Champ Kind
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Quotes for
Champ Kind (Character)
from Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

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Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
Champ Kind: The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team.
Ron Burgundy: That's a given.
Champ Kind: We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much! I miss being with you. I miss being *near* you. I miss your laugh!
[laughs playfully and pulls on Ron's sleeve]
Champ Kind: I miss your scent.
[composes himself, becomes serious]
Champ Kind: I miss your musk... When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together!
Brian Fantana: Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you sit this next one out, stop talking for a while.

Champ Kind: What's it like, Ron?
Ron Burgundy: The intimate times? Outta sight, my man.
Brian Fantana: No, the other thing - love.
Brick Tamland: Yeah, what is that?

Ron Burgundy: Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?
Brian Fantana: Brian Fantana.
Champ Kind: Champ Kind.
Brick Tamland: Brian Fantana.
Brian Fantana: No, you're Brick.
Brick Tamland: Brian.
Brian Fantana: I'm Brian.
Brick Tamland: Veronica.

Brian Fantana: Don't get me wrong, I love the ladies. I mean they rev my engines, but they don't belong in the newsroom.
Champ Kind: It is anchor*man*, not anchor*lady*. And that is a scientific fact.
Brick Tamland: I don't know what we're yelling about.
Brian Fantana: You're with us, Ron, what do you think?
Ron Burgundy: [shouting] She... Sh... It's terrible. She has beautiful eyes, and her hair smells like cinnamon.
Brick Tamland: [shouts] Loud noises.

Ron Burgundy: Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast.
Champ Kind: It jumped up a notch.
Ron Burgundy: It did, didn't it?
Brick Tamland: Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.
Ron Burgundy: I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?
Brick Tamland: Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.

Champ Kind: I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again.
Wes Mantooth: Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint!
Ron Burgundy: Hey, let's leave the mothers out of this.

Ed Harken: A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining about a lack of diversity on the news team.
Champ Kind: What in the hell's diversity?
Ron Burgundy: Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.
Ed Harken: Ron, I would be surprised if the affiliates were concerned about the lack of an old, old wooden ship, but nice try.

Brian Fantana: That was one crazy party. I am *hung ovaaah!*.
Champ Kind: [theatrical version only] I woke up on the floor of some Japanese family's rec room, and they would NOT stop screaming.
Brick Tamland: Oh, yeah. I ate a big red candle.

Ron Burgundy: [singing] Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight / Gonna grab some afternoon delight / My motto's always been, "When it's right, it's right" / Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] When everything's a little clearer in the light of day / And we know the night is always gonna be there anyway.
Brian Fantana, Brick Tamland: [singing] Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite / Looking forward to a little afternoon delight / Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite / And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting.
Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] Sky rockets in flight / Afternoon delight.
Ron Burgundy: You guys have it, I think.
Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] Afternoon delight.
Champ Kind: I don't know Ron, That sounds kinda crazy.
Brian Fantana: Sounds like you have mental problems, man.
Brick Tamland: Yeah you got mental problems, man.
Brian Fantana: Yeah, he really does.
Brick Tamland: Man.
Ron Burgundy, Brian Fantana, Champ Kind, Brick Tamland: [singing] Afternoon delight.

Brian Fantana: Where is the suit store? We've been walking for forty-five minutes.
Champ Kind: Brick, I thought you said this was a shortcut.
Brick Tamland: Fantastic.
Ron Burgundy: Well, is it a shortcut or not?
Brick Tamland: Okay.

Champ Kind: [uncut version] Tell me about it. I woke up this morning and I shit a squirrel. I mean it, literally. Hell of it is, damn thing's still alive. So I got this shit-covered squirrel down there in the office. Don't know what to name it.
Brick Tamland: Oh, I'm sorry, Champ. I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.

Brick Tamland: [after a rival news team insults Ron and the team. Brick is standing next to the rival team] Heinie...
[laughs]
Brick Tamland: He said heinie!
Champ Kind: Brick, get back over here!

Champ Kind: Champ here! I'm all about havin' fun. You know, get a couple cocktails in me, start a fire in someone's kitchen. Maybe go to SeaWorld, take my pants off. Anyway, I kinda known for my catch phrase WHAMMY! As in Gene Tenace at the plate... iiittt WHAMMY! WHAMMY!

Ron Burgundy: Go easy on her, guys, she has feelings too, you know.
Brian Fantana: Listen to Burgundy, he sounds like some school-boy bitch.
Champ Kind: You sound like a gay.
Ron Burgundy: Hey, this is me - Papa Burgundy. As far as I'm concerned Corningstone's fair game. Let the games begin. Wey-ho. Wey-ho.
Brian Fantana: There he is, there he is... I'm very aroused

Champ Kind: He's standing in the middle of the baseline saying, "You gotta take home plate from me!" So there I go head first...

Champ Kind: What do you say if we go out on a date? Have some chicken, maybe some sex... You know, see what happens.


Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (2013)
Champ Kind: I believe in two things: Chicken, and that the census is a way for the UN to make your children gay.

CBC News Anchor: There's not gonna be any fight without Scott Riles and the incredibly polite Canadian news team.
Canadian Anchor: What about the French-speaking Quebec News? The real voice of Canada!
CBC News Anchor: Give it a rest, eh?
Champ Kind: Give me a break! They can't have news. Nothing happens in Canada!
Canadian Anchor: That's not true! Sometimes people's feelings get hurt.
CBC News Anchor: And sometimes the lake freezes.
Brick Tamland: I like your ginger ale!

[At Madison Square Park, Ron runs into Jack Lime and his team]
Ron Burgundy: [shocked] What the hell?
Jack Lime: Well, hello, Ron. You out for a jog?
Ron Burgundy: Jack Lime!
[Parents and children scatter away]
Ron Burgundy: Where's everyone going? Please, I don't have time to talk, okay? I have to be somewhere.
Jack Lime: Well, that's funny. 'Cause I got nowhere to be because you pretty much destroyed my career. Do you realize what it did to me, by making myself call me "Jack Lame"?
[yells]
Jack Lime: It was a living hell!
[panting]
Ron Burgundy: I'm telling you, you have to let me go!
Jack Lime: Oh, don't worry. Four against one. This'll be over fast.
Brian Fantana: Maybe not so fast!
[Champ, Brick, and Brian appear to the rescue]
Ron Burgundy: My news team! Thank God!
Champ Kind: Ain't a day that will be or has been that we don't Ron Burgundy's back.
Jack Lime: Not a problem. When I done with these mutts, I gonna wipe my shoes on the curb.
Brick Tamland: Oh, yeah, Jack Lime? When I'm done with you, my mom's gonna pick me up and take me home.

Champ Kind: We use mainly bats.

[giving the sports recap, featuring several home runs in rapid succession]
Champ Kind: Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Whammy! Back to you Ron.

Freddie Shapp: Oh, hey Linda. I wanna introduce you to Ron Burgundy.
Linda Jackson: Hello Mr. Burgundy.
Ron Burgundy: Oh, black. You're black.
[Linda laughs awkwardly]
Ron Burgundy: I'm terribly sorry, I don't know why I can't stop saying: black.
Linda Jackson: Is this for real?
Freddie Shapp: I'm sorry.
Linda Jackson: [angry] No it's okay. Okay. So you have a black boss. And it's freaking you out. Is it freaking you out?
Ron Burgundy: A little bit.
Linda Jackson: Are you freaked out?
Ron Burgundy: To be honest
Linda Jackson: [yells] Is it freaking you out?
Champ Kind: Oh! She's got a knife!
[Brick hides behind a couch]
Ron Burgundy: I think you scared him. You can't shout at Brick.
Linda Jackson: We're not all here to hold hands and sing Kumbaya. So as long as you guys get numbers, we are gonna get along just fine. Now if you don't, I am gonna be icy and unpleasant. You dig?
Ron Burgundy: I dig. We all dig.

Brian Fantana: [referring to Jill and Wendy] I like the way they're put together.
Champ Kind: I like fighting girls.
Jill Janson, Entertainment Tonight Reporter: I like to cunt punt cowboys.
Wendy Van Peele, Entertainment Tonight Reporter: You eat pussy?
Jill Janson, Entertainment Tonight Reporter: You're gonna.


Wake Up, Ron Burgundy: The Lost Movie (2004) (V)
Champ Kind: I love you, Ron!

[Ron, Brian, Champ and Brick drive to the observatory]
Champ Kind: I love you, Ron.
[pause]
Champ Kind: I said I love you, Ron.
[pause]
Champ Kind: Why is everyone ignoring me? I love you, Ron! And I think we should adopt a child together in Vermont! Answer me!
Ron Burgundy: Um... so... uh... the... the car's running great.
Brian Fantana: Hm? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah...
Ron Burgundy: Take it for a tune-up?
Brian Fantana: Yeah.
Ron Burgundy: Uh-huh.
Brian Fantana: Changed the oil...
Ron Burgundy: Good!
Brian Fantana: And, uh...
Champ Kind: [shouts] Answer me! Ron! Ron, I know you heard me. I love you... and I want to be with you... like men. I want to be inside you. I want you inside me.
Brian Fantana: All right, anybody's up for the radio?
Ron Burgundy: I would love to hear the radio.
Brick Tamland: Yeah.
Champ Kind: [shouts] No radio! I have something to say to Ron! You know I've had feelings for you for a long time! We'd be good together, Ron, I-I-I'm a good cook. Uh... do you like your feet rubbed? I'll bet you do. I'll-I'll rub 'em, and, uh, maybe we could get married in a ceremony presided over by Roger Staubach - I already called him last week, I hope that's okay with you.
Ron Burgundy: Mexican food on me?
Brian Fantana: Hey, that sounds good.
Brick Tamland: Yeah, burrito!
Ron Burgundy: Okay.
Champ Kind: Say it! Say "Champ Burgundy," say it!
Brick Tamland: Tostada!
Ron Burgundy: Uh, tostadas would be great!
Champ Kind: [shouts] I am in love with Ron Burgundy! I'm always thinking about you, Ron! I have dream journals about you - filled pages! When I make love to women, I close my eyes and think of you when I finish! Ron Burgundy is in love with me!
[sings]
Champ Kind: "Ron Burgundy and Champion Kind, oh, let's... be so beautiful together, running in the grass, in the summer and the fall, and winter time too..."

Champ Kind: I will eat your face off your bones, Fantana!

Ron Burgundy: So Champ, did you get lucky last night?
Champ Kind: Oh no, uh, last night... oh, I stayed home for awhile, drank about six bottles of white wine, pissed my pants, so I drove down to Mexico, and shot some stray dogs. You know, pretty much standard Tuesday night.

Brian Fantana: I thought for sure he was gay.
Champ Kind: He's gay alright. I made out with him at the Christmas party.
Brian Fantana: What?
Champ Kind: Nothing.