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Quotes for
Dana Appleton (Character)
from Liar Liar (1997)

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Liar Liar (1997)
Dana: He's badgering the witness!
Judge Stevens: It's his witness!

Fletcher: Mrs. Cole, is this a copy of your driver's liscense?
[shows paper]
Samantha: That's right.
Fletcher: It says here you are a blonde, are you? If you don't remember perhaps Mr. Faulk will.
Samantha: Brunette.
Fletcher: Maybe if we play the tape again, maybe it's on there...
Samantha: I'm a brunette!
Fletcher: Thank you. Now let's see... weight 105? Yeah, in your bra.
Dana: Your honor, I object.
Fletcher: You would!
Dana: Bastard!
Fletcher: Hag!
Judge Stevens: QUIET! Overruled! Weight?
Samantha: 118.
[Fletcher gives her a look]
Samantha: Alright, fine, fine, I'm 127.
Fletcher: Uh, huh, and it says here you were born in 1964, but that's not true either is it? Is it!
Samantha: No.
Fletcher: Please tell the court what's on your birth certificate under Date of Birth.
Dana: Your honor, I object. What does this have to do with anything?
Judge Stevens: Overruled. Mrs. Cole, answer the question.
Samantha: 1965.
Fletcher: Now let get this straight. That means you lied about your age to make yourself older. But why would any woman want to DO THAT?
Samantha: I changed it so I could get married.
Fletcher: AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE! My client lied about her age! She was only 17 when she got married, which makes her a minor. And in the great state of California, no minor can enter into any legal contract without parental consent.
[to Dana]
Fletcher: Including...?
Dana: [sighs] Prenuptual agreements.
Fletcher: Prenuptual agreements! This contract is void! The fact that my client has been riden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant. Standard Community Property applies and she is entitled to half of the marital assets, or $11.395 million. Jordan fades back, swoosh, and THAT'S THE GAME! Nothing further, your honor!

Judge Stevens: How are we this morning, Counselor?
Dana: Fine, thank you.
Judge Stevens: And how about you, Mr. Reede?
Fletcher: I'm a little upset about a bad sexual episode I had last night.
[Shocked pause]
Judge Stevens: Well, you're young. It'll happen more and more. In the meantime, what do you say we get down to business?

Fletcher: You had sex with her everytime you met, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU? LIAR!
Dana: He's badgering the witness!
Judge: It's his witness.
Fletcher: You slammed her! You dunked her donut! You gave her dog a Snausage! YOU STUFFED HER LIKE A THANKSGIVING TURKEY!
[Makes gobbling noises while pushing himself against the table]
Kenneth Falk: Alright! Alright, it's true, okay? I humped her brains out! There, now ya happy?
[awkward silence]
Fletcher: No further questions.

Dana: You Wanna play hard ball? I'm game.
Fletcher: [mockingly] Wanna play hard ball? I'm game.

Judge Stevens: I understand both parties have agreed to joint custody, is that correct?
Dana: Yes.
Fletcher: Yes.
Samantha: No! I'm contesting custody.
Fletcher: What?
Samantha: If I get sole custody of the kids, that's another 10 grand in child support payments.
Fletcher: You just won 11 million dollars!