Ben Stone
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Quotes for
Ben Stone (Character)
from Knocked Up (2007)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Knocked Up (2007)
Ben Stone: Our baby is going to be French Canadian.
Alison Scott: And a little bit Spanish...?
Ben Stone: Yeah, I'm not very good with accents.

Alison Scott: [to Debbie] What do you think? He's funny, right?
Ben Stone: [to Debbie's kids] Fetch!
Debbie: [to Alison] He's playing fetch... with my kids... he's treating my kids like they're dogs.

Ben Stone: [to Alison] I'm sorry I'm sweating on you...
Alison Scott: Okay, just stop talking.

Pete: Just don't ask me to lend you any money.
Ben Stone: Can I just - have some?

Alison Scott: I was drunk!
Ben Stone: Was your vagina drunk?

Ben's Dad: I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me.
Ben Stone: I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you?
Ben's Dad: Yes.
Ben Stone: Now I'm starting to feel a little sorry for YOU...

Ben Stone: That's because Steely Dan Gargles my balls.

Ben Stone: Yeah, it's a cure-all. My buddy Jonah broke his elbow one time. He just smoked some weed. It still clicks, but it's cool.

Pete: I'm gonna throw you in my DeLorean and gun it to 88.
Ben Stone: [Mimicks car noise] VRRROOOOM

Pete: You mean like Mr. Skin?
Ben Stone: Who's Mr. Skin?
Pete: You know, Mr. Skin...

Alison Scott: Why don't you go FUCK your FUCKING Bong?
Ben Stone: I will! I'll do it doggy style, too! For once!

Debbie: I gotta go, Sadie might have the chicken pox.
Jason: I had the chicken pox THREE times. I have no immunity to it.
Ben Stone: We don't have the heart to tell him it's herpes.
Jason: It's not herpes if it's everywhere.

Pete: There are five different types of chairs in this hotel room.
Ben Stone: That's way too many chairs for one room!

Alison Scott: I'm pregnant.
Ben Stone: Fuck off!
Alison Scott: What?
Ben Stone: What?

Ben Stone: [during earthquake] FUCK ME!

Ben Stone: Do you want to do it doggie style?
Alison Scott: You're not going to fuck me like a dog.
Ben Stone: It's doggie style. It's just the style. We don't have to go outside or anything.

Ben Stone: You know, the best thing for a hangover is weed. Do you smoke weed?
Alison Scott: Not really.
Ben Stone: You don't?
Alison Scott: No.
Ben Stone: At all?
Alison Scott: Uh-uh.
Ben Stone: Like... in the morning?
Alison Scott: No... I just... don't.
Ben Stone: It is, like, the best medicine. 'Cause it fixes everything. Jonah broke his elbow once. We just... got high and... it still clicks but, I mean, he's ok.

Ben Stone: What time is it?
Alison Scott: 7:30
Ben Stone: Why the fuck are we awake? Let's go back to sleep.
Alison Scott: I have to go to work.
Ben Stone: Really?
Alison Scott: Uh, do you need to... get to work or anything?
Ben Stone: No, I'm uh... no work today hahahaha.

Ben Stone: [explaining the conception to their newborn baby] and then your Mommy said, "Just do it already!" which was very confusing to Daddy, so I took the most literal translation.
[quietly]
Ben Stone: But between you and me, it was the smartest thing I ever did, 'cause now you're here.

Pete: [high on 'shrooms] Did you know there's a guy whose sole job is to find chairs for these hotel rooms?
Ben Stone: Please take the chairs away.
Pete: Like this one! It's red with gold stripes and -
[sits]
Pete: - oh, this one is amazing!
Ben Stone: Please take the chairs away. I don't like them. The big one is staring at me and that short one is being very droll.

Ben Stone: Now that's how you get pink eye.

Ben Stone: Fuck you, hormones!

Ben Stone: Your face looks like Robin Williams' knuckles.

Ben Stone: [to bartender] You're going to be embarrassed when you realize I'm Wilmer Valderama.

Ben Stone: I live in your phone!

Alison Scott: Hey...
Ben Stone: I'm naked.
Alison Scott: Yeah.
Ben Stone: [whispers] Did we have sex?
Alison Scott: Yes.
Ben Stone: Nice.

Ben Stone: If any of us get laid tonight, it's because of Eric Bana in "Munich."

Ben Stone: You think I'm an inventor? "He created a dick-skin condom, He hollowed out a penis and put it on", what the fuck?

Alison Scott: I'm sorry I told you to fuck your bong.
Ben Stone: It's okay... I didn't...

Martin: Whatever. I'm glad I'm not a Jew.
Ben Stone: So are we...
Ben Stone: You weren't chosen for a reason.

Alison Scott: I'm pregnant.
Ben Stone: Pregnant... with emotion?
Alison Scott: Pregnant with a baby.

Alison Scott: I'm actually doing my first on-air interview today.
Ben Stone: With who?
Alison Scott: Uh, Matthew Fox.
Ben Stone: Matthew Fox from Lost?
Alison Scott: Yeah.
Ben Stone: You know what's interesting about him?
Alison Scott: What?
Ben Stone: Nothing!

Ben Stone: [Ben knocks on the door at Sadie's birthday party and Sadie answers] Oh Hey! What up dawg?
Sadie: Where have you been?
Ben Stone: Around, you know... just kinda doing my thing!
Sadie: Why is everybody so mad at you?
Ben Stone: I don't know are they mad what have they been saying?
Sadie: They've been saying like Blah, blah, blah, blah blah. Ben's a prick.
Ben Stone: They said that?
Sadie: A lot!
Ben Stone: That sucks!
Sadie: [intrigued] What does it mean?
Ben Stone: [Ben hesitates] Penis... means penis
Sadie: Oh...
[giggles]
Sadie: Penis
[Sadie turns her back and Ben walks in]

[Alison's friends see she's pregnant]
Ben Stone: You know how they say to never drink and drive? Well, never drink and bone.

Ben Stone: [while tripping on mushrooms] Isn't weird how chairs exist even when you're not sitting on them?

Ben Stone: Oh yeah... It's a girl. Buy some pink shit!

Pete: I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles.
Ben Stone: That's sad.
Pete: Totally sad. Their smiling faces just point out your inability to enjoy anything.

Alison Scott: I love your curly hair! It's great... do you use product or anything?
Ben Stone: No... I use, uh, jew it's called.

Ben Stone: [watching Cheaper by the Dozen after taking mushrooms] This isn't funny. This guy's got twelve kids, that's not funny. That's a lot of responsibility to just be... laughing about. This is sick. This is a sick movie. I gotta turn this off. It's freaking me out.

Young Doctor: How long you kids been married?
Ben Stone: We're not married.
Young Doctor: Are you single?
Ben Stone: She's not single, she's just not married.
Young Doctor: Are you two together?

Alison Scott: I hope your apartment's big enough for the three of us.
Ben Stone: Oh it definitely is. That's why I got one in East LA. The rent, it's HUGE. The only thing is we have to decide if we're gonna be Crips or Bloods before we get there.
Alison Scott: Well, I look good in red.
Ben Stone: I look good in blue... The fighting continues.

Ben Stone: [answering the phone] Hello?
Jason: Hey! What's up, Daddy? What are you doing?
Ben Stone: Just smoking a joint. Drinking some beers. You know? Rockin.

[last lines]
Ben Stone: No, these guys can honk all they want, I ain't going faster than 12. It might take us around three hours to get home, though.

Ben Stone: I'd like to be in there with Alison without you.
Debbie: OK. I understand how you feel, but this isn't up to you.
Ben Stone: Look, Debbie. You are high off your ass if you think you're coming into that room. If you take one step towards that door, I will tell security there's a crazy chick in a pink dress snatching up babies, ok? So don't even try to come into that room, that's my room now. That little area with the Pepsi machine, that's your area. My room, your area, stay in your area, stay out of my room, back... the... fuck... off.

Ben Stone: Hey Doc Howard, Ben Stone calling, guess what the fuck's up? Allison is going into labor and you are not fucking here, you know where you're at? Your at a fucking bar mitzvah in San Francisco you motherfucking piece of shit, and you know what I'm gonna have to do now? I'm going have to kill you, I'm gonna pop a fucking cap in your ass. You're dead, you're Tupac, you are fucking Biggie you piece of shit, I hope you fucking die or drop the chair and kill that fucking kid... I hope your plane crashes, peace fucker!

Jonah: We got pinkeye.
Ben Stone: Were you giving butterfly kisses or something?
Jason: Ha ha ha, very funny That's not how you get pinkeye. You get it from poo particles making their way into your ocular cavities.
Jay: Um, I farted on Jason's pillow as a practical joke. He farted on Jonah's, thinking it was mine, and then eventually pinkeyed my pillow. I'm not proud any of this, but I think we're all forgiven each other. Um, but we can't go anywhere.
Pete: You can get pinkeye from farting in a pillow?
Jonah: Totally!
Pete: That's awesome!
Jonah: Jesus, Martin got it bad. What, did someone take a dump on your eye?
Martin: No. No pinkeye for me. I'm just really... high.

Alison Scott: Why don't you go fuck your fucking bong you fuck!
Ben Stone: I will! I'll do it doggy style, too! For once!

Ben Stone: [laughing while Pete and Debbie are fighting several feet away] That guy said 'Don't let the door hit your vagina on the way out!'
Alison Scott: I heard him.