Arthur Dent
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Quotes for
Arthur Dent (Character)
from "The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy" (1981)

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The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
Trillian: Let's go somewhere.
Arthur: Where did you have in mind?
Trillian: Madagascar.
Arthur: That new club on Dean Street?
Trillian: No, it's a country. Off the coast of Africa.

Arthur: All my life I've had this strange feeling that there's something big and sinister going on in the world.
Slartibartfast: No, that's perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe gets that.

Ford: [after being thrown into the airlock by a guard] Wash your filthy hands!
[looks around]
Ford: Don't panic... don't panic...
Arthur: So this is it. We're gonna die.
Ford: Yeah. We're gonna die.
Ford: No... no! What's this?
[goes over to control panel]
Arthur: What's that?
Ford: What's this...? What's this...?
[flips switch]
Ford: This... is... nothing. Yeah, we're gonna die.

Slartibartfast: I must warn you, we're going to pass through, well, a sort of gateway thing.
Arthur Dent: What?
Slartibartfast: It may disturb you. It scares the willies out of me.

Arthur Dent: Just wait a sodding minute! You want a question that goes with the answer for 42? Well, how about what's six times seven? Or how many Vogons does it take to change a lightbulb? Here's one! How many roads must a man walk down?
Lunkwill: Hey, that's not bad!
Arthur Dent: Fine. Fine, take it. Because my head is filled with questions and I can assure you no answer to any one of them has ever brought me one iota of happiness. Except for one. The one. The only question I've ever wanted an answer to - is she the one? The answer bloody well isn't forty-two, it's yes. Undoubtedly, unequivocally, unabashedly yes. And for one week, one week in my sad little blip of an existence, it made me happy.
Trillian: That's a good answer...
Lunkwill: Rubbish, we don't want to be happy, we want to be famous!
Fook: Yeah! What is all this "is she the one" tripe?
Lunkwill: Take his brain!

Trillian: You idiot! You signed the order to destroy Earth!
Zaphod: I did?
Arthur: He did?
Trillian: Love and kisses Zaphod? You didn't even read it, did you?
Zaphod: Well, I'm president, I don't have a lot of time for reading.
Trillian: My whole planet destroyed because you thought someone wanted your autograph!

Arthur: Let's go somewhere.
Trillian: Definitely. Where'd you have in mind?
Ford: I know this great restaurant at the end of the universe.

Arthur Dent: I'm sorry, did you just say you needed my brain?
Fook: Yes, to complete the program.
Arthur Dent: Well, you can't have it, I'm using it!
Fook: Hardly.
Arthur Dent: Cheeky mouse...

Mr. Prosser: Do you know how much damage this bulldozer would sustain if I just let it roll over you?
Arthur: How much?
Mr. Prosser: None at all.

Slartibartfast: [talking about the Earth] Best laid plans of mice.
Arthur: And men.
Slartibartfast: What?
Arthur: Best laid plans of mice and men.
Slartibartfast: Oh. No, I don't think men had much to do with it.

Arthur: [Trillian has been captured by Vogons]
[bursts into a random Vogon building with Marvin's arm, hoping they think it's a gun]
Arthur: All right! Where is she!
[sees he's in a waiting room]
Vogon Secretary: Who? The Director of Robot Arm Repair?

Trillian: Who are you?
Arthur: Er, Dent, Arthur Dent.
Trillian: No, I mean *who* are you?
Arthur: Oh, the costume. Er, Livingston I presume. Yeah. Not as good as Darwin I know but the best I could manage at short notice.
Trillian: You're the first person whose gotten that right. Everyone keeps calling me Santa.
Arthur: Really?
Trillian: Yeah, and I thought the beagle made it a dead giveaway.
Arthur: Well, I suppose most of the people who come to these parties are idiots.
Trillian: What?
[the record player is bumped, the music stops]
Arthur: I said all these people are idiots!
[everyone stares at him]
Arthur: Oh god...

Slartibartfast: You must come with me.
Arthur Dent: Who are you?
Slartibartfast: What? No. My name's not important. You must come with me, or you'll be late.
Arthur Dent: Late for what?
Slartibartfast: Well, um, what's your name, Earthman?
Arthur Dent: Dent. Arthur Dent.
Slartibartfast: Well, late as in *the late* Dentarthurdent. It's a sort of threat. You see?
Arthur Dent: No.
Slartibartfast: Your friends are safe, you can trust me.
Arthur Dent: Trust a man who won't even tell me his name?
Slartibartfast: Well, um, my name is, um, it's
Slartibartfast: Slartibartfast.
Arthur Dent: What?
Slartibartfast: I *said* it wasn't important.

Arthur: Ford?
Ford: Yeah?
Arthur: I think I'm a sofa...
Ford: [pause] I know how you feel...

Marvin: You can blame the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation for making androids with GPP...
Arthur: Um... what's GPP?
Marvin: [despondently] Genuine People Personalities. I'm a personality prototype. You can tell, can't you...?

Arthur Dent: It's a big-biggy Ford, a big-biggy! I mean what if it rips us all into tiny little atomic particle things?
Zaphod: This is the right one! I have a hunch!
Ford: [smiling] His hunches are good! Arthur! I say we go!
Arthur Dent: Go with a hunch of a man who's brain is fueled by lemons?

Trillian: I have a plan.
Arthur: Does it involve pushing him out there and then running the other way?

Arthur: Normality? We can talk about normality until the cows come home.
Ford: What is normal?
Trillian: What is home?
Zaphod: What're cows?

Eddie the Computer: Guys, I am just pleased as punch to inform you that there are two thermo-nuclear missiles headed this way... if you don't mind, I'm gonna go ahead and take evasive action
Eddie the Computer: Sure thing fella! Switching over to manual control... good luck!
[Ship's engines immediately stop and ship falls]

Marvin: I've been talking to the main computer.
Arthur: And?
Marvin: It hates me.

Ford: You don't remember. Arthur, your whole planet has been destroyed.
Arthur: Couldn't you have done something?
Ford: I saved your life.

Arthur: A cup of tea would restore my normality.

Arthur: I have to say, without the beard you look at least 80 years younger.
Trillian: Well, maybe I'm de-evolving?
Arthur: Ha ha!
Trillian: Ha ha!
Arthur: Well, I should inform you that I don't date single-celled organisms.

Arthur: See, normally I hate those sorts of parties. I'd much rather stay at home, I don't know, ironing me hankies.

Arthur: Humma Kavula is person? I thought he was swearing!

Arthur: [as a yarn doll] I think I'm gonna be sick!
Zaphod: Hey, do it in the trash can, Earth man, this ship is brand new.
Arthur: [vomits coloured yarn]

Arthur: So this is it. We're going to die
Ford: Yes. Would you like a hug?
Arthur: No.

Arthur: OK. Leave this to me. I'm British. I know how to queue.

Arthur: Go with the hunch of a man whose brain is fuelled by lemons?

Zaphod: I'm sensing a lot of hostility from you, Alex.
Arthur: Arthur!
Zaphod: Have you ever tried yoga?

Marvin: [Trillian, Ford, and Zaphod have gone through the portal and left Arthur and Marvin behind] I told you this would all end in tears.
Arthur: Did you? Did you?

Arthur: It must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

Ford: We must talk.
Arthur Dent: Not now, Ford. They're gonna demolish my home.
Ford: Whoah! Whoah! Whoah! You know already?
[Arthur doesn't understand. Ford looks at the workers around him]
Ford: Oh, *they*! When you say "they" you mean *they*!

Ford: Didn't you think it was strange I was trying to shake hands with a car?
Arthur: I assumed you were drunk.
Ford: I thought cars were the dominant lifeform. I was trying to introduce myself.

Arthur: So you're not from Guildford. Which would explain the accent.

Slartibartfast: Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I think that the chances of finding out what's actually going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say, "Hang the sense of it," and keep yourself busy. I'd much rather be happy than right any day.
Arthur Dent: And are you?
Slartibartfast: Ah, no.
[laughs, snorts]
Slartibartfast: Well, that's where it all falls down, of course.

Lunkwill: Drink up.
Arthur: Thank you.
Fook: Now, to business.
Ford, Zaphod: [drunkenly toasting] To business!
Lunkwill, Fook: Eat!
Zaphod: [quietly] Sorry.

Ford: [watching the Magrathean recording of Deep Thought] Is that it?
Zaphod: No, there's more. They go back.
Arthur: What, seven and a half million years later?
Zaphod: Yeah, they do.
[Cuts to 7.5 million years later and the answer being received]

Zaphod: Hey. Sorry to hear about your planet. What was it called again?
Arthur: Earth.
Zaphod: Yeah, Earth. I liked Earth. I got these boots on Earth. Anyway, don't tell the girl, OK? Cause if you do, I'll pull your spleen out through your throat.

Trillian: How badly does it hurt?
Arthur: It doesn't feel great.

Arthur: She was amazing though, Ford. Beautiful, witty, mad as a balloon.

Arthur Dent: Here I was thinking I was the only one who considered your boyfriend a narcissistic moron, when apparently the whole galaxy does.

Ford: Okay, don't think. Nobody think. No ideas. No theories. No nothing.
[a beat. They all strain to think of nothing. Several paddles shoot up out of the ground smacking them in their faces]
Ford, Arthur, Zaphod: Ow!

Arthur: I think that door just sighed.
Marvin: Ghastly, isn't it? All the doors on this spaceship have been programmed to have a cheery and sunny disposition.

Marvin: I have a million ideas, but, they all point to certain death.
Arthur: Thanks very much, Marv!

Jeltz: Either die in the vacuum of space, or tell me what you thought of my poem.
[other Vogons chuckle]
Arthur: A... a... actually, I rather liked it.
Jeltz: Hmm?
Ford: Yeah. That's good. Run with it.
Jeltz: Hmmm?
Arthur: Uh, some of the words I didn't understand, but I found the imagery quite effective.
Jeltz: Continue...
Arthur: Well, uh, yes, interesting rhythmic devices, which seemed to counterpoint the underlying metaphor of the humanity of, of the poet's soul.
Jeltz: So what you're saying is, I write poetry because underneath this mean, callous, heartless exterior, I just want to be loved?
Ford: [whispers] Yes, yes, yes.
Arthur: Yes, yes, yeah, please.
[other Vogons ooh-ing and aah-ing]
Jeltz: Throw them off the ship!

Slartibartfast: Earthman, you must realize that the planet you lived on was commissioned, paid for and run by mice.
Arthur: When you say mice, do you mean the little furry white creatures with whiskers, ears, cheese?
Slartibartfast: Yeah, but they're protrusions into our dimension of hyper-intelligent beings. I don't know this cheese of which you speak, but they were there on Earth as mice experimenting on you.
Arthur: I see where you've become confused now. You see, *we* were experimenting on *them*.
Slartibartfast: Ah, no, well, yeah, no. That's what they wanted you to think, but you were actually elements in their computer program.
Arthur: Actually, this explains a lot. All my life I've had this strange feeling there's something big and sinister going on in the world.
Slartibartfast: No, that's normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe gets that.

"The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy: Episode #1.1" (1981)
Prosser: But the plans were on display.
Arthur Dent: On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar.
Prosser: That's the display department.
Arthur Dent: With a torch.
Prosser: The lights had probably gone.
Arthur Dent: So had the stairs.
Prosser: But you did see the notice, didn't you?
Arthur Dent: Oh, yes. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign outside the door saying "Beware of the Leopard." Ever thought of going into advertising?

Arthur Dent: That man wants to knock my house down.
Ford Prefect: Well, he can do that whilst you're away, can't he?

Ford Prefect: And no sneaky knocking Mr. Dent's house down while he's away, all right?
Prosser: The slightest thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind.
Arthur Dent: Can we trust him?
Ford Prefect: Myself, I'd trust him till the end of the Earth.
Arthur Dent: Yes, but how far's that?
Ford Prefect: About twelve minutes away.

Ford Prefect: Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so.
Arthur Dent: Very deep. You should send that in to the Reader's Digest. They've got a page for people like you.

Ford Prefect: How would you react if I told you that I'm not from Guildford after all, but from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?
Arthur Dent: I don't know. Why? Do you think it's the sort of thing you're likely to say?
Ford Prefect: Drink up. The world's about to end.
Arthur Dent: This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays.

Ford Prefect: How are you feeling?
Arthur Dent: Like a military academy. Bits of me keep passing out. Ford? If I were to ask you where the hell we were, would I regret it?
Ford Prefect: We're safe.
Arthur Dent: Ah. Good.
Ford Prefect: We're in a cabin of one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet.
Arthur Dent: Ah. This is obviously some strange usage of the word "safe" that I hadn't previously been aware of.

Arthur Dent: Good grief. Is this really the interior of a flying saucer?
Ford Prefect: Yes. What do you think?
Arthur Dent: Well, it's a bit squalid, isn't it?

Arthur Dent: What are you doing?
Ford Prefect: Preparing for hyperspace. It's rather unpleasantly like being drunk.
Arthur Dent: What's so wrong about being drunk?
Ford Prefect: Ask a glass of water.

[Arthur Dent looks up "Earth" in the Hitchhiker's Guide]
Arthur Dent: What's it say? "Harmless." Just one word? Harmless?

Arthur Dent: What the hell's that?
Ford Prefect: Well, if we're lucky, it's the Vogon Guard come to throw us into space.
Arthur Dent: And if we're unlucky?
Ford Prefect: The Vogon Captain might want to read us some of his poetry first.

Arthur Dent: I like the cover. "Don't Panic". It's the first helpful or intelligible thing anyone's said to me all day.

Prosser: Mr. Dent?
Arthur Dent: Hello, yes?
Prosser: Have you any idea how much damage this bulldozer would suffer if I were to let it roll straight over you?
Arthur Dent: How much?
Prosser: None at all.

Mr. Prosser: You can't lie in front of the bulldozers indefinitely.
Arthur Dent: I'm game. We'll see who rusts first.

Mr. Prosser: Mr. Dent!
Arthur Dent: Hello, yes!
Mr. Prosser: Have you any idea of how much damage that bulldozer would suffer if I just let it roll straight over you?
Arthur Dent: How much?
Mr. Prosser: None at all.

Arthur Dent: [after they've arrived on board the Vogon ship] If I asked where the hell we were, would I regret it?asked where
Ford Prefect: We're safe.
Arthur Dent: Oh, good.
Ford Prefect: We're in a small galley cabin on one of the ships in the Vogon Constructor Fleet.
Arthur Dent: Ah! This is obviously some strange use of the word "safe" that I wasn't previously aware of.

Arthur Dent: How did we get here?
Ford Prefect: We hitched a lift.
Arthur Dent: Excuse me! Are you trying to say that we just stuck out our thumbs and some green bug-eyed monster stuck his head out and said "Hi, fellas, hop in, I can take you as far as the Basingstoke roundabout"?
Ford Prefect: Well, the thumb's an electronic sub-ether device, the roundabout's at Barbard's Star, six light-years away, but otherwise that's more or less it.
Arthur Dent: And the bug-eyed monster?
Ford Prefect: [grinning] It's green, yes.

Arthur Dent: [to Mr. Prosser, talking about the impending demolition of his house] The first I knew about it was when a workman arrived at the door yesterday. I asked him if he'd come to clean the windows, and he said he'd come to demolish the house! He didn't tell me straight away, of course; no, first he wiped a couple of windows and charged me a fiver, *then* he told me!

Ford Prefect: Hello, Arthur.
Arthur Dent: Ford! Hi, how are you?
Ford Prefect: Fine. Look, are you busy?
Arthur Dent: Well, I've just got this bulldozer to lie down in front of, but otherwise no.

Arthur Dent: [the Vogan guard has found them] What's that?
Ford Prefect: Well, if we're lucky, it's just the Vogans come to throw us into deep space.
Arthur Dent: And if we're UN-lucky?
Ford Prefect: The captain might want to read us some of his poetry first.

"The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy: Episode #1.6" (1981)
Number One: But, sir, they're my prisoners. Can't I just interrogate them a little bit?
B-Ark captain: Oh, very well. Ask them what they want to drink.
Number One: Thank you, sir. All right, you scum, you *vermin*...
B-Ark captain: Steady on, Number One.
Number One: What do you want to drink?
Ford Prefect: Well, gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur?
Arthur Dent: Huh? Yes.
Number One: With ice or without?
Ford Prefect: [thinks] With, please.
Number One: *Lemon*?
Ford Prefect: Yeah. And do you have any of those little biscuits? You know, the cheesy ones?
Number One: I'm asking the questions.

Arthur Dent: I'm trying to teach the cavemen to play Scrabble. It's uphill work. The only word they know is "unh", and they don't know how to spell it.

Arthur Dent: I always said there was something fundamentally wrong with the universe.

Arthur: So this is it. We're going to die.

Arthur Dent: What does teleport mean?
Zaphod Beeblebrox: *What* did you say? Where does it say that?
Arthur Dent: Well here, below the word that says "emergency" and above the word that says "system" and next to the sign that says "out of order".

[last lines]
Ford Prefect: I read of one planet in the seventh dimension got used as a ball in a game of intergalactic bar billiards. Got potted straight into a black hole, killed ten billion people.
Arthur Dent: Madness. Total madness.
Ford Prefect: Yeah. Only scored thirty points too.
Arthur Dent: Where'd you read that?
Ford Prefect: Oh, a book.
Arthur Dent: What book?
Ford Prefect: The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy.
Arthur Dent: Oh. That thing.

Arthur Dent: So this is it. We're going to die.
Ford Prefect: I wish you'd stop saying that.

Zaphod Beeblebrox: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Ford Prefect: I think so.
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Tell me what you think I'm thinking.
Ford Prefect: I think you're thinking it's time we got off this ship.
Zaphod Beeblebrox: I think you're right.
Ford Prefect: I think you're right.
Arthur Dent: How?
Zaphod Beeblebrox's second head: Quiet. We're thinking.

Arthur: [being menaced by an angry caveman] No, no, please, please. Put down the jawbone.

Ford Prefect: Hey, look! A plaque!
Arthur Dent: What's it say?
Ford Prefect: Golgafrincham Ark Fleet Ship B Hold 7 Telephone Sanitiser Second Class, and a serial number.
Arthur Dent: Telephone sanitiser? A dead telephone sanitiser?
Ford Prefect: Best kind.
Arthur Dent: What's he doing here?
Ford Prefect: Not a lot.

Marvin: [talking about the Ultimate Question to the Ultimate Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything] It's printed in the Earthman's brainwave patterns, but I don't suppose you'd be interested in knowing that.
Arthur Dent: You mean you can see into my mind?
Marvin: Yes.
Arthur Dent: Well?
Marvin: It amazes me how you manage to live in anything that small.

Arthur Dent: Poor bloody caveman. It's all been a waste of time for you, hasn't it? You've been out-evolved by a telephone sanitizer.

"The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy: Episode #1.2" (1981)
[Arthur and Ford are caught in an improbability field]
Arthur Dent: You know, if this is Southend, there's something very odd about it.
Ford Prefect: What, you mean the way the sea stays steady as a rock and the buildings keep washing up and down? Yes, I thought that was odd.

Arthur Dent: I wonder what'll happen if I press this button.
Ford Prefect: Don't.
Arthur Dent: [presses it] Oh.
Ford Prefect: What happened?
Arthur Dent: A sign lit up saying "Please do not press this button again."

Marvin: And then of course I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left side.
Arthur Dent: Really.
Marvin: Oh, yes. I mean, I've asked for them to be replaced, but no-one ever listens.

Arthur Dent: Ford, there's an infinite number of monkeys out here who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they've worked out.

Ford Prefect: [stuck inside the Vogon airlock] Wait a minute... what's this switch?
Arthur Dent: [dashes where Ford is pointing] What? Where?
Ford Prefect: No. I was only fooling. We're going to die after all.
Arthur Dent: You know, it's at times like this, when I'm stuck in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young.
Ford Prefect: Why? What did she tell you?
Arthur Dent: I don't know! I didn't listen!

Arthur Dent: You know, it's at times like this when I'm locked in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young!
Ford Prefect: Why? What did she say?
Arthur Dent: I don't know! I didn't listen!

Vogon Captain: Now choose! Either die in the vacuum of space or... tell me how good you thought my poem was.
Arthur Dent: I liked it!

Arthur Dent: Ford, you're turning into a penguin! Stop it!

Ford Prefect: Arthur? What's happening?
Arthur Dent: Ford, there's an infinite number of monkeys who want to talk to us about this script for Hamlet they've worked out.

"The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy: Episode #1.3" (1981)
Slartibartfast: Come. Come now or you will be late.
Arthur: Late? What for?
Slartibartfast: What is your name, human?
Arthur: Dent. Arthur Dent.
Slartibartfast: Late as in the late Dentarthurdent. It's a sort of threat, you see. I've never been terribly good at them myself but I'm told they can be terribly effective.

Arthur Dent: Is there any tea on this spaceship?

Slartibartfast: Is that your robot?
Marvin: No. I'm mine.
Arthur: Well, if you call it a robot. It's more like an electronic sulking machine.
Slartibartfast: Bring it.
Marvin: "Bring it. Bring it."
Slartibartfast: On second thoughts, leave it here.

Arthur Dent: The Earth!
Slartibartfast: Well, the Earth Mark II, in fact. We're making a copy from our original blueprints.
Arthur Dent: Are you telling me you originally made the Earth?
Slartibartfast: Oh, yes. Did you ever go to a place - I think it was called Norway?
Arthur Dent: No. No, I didn't.
Slartibartfast: Pity. That was one of mine. Won an award, you know. Lovely crinkly edges.

[as a pair of nuclear missiles close in on the Heart of Gold]
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Hey, this is terrific, they're trying to kill us! You know what that means?
Arthur Dent: Yes, we're going to die.

Arthur Dent: Excuse me, what is your name by the way?
Slartibartfast: My name?
Slartibartfast: My name is Slartibartfast.
Arthur Dent: I beg your pardon?
Slartibartfast: Slartibartfast.
Arthur Dent: [laughing] Slartibartfast?
Slartibartfast: I said it wasn't important.

Slartibartfast: I was most upset to hear of its destruction.
Arthur: *You* were upset?
Slartibartfast: Five minutes later and it wouldn't have mattered so much. Shocking cock up. The mice were furious.
Arthur: Mice?

Slartibartfast: You must come with me or you will be late!
Arthur Dent: Late? What for?
Slartibartfast: What is your name, human?
Arthur Dent: Dent, Arthur Dent.
Slartibartfast: Late as in the late Dent Arthur Dent. It's a sort of threat, you see.

"The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy: Episode #1.5" (1981)
Barman: [whilst greeting Arthur and the others at Milliways] It's not unusual for customers to be disoriented after the time journey.
Trillian: Time Journey?
Ford Prefect: You mean... this isn't the afterlife?
Barman: The afterlife? No, sir.
Arthur: So... we're not dead?
Barman: Sir is most evidently alive otherwise I would not attempt to serve, sir.

Zaphod Beeblebrox: You mean they want to arrest me over the phone? Could be. I'm a pretty dangerous dude when I'm cornered.
Ford Prefect: Yeah. You go to pieces so fast, people get hit by the shrapnel.
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Hey, what is this? Judgement Day?
Arthur Dent: Oh, do we get to see that as well? Terrific!

Arthur Dent: You know, it's not so much an afterlife, more a sort of après-vie.

Zaphod Beeblebrox: Listen, you semi-evolved simian, go climb a tree, will you?
Arthur Dent: Go bang your heads together, four-eyes.

Dish of the Day: May I urge you, sir, to consider my liver. It must be very rich and tender by now. I have been force feeding myself for months.
Arthur Dent: Green salad, please.
Dish of the Day: A green salad?

[Zaphod, Trillian, Arthur, Ford, and Marvin are attempting to escape a stuntship that's going to hit the sun. Zaphod is holding Ford up so he can search the upper regions of the ship]
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Hey Ford, how many escape capsules are there?
Ford Prefect: None.
Zaphod Beeblebrox: You counted them?
Ford Prefect: Twice! Raise the crew on the radio?
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Yeah. I told them there were a whole bunch of people on board.
Ford Prefect: And they said?
Zaphod Beeblebrox: 'Hi there.'
Ford Prefect: Did you tell them who you were?
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Yeah. They said it was a great honor.
Arthur Dent: What does teleport mean?
Zaphod Beeblebrox: What did you say?
[Zaphod turns, causing Ford's foot to slip off his hand. Ford yells and falls somewhere offscreen]
Arthur Dent: Probably the wrong moment...
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Where does it say teleport?
Arthur Dent: Well here, underneath this sign that says out of order!
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Hell's donkeys!
Ford Prefect: It seems okay, just the automatic guidance, uh, where-ever-it-is-we're-going system is conked up!
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Who cares where we go? Lets just go!

"The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy: Episode #1.4" (1981)
Arthur: I seem to be having this tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle.
Slartibartfast: I beg your pardon?
Arthur: What? Oh, sorry. Fatuous thing to say, really.
Slartibartfast: I thought so.

Arthur Dent: You know, this explains a lot. Because all my life, I've had this unaccountable feeling in my bones that something sinister was happening in the universe and that no one would tell me what it was.
Slartibartfast: Oh, no. That's just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe has that.

Slartibartfast: Science has achieved some wonderful things, I know, but I'd far rather be happy than right any day.
Arthur Dent: And are you?
Slartibartfast: No. That's where it all falls down, of course.
Arthur Dent: Pity, it sounded like rather a good lifestyle otherwise.

Frankie Mouse: Still, the best laid plans of mice.
Arthur Dent: And men.
Frankie Mouse: What?
Arthur Dent: And men. The best laid plans of mice and men.
Frankie Mouse: What have men got to do with it?

Slartibartfast: [talking about the mice] In the field of management relations, they're absolutely shocking.
Arthur: Oh, really?
Slartibartfast: Yes, well, you see, every time they give me an order I just want to jump up on a table and scream!
Arthur: Yes, I can see how that would be a problem.