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: What say we settle this on the runway... Han-Solo? Hansel
: Are you challenging me to a walk-off... Boo-Lander?
: I friggin' worship you, man.
: So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head?" Derek Zoolander
: And? Hansel
: And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.
: I felt like, "This guy's really hurting me." And it hurt.
: Taste my pain, bitch!
: What time is it? Derek Zoolander
: Almost five. Matilda
: What? Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys... Hansel
: Whoa, whoa, easy! How 'bout a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak fest last night."
: What's the dealio, yo?
: You is talking loco and I like it!
[Talking about the files
: They're *in* the computer?
: I became... Hansel
: What? Matilda
: Bulimic. Derek Zoolander
: You can read minds?
: Why do you hate models, Matilda? Matilda
: Honestly? Hansel
: Yes. Matilda
: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered. Hansel
: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?
: I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.
: Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco?
: Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude!
: The results are in amigo. What's left to ponder?
[Derek glares at him
: Nice Comeback! Ha ha.
: I guess you can dere-lick my balls cap-E-tan. Derek Zoolander
: I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much.
: [while in an interview, dressed in angel's wings
] I hear words like "beauty" and "handsomness" and "incredibly chiseled features" and for me that's like a vanity of self absorption that I try to steer clear of.
: You mean, you haven't... Matilda
: Done it in a while, yeh. Hansel
: Now, what's a while? Like, eight days?
: Yeah, you're cool to hide here, but first me and him got to straighten some shit out. Derek Zoolander
: Fine. Hansel
: Why you been acting so messed up towards me? Derek Zoolander
: Why you been acting so messed up towards me? Hansel
: Well, you go first.
: Deal with that!
: Excuse me, bra. Derek Zoolander
: You're excused, and I'm not your bra!
: Trippin' on acid changed our whole perspective on shit!
: Who am I? Derek's Reflection
: I don't know. Derek Zoolander
: I guess I have a lot of things to ponder. Hansel
: The results are in, amigo! What's left to ponder?
[Derek stares at Hansel
: Nice comeback!
: Cool story, Hansel. Hansel
: Thanks, Olaf.
: Whatever dude... whatever. Peace. God Bless.
: This has been an emotional day for all of us. I think we should get naked. Matilda
: What? Hansel
: Don't ask questions. Just give in to the power of the tea.
: [from trailer
] OLD? Derek Zoolander
: [pronouncing the sign incorrectly
: I'll go get Derek, tell my Orgy I love them!
: Is it true you have sex for ten hours? Sting
: No comment.
: Neil Degrasse Tyson? You don't know who you are, either?
: WHO AM I!
: Who-oo-oo-ooohh am-mm-mm-mm I-ah-ah-aye? Hansel
: That was beautiful...
: My mom told me my dad was a beat cop.