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: And the Average Joe's beat the Germans in a *shocking* upset. Pepper Brooks
: I feel *shocked*.
: I'm being told that Average Joe's does not have enough players and will be forfeiting the championship match. Pepper Brooks
: It's a bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em.
: In 23 years of broadcasting I thought I'd seen it all, folks. But it looks like Peter La Fleur has actually blindfolded himself. Pepper Brooks
: He will not be able to see very well, Cotton.
[after sudden death is announced
] Cotton McKnight
: Ladies and gentlemen, prepare to witness the greatest happening in sport: sudden-death dodgeball. Pepper Brooks
: Pepper needs new shorts!
: Looks like it's gonna be a two-on-one, a ménage à trois of pain. Pepper Brooks
: Usually you pay double for that kind of action, Cotton.
: It's time to separate the wheat from the chaff, the men from the boys, the awkwardly feminine from the possibly Canadian.
: It looks like the clock is about to strike midnight on this Cinderella story, turning Average Joe's into the proverbial pumpkin. Pepper Brooks
: I sure do like pumpkins, Cotton.
: Let me tell you, a double-fault final-play elimination hasn't occurred since the Helsinki episode of 1919, and I think we all remember how THAT turned out!
: Las Vegas. A city built of hot sand, broken dreams and $5 lobster. A city where you can get a happy ending, if you pay a little extra. A city home to a sporting event greater than the World Cup, World Series and World War II combined.
: Average Joe's has a tough job, facing the Lumberjacks. These woodsmen probably haven't even smelled a woman in eight months. Pepper Brooks
: They must masturbate a lot, Cotton.
: We haven't seen Average Joe's yet. They haven't made it to the court. It could be a psychological ploy, or something worse. Pepper Brooks
: They're definitely not on the court, Cotton. Their absence is noticeable.
: Do you believe in unlikelihoods? Average Joe's shocking the dodgeball world and upsetting Globo Gym in the championship match! Pepper Brooks
: Unbelievable! Cotton McKnight
: Ladies and gentlemen, I have been to the Great Wall of China, I have seen the Pyramids of Egypt, I've even witnessed a grown man satisfy a camel. But never in all my years as a sportscaster have I witnessed something as improbable, as impossible, as what we've witnessed here today!
: Oh! Right in the testicles! Pepper Brooks
: Ouchtown, population you, bro!
: [after Average Joes dressed in S&M enters the arena
[slowly takes off glasses
] Cotton McKnight
: ... Oh... my... sweet Jesus... Pepper Brooks
: [stares stupidly
] ... that's rad.
: Skillz might be looking past Average Joe's doing a little more dancing than dodgeballing out there. Pepper Brooks
: They better chiggity-check themselves before they wreck themselves, Cotton.