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: Yeah, and Dad, Chandler didn't melt your records. Ross did. And Dad, you remember that mailman you got fired? He didn't steal your playboys, Ross did. Ross
: Yeah, well, Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing, Monica did. Monica
: Ross hasn't worked at the museum in a year! Ross
: Monica and Chandler are living together. Monica
: Ross married Rachel in Vegas and got divorced... again! Phoebe
: I love Jacques Cousteau! Rachel
: I wasn't supposed to put peas in a trifle. Joey
: I wanna go! Judy Geller
: That's a lot of information to get in thirty seconds. All right, Joey, if you wanna leave, just leave. Rachel, no, you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, I'm sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead. Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you had an important relationship is beyond me.
: I think he's stoned again. Chandler
: What? Ross
: Dude, I need to talk to ya a sec.
[Chandler and Ross go into Rachels former bedroom
: Okay, I think I know why my parents don't like you. Chandler
: Yeah? Ross
: Okay, we were in college. Spring break. Sophomore year. I got high and my parents came in and smellt it so I said you had smoked it and jumped out the window. Chandler
: What? Ross
: Oh come on man. How was I supposed to know we'd end up being friends after college? Let alone you living with my sister? Chandler
: What about that whole friends forever stuff? Ross
: I don't know I was all high. Monica
: [Monica enters
] Mom and Dad just sent me in here to find out if you were trying to get Ross stoned. Chandler
: Ross smoked pot in college and he blamed it on me. Monica
: Ross! I can't believe you'd do that. Chandler
: The reason we haven't told them we're together is cause they hate me. So will you fix this please? Ross
: Fine, I'll tell them it wasn't Chandler who was smoking the pot. Who should I say it was? Monica
: You! Doesn't matter its not like you still do it. Ross
: Okay, who should I say "tricked me" into doing it. Monica
: No one. You go out there and you tell them exactly what happened. Ross
: Really? Monica
: Yes. Chandler
: Anything else I should know? Ross
: No. Wait ya. Uh, you melted a bunch of my Dad's records. Ross
: [fake chuckle
] Why? Ross
: Evidently you weren't good at handling your 'high.'
: You guys, it was bananas, cream and beef. I just cannot believe that you ate that so that I wouldn't feel bad. Monica
: Actually, I didn't eat mine. It's still in the bathroom. Joey
: No it isn't, I ate that. Judy Geller
: Oh, we left ours in Monica's bedroom. Joey
: , got it, and I ate yours too.
: Chandler! You've been Ross' best friend all this years, stuck by and during the drug problems
[Ross walks away, upset
] Judy Geller
: And now you've taken on Monica as well. Well, I don't know what to say. You're a wonderful human being. Chandler
: [Surprised and glad
] Thank you! Jack Geller
: No, thank you. And Monica and Ross, I don't know what I'm gonna do about the two of you.
[Ross and Monica are embarassed
: I'll talk to them.
: I can't believe, there is no money for my wedding? Judy Geller
: We might still have some money if your father hadn't thought it was a good idea to sell *ice* over the internet. Jack Geller
: It seemed like such a simple idea. Judy Geller
: Stupid, Jack. The word is stupid.
: We're really excited about our wedding plans, I guess pretty soon we'll be making a great withdrawal from the Monicas wedding fund. Chandler Bing
: [laughs awkwardly
] Monica Geller
: What? Judy Geller
: You tell her, Jack, I can't do it. Monica Geller
: What happened, you still have the Monica wedding fund, don't you? Jack Geller
: Yes, we have it. Only now we call it the beach house.
[Jack and Judy walk Monica down the aisle
] Judy Geller
: I wish your grandmother had lived to see this. Monica Geller-Bing
: Mom, she's right there. Judy Geller
: Not that old crone. My mother.
: Well, he better not come by here. He can't see the bride in the wedding dress. Nora Bing
: As I recall, when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress. Charles Bing
: But that was after the wedding. It's not bad luck then. Nora Bing
: Honey, it isn't good luck.
[in Monica's flashback
] Judy Geller
: Here, Monica, you can finish off these pies. There was no room in the fridge. Monica
: No. No thank you. Jack Geller
: Well, Judy, you did it. She's finally full.
: [about Rachel
] Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar. Monica Geller
: What's that supposed to mean? Judy Geller
: Nothing. It's an expression. Monica Geller
: No, it's not. Jack Geller
: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent and you always have been. Even when you were a kid, and you were chubby and you had no friends, you were just fine! And your'd read alone in your room, and your puzzles...
] Jack Geller
: There are people, like Ross, who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are. I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer. They're happy with what they have, they're basically content, like... cows.
: Well... everyone seems to like your dish. Monica Geller
: And you? Judy Geller
: I thought it was... quite tasty. Monica Geller
: So if everyone liked it, and you liked it, that would make this a success, which would make you... Judy Geller
: A bitch? Monica Geller
: Well, I was going for "wrong", but we can use your word.
: [Telling Rachel the "Willy" story with Ross present
] I understand separation is hard. One time I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor and he got so upset he took off his clothes tucked his "willy" in between his legs and cried out "mommy I'm a girl take me with you" Ross
: [Feeling embarrassed to Rachel and sarcastically to Judy
] somehow it became easily to be apart from you
: Mrs. Bing? These are my parents Judy and Jack Geller. Judy Geller
: It's lovely to meet you. Jack Geller
: So, are you his mother or his father?
: [Judy is pressuring Ross to marry Rachel
] This isn't just some girl you picked up in a bar and... humped. A child should have a family. Dr. Ross Geller
: Mom, you know what? I can't deal with this right now. I'm sorry... Judy Geller
: Just think about it. If you don't, I'll talk more about humping.