Slartibartfast
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Quotes for
Slartibartfast (Character)
from "The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy" (1981)

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"The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy: Episode #1.3" (1981)
Slartibartfast: Come. Come now or you will be late.
Arthur: Late? What for?
Slartibartfast: What is your name, human?
Arthur: Dent. Arthur Dent.
Slartibartfast: Late as in the late Dentarthurdent. It's a sort of threat, you see. I've never been terribly good at them myself but I'm told they can be terribly effective.

Slartibartfast: It is most gratifying that your enthusiasm for our planet continues unabated. And so, we would like to assure you that the guided missiles currently converging with your ship are part of a special service we extend to all of our most enthusiastic clients, and the fully-armed nuclear warheads are of course merely a courtesy detail. We look forward to your custom in future lives.

Slartibartfast: Is that your robot?
Marvin: No. I'm mine.
Arthur: Well, if you call it a robot. It's more like an electronic sulking machine.
Slartibartfast: Bring it.
Marvin: "Bring it. Bring it."
Slartibartfast: On second thoughts, leave it here.

Arthur Dent: The Earth!
Slartibartfast: Well, the Earth Mark II, in fact. We're making a copy from our original blueprints.
Arthur Dent: Are you telling me you originally made the Earth?
Slartibartfast: Oh, yes. Did you ever go to a place - I think it was called Norway?
Arthur Dent: No. No, I didn't.
Slartibartfast: Pity. That was one of mine. Won an award, you know. Lovely crinkly edges.

Arthur Dent: Excuse me, what is your name by the way?
Slartibartfast: My name?
[pause]
Slartibartfast: My name is Slartibartfast.
Arthur Dent: I beg your pardon?
Slartibartfast: Slartibartfast.
Arthur Dent: [laughing] Slartibartfast?
Slartibartfast: I said it wasn't important.

Slartibartfast: I was most upset to hear of its destruction.
Arthur: *You* were upset?
Slartibartfast: Five minutes later and it wouldn't have mattered so much. Shocking cock up. The mice were furious.
Arthur: Mice?

Slartibartfast: You must come with me or you will be late!
Arthur Dent: Late? What for?
Slartibartfast: What is your name, human?
Arthur Dent: Dent, Arthur Dent.
Slartibartfast: Late as in the late Dent Arthur Dent. It's a sort of threat, you see.

Slartibartfast: [to Arthur] You choose a cold night to visit our dead planet.

Slartibartfast: [to Arthur] I'm a great fan of science, you know.

Slartibartfast: [to Arthur] You choose a cold night to viosit our dead planet.


The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)
Arthur: All my life I've had this strange feeling that there's something big and sinister going on in the world.
Slartibartfast: No, that's perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe gets that.

Slartibartfast: I must warn you, we're going to pass through, well, a sort of gateway thing.
Arthur Dent: What?
Slartibartfast: It may disturb you. It scares the willies out of me.

Slartibartfast: [talking about the Earth] Best laid plans of mice.
Arthur: And men.
Slartibartfast: What?
Arthur: Best laid plans of mice and men.
Slartibartfast: Oh. No, I don't think men had much to do with it.

Slartibartfast: You must come with me.
Arthur Dent: Who are you?
Slartibartfast: What? No. My name's not important. You must come with me, or you'll be late.
Arthur Dent: Late for what?
Slartibartfast: Well, um, what's your name Earthman?
Arthur Dent: Dent. Arthur Dent.
Slartibartfast: Well, late as in *the late* Dentarthurdent. It's a sort of threat. You see?
Arthur Dent: No.
Slartibartfast: Your friends are safe, you can trust me.
Arthur Dent: Trust a man who won't even tell me his name?
Slartibartfast: Well, um, my name is, um, it's
[hurriedly]
Slartibartfast: Slartibartfast.
Arthur Dent: What?
Slartibartfast: I *said* it wasn't important.

[Slartibartfast is showing Arthur the progress on the New Earth. They pass a construction worker]
Slartibartfast: That's Frank.

Slartibartfast: I'd much rather be happy than right any day.
Arthur: And are you?
Slartibartfast: Ahh... No.

Slartibartfast: Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I think that the chances of finding out what's actually going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say, "Hang the sense of it," and keep yourself busy. I'd much rather be happy than right any day.
Arthur Dent: And are you?
Slartibartfast: Ah, no.
[laughs, snorts]
Slartibartfast: Well, that's where it all falls down, of course.

Slartibartfast: Ever heard of a place, I think it's called Norway? That was one of mine, I got an an award for it.


"The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy: Episode #1.4" (1981)
Arthur: I seem to be having this tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle.
Slartibartfast: I beg your pardon?
Arthur: What? Oh, sorry. Fatuous thing to say, really.
Slartibartfast: I thought so.

Slartibartfast: Excuse the mess. Most unfortunate. A diode blew in one of the life support computers. When we came to revive our cleaning staff, we discovered they'd been dead for thirty thousand years. Who's going to clear away the bodies? That's what no-one seems to have an answer for.

Arthur Dent: You know, this explains a lot. Because all my life, I've had this unaccountable feeling in my bones that something sinister was happening in the universe and that no one would tell me what it was.
Slartibartfast: Oh, no. That's just perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe has that.

Slartibartfast: Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I always think the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say "Hang the sense of it" and just keep yourself occupied.

Slartibartfast: Science has achieved some wonderful things, I know, but I'd far rather be happy than right any day.
Arthur Dent: And are you?
Slartibartfast: No. That's where it all falls down, of course.
Arthur Dent: Pity, it sounded like rather a good lifestyle otherwise.

Slartibartfast: [talking about the mice] In the field of management relations, they're absolutely shocking.
Arthur: Oh, really?
Slartibartfast: Yes, well, you see, every time they give me an order I just want to jump up on a table and scream!
Arthur: Yes, I can see how that would be a problem.