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Quotes for
Jodie Abigail Landon (Character)
from "Daria" (1997)

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"Daria: Gifted (#2.8)" (1998)
Graham: Why don't we see whether you get in to Grove Hills, before we start listening to your opinions?
Jodie Abigail Landon: Hey! Just because some jack made you feel like the loser you are, don't take it out on me.
Graham: I'm not a loser! I have a 165 IQ.
Jodie Abigail Landon: Who cares? You're still boring and missurable. Try taking your head out of your butt for once, and open up your miopic little eyes, or doesn't your 165 IQ make you smart enough to see the way your really are?

Jodie Abigail Landon: You realize your negative approach to everything is self-defeating, right?
Daria: Well, it's nice to know there's someone I can defeat.
Jodie Abigail Landon: I mean, you may spare yourself some pain by cutting everyone off, but you miss out on alot of good stuff too.
Daria: Look Jodie, I'm too smart and too sensitive to live in a world like ours, at a time like this, with a sister like mine. Maybe I do miss out on stuff, but this attitude is what works for me now.
Jodie Abigail Landon: Then you'll understand what works for me now. At home, I'm Jodie - I can say and do whatever feels right. But at school I'm The Queen of the Negros, the perfect African-American teen, the role-model for all the other African-American teens at Lawndale. Oops! Where'd they go? Believe me: I'd like to be more like you.
Daria: Well, I have to admit there are times when I'd like to be more like you.
Jodie Abigail Landon: Really?
Daria: I'm not saying all the time.

[Brittany shows a picture Jane drew to Jodie]
Jodie Abigail Landon: Rent a brain.
Brittany Taylor: Hmph!

Daria: Admit it. That felt good.
Jodie Abigail Landon: Well, a little. Okay, a lot.
Daria: Busting on jerks like Graham is one of life's few pleasures. You should try it more often.
Jodie Abigail Landon: Oh, shut up.
Daria: Um... good start.

Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: So, Jodie, do you belong to any clubs?
Daria: You don't have to answer that.
Jodie Abigail Landon: I'm president of the French Club, vice president of Student Council, editor of yearbook, and I'm also on the tennis team.
Jake Morgendorffer: Daria, why aren't you on the tennis team?
Daria: Because it's classified as a sport.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: Speaking of sports, Jodie, do you know Kevin Thompson? He and Daria did a science project together.
Jodie Abigail Landon: Oh, sure. Kevin's great...
[softly to Daria]
Jodie Abigail Landon: at smashing beer cans with his head.
Helen Barksdale Morgendorffer: I don't know why Daria doesn't hang around with him and his gang more.
Daria: For the same reason I don't sleep with my head packed in ice.

"Daria: I Don't (#2.4)" (1998)
Daria Morgendorffer: [Brittany and Jodie see Daria and Jane in the wedding dress store] Daria?
Brittany Taylor, Daria Morgendorffer: What are you doing here?
Jane Lane: Isn't is obvious? An Arab sheik's in town to buy a few more wives.
Brittany Taylor: They're putting on a bridal expo in the gym. We're modeling!
Daria Morgendorffer: A bridal expo? That's a good message to send to high school students.
Jodie Abigail Landon: It's a fundraiser for extracurricular activities.
Jane Lane: I wonder what kind of extracurricular activities would lead to a wedding...

Brittany Taylor: What about you? Are you in a play or something?
Daria Morgendorffer: Yes, I'm playing Mrs. Lincoln before she went crazy.
Brittany Taylor: I didn't know she went crazy!
Jane Lane: Oh, yeah. That's why Lincoln shot himself.
Brittany Taylor: Wow...!
Jodie Abigail Landon: Come on, Brittany. Let's finish out fitting, and I'll tell you all about how nice Mr. Lincoln really died.
Brittany Taylor: You mean the bullet didn't kill him...?

Mack: Hey, what's the matter?
Jodie Abigail Landon: This whole thing is starting to get to me. I mean, Daria had a point. Why should high school kids be thinking about marriage? If I see one more sweet, dopey girl stuck with a lame-brain idiot...
Kevin, Brittany Taylor: Hi!

"Daria: The Lab Brat (#1.7)" (1997)
Brittany Taylor: How can I compete against sisters? There's only one of me.
Jodie Abigail Landon: Maybe you can get your brother to wear a skirt.
Brittany Taylor: My brother!

Brittany Taylor: Ooh! Can you believe Daria's trying to take Kevin away from me?
Jodie Abigail Landon: I can't believe *anyone* would try to take Kevin away from you.
Brittany Taylor: Thanks! You're a friend!
[Jodie sneers at Brittany]

"Daria: The Big House (#1.10)" (1997)
Jodie Abigail Landon: Hey, Daria. What do you have in the DeMartino pool?
Daria: I'm not going. I'm grounded.
Jodie Abigail Landon: [Jodie, Mack and Kevin Laugh] What did *you* do to get grounded? No offense.
Daria: None taken, especially since I'm just the victim of a bizarre experiment in parental justice.
Michael Jordan 'Mack' Mackenzie: An experiment? On you?
Daria: Yeah, they deliberately exposed me to jurisprudence.
Kevin Thompson: Whoa! That's a little twisted.
Daria: Yeah. The sad part is that these are the people responsible for my genetic makeup.
[Jodie and Mack laugh; Kevin looks frightened]

Jodie Abigail Landon: Hey, you guys wanna buy tickets for the faculty-DJ roller hockey game?
Daria: Are you kidding?
Jane Lane: We'll take two.
Daria: What? You're gonna pay to watch teachers skate around with DJs? Classic rock DJs?
Jodie Abigail Landon: You weren't here last year, Daria.
Mr. Anthony DeMartino: [flashback: Mr. DeMartino pushes puck along the floor, and is body-checked by Rock & Roll Randy] Argh!
[clutches chest and collapses to floor]
Randy: Rock and roll, foreva!
Mr. Anthony DeMartino: Help... me... !
[Flashback ends]
Jodie Abigail Landon: Mr. DeMartino had to have an emergency angioplasty. He almost died.
Jane Lane: But a voice told him that his work here on Earth wasn't finished. Some of the students weren't wetting the bed yet. This year, he's more determined than ever to snatch victory from the jaws of death.
Mr. Anthony DeMartino: [Cut to Mr. DeMartino on exercise equipment, suspended upside-down by his feet and doing sit-ups] Three hundred ninety-eight... three hundred ninety-nine... fooouuur hundred! Ahh... Rock & Roll Randy, this year you're mine.
[cut ends]
Daria: What are you saying?
Jodie Abigail Landon: You know how there are people who go to car races on the chance that they might see a crash?
Daria: I'm in.

Daria in 'Is It College Yet?' (2002) (TV)
[Everyone is talking about colleges they've applied to]
Jodie Abigail Landon: Kevin, do you know where you're going?
Kevin Thompson: It's a secret, man.
Michael Jordan 'Mack' Mackenzie: Why? Is the school embarrassed?
Kevin Thompson: Why would it be embarrassed? I'm a QB. It's not like I'm a brain or anything.
Michael Jordan 'Mack' Mackenzie: Truer words were never spoken.
Kevin Thompson: Thanks, man!

Daria in 'Is It Fall Yet?' (2000) (TV)
Homeless Man: This soup bites!
Jodie Abigail Landon: Then DON'T have a fourth bowl.

"Daria: Jake of Hearts (#3.9)" (1999)
[In the Lawndale H.S. parking lot]
Bing(Radio DJ): [in ref. to Upchuck] Okay, Charles. The first girl out here in our audience to agree to a date with you is going to get a free "Mental In The Morning" bumper sticker.
Spatula Man(Radio DJ's Partner): What do you say, ladies?
[Crowd of girls boo and go "eew"]
Jane: A date for a bumper sticker?
Jodie: Even Upchuck doesn't deserve this much humiliation.
Daria: Imagine how the bumper sticker must feel.

"Daria: The F Word (#4.5)" (2000)
Jodie Abigail Landon: I failed to convince my mother and father to let me have the summer off.
Mr. Timothy O'Neill: Excellent. And see, you learned that failure isn't so bad now, is it?
Jodie Abigail Landon: No, I learned that my parents would rather I drop dead from exhaustion than miss the opportunity to shred some bribe-taking congressman's incriminating phone bills.

"Daria: Daria Dance Party (#3.5)" (1999)
[Jodie and Mack are observing Jane's mural in tribute to Jackson Pollock]
Jodie Abigail Landon: See how the hands grip the steering wheel, like he still thinks he could drive his way out of it?
Michael Jordan 'Mack' Mackenzie: Yeah. Maybe he could if his arms were attached.

"Daria: Arts 'n' Crass (#2.1)" (1998)
Jodie Abigail Landon: What are you guys doing here?
Daria Morgendorffer: Observing.
Jane Lane: Innocently.
Jodie Abigail Landon: I can't believe what Ms. Li did to your poster... Wait a minute, what are you guys planning?
Daria Morgendorffer: Get lost, Landon.
Jane Lane: For your own good.
Daria Morgendorffer: You've got a bright future, kid.
Jane Lane: You don't wanna be here when what's gonna go down goes down.

"Daria: Partner's Complaint (#4.1)" (2000)
Jodie: What should we call our company?
Daria: "Brink of Bankruptcy, Incorporated"?

"Daria: This Year's Model (#1.6)" (1997)
Daria: Maybe there's a go-go bar downtown that would like to come here and recruit lap dancers.
Jodie Abigail Landon: Don't mention that idea to Brittany.

"Daria: The Story of 'D' (#5.5)" (2001)
Jodie Abigail Landon: Hey, Daria, congratulations. A published story, that's amazing.
[Kevin and Brittany approach them]
Daria Morgendorffer: Um, it's not exactly published. I sent it in, but I haven't heard back.
Kevin Thompson: Then why are you telling everybody that it's been published?
Jane Lane: Oh, you know Daria and her compulsive need to impress.
Brittany Taylor: Oh. But then instead of making up stuff about writing, shouldn't you pick something good?
Daria Morgendorffer: How's this? During the day, I'm a mild-mannered student. But at night, I fight crime in a stretchy-stretchy costume.