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Buzzcut (Ghost of Christmas Future)
: Dammit, Boy, I'm going to knock some sense into you even if it means sticking a Christmas tree where the sun don't shine! Beavis
: Whoa. That could hurt. Heh heh.
: Where's their kids? Buzzcut (Ghost of Christmas Future)
: Beavis, don't you get it? They never had enough food to eat, thanks to you. Beavis
: Oh, wait a second, I get it. So they ate their kids? Buzzcut (Ghost of Christmas Future)
: No, you idiot! They didn't have enough food for their kids. Dammit, Boy, I am trying to show you the future so you can still have time to make changes in your life and have an impact! Beavis
: The future? This isn't what the future is going to look like. It's gonna be really cool. It's gonna be like... There'll be, like, all these... like, devices... and laser guns...
: [Reading the quote carved on his grave
] Heeeere..luuuu..ieees..beeee..aaaaay..beeee..aaay..vis, Whoa, check it out, there's some dead dude with the same name as me, heee..never..scoooh..red, he never scored, heh, what a loser. Buzzcut (Ghost of Christmas Future)
: Dammit Beavis, this is YOUR grave stone, this is how you will end up if you don't make any changes in your life, and don't you see, you never did anything with your life, you never left the house, all you did was watch Pornography, and because of that, you NEVER SCORED!!!
[Pushes Beavis down the 6 ft. deep hole
: Whoa, that sucks, maybe I am a little..maybe I was too...so like maybe it's time for me to like...
[goes on til the dream fades off
[Buzzcut is keeping Beavis and Butt-head after school in the weight room
: What makes you think you're a man? Butt-head
: Huh-huh, We've got testicles. Buzzcut
: You think that makes you a man? I'll show you a real man... kick me in the jimmy.
[Butt-head kicks him in the nuts, Buzzcut strains
: Yyyyeessss. Kick me again, harder.
[Butt-head kicks him again, Buzzcut strains
: Yyyyeessss. Butt-head
: Whoa, that was cool.
: Are you a man? Butt-head
: Uh, yeah. Bradley Buzzcut
: What makes you think so? Butt-head
: Uh, I got testicles, huh huh huh. Bradley Buzzcut
: You clowns think you're so damn funny! You wanna see a man, boy? I'll show you a man! Kick me in the jimmy! Butt-head
: No way! Bradley Buzzcut
: I said do it!
[Butt-head kicks Buzzcut in the nads
] Bradley Buzzcut
: Yessss! Do it again, do it hard! Butt-head
: Whoa, that was cool!
: You not only fail this assignment, you fail more miserably than any student I have the misfortune to teach.
: Everybody thinks babies are cute. Well they're not so cute when they are yours, I'll tell you that right now! Crapping and puking all over you! They cost a damn fortune to feed and all they do is make your life a misery, just like what you're doing to your parents right now!
: So, Beavis and Butt-Head, I understand Mr. McVicker has made a little arrangement with you guys. Yeah, a little probation. You see, class, Beavis and Butt-Head here are not allowed to laugh for a whole week. That's right, and if they do laugh they'll be expelled, and they'll have to go to Hope High School where they'll get their asses kicked on a daily basis by all the other delinquents, ha ha ha!
[Students laugh; Beavis and Butt-head try to hold it in
: Well, I was real glad to hear that, because this is sex education week. That's right, sex ed. week. We're gonna be talkin' about the PENIS! We'll be talkin' about the VAGINA! Do you think that's funny, Butt-Head? Do you find it amusing that we'll be talkin' about the TESTICLES? Yes, we're also gonna be talkin' about VENEREAL DISEASE! SEXUAL INTERCOURSE! THE SCROTUM! THE CLITORIS! And... and we will definitely be spending a lot of time talking about MASTURBATION!
[the class laughs, tears streak from Butt-Head's eyes, as Beavis and Butt-head struggle to hold in their laughter
[the continues to laugh as Buzzcut makes it back to his desk. Beavis and Butt-Head struggles not to laugh
: Now that's out of the way. Let's take roll, Buttkiss! Daniel Buttkiss
: Gaylord! Highman!
[Beavis and Butt-Head continues struggling not to laugh
[a chocolate bar rep is assaulting Beavis and Butthead for not handing over their proceeds
] Bradley Buzzcut
: [storming in
] Hey! Nobody does the ass-kicking but me around here! Chocolate Bar Representative
: Wait your turn, Jarhead!
[weakly shoves Buzzcut
] Bradley Buzzcut
: [face turns red
] You just made a fatal mistake, Mr. Candy-ass! I hope you know some form of hand-to-hand combat! Chocolate Bar Representative
: Oh, you're going down, soldier-boy!
[the candy rep lightly hits Buzzcut, who responds with several brutal standing sidekicks as Beavis and Butthead laugh
: What can you tell me about our Founding Fathers? Butthead
: Once we tried to found Beavis' father but we couldn't 'cause his mom's a slut.
: [reading Beavis and Butt-head's self written note
] Please excuse Beavis and Butt-head from wearing "athletic sip-otters." They were unable to buy them because of a national "sip-otter" shortage. That's funny boys, according to the school press, you had no problems at all finding the necessary equipment.
: You will climb the rope, touch the ceiling and descend all within 30 seconds. Are there any questions? Butt-head
: Ahh. I got a question. What happens if Beavis starts crying? Beavis
] I was not crying! I was not crying! I'm gonna kick your ass butt-hole. Butt-head
: You were crying. Coach Buzzcut
: [Begins to restrain Beavis
] Beavis, you will kick the crap out of Butt-Head on your own time! Butt-head
: Don't yell at him too hard. Beavis
: Let me at him! Butt-head
: He might start crying.
: Let me go, I'm gonna kill you! Dammit! Butt-head
: He comes the waterworks. It's okay Beavis. It's okay to cry. Crying takes the sad out of you.
: You wuss! Beavis
: Ahh! I was not crying!
: Yeah, are you like one of those gym teachers that likes to sit around and watch dudes in the shower? Bradley Buzzcut
: Damnit boy, you have pushed me too far! There's no getting out of it this time, I'm gonna tear your...
: [reading a letter from the school board
] "We regret to inform you that your abuse of two students has been recently brought to our attention."
[stands up and crumples the letter
] Coach Buzzcut
: WHO ARE THEY? I'LL KILL EM!
: For today's positive activity: Your gonna wash my Wagoneer. P.A.T. Kid
: Um, that's not what my dad said we were doing. Buzzcut
: Your dad's not here, boy. And for the tenth time: If you don't SHUT UP, I'm gonna positivley KILL YOU!
: Alright, what's the square root of 9? Beavis and Butt-head! Do you know the answer? Butt-head
: Uh... could you like, repeat the question a few times? Bradley Buzzcut
: The square root of the number 9! Answer! Pronto! Beavis
: Um... 60? Butt-head
: Uh... 90210? Beavis
: Yeah, um... LMNOP?