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Quotes for
Ms. Janet Barch (Character)
from "Daria" (1997)

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"Daria: The Lab Brat (#1.7)" (1997)
Ms. Janet Barch: Kevin, Daria will be your lab partner.
Brittany Taylor: [squeaks] What?
Ms. Janet Barch: You two will design a maze, and condition Kevin - I mean, condition a mouse using positive or negative reinforcement.
Brittany Taylor: [to Kevin] But babe, we've never been separated on a lab project before! What'll we do?
Daria Morgendorffer: Pass?

Ms. Janet Barch: And like a husband going home to his noble and self-sacrificing wife, the rat keeps returning to the food box. That is, the positive reinforcement. Huh, if only men could be more like rats. Oh, sure, they come home at first. You feed them, you wait on them, and then, after twenty-two thankless years, they just up and leave. No note, no phone call, no nothing!
[repeatedly slams pointer on desk]
Ms. Janet Barch: Just! Like! That!
Daria Morgendorffer: I wonder why he left.

Ms. Janet Barch: Now, before I divide the class into teams of two, who can give me another example of reinforcement?
[Nobody in the class answers]
Ms. Janet Barch: Fine, class. Ignore me... just like he did! Kevin?
Kevin Thompson: Uh...
Ms. Janet Barch: Shut up, Kevin! Daria? Reinforcement?
Daria Morgendorffer: Hmm... to make a child stop crying, a mother might say, "That's it! I'm sending you to El Paso to live with your real father." Whenever the child gets upset, the mother might wave an airline ticket in her face, or maybe even frame it on the wall by the clown picture. The ticket stops the girl from crying, or showing any emotion... ever.
Ms. Janet Barch: Right, that's...
Daria Morgendorffer: Years later, seeing an airplane or just hearing one fly overhead can unleash a Pandora's Box of repressed anger, shattering the grown child's fragile psyche and triggering a psychotic and possibly deadly episode.

Daria Morgendorffer: In conclusion, this mouse - through no fault of my own, *Brittany* - was repeatedly abused by a ten-year-old boy. As a result, the mouse's primary response to everyday stimuli is fear. Similar reactions also occur in humans. Take the mugging victim, beaten with nunchaku in an alleyway. As he, or she, recalls the attacker's face - his scraggly goatee and cheap, dangly earring - she learns to hate and fear all men, regardless of age, race or taste in jewelry.
Kevin Thompson: Really?
Ms. Janet Barch: Don't interrupt, hateful scum. Excellent job, Daria. You get an "A."
Kevin Thompson: Alright!
Ms. Janet Barch: Not you, you man. You get a "D."
Kevin Thompson: Alright!


"Daria: The Daria Hunter (#2.2)" (1998)
Brittany Taylor: Excuse me, Ms. Barch? Since they can't see us very well because of the terrain, we can split up and they won't know where we are, then we can attack them from three sides, drive them out to the one side that they think is safe, and then set up an ambush so we can capture them all at once! Probably be a good idea to set up a secret observation post on the high ground so we can watch them without them seeing us.
[Brittany's team mates stare at her, stunned by her knowledge of combat]
Brittany Taylor: What?
Ms. Janet Barch: That's very good, Brittany.

Ms. Janet Barch: [Ms. Barch is repeatedly firing paintballs at an attacked Mr. DeMartino] I trusted you, dammit! Two decades of legal slavery, and still you throw it all away for a halter top and a pair of pumps!
Mr. Anthony DeMartino: Madam, I believe you've got me confused with someone else! I'm not your ex-husband!
Ms. Janet Barch: I know that, but he's not here!


"Daria: Lucky Strike (#5.6)" (2001)
[the teachers are on strike]
Teachers: [chanting] We need a lot more money! This really isn't funny! You don't pay us enough to buy honey!
Mrs. Diane Bennett: I don't know... this chant...
Ms. Janet Barch: It sucks!
Mr. Anthony DeMartino: Hey! I threw out the rhyme about the bunny!