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: Boy, I never seen two kids do so much damned whacking.
: Boy, I tell you what, it really makes ya proud. I could stay in here all day. FBI Agent
: Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
: They're here to look at the TV, Tom. Tom Anderson
: What? The TV ain't broken. Beavis
: Uh, yeah it is.
: What in the hell is that damn noise?
[goes inside his camper and sees Beavis
] Tom Anderson
: What? Beavis
: Hey, how's it going? Tom Anderson
: Pull your damn pants up, boy! I don't want to see that. Damn it, get out of here! Tom Anderson
: [throws Beavis out of camper
] And if I ever catch you whacking in here again, I'm gonna hogtie you.
: [Anderson drives by
] Something wrong, officer? ATF Agent
: [holds up picture of B&B
] Sir, we're looking for these two fugitives. Tom Anderson
: Well, I'll be danged. That's them two kids that have been whacking in my camper. ATF Agent
: You saw these two? Tom Anderson
: I sure did. Boy, I've never seen two kids do so much damned whacking. ATF Agent
: [on walkietalkie
] This is post 9, I have positive ID. Tom Anderson
: Boy, they're just like a couple of little old spidermonkeys, I tell ya. ATF Agent
: Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you and your wife to step out of the vehicle. Tom Anderson
: Well, now, wait a minute, me and the Mrs. here are on our way to Washington DC. ATF Agent
: [points gun at Anderson
: What are you all doing? Choking your chicken? Come on let's get to pruning.
[At Burger World
] Tom Anderson
: Say, you boys look kinda familiar. Aren't you them kids that spray-painted my dog last week? Butt-head
: That was... uh, other kids. Beavis
: Yeah. Heh heh. Tom Anderson
: All right. Well, anyway, large fries, pie, large coffee. NOW. You got that, bubba? Butt-head
: Uh... Tom Anderson
: I didn't order an "uh"! I ordered large fries, pie, large coffee. Now, get 'em out of the fryer, and cough 'em up!
: Wait a minute. These balls look kinda familiar. Butt-Head
: Uh, many balls look the same, sir. Beavis
: Yeah, I have two that are identical.
: Hello police. This is Tom Anderson. I just had two hoodlums on my doorstep and started screaming like crazy. Hell I don't know if they're armed.
[Describing Beavis and Butt-head to the police
] Tom Anderson
: One of them calls himself "Butthole". And the other one's name is Joe, I think. Cop
: What do they look like, sir? Tom Anderson
: I believe they're Oriental.
: All the old boys are gonna be here this year. Dick, Peter, Rod, Johnson... why, I even heard a rumor that old John Thomas might show up this time.
: [Beavis & Butt-head are trick-or-treating at Mr. Anderson's door
] What the hell are you supposed to be? Butt-head
: Uhhh, I'm a dumb ass
[mocks his own laugh
: Uh huh huh huh huh.
: Alls I'm saying is that you need to get up off your butts and work harder. Butt-head
: Hey, it was free, ass-wipe! Tom Anderson
: That does it. Get the hell off my property and don't ever come back! Butt-head
: Uh, we have just one more question. Tom Anderson
: Well, get out! Butt-head
: Uh, can we be in your will?
[Anderson slams the door
: At least I'm not some old fat dude. Tom Anderson (Ghost of Christmas Past)
: At least I'm trying to help you. You ain't never helped nobody. Beavis
: Yeah, well I'd like to help you get the hell outta here. Heh heh. Tom Anderson (Ghost of Christmas Past)
: Boy I tell you what, you can lead a jackass to water but you can't make him drink.