Narrator: Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming:
Grinch: "I must find some way to keep Christmas from coming!"
Grinch: For tomorrow, I know, all those Who girls and boys, will wake bright and early, they'll rush for their toys, and then... Oh the noise! Oh the noise, noise, noise, noise! There's one thing I hate: oh the noise, noise, noise, noise!
Grinch: And they'll shriek squeaks and squeals, racing 'round on their wheels!
Grinch: They'll dance with jing-tinglers tied onto their heels! They'll blow their floo-floobers, they'll bang their tar-tinkers.
Grinch: They'll blow their Who-whoobas, they'll bang their gar-ginkas!
Grinch: They'll beat their trum-tookas, they'll slam their sloo-slunkers.
Grinch: And then they'll make ear-splitting noises deluxe, on their great big electro-Who cardio schnucks!

Halloween Is Grinch Night (1977) (TV)
Grinch: It's a wonderful night for eyebrows. It's a wonderful night for teeth! It's a wonderful night for Grinch Night! Their troubles will now commence, oh I wouldn't stay home on a night like this for sixty dollars and sixty cents!

Grinch: Gall-don brickle bush, Ehh! I've got brickles in the britches!

Max: How many times have I said and said? How many times have I said in my head, "What am I doing here?" Why am I the slave of this grinchy old grock? And I say how I wish I could turn back the clock, and have the fine future I had once before, and again be an innocent puppy once more.
Grinch: [tauntingly] In your puppy-house beddy with Sweet Aunt Woofy Wafoone, feeding you hominy grits with a big silver spoon?
Max: What am I doing here? Doesn't matter much how but my dear old Auntie Woofie, wouldn't I fear, very much care for me now.

Ukaraiah: You know something, sir? You look much better with my glasses off.
Grinch: You put your glasses back on and face the facts!

Grinch: Who are you?
Ukaraiah: *Ukariah* Who, sir.
Grinch: You're a rather small Who, aren't you?
Ukaraiah: Well, I do the best I can. Sir, are you really the Grinch?
Grinch: Am I the Grinch?
Ukaraiah: Sorry, sir, I have a slight astigmatism. An optical condition in which parallel rays of light from an external source converge or diverge unequally in different meridians.

Grinch: Look, kid, I just gave you the $2.00 treatment. You're not worth a first-class Grinching.

Ukaraiah: Do your worst. Bring on your spooks. Shoot the works. I will not flinch!
Grinch: Oh?

Grinch: Max? Max! Go bring the paraphernalia wagon!

Grinch: [to Ukaraiah] Out of my way, small Who, I've got better things to do than to spend my time with you on Grinch Night.

Grinch: [voice only, joining in a round sung by a chorus of spooks circling Ukaraiah] Ukaraiah, Ukaraiah, this is it! HA! This is it! HA! Grinch is gonna getcha, Grinch is gonna getcha, Grinch indeedy, fa-la-la! YA!

The Grinch Grinches the Cat in the Hat (1982) (TV)
The Cat in the Hat: [to the Grinch] I deeply deplore any inconvenience out of these that I may have caused you Mr... Green Face.
The Grinch: [shocked and angry] Green Face?

The Grinch: A lighthouse makes light, so, just for a lark, I built me a darkhouse. A darkhouse makes dark.

The Cat in the Hat: That Grinch. That Grinch! That psychopathic Grinch!
[pacing back and forth]
The Cat in the Hat: Why is a Grinch? What makes him tick? Why is his Grinch brain sick, sick, sick? Oh boy, if I had a psychiatrist couch, I'd find out what's wrong with that Grinchy grouch.
[a thought bubble appears above the Cat. Inside the bubble, the Grinch is seen reclining on a psychiatrist couch]
The Grinch: [in bubble] That's a lot of rot.
The Cat in the Hat: [talking to Grinch in bubble; singsong voice] Is there something in your family tree that causes Grinch delinquency?
The Grinch: Absolutely not.
The Cat in the Hat: As a boy, were you never a good Boy Scout? Did you ever eat too much sauerkraut? Did your schoolteacher say that you were a fool? Did you dive in an empty swimming pool?
The Grinch: Positively not!
The Cat in the Hat: Did you fight a lot with your older sisters? Did you suffer from poison ivy blisters? The shoes that you wore, were they too tight? Were you afraid to go out in the dark at night? Did some big bully steal your kite? Your teeth, was there something wrong with your bite? Or maybe your mother didn't treat you right?
The Grinch: Mama? Absotively, posilutely, that's a lot of rot!
[He reaches out of the bubble and grabs the Cat's hat. He pulls it down over him, hiding his face and most of his body. The thought bubble disappears]
The Cat in the Hat: [muffled] Hmm, one of the most difficult patients I ever had. I'm going to have to make a house call.

The Grinch: [describing his machine that messes up voices] This, sir, is my Acoustical Anti-Audial Bleeper, otherwise known as my Vacu-Sound Sweeper.
The Cat in the Hat: That? That's the darn thing that makes the sounds sound stupid?
The Grinch: It sucks out of the air every noise, every sound and gargles the sound waves for 50 miles 'round! Nifty little contraption, isn't it?
The Cat in the Hat: It's implausible, it's impossible, it's unreasonable and unlausible. Such things never happen in the middle of the day, and if they do, I ignore them, and they're bound to go away.
[the Grinch activates his VacuSound Sweeper, gargling the Cat's dialog]
The Grinch: [cackling] From now on, you will hear what I want you to hear.

The Grinch: [cheerfully to his own reflection in the mirror] And a very good morning to you, Mr. Grinch.
The Grinch's reflection: [infuriated] Oh, it is, is it?
[Both the Grinch and Max are shocked. Max cowers behind a wall]
The Grinch: Well, it seems so... sort of.
The Grinch's reflection: I see nothing to whistle about. You must be out of your head, no doubt. I think the time has come for thee to repeat the Grinch's oath with me.
The Grinch, The Grinch's reflection: [in unison] A Grinch is unhelpful, unfriendly and unkind.
The Grinch's reflection: With ungracious thoughts...
The Grinch: an unhealthy mind.
The Grinch's reflection: A Grinch is uncheerful, uncouth and unclean. Now say this together!
The Grinch, The Grinch's reflection: I'm frightfully mean! My eyes are both shifty. My fingers are thrifty.
The Grinch: My mouth does not smile.
The Grinch's reflection: Not half of an inch.
The Grinch: I'm a Grinch.
The Grinch's reflection: I... am a Grinch.
The Grinch: I'm a Grinch!
The Grinch's reflection: That's my boy. Now go out and prove it!

The Cat in the Hat: That Grinch... that Grinch! Deep inside his freaky freakness, there must be a soft spot. There must be a weakness. Despite the grim fact that he's depraved and deranged, I will find that soft spot! That Grinch can be changed! He hates cows, he hates cats, he hates frogs, he hates doves! Is there no one, no one, nobody he loves?
The Grinch: [in thought bubble] Absolutely not! That's a lot of rot!
[puts his thumb in his mouth and disappears]
The Cat in the Hat: [suddenly gets an idea] Row-de-dow! I've got it! I've got it! I've got the Grinch psychologicalized!
[points to various people in the restaurant]
The Cat in the Hat: You, you, you, and you! Follow me, men and madame. We're going to ungrinch the Grinch!
[leads everyone out of the restaurant]

The Grinch: I'm the puzzle, the master of everyone's ears!

The Grinch: [singing about his new machine] This is the little gear, and as you know, / It goes 'round and it makes the bigger gear go, / And the bigger gear turns the elliptical scrunch, / Which in turn is attached to the dratsital thrust, / Which rotates the flange of the salamar gotch, / And that decompresses the spatulet springs, / Which fluctuate 'round in the rabulous rings, / Which heats up the pongs and they heat up the pings, / And that brings about the most horrible things!

The Grinch: That cat! That beezleberry cat! I've smuggled his sound! Now I'll even do more! Take this up to my shop on the 39th floor. That cat's gonna suffer like never before!