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Quotes for
Hansel (Character)
from Zoolander (2001)

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Zoolander (2001)
Derek Zoolander: What say we settle this on the runway... Han-Solo?
Hansel: Are you challenging me to a walk-off... Boo-Lander?

Hansel: I friggin' worship you, man.

Hansel: So I'm rappelling down Mount Vesuvius when suddenly I slip, and I start to fall. Just falling, ahh ahh, I'll never forget the terror. When suddenly I realize "Holy shit, Hansel, haven't you been smoking Peyote for six straight days, and couldn't some of this maybe be in your head?"
Derek Zoolander: And?
Hansel: And it was. I was totally fine. I've never even been to Mount Vesuvius.

Hansel: I felt like, "This guy's really hurting me." And it hurt.

Hansel: Taste my pain, bitch!

Matilda: What time is it?
Derek Zoolander: Almost five.
Matilda: What? Hey, guys, that show is in three hours. Derek is dead unless we get that evidence. Do you guys...
Hansel: Whoa, whoa, easy! How 'bout a "Good afternoon, Derek and Hansel. Thanks for the freak fest last night."

Hansel: What's the dealio, yo?

Hansel: You is talking loco and I like it!

[Talking about the files]
Hansel: They're *in* the computer?

Matilda: I became...
Hansel: What?
Matilda: Bulimic.
Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?

Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?
Matilda: Honestly?
Hansel: Yes.
Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?

Hansel: I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

Hansel: Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco?

Hansel: Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude!

Hansel: The results are in amigo. What's left to ponder?
[Derek glares at him]
Hansel: Nice Comeback! Ha ha.

Hansel: I guess you can dere-lick my balls cap-E-tan.
Derek Zoolander: I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much.

Hansel: [while in an interview, dressed in angel's wings] I hear words like "beauty" and "handsomness" and "incredibly chiseled features" and for me that's like a vanity of self absorption that I try to steer clear of.

Derek Zoolander: You mean, you haven't...
Matilda: Done it in a while, yeh.
Hansel: Now, what's a while? Like, eight days?

Hansel: Yeah, you're cool to hide here, but first me and him got to straighten some shit out.
Derek Zoolander: Fine.
Hansel: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?
Derek Zoolander: Why you been acting so messed up towards me?
Hansel: Well, you go first.

Hansel: Deal with that!

Hansel: Excuse me, bra.
Derek Zoolander: You're excused, and I'm not your bra!

Hansel: Trippin' on acid changed our whole perspective on shit!

Derek Zoolander: Who am I?
Derek's Reflection: I don't know.
Derek Zoolander: I guess I have a lot of things to ponder.
Hansel: The results are in, amigo! What's left to ponder?
[Derek stares at Hansel]
Hansel: Nice comeback!

Olaf: Cool story, Hansel.
Hansel: Thanks, Olaf.

Hansel: Whatever dude... whatever. Peace. God Bless.

Hansel: This has been an emotional day for all of us. I think we should get naked.
Matilda: What?
Hansel: Don't ask questions. Just give in to the power of the tea.

Zoolander 2 (2016)
Hansel: [from trailer] OLD?
Derek Zoolander: [pronouncing the sign incorrectly] LAMÉ?

Hansel: I'll go get Derek, tell my Orgy I love them!

Hansel: Is it true you have sex for ten hours?
Sting: No comment.
Sting: Fifteen...

Hansel: Neil Degrasse Tyson? You don't know who you are, either?

Hansel: WHO AM I!

Katy Perry: Who-oo-oo-ooohh am-mm-mm-mm I-ah-ah-aye?
Hansel: That was beautiful...

Hansel: My mom told me my dad was a beat cop.