Kevin Thompson
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Quotes for
Kevin Thompson (Character)
from "Daria" (1997)

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"Daria: Malled (#1.5)" (1997)
Kevin: All right. Field trip. Where we going, man?
Daria: The field.
Kevin: All right.

[Daria's class is visiting the local mall]
Mrs. Bennett: Now, we'll meet back here at quarter to three. Remember, area F, section moss, level 3. Got it? F moss 3.
Kevin: I know a good way to remember that.
Mrs. Bennett: You have a mnemonic device Kevin?
Kevin: It's not a S&M thing Mrs. B, it's just a way to remember that.
Mrs. Bennett: Well let's hear it.
Kevin: Fmossthree. Fmossthree. Get it? Fmossthree. Or was it Fmosstwo?
Mrs. Bennett: Everyone, write it down.

Kevin Thompson: Mack-Daddy, did you hear what Mrs. B called the mall?
Michael Jordan 'Mack' Mackenzie: She said "organism". That's not the same as "orgasm". And stop calling me that, okay?

[Kevin can't stop singing "99 Bottles of Beer" on the bus, and Brittany is annoyed]
Brittany: Babe? That's a really cute song and all, but do you think you could stop for a while?
Kevin: Sorry, babe. We always sing that song on the team bus. It makes us fierce!
Brittany: You're not on the team bus now. I'm not your teammate. I'm your girlfriend! We talked about the difference, remember?
Kevin: Sorry...
Brittany: Would you rather do what *we* do... with your teammates?
Kevin: BLAH!
Brittany: All right, then.

"Daria: A Tree Grows in Lawndale (#4.3)" (2000)
Michael Jordan 'Mack' Mackenzie: You know, you aren't supposed to ride those things without a helmet.
Kevin: Hey, I don't follow rules. I'm rebellent.
Daria: Did he say "repellent?"
Jane: Seems like he should have, doesn't it?

Michael Jordan 'Mack' Mackenzie: Come on, man, it's just a sprained knee. You gotta play. The team needs you.
Kevin: No, it doesn't. The only team that needs me is the one that sits all the time: The chess team.
Michael Jordan 'Mack' Mackenzie: But you don't even know how to play chess.
Kevin: Oh, yeah? King me, king me, king me!

Kevin: What's saving lives if there's no one to make out with?
Daria: I believe Gandhi asked that same question.
Jane: It's why he had to be eliminated.

Kevin: Kissing me now would be like kissing one of those guys who wear old man pants and watch Touched by an Angel!

"Daria: The Lab Brat (#1.7)" (1997)
Ms. Janet Barch: Now, before I divide the class into teams of two, who can give me another example of reinforcement?
[Nobody in the class answers]
Ms. Janet Barch: Fine, class. Ignore me... just like he did! Kevin?
Kevin Thompson: Uh...
Ms. Janet Barch: Shut up, Kevin! Daria? Reinforcement?
Daria Morgendorffer: Hmm... to make a child stop crying, a mother might say, "That's it! I'm sending you to El Paso to live with your real father." Whenever the child gets upset, the mother might wave an airline ticket in her face, or maybe even frame it on the wall by the clown picture. The ticket stops the girl from crying, or showing any emotion... ever.
Ms. Janet Barch: Right, that's...
Daria Morgendorffer: Years later, seeing an airplane or just hearing one fly overhead can unleash a Pandora's Box of repressed anger, shattering the grown child's fragile psyche and triggering a psychotic and possibly deadly episode.

Daria Morgendorffer: In conclusion, this mouse - through no fault of my own, *Brittany* - was repeatedly abused by a ten-year-old boy. As a result, the mouse's primary response to everyday stimuli is fear. Similar reactions also occur in humans. Take the mugging victim, beaten with nunchaku in an alleyway. As he, or she, recalls the attacker's face - his scraggly goatee and cheap, dangly earring - she learns to hate and fear all men, regardless of age, race or taste in jewelry.
Kevin Thompson: Really?
Ms. Janet Barch: Don't interrupt, hateful scum. Excellent job, Daria. You get an "A."
Kevin Thompson: Alright!
Ms. Janet Barch: Not you, you man. You get a "D."
Kevin Thompson: Alright!

Kevin Thompson: You know, Daria, I really liked hanging out at your house and working on the maze thing.
Daria Morgendorffer: Yeah, the week just flew by. It was like you were hardly there.
Kevin Thompson: Thanks. Hey, Daria?
Daria Morgendorffer: Yes?
Kevin Thompson: I'm having a big party Friday, and I want a lot of cool people there. Could you...
Daria Morgendorffer: Yes?
Kevin Thompson: ...ask Quinn if she could make it?

"Daria: The Old and the Beautiful (#3.3)" (1999)
Kevin: Darwin's the monkey guy, right? I like monkeys.
Mr. DeMartino: A statement no doubt once also made by your mother.
Kevin: No. She's more into kitties.
Brittany: I love kitties.
Mr. DeMartino: That's terrific, Brittany, and really adds an extra dimension to today's lesson.

Kevin: You know what's cool about that Darwin guy? When Curious George gets in trouble, he always lets him slide.

Daria in 'Is It College Yet?' (2002) (TV)
[Everyone is talking about colleges they've applied to]
Jodie Abigail Landon: Kevin, do you know where you're going?
Kevin Thompson: It's a secret, man.
Michael Jordan 'Mack' Mackenzie: Why? Is the school embarrassed?
Kevin Thompson: Why would it be embarrassed? I'm a QB. It's not like I'm a brain or anything.
Michael Jordan 'Mack' Mackenzie: Truer words were never spoken.
Kevin Thompson: Thanks, man!

Kevin Thompson: Um, Brit... remember when you said you'd still be my babe, no matter where I went to school?
Brittany Taylor: Umm... I think so.
Kevin Thompson: But you will, right?
Brittany Taylor: Sure. Where are you going?
Kevin Thompson: [Points to Lawndale High School] Right here, babe.
Brittany Taylor: Huh?
Kevin Thompson: Right here. Lawndale High. See, um, my grades were so good, they want to see if I can do it again.
Brittany Taylor: Ohhh.
[Realization sinks in]
Brittany Taylor: Wait a minute... your grades *aren't* good... Kevvie, you flunked!
Kevin Thompson: No, no, no! I just, um, didn't pass.

"Daria: I Don't (#2.4)" (1998)
Mack: When you hear yourself talk, does it make sense to you?
Kevin: Sometimes.
[Mack and Kevin are spotted by a man at a jewlery stand]
Salesman: Hey, fellas, just want you to know we welcome same-sex partners. What you do with the ring is your business.

Mack: Hey, what's the matter?
Jodie Abigail Landon: This whole thing is starting to get to me. I mean, Daria had a point. Why should high school kids be thinking about marriage? If I see one more sweet, dopey girl stuck with a lame-brain idiot...
Kevin, Brittany Taylor: Hi!

"Daria: The Big House (#1.10)" (1997)
Jodie Abigail Landon: Hey, Daria. What do you have in the DeMartino pool?
Daria: I'm not going. I'm grounded.
Jodie Abigail Landon: [Jodie, Mack and Kevin Laugh] What did *you* do to get grounded? No offense.
Daria: None taken, especially since I'm just the victim of a bizarre experiment in parental justice.
Michael Jordan 'Mack' Mackenzie: An experiment? On you?
Daria: Yeah, they deliberately exposed me to jurisprudence.
Kevin Thompson: Whoa! That's a little twisted.
Daria: Yeah. The sad part is that these are the people responsible for my genetic makeup.
[Jodie and Mack laugh; Kevin looks frightened]

Kevin Thompson: Then she said her parents are trying to change her generic makeup or something!
Brittany Taylor: They really should. I hate that generic makeup. It gives me hives!
Kevin Thompson: But it's so freaky, babe, I mean, she's weird enough as it is.

"Daria: Cafe Disaffecto (#1.4)" (1997)
Kevin: Daria, you're a chick, right?
Daria: Why? You have a biology test today?
Kevin: Like, why should I be interested in anything this Shakespeare guy says?
Daria: You? Well... Hamlet's got a skull in it.

Brittany Taylor: [Brittany and Kevin are reenacting Romeo and Juliet, with Brittany on a folding ladder] Oh Romeo, Romeo! Wherefore art thou Romeo?
Kevin Thompson: [Holding skull] I'm right here, babe!
[Football players can be heard cheering Kevin on]
Brittany Taylor: Deny thy father and refuse thy name! Or thou will't not be but sworn, my love, and I'll no longer be a caplet
Brittany Taylor: !
Kevin Thompson: Hey! Yo! I'm down here! Check it out!
Brittany Taylor: Check it out? You promised to learn your lines, you, you clown! And what's that skull supposed to be?
[Brittany storms off and sighs in frustration]

"Daria: The Misery Chick (#1.13)" (1997)
[after meeting Tommy Sherman]
Jane: I don't think he likes you.
Daria: That doesn't bother me. What bothers me is that jerk is going to be treated like a hero for the rest of this life.
Jane: Well, maybe he won't live that long.
Daria: Come on. You know wishes don't come true.
[a crash is heard off screen]
Kevin Thompson: [Off screen] Oh, my God! The goal post fell! Tommy Sherman's dead!
Kevin Thompson: He's dead!

Kevin Thompson: Tommy Sherman.
Tommy Sherman: That's the name, don't wear it out.
Kevin Thompson: I'm your biggest fan.
Tommy Sherman: I doubt that, unless the rest of them are pygmies, ha ha.
Kevin Thompson: I'm Kevin Thompson, this is Michael Jordan MacKenzie, we call him Mac
Tommy Sherman: MICHAEL JORDAN MACKENZIE! You're kidding, right.
Michael Jordan 'Mack' Mackenzie: It was Michael James MacKenzie. My dad went a Bulls playoff game when I was 12, and... then he changed it.
Tommy Sherman: That's sick man, so what you guys, on the intermural squad, or something?
Kevin Thompson: Varsity dude, I'm the QB.
[Tommy Sherman laughs pompously, then Kevin laughs too, unaware of what is so funny]
Tommy Sherman: [annoyed] Why are you laugh?
Kevin Thompson: Um, why are you?
Tommy Sherman: I'm just picturing a scrawny little guy like you, trying to play for some third-rate junior college somewhere, and getting your butt kicked every week.
Kevin Thompson: Oh yeah, that's funny.
Michael Jordan 'Mack' Mackenzie: No it isn't.

"Daria: Quinn the Brain (#2.3)" (1998)
Kevin Thompson: Babe, I've got a plan.
Brittany Taylor: I'll bet you do, you high-school Casablanca.

Daria in 'Is It Fall Yet?' (2000) (TV)
Daria Morgendorffer: I have something to tell you two. Tom's not my brother.
Kevin Thompson: A-ha!
Daria Morgendorffer: He is the mad scientist who built me. He has to hang around in case my internal organs fall out.

"Daria: Murder, She Snored (#4.4)" (2000)
Mr. Anthony DeMartino: Forgive me my SUSPICIONS, but it's obvious that SOMEONE, Kevin, got a hold of the test BEFOREHAND, Kevin, which would account for the JIMMIED LOCK ON MY FILING CABINET, KEVIN!
Daria Morgendorffer: But who does he really suspect?
Jane Lane: That Jimmy guy?
Mr. Anthony DeMartino: [to Kevin] Perhaps you would like to share with us your knowledge in this matter?
Kevin Thompson: But I don't know anything!
Daria Morgendorffer: Can't accuse him of lying there.

"Daria: My Night at Daria's (#5.12)" (2001)
Kevin: Hey, Daria's guy. Way to go, man.
Tom: Excuse me?
Kevin: You know... you did the wild walk, made a touchdown, signed the deed.
Daria: Tonight's Babble Chat was hosted by Kevin Thompson.

"Daria: The F Word (#4.5)" (2000)
Mr. Timothy O'Neill: [about the outcome of the assignment he set for his students to fail at something] How about you Kevin?
Kevin Thompson: I'm a crappy athlete. They threw me off the team.
Mr. Timothy O'Neill: So you... succeeded at your assignment.
Kevin Thompson: Succeeded? I lost the game!
Jane Lane: Good thing he has that physics scholarship to fall back on.

"Daria: Groped by an Angel (#4.11)" (2000)
Mr. Timothy O'Neill: All right, why did the soothsayer tell Caesar to beware the Ides of March? Who wants to take a stab?
[he laughs at his pun, the class doesn't]
Mr. Timothy O'Neill: Kevin?
Kevin Thompson: Uh, because the Ides were going to do something mean to him?
Mr. Timothy O'Neill: The Ides aren't people, they're a time of the month.
Kevin Thompson: Ewww, gross! Well, there's your answer!

"Daria: Daria Dance Party (#3.5)" (1999)
Kevin Thompson: [to Robert, enraged after seeing him with Britney] Nobody messes with my girlfriend unless it's me! Die!

"Daria: Partner's Complaint (#4.1)" (2000)
Kevin: Men are smarter 'cause men have more muscle mass in our heads.

"Daria: Esteemsters (#1.1)" (1997)
[Discussing Manifest Destiny and the Mexican War in history class]
Mr. DeMartino: Kevin, do you know what war was fought over Manifest Destiny?
Kevin: Umm... the Vietnam War?
Mr. DeMartino: That came a little later, Kevin. About a hundred YEARS later. A lot of people died in that war, Kevin. I think we OWE IT TO THEM to at LEAST get the CENTURY right.

"Daria: The Story of 'D' (#5.5)" (2001)
Jodie Abigail Landon: Hey, Daria, congratulations. A published story, that's amazing.
[Kevin and Brittany approach them]
Daria Morgendorffer: Um, it's not exactly published. I sent it in, but I haven't heard back.
Kevin Thompson: Then why are you telling everybody that it's been published?
Jane Lane: Oh, you know Daria and her compulsive need to impress.
Brittany Taylor: Oh. But then instead of making up stuff about writing, shouldn't you pick something good?
Daria Morgendorffer: How's this? During the day, I'm a mild-mannered student. But at night, I fight crime in a stretchy-stretchy costume.