Machete Cortez
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Biography for
Machete Cortez (Character)
from Machete (2010)

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Isador Cortez joined the Mexican army at the age of 18 and quickly earned the nickname "Machete," but as to why remains classified. He was soon recruited into the Grupo Aeromvil de Fuerzas Especiales (GAFE) and was the lone survivor of the invasion/massacre of the South American nation Val Verde.

Thought dead, he lived in the catacombs of his childhood friend's church. Padre Benitio urged him to ask God for forgiveness and join him in the priesthood. Isador refused, stating that he loved fucking loose pussy too much. He sought out a new life in America. He dabbled in bartending in the mid-seventies in San Diego, serving such notable guests as legendary anchorman Ron Burgundy and businessman Mitt Romney.

Later, he was imprisoned for a crime he did not commit. While in San Quentin, he rose to the top of the ranks of the California prison boxing circuit. He retired after losing a championship bout to Buck McGeehy (famous for his escape by train attempt with fellow inmate Oscar 'Manny' Manheim). Fortunately, his brother Gregorio's strong ties to the US and Mexican governments helped him receive a full pardon.

In the nineties, he found a small amount of peace working as a poacher in South America. His specialties included the hunting and capturing of abnormally large snakes. He was almost killed by an anaconda, but cut himself out of the snake before the digestion process could begin. This was the last straw before he finally agreed to accept his brother's offer of working with him and his wife, Ingrid, in the Organization of Super Spies (OSS).

After a successful stint as a spy and flush with cash, Cortez retired and opened several specialty stores including Machete's Spy Shop and Machete's Chop Shop. He married the love of his life and became the favorite uncle of Gregorio and Ingrid's children Juni and Carmen, and mentored them in their own espionage careers.

Sickened by the weakness of his own government, Machete joined the federales to destroy the corruption of the drug cartels from the inside. He made an impact too big to be ignored and found himself with nothing but a string of dead partners and an executed wife.

He fled, once again, to America, this time to Austin, Texas where his friend Padre Benitio now had a parish. He lived a simple life working as a day laborer. By mere chance and serendipity, he was hired to kill a corrupt state senator involved in the murder of his wife, but was double-crossed and left for dead. He then started a small war in Texas that made Val Verde look like child's play. Afterwords, he returned to Mexico to mentor more child spies for the OSS.

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