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White Goodman (Character)
from Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)
|Related Videos (see all 3)|
[opening: Globo Gym commercial]
Globo Gym Announcer: Tired of the same old you? Tired of being out of shape and out of luck with the opposite sex? Tired of being overweight and under-attractive?
White Goodman: [finishing a ride on the skis] Yeah! Oh, hello. I'm White Goodman, Owner, Operator, and Founder of Globo Gym America Corp, and I'm here to tell you that you don't have to be stuck with what ya got.
[a buffed Globo Gym member is lifting weights]
White Goodman: Hey, Rory. Looking good. Here at Globo Gym, we understand that "Ugliness" and "Fatness" are genetic disorders, much like baldness or necrophilia, and it's only your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.
White Goodman: [climbing on the rocky wall; grunts] And that's where we come in.
White Goodman: Globo Gym employs a highly-trained, quasi-cultural staff of personal alterational specialists. And with our competitively-priced on-site cosmetic surgery, we can turn that Frankenstein you see in the mirror every morning into a Franken-fine!
White Goodman: [wheels out a bandaged-like-a-mummy person in a wheelchair] Of course you'll still be you in a legal sense, but think of it as a thinner, more attractive, better you than you could ever become without us. How do I know? Well, I'm not only the founder of Globo Gym. I'm also a client.
[a picture of a 600-pound White Goodman from 14 years ago]
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