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Quotes for
Roger (Character)
from Training Day (2001)

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Training Day (2001)
Roger: [in his home] Here's a joke, boy. One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to shit, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the fuck's your problem?'
Jake Hoyt: That's messed up. That wasn't funny.
Alonzo Harris: Then why are you cackling like a jackal?
Jake Hoyt: I dunno.
Roger: Figure that joke out and you'll figure the streets out.

Roger: [in his home] You figure that joke out, you'll figure the streets out.
Alonzo Harris: There ain't nothing to figure out, that's just some senseless bullshit. Don't listen to him.
Jake Hoyt: You know, I already figured 'em out.
Alonzo Harris: Really?
Roger: You already figured the streets out.
Jake Hoyt: It's all about smiles and cries.
Alonzo Harris: Put the drink down, man, the motherfuckers out of his mind.
Roger: Hold on, Alonzo, hold on. Smiles and cries, smiles and cries, I hear ya.
Jake Hoyt: Yeah. You gotta control your smiles and cries, because that's all you have and nobody can take that away from you.

Alonzo Harris: I had lunch with the Wise Men today. They say you gotta render unto Caesar.
Roger: [in his home] Fuckin' vampires want my pension!

Alonzo Harris: [Explaining his orders to raid Roger's house] There's nothing I can do about it, you know, I'm just a lowly civil servant.
Roger: Ehhh, you're their bitch!

Roger: Hoyt. Hoyt. Hoyt... Strong Saftey. North High. I follow all the good players.