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: This here's the future. Videotape tells the truth. Jack Horner
: Wait a minute. You come into my house, my party, to tell me about the future? That the future is tape, videotape, and not film? That it's amateurs and not professionals? I'm a filmmaker, which is why I will *never* make a movie on tape.
: Before you turn around, you've spent maybe 20, 25, 30 thousand dollars on a movie.
: We're about to make film history, right here... on videotape.
: He's my 17-year-old piece of gold.
: I got a feeling that behind those jeans is something wonderful just waiting to get out.
: Jack, I was thinking about my name, y'know? Jack Horner
: Yeah? Eddie Adams
: I was wondering if you had any ideas. Jack Horner
: I've got a few, but you tell me. Eddie Adams
: Well, my idea was, y'know, I want a name, I want it so it can cut glass, y'know, razor sharp. Jack Horner
: Tell me. Eddie Adams
: When I close my eyes, I see this thing, a sign, I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline. And this name is so bright and so sharp that the sign - it just blows up because the name is so powerful... It says, "Dirk Diggler."
: If it looks like shit, and it sounds like shit, than it must be shit.
: Do these characters have a name? Dirk
: The guy's name is Brock Landers. Reed Rothchild
: And his partner is Chest Rockwell. Jack Horner
: Those are some great names.
[the Colonel James is in jail after being arrested for cocaine possession and attempted statutory rape
] Colonel James
: They found something else. Jack Horner
: What? Colonel James
: Well... it's just... they're so cute when they're so young like that... Jack Horner
: Ah, Jesus...
: Ah, where are you going? Becky Barnett
: I gotta go wash my vagina. Jack Horner
: How long you gonna be? Becky Barnett
: Five minutes. You want it clean, don't you?
: Don't just ram it in there like that, this is not a hole in the wall pal, it's Rollergirl.
: [standing in the kitchen at work with Jack
] So, you want five or ten? Jack Horner
: What? Dirk
: Well, if you just wanna see me jack off, it's ten. But if you just wanna look at it, it's only five.
: The story sucks them in.
: You know this is the film I want them to remember me by.
: [while shooting a scene, Dirk ejaculated inside Amber
] We missed the cum shot. He came inside her. Maybe we could go to stock footage, or... Jack Horner
: Are you crazy? It won't match! Dirk
: Jack? I can do it again if you need a closeup.
: I don't want it loud, I want it mellow. Mellow!