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Quotes for
Jay (Character)
from Knocked Up (2007)

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Knocked Up (2007)
Jay: Because your face looks like a vagina.

Jay: Man, my balls are shaved, my pubes are trimmed, I'm ready to fuckin' rock this shit!
Jonah: What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' lose my mind! Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal!

Jay: Dude, I think he's doing the dice thing too much.
Jonah: That's really all he's got.

Jay: I'm going to be there to rear your child.
Jason: You hear that, Ben? Don't let him near the kid, he wants to rear your child!

Jay: You're embarrassing me in company!
Jonah: You embarrass yourself!

Jay: Hey, you know I always
[makes masturbating motion]
Jay: go right.
Jonah: Right... into a dude's ass

[first lines]
Jay: I got to get off! I got to get off! Got to get off! Got to get off!

Jay: [to Martin] That's the fun; you're supposed to be tempted into shaving.

Jason: You stay here.
Martin: Why?
Jason: Cause your face looks like a vagina.
Martin: Dick!
Jonah: How's it going Crockett, been hanging with Tubbs lately?
Martin: Come on man, I'm getting it from all angles here, I really don't like it anymore.
Jonah: I know, me either. Was it weird when you changed your name from Cat Stevens to Yusef Islam?
Martin: Yeah, it was really awkward.
Jonah: All right, see you later Scorcese on coke.
Jay: [Makes a roar like Chewbacca from Star Wars]
Martin: What the fuck was that?
Jay: You know, Chewbacca.
Martin: Oh, another beard joke, fucking hilarious!

Jonah: We got pinkeye.
Ben Stone: Were you giving butterfly kisses or something?
Jason: Ha ha ha, very funny That's not how you get pinkeye. You get it from poo particles making their way into your ocular cavities.
Jay: Um, I farted on Jason's pillow as a practical joke. He farted on Jonah's, thinking it was mine, and then eventually pinkeyed my pillow. I'm not proud any of this, but I think we're all forgiven each other. Um, but we can't go anywhere.
Pete: You can get pinkeye from farting in a pillow?
Jonah: Totally!
Pete: That's awesome!
Jonah: Jesus, Martin got it bad. What, did someone take a dump on your eye?
Martin: No. No pinkeye for me. I'm just really... high.