David Van Driessen
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Quotes for
David Van Driessen (Character)
from Beavis and Butt-Head Do America (1996)

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"Beavis and Butt-Head: Beavis and Butt-Head Do Christmas (#6.7)" (1995)
Van Driessen (Ghost of Christmas Present): I want you to watch this.
Beavis: Cool. Are we gonna see some bare ass?
Van Driessen (Ghost of Christmas Present): No, Beavis.

Van Driessen: You see, Beavis, some people have very little to be happy about. But they're still celebrating the spirit of Christmas.
Beavis: He should get fired. You know, for stealing that food. Heh heh heh.
Van Driessen (Ghost of Christmas Presnt): Beavis, I think you should know that this is the only food the McVicker family has to eat. And because you're such a strict boss, his children may not be around to see next Christmas. Unless, you give him a raise so he can better provide for his family.
Beavis: No way! He's stealing. And that's a crime. And you want me to give him a raise? I'll fire his ass!
Van Driessen (Ghost of Christmas Present): Beavis, I can't force you to think a certain way, but I wish you would consider what I've tried to show you. Okay?
Beavis: Butt-hole.

"Beavis and Butt-Head: Politically Correct (#3.24)" (1993)
Mr. Van Driessen: Well, the results are in. You guys lost with one vote.
Butt-Head: Whoa, that's close.
Mr. Van Driessen: No, Butt-Head, you only received one vote.
Butt-Head: I wonder who it was.
Beavis: It was you.

"Beavis and Butt-Head: Late Night with Butt-head (#4.12)" (1994)
[Beavis and Butt-head are pitching a show idea to Mr. Van Driessen]
Mr. Van Driessen: Now, I'm sure you have a fantastic concept. I'm going to close my eyes, and I want you to wow me.
Butt-head: ...Uh, is that allowed on school property?

"Beavis and Butt-Head: Bang the Drum Slowly, Dumbass (#5.36)" (1995)
Mr. Van Driessen: Being in the captivity of nature without women is the perfect way to wrestle with your manhood.
Butt-head: Beavis wrestles with his manhood.
Beavis: Heh-heh... Yeah, and I usually win.

"Beavis and Butt-Head: Sprout (#6.12)" (1996)
David Van Driessen: What really happened?
Butt-Head: Oh. Uh, we fed it and watered it and like tried talking to it and stuff, but it just had a bad attitude about growing.
Beavis: Yeah. It's, like, one those problem plants.
David Van Driessen: Well, I can't fail you for trying, but what's that awful smell?
Butt-Head: Oh, yeah. After it stopped growing, Beavis fertilized it.

"Beavis and Butt-Head: U.S. History (#6.3)" (1995)
[Mr. Van Driessen asked Butt-head to give his history report]
Beavis: No! I wanna give my report first! Ok, my anal report... I mean, oral report, is on the time me and Butt-head had dinner and stuff.
Mr. Van Driessen: What does that have to do with US history?
Beavis: Shut up, I'm not done yet!

"Beavis and Butt-Head: Manners Suck (#4.21)" (1994)
Mr Manners: [picking up Beavis by his shirt collar] Don't mess with me.
Mr. Van Driessen: [Beavis screams as Mr Van Driessen walks in the room] Hey, don't you dare touch my student. Beavis, did this man hurt you?
Beavis: Yeah, he touched my wienie.
Mr Manners: What? You little liar!
Beavis: Then he kissed me.
Mr Manners: You dirtball!
Mr. Van Driessen: Hey, you want to touch my student, then I'll touch you.
[class eggs Mr Van Driessen and Mr Manners on]
Mr. Van Driessen: Yeah, you'll go to jail, jackass.

"Beavis and Butt-Head: Butt Is It Art? (#4.19)" (1994)
[at an art museum]
Mr. Van Driessen: Now, works by the master painters of the centuries!
[Beavis and Butt-head break into laughter. Daria approaches them]
Daria Morgendorffer: He said master painters!
[Daria walks away]
Butt-head: Oh!
Beavis: Yeah, master painting is cool.

"Beavis and Butt-Head: For Better or Verse (#2.17)" (1993)
David Van Driessen: Okay, class, today we're going to explore the world of haiku.
Butt-Head: We're gonna explore the world of getting high? Cool!

"Beavis and Butt-Head: The History of Women (#5.26)" (1995)
Mr. Van Driessen: OK, let's see, who hasn't gone yet? Beavis! Are you ready to inspire us with your report?
Butt-head: [awakens Beavis by slapping him] You're next, dillhole!
Mr. Van Driessen: Come on, Beavis! Stand up and tell us about the woman you admire the most!
Beavis: Um... oh yeah... OK.
Mr. Van Driessen: Go ahead! Reveal to us the identity of this profoundly influential female!
Beavis: Oh yeah! Um, uh... oh yeah. My mom!
Butt-head: You wuss.
Mr. Van Driessen: Butt-head, I hope your report is a little more wider in scope than Beavis's.
Butt-head: The woman I admire most, is... uh... Beavis's mom.