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Quotes for
Zeke Tyler (Character)
from The Faculty (1998)

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The Faculty (1998)
Zeke: This is where I get my equipment.
Marybeth: You borrow it from science labs?
Zeke: I like to think of it as stealing actually.

Zeke: Answer me something, Marybeth. Why are you naked?
Marybeth: Oh. Does it bother you, Zeke, my body? I'm gettin' kinda used to it myself.

Zeke: Not today. It's too damn hot, and I got zero fucking tolerance.
Miss Burke: Eat me, you asshole! I'm the one with no tolerance, you pathetic little runt!
Student: Ouch! Come back.
Zeke: [sarcastic] What are you going to do? Are you going to call my mother?
Miss Burke: And how am I going to do that, little Zekey boy? Do you even know where she is? Europe? Sri Lanka? Japan? I wonder what remote location she went to this week... to hide from her great, big bastard mistake. I've taken your shit for TOO FUCKING LONG you dickless, drug-induced excuse for a human being!
Zeke: Whoa... woman. What are you on?
Miss Burke: "Woman"? Did you just say "woman"? I'm sick of you, little boy! And if I have to see you peddling your little "Wonder Dust" again, I'm gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, you'll be sucking my toes 'till graduation!
Zeke: [to himself] Whoa! She got some bad shit!

Zeke: Guaranteed to jack you up.

[about Delilah]
Zeke: Is she always this much fun, man?
Stan: Sometimes she can be a real bitch.

Zeke: Casey, the only person in this school who's an alien is you, man.
Casey: Fuck you, Zeke.

Zeke: That's called a gun, man.

Zeke: Stan, take it.
Stan: No way, you're takin' it!
Casey: [laughing and obviously high] You're takin' it!
[Stan picks up gun and points it at Casey]
Stan: What the hell is wrong with him?
Zeke: Nothing's wrong with him. He's tweaking you asshole! Let him fucking tweak!
Casey: Tweak! Tweak!

Miss Burke: Zeke, you cannot conduct personal business on school property.
[Zeke sits down on his car]
Zeke: Well, Miss Burke, we have a problem because I'm sitting on my car and that's my property.
Miss Burke: Well I've had complaints from several students that you've sold them mind-altering substances. Now do you wanna talk to me about it, or take it up with Principal Drake?
Zeke: You're too tense, Miss Burke. But I've got just the thing for ya.
Miss Burke: You know, Zeke, I am the authority figure here, it's time you realized that.
Zeke: Helps relief from blockage caused by dietary stress: Chocolate flavored laxatives.
Miss Burke: You know Zeke, if you applied just 5 percent of that intellect to your studies...
Zeke: Not a chocolate lover, huh?
Miss Burke: could've made up your finals last summer and you wouldn't have had to repeat your senior year.
Zeke: Not a chocolate lover, huh? How about this: Condoms. Magnum Sized. And they're cherry flavored. C'mon... they're on me.
Miss Burke: That's so rude.

Zeke: [to Stan] No pain Stan? If you come in here I'll show you some fucking pain!

[Zeke gives two students fake ID cards]
F'%# Up #1: Dude, that's not me. Doesn't even look like me
F'%# Up #2: It's 50 bucks right?
F'%# Up #1: Does that look like me?
F'%# Up#2: Uh, it's the new you.
F'%# Up #1: I don't know man. How do we even know these things are gonna work?
Zeke: Trust me man, I'm brilliant.
F'%# Up #1: Then why are you repeating your senior year?

Zeke: Yeah, my parents are dead too.
Marybeth: Really?
Zeke: Well, they are still *breathing*, but for all intents and purposes they might as well be dead.

Stokely: I'm not putting that hack drug up my nose - it's so eighties!
Zeke: Aliens are taking over the earth. Weigh it!

Zeke: [to Marybeth] Just doin' my part for the deconstruction of America.

Zeke: Hello Miss Burke!
Miss Burke: Hello sweety pie, What are you looking for?
Zeke: Ah, nothing important. So maybe you changed your mind about the chocolate laxatives?
Miss Burke: Actually I had my heart set on something cherry flavored, if you know what I mean.
Zeke: Sorry I'm all outta those but I have something else for you.
Miss Burke: Yes?
Zeke: Oh yeah.
Miss Burke: Something tasty?
Zeke: [softly] Let me hook you up.

Zeke: Here, take this.
Casey: Now Marybeth.
Zeke: Sniff it.
Casey: You're out of your fucking mind!
Zeke: I'm about to take my chances. I leave for five minutes, and when I come back everyone's a fucking alien. Now, if I have to Men In Black your ass, you're gonna fucking take it!
[Casey sniffs it hasefuly]
Casey: Happy now?

Casey: I say we go for the coach. He turned Stan. He's the one. Or do you want to wait for them to come to us?
Marybeth: Either way we're completely unarmed.
Zeke: Maybe not. I might have some more skat. In my trunk.
Casey: In your trunk? In your car? Amongst the aliens? Oh, that's convenient.
Zeke: [Holds up his car keys] You got a better idea?

Zeke: Now, you, Delilah.
Delilah: No. Her first.
Marybeth: I'm allergic.
Delilah: Yeah, and I'm Portuguese. Who cares?

Zeke: Crusoe was afraid he'd be stuck on the island with nothing but calluses.
Miss Burke: That's not correct Zeke. Isolation was his greatest fear.
Zeke: Yes, but his external existence was in no way compared to his internal agony of the loneliness he felt.
Miss Burke: That's very good.
Zeke: Like I said, calluses.

Marybeth: This is your big secret? Caffeine pills?
Zeke: [puts a rag on top of packages] You never saw that.

Zeke: [to Marybeth] So, if anyone finds us in here, just grab a hold of me and pretend we're making out. The punishment is less severe.

Zeke: You both take the drug.
Casey: Ohh... showdown!

Casey: [after being told to sniff scat] Why me first?
Zeke: It's your birthright man, just fucking take it.

Zeke: [while seeing 'alien'-Miss Burke looking for her head] Ah, fuck this, I'm outta here!