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Quotes for
Mr. Stevenson (Character)
from "Beavis and Butt-Head" (1993)

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"Beavis and Butt-Head: Prank Call (#6.13)" (1996)
Mrs. Stevenson: Care for some cookies, Stewart?
Stewart Stevenson: All right! Thanks, Mom!
[Harry Sachz breaks the door open]
Mrs. Stevenson: Ooohh!
Stewart Stevenson: [screams]
Harry Sachz: You little worm! Was it you? Was it?
Stewart Stevenson: Uh, I didn't do anything!
[Harry Sachz prepares to hit Stewart, Stewart screams]
Mr. Stevenson: Damn it. What's all the noise in here? I'm on the pho -
[notices Harry Sachz]
Mr. Stevenson: Oh, my God!
Harry Sachz: It was YOU, wasn't it? I'll kill you!
Mr. Stevenson: Damn it! Operator! Aah! No!
[Harry Sachz grabs him by the legs and drags him into the bathroom]
Mr. Stevenson: Hey, this is between you and Stewart! Get him! Please!
Harry Sachz: [shoves Mr. Stevenson head first into the toilet, flushes it] You like the way that sounds, funny man? Huh?
Mr. Stevenson: No! You must mean Stewart!
Harry Sachz: Listen very carefully, funny man! If you ever, EVER, call me again; I swear, I'll find you wherever you are, and I'll gut you! But just to make sure that you don't call me, I'm gonna stick your phone where you'll have an awful hard time dialing it!
[picks up the phone and lifts the back of Mr. Stevenson's pants]
Mr. Stevenson: No, please, no!
[screams in pain]


"Beavis and Butt-Head: Politically Correct (#3.24)" (1993)
Mr. Van Driessen: Well, the results are in. You guys lost with one vote.
Butt-Head: Whoa, that's close.
Mr. Van Driessen: No, Butt-Head, you only received one vote.
Butt-Head: I wonder who it was.
Beavis: It was you.


"Beavis and Butt-Head: Late Night with Butt-head (#4.12)" (1994)
[Beavis and Butt-head are pitching a show idea to Mr. Van Driessen]
Mr. Van Driessen: Now, I'm sure you have a fantastic concept. I'm going to close my eyes, and I want you to wow me.
Butt-head: ...Uh, is that allowed on school property?


"Beavis and Butt-Head: Bang the Drum Slowly, Dumbass (#5.36)" (1995)
Mr. Van Driessen: Being in the captivity of nature without women is the perfect way to wrestle with your manhood.
Butt-head: Beavis wrestles with his manhood.
Beavis: Heh-heh... Yeah, and I usually win.


"Beavis and Butt-Head: No Laughing (#2.21)" (1993)
Mr. Stevenson: Buttkiss.
[Beavis and Butt-head are seen laughing]
Mr. Stevenson: Damn it. What's wrong with you two? We've been in school over seven months now and every single day when I call Daniel Buttkiss' name, you guys have to laugh.
[Beavis and Butt-head continue laughing]
Mr. Stevenson: Is it really still that funny? Doesn't it ever get old? Are you going to laugh for the rest of your lives every time someone mentions the name "Buttkiss"?
[Beavis and Butt-head continue laughing]
Mr. Stevenson: That does it, principal's office now!


"Beavis and Butt-Head: U.S. History (#6.3)" (1995)
[Mr. Van Driessen asked Butt-head to give his history report]
Beavis: No! I wanna give my report first! Ok, my anal report... I mean, oral report, is on the time me and Butt-head had dinner and stuff.
Mr. Van Driessen: What does that have to do with US history?
Beavis: Shut up, I'm not done yet!


"Beavis and Butt-Head: The History of Women (#5.26)" (1995)
Mr. Van Driessen: OK, let's see, who hasn't gone yet? Beavis! Are you ready to inspire us with your report?
Butt-head: [awakens Beavis by slapping him] You're next, dillhole!
Mr. Van Driessen: Come on, Beavis! Stand up and tell us about the woman you admire the most!
Beavis: Um... oh yeah... OK.
Mr. Van Driessen: Go ahead! Reveal to us the identity of this profoundly influential female!
Beavis: Oh yeah! Um, uh... oh yeah. My mom!
Butt-head: You wuss.
Mr. Van Driessen: Butt-head, I hope your report is a little more wider in scope than Beavis's.
Butt-head: The woman I admire most, is... uh... Beavis's mom.